Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

July 2, 2013, 2:27 pm

≫ Next: This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.

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This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic.

July 3, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 3, 2013

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 3, 2013

July 3, 2013, 7:32 am

≫ Next: I'm on pre-vacation vacation.

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Which pitcher did a good baseball thing? How much will you save by feeding your family and friends slaughterhouse sweepings encased in intestines at your July 4th BBQ? Why is Obama making that face? The answers to all that and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

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I'm on pre-vacation vacation.

July 3, 2013, 8:03 am

≫ Next: This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 3, 2013

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This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant.

July 3, 2013, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.

≪ Previous: I'm on pre-vacation vacation.

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Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.

July 3, 2013, 8:45 am

≫ Next: May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.

≪ Previous: This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant.

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May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.

July 3, 2013, 9:01 am

≫ Next: Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China.

≪ Previous: Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.

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Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China.

July 3, 2013, 9:20 am

≫ Next: Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

≪ Previous: May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.

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Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

July 3, 2013, 9:30 am

≫ Next: I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

≪ Previous: Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China.

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I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

July 4, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be British right now.

≪ Previous: Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

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If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be British right now.

July 5, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I think your low self-esteem stems from you being a completely worthless person.

≪ Previous: I'm going out to celebrate my independence if it's okay with you.

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I think your low self-esteem stems from you being a completely worthless person.

July 6, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I'm a good pretend listener.

≪ Previous: If our forefathers had known how we'd celebrate our freedom, we'd all be British right now.

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I'm a good pretend listener.

July 6, 2013, 2:16 pm

≫ Next: I really appreciate you making the mistake of letting me be your houseguest.

≪ Previous: I think your low self-esteem stems from you being a completely worthless person.

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I really appreciate you making the mistake of letting me be your houseguest.

July 9, 2013, 9:49 am

≫ Next: Since you can't engage in gossip, lust, or obscenity during Ramadan, let's just reconnect in August.

≪ Previous: I'm a good pretend listener.

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Since you can't engage in gossip, lust, or obscenity during Ramadan, let's just reconnect in August.

July 9, 2013, 11:09 am

≫ Next: Congratulations on your amazing new engagement ring, and your new fiancé.

≪ Previous: I really appreciate you making the mistake of letting me be your houseguest.

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Congratulations on your amazing new engagement ring, and your new fiancé.

July 9, 2013, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a motel room.

≪ Previous: Since you can't engage in gossip, lust, or obscenity during Ramadan, let's just reconnect in August.

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Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a motel room.

July 9, 2013, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language: New Art Edition

≪ Previous: Congratulations on your amazing new engagement ring, and your new fiancé.

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Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language: New Art Edition

July 9, 2013, 12:58 pm

≫ Next: You don't need to be Muslim to engage in nighttime binge eating during Ramadan.

≪ Previous: Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a motel room.

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Are you sure you used enough exclamation points? 1 out of 10.

Take a stroll through Today's User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language >>

You don't need to be Muslim to engage in nighttime binge eating during Ramadan.

July 9, 2013, 1:51 pm

≫ Next: The only things I bring to social gatherings are excuses to leave early.

≪ Previous: Today's 3 User Cards With the Worst Grasp of the English Language: New Art Edition

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The only things I bring to social gatherings are excuses to leave early.

July 9, 2013, 2:34 pm

≫ Next: May your Ramadan be devoid of blatant racial profiling.

≪ Previous: You don't need to be Muslim to engage in nighttime binge eating during Ramadan.

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