I'm offended by how easily you're offended.

July 15, 2013, 5:01 am

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 15, 2013

July 15, 2013, 6:51 am

≫ Next: Just wanted to let you know one-to-one that we're all concerned about your seeming inability to reply to all.

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What adorable thing did Elizabeth Warren and John McCain do? Who's guilty of doping now? How is Snowden escaping CIA assassination? Find out in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

Drop some knowledge >>

Just wanted to let you know one-to-one that we're all concerned about your seeming inability to reply to all.

July 15, 2013, 7:56 am

≫ Next: I wish there was a way to send the state of Florida to prison.

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I wish there was a way to send the state of Florida to prison.

July 15, 2013, 8:21 am

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15 honest email replies you wish you could send.

July 15, 2013, 9:01 am

≫ Next: At least living in Florida will be some form of punishment for Zimmerman.

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Subject: WE NEED TO TALK

E-mail is great because it makes it so much easier for people to annoy you with inane questions, or as a medium to express their abject incompetence, or as a way to make something you thought you understood completely incomprehensible. Because you barely have time to ignore excurciatingly idiotic emails as it is, we went through the trouble of collecting these 15 snarky email replies you wish you could send. We encourage you to share them with your coworkers and friends on Facebook and Twitter and to even make your own in our user card section now with NEW art. 

See them all >>

At least living in Florida will be some form of punishment for Zimmerman.

July 15, 2013, 9:13 am

≫ Next: Sorry you're shocked to learn that Florida's justice system is flawed.

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Sorry you're shocked to learn that Florida's justice system is flawed.

July 15, 2013, 9:54 am

≫ Next: I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

≪ Previous: At least living in Florida will be some form of punishment for Zimmerman.

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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

July 15, 2013, 10:42 am

≫ Next: I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

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I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

July 15, 2013, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: I feel like I could not commit to you forever.

≪ Previous: I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

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I feel like I could not commit to you forever.

July 15, 2013, 1:05 pm

≫ Next: Summer Badge: This is for managing to find someone to install your air conditioner unit by the middle of summer.

≪ Previous: I hope my anus and genitals roasting in 95-degree weather all day doesn't turn you off from giving me oral sex tonight.

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Summer Badge: This is for managing to find someone to install your air conditioner unit by the middle of summer.

July 15, 2013, 2:16 pm

≫ Next: Sorry this weather is requiring you to powder your balls in real time.

≪ Previous: I feel like I could not commit to you forever.

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Sorry this weather is requiring you to powder your balls in real time.

July 15, 2013, 2:47 pm

≫ Next: I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

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I'm worried we're not saving enough for our retirement alcohol.

July 16, 2013, 5:01 am

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 16, 2013

July 16, 2013, 7:06 am

≫ Next: I know a great wine that pairs with being able to stand my company.

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What are Democrats screwing up now? Who's not getting rich off of the George Zimmerman trial (besides you)? What's in the new twinkies? Find out all that and also two more things in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

Enjoy >>

I know a great wine that pairs with being able to stand my company.

July 16, 2013, 7:15 am

≫ Next: Nothing ruins a beautiful summer day like seeing a hipster wearing a winter hat.

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Nothing ruins a beautiful summer day like seeing a hipster wearing a winter hat.

July 16, 2013, 8:06 am

≫ Next: The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise.

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The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise.

July 16, 2013, 8:40 am

≫ Next: This heat wave is making me as equally unproductive as any typical workday.

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This heat wave is making me as equally unproductive as any typical workday.

July 16, 2013, 8:53 am

≫ Next: 13 ways to let everyone know you're sweating your balls off.

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13 ways to let everyone know you're sweating your balls off.

July 16, 2013, 9:35 am

≫ Next: I'm creating a Pinterest board of what your life could look like if you didn't spend all day on Pinterest.

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It's a delicate ecosystem back there.

See them all >>

I'm creating a Pinterest board of what your life could look like if you didn't spend all day on Pinterest.

July 16, 2013, 10:13 am

≫ Next: Thanks for trying to explain why iced coffee is more expensive.

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