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I love my country, aside from most of the people in it.


Monday is my favorite day of the week to not be asked how my weekend was.

10 patriotic tattoos that make America seem like the scariest place on Earth.

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We wouldn't dream of it.

Sometimes we might go a little overboard with our love of country. For example, these unnecessarily frightening tattoos, which seem to say you don't really love America unless you permanently ink into your skin the most hostile declararation of patriotism that four hundred dollars can buy. Seriously, can't we be patriotic without wanting to murder someone with a red white and blue handgun? These ten tattoos should send you off to your 4th of July cookout afraid you're going to be strangled with a flag then torn apart by the talons of an eagle. USA!

July fourth forever, bitches >>

Please accept my mildest excitement on this Canada Day.

May your Canada Day be full of whatever Canadians like to do in their spare time.

The 10 most horrifying instances of Facebook oversharing.

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Get a room you two. Get a room far underground, away from any wifi signal.

As we're brought closer together by our social networks, we can't help but see things shared that make us wish we were all scattered far apart in distant regions of the Earth. Or, at least, that we all lived in an alternate reality where the Internet was never invented and discretion is a virtue. These status updates seem to go out of their way to prove that giving the populace an unlimited ability to share everything about one's life was a really bad idea.

See them all >>

I'm sure I speak for all Americans when I say how sorry we are that Detroit is so close to you guys.

Glad you found a new place to never do the goddamn dishes.


I'm sorry I mistook your town's Canada Day parade for a Gay Pride parade.

Congratulations on finally being able to afford your own place because your parents gave you the money.

I have been warming up for our sex sessions.

I wish people got as excited about our actual independence as they do about shooting fireworks.

I'm so glad we've matured from oversharing pictures of hot boyfriends to oversharing pictures of the husbands we settled for.

14 more of the most unsettlingly honest confessions ever posted online.

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someecards.com - I put out before the first date.
Make a memorable first impression.
 

There’s no better feeling than the rush of relief after sharing a disgraceful secret with a trusted confidant or the entire Internet. At least, that must be what some of our user card creators thought when they posted these confessions. Take a tour through their twisted, depraved minds (and ours!) and feel free to share your own secret shame with your closest friends and the rest of the world in our user card section (now with NEW art).

Click here to see them all >>

You make me even hotter than global warming does.


I'm glad my ancestors killed enough British soldiers so that I get an extra day off work to eat cheap hot dogs.

Let's move in together as soon as you're ready to never leave the apartment again.

Just a heads up that you're running out of time to invite me to your summer house this weekend.

I'm honoring America by stretching a one-day holiday into a week of blowing off work.

You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof.

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