May your Ramadan be devoid of blatant racial profiling.

July 9, 2013, 4:55 pm

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You gave me a near-actual orgasm.

July 10, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 10, 2013

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 10, 2013

July 10, 2013, 7:04 am

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Boston Bomber, Patriot Murderer, Zimmermania and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today!

Check it out >>

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

July 10, 2013, 8:11 am

≫ Next: Happy Ramadan to someone who is cordially invited to come watch us eat lunch today.

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Happy Ramadan to someone who is cordially invited to come watch us eat lunch today.

July 10, 2013, 8:27 am

≫ Next: Ramadan Kareem to someone I hope is easily impressed by my ability to Google appropriate Ramadan greetings.

≪ Previous: The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

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Ramadan Kareem to someone I hope is easily impressed by my ability to Google appropriate Ramadan greetings.

July 10, 2013, 8:52 am

≫ Next: In honor of Ramadan I'll do enough daytime eating, drinking, and lusting for both of us.

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In honor of Ramadan I'll do enough daytime eating, drinking, and lusting for both of us.

July 10, 2013, 9:01 am

≫ Next: I'm shocked Justin Bieber urinated in a restaurant's mop bucket because I didn't think he had a penis.

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I'm shocked Justin Bieber urinated in a restaurant's mop bucket because I didn't think he had a penis.

July 10, 2013, 9:09 am

≫ Next: I wish Justin Bieber had urinated on Justin Bieber.

≪ Previous: In honor of Ramadan I'll do enough daytime eating, drinking, and lusting for both of us.

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I wish Justin Bieber had urinated on Justin Bieber.

July 10, 2013, 9:56 am

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15 more ways to tell your coworkers exactly how you feel about them.

July 10, 2013, 10:45 am

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Here's your new email signature.

With human resources constantly going on about their silly rules concerning "etiquette" and "proper workplace discourse" and "not making overt threats of violence to your cubicle-mate," it can be hard to let your coworkers know just how big a part they play in your daily misery. These cards can help you get your point across as passive-aggressively as possible. You can just print them out and hang them in your cube to send a general message to anyone with eyes. Or, click on any card to share on the Facebook and Twitter accounts you know your coworkers follow. You can even send them to your targeted coworker from an anonymous someecards account. They'll know, but they'll never really know.

See the whole set >>

 

We might as well ruin our friendship by having sex because our friendship isn't that great.

July 10, 2013, 10:52 am

≫ Next: What it looks like to deeply regret changing your Facebook relationship status.

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What it looks like to deeply regret changing your Facebook relationship status.

July 10, 2013, 11:23 am

≫ Next: May you have an easier time finding your next girlfriend than you did finding my clitoris.

≪ Previous: We might as well ruin our friendship by having sex because our friendship isn't that great.

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What does it look like when someone deeply regrets changing their Facebook relationship status?

It's hilarious >>

May you have an easier time finding your next girlfriend than you did finding my clitoris.

July 10, 2013, 11:47 am

≫ Next: Sorry you're having one of those days where you feel like Justin Bieber's piss bucket.

≪ Previous: What it looks like to deeply regret changing your Facebook relationship status.

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Sorry you're having one of those days where you feel like Justin Bieber's piss bucket.

July 10, 2013, 12:47 pm

≫ Next: I know a great wine that pairs with you sitting and watching me get drunk.

≪ Previous: May you have an easier time finding your next girlfriend than you did finding my clitoris.

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I know a great wine that pairs with you sitting and watching me get drunk.

July 10, 2013, 1:10 pm

≫ Next: Thanks for inviting me to quietly masturbate in your guest room.

≪ Previous: Sorry you're having one of those days where you feel like Justin Bieber's piss bucket.

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Thanks for inviting me to quietly masturbate in your guest room.

July 10, 2013, 2:06 pm

≫ Next: I want my kids to be good at math but not so good that they can count how many glasses of wine I've had.

≪ Previous: I know a great wine that pairs with you sitting and watching me get drunk.

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I want my kids to be good at math but not so good that they can count how many glasses of wine I've had.

July 10, 2013, 2:47 pm

≫ Next: I hope I don't get kicked out of our summer share before your birthday.

≪ Previous: Thanks for inviting me to quietly masturbate in your guest room.

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I hope I don't get kicked out of our summer share before your birthday.

July 10, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: I'd wake up earlier than 10 a.m. for you.

≪ Previous: I want my kids to be good at math but not so good that they can count how many glasses of wine I've had.

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I'd wake up earlier than 10 a.m. for you.

July 11, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: The 33 most embarrassing spelling mistakes on education-related signs.

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The 33 most embarrassing spelling mistakes on education-related signs.

July 11, 2013, 6:01 am

≫ Next: I'm as impressed as I am bored with your knowledge of wine.

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I have a dreme that my children will be judged on the content of there charicter.

As the election draws near and American citizens will use all their knowledge and education to pick the next President and Congress, this seems as good a time as any to remind the world that the American educational system has pretty much given up. Our only hope is that the proofreaders of these signs are able to appreciate the irony of their very public blunders while they're in line at the unemployment office. Maybe China can send us their millions of English majors to help.

See them all >>