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Into the spirit.


Someone stumbled upon an exorcism being performed at a Starbucks.

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"Venti trenta solo doppio. I cast thee out!"

There are certain annoyances that we expect when we decide to patronize our local Starbucks. There's gonna be Mom-friendly folk-rock music. That's unavoidable. There will probably be two or three guys arguing about the second-act particulars of the terrible screenplay that they're never going to finish. Eighty-five percent probability. A 22-year-old old woman will be having a loud cell phone conversation with her friend about something impossibly inscrutable. Ninety-seven percent probability.

One thing you don't expect though is to see a group of young men forcing a demonic being to exit the corporeal shell of their friend by repeatedly informing the evil spirit that it has "no legal ground to be in here." But that exactly what reddit user Umgarwalked into the other day:


Regardless of your feelings on the supernatural, this is the kind of thing that can really freak you out. Mostly due to its incongruity. This is not the sort of scene that you expect to walk into outside a Starbucks. It's definitely more of an Olive Garden kind of thing.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

A curious squirrel stole some guy's GoPro to make a short documentary about life in the trees.

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"Hey, I've been meaning to pick up one of these."

Squirrel finds GoPro camera. Squirrel carries GoPro camera up into the trees with intention to make really moving low budget film about life as a young squirrel in the city. Squirrel can't figure out finer points of GoPro camera's operational devices. Squirrel drops GoPro camera back onto the ground. Squirrel returns to work on novel he's been "working on" for years. 

This video sums up my 20s pretty well:

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

I dare you.

A collection of the biggest hypocrites to ever post on Facebook.

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Betting no one appreciated this.(Via)

Don't hate the Facebook hypocrites, cherish them. They are the digital manifestation of the frailty of human resolve. Also, they're really entertaining. if people were able to stick to a cohesive belief system from status to status, Facebook would be so predictable and dull. Here are just a handful of Facebook hypocrites who go out of their way to keep us guessing.


Just let us know when you're off the road and we will. (Via)

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Thank you for providing the perfect example of one such "something." (Via)

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With this status it should be "who you three are." (Via)

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We're too many levels deep now.(Via)

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Updated 10/20/14:


Driving and texting is okay if you'll only kill yourself and other adults.(Via)

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Drop the charade, Jessica, and own it!(Via)

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Already hated him, then he doubled-down the loathing with "hard house. (Via)

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Sounds like someone got a job?(Via)

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 (Via)

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Hypocritical about hypocrisy! It's hypocrisy inception!  (Via)

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What about our idiots?(Via)

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Updated 9/15/14:

You know we can see you, right?(Via)

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Perhaps they aren't being sarcastic with the "yeah, sounds like it"? (Via)

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It's different when you do it to monitor your tanning progress.(Via)

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The medium is the message. (Via)

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Translation: I am childish.(Via)

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Make sure and live-tweet your electronics-free period.(Via)

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Updated 8/18/14:


This got "hella" real. (Via)

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Hey CoughCough, are you going to take that crap?!(Via)

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The anti-bullying movement had a good run. (Via)

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Her badassery fluctuates from day to day. (Via)

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May you never practice what you preach, Jordan, you ripped slab of sex.(Via)

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Updated 7/14/14:


And never complain about people complaining about people complaining on Facebook! (Via)


Some profile pics are a mirror into one's own soul.  (Via)

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She said young girls. That pic on the right was posted after two long days of aging. (Via)

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Present company excluded? (Via)



Dan's not going to let you back out of this Adam. Happy 4th.(Via)

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But that movie is how Ashley feels. (Via)

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Slut-shaming, thy name is Corinne.(Via)

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Updated 6/17/14:


That's how people die you hypocritical animals!(Via)

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But when girls bitch about other girls bitching about other girls bitching... That's fine! (Via)

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Maybe they're being sincere? "I'm glad everyone behaves just like me. It's good to belong."(Via)

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"We only went in there to get directions away from there!" -The Simpsons(Via)

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Updated 5/20/14:


Come on. You gotta have one last party for the road. (Via)

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Fun fact, 95% of all status updates are posted near some form of toilet.(Via)

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You first. (Via)

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Can't I just attack others without being attacked for attacking others?(Via)

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Feeling whatever the opposite of self-aware is. (Via)

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You know, you can do the missionary position without actually converting people to Christ, duh! (Via)

Posted 4/28/14: 


Also, his mind, soul, and morals are useless. Those abs are all he's got! (Via)

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What a difference a day can make. 
(via)

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Via mobile!

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Physician, heal thyself (of fucktardation)!


These two will get to the bottom of this eventually.(Via)

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You forgot to tag some people. (Via)

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Willis who? Willis engaged in an internal battle for control of his moral center. (Via)

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Perhaps you would have meant more if you hadn't cheated?(Via)

 


Good to see you've cheered up...and lost all empathy.(Via)

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No, the purpose was for Zuckerberg to get back at a girl. Didn't you see The Social Network? (Via)

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You're going to hold him to something he said 25 whole minutes ago? Sheesh!(Via)

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Well, when two people love each other very much, they do what you did.(Via)

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But how else will Facebook know their review of the first 20 minutes of the movie? (Via)


Baby steps.

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And they were bros forever and ever amen.
(Via)

(by Bob Powers)

Something else you might enjoy...

10 Things You Do Not Want To See On Your Commute

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"Yeah, eight cables. Pfff... plenty." (via)

There is virtually nothing you want to see on your morning commute besides a big blinking roadwork sign that says "Turn back, Johnny. Road closed only for you. Your boss has been notified...but not your wife." Aside from that, though, most everything is solidly neutral. There's a car. There's a truck. Ooh, an old car. There's a punch buggy, but you have no one to punch. Then, every once in a while, you pull up next to or behind something that makes you really, really awake again. This can happen for two reasons. 1.) Because it's something so bizarre that you spend the rest of your commute trying to decide how to describe it to anyone who will believe you, or 2.) Because you very well might die very quickly, and in a manner that will make sure even relatives can't help occasionally cracking a dark joke about at your wake.


There's a reason people stopped using hand signals to turn. The hands had guns. (via)

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You know who else took a picture of this guy? The dude in the car right next to him:
(via)


See? You can even see the same car to the right of the death vehicle in both images. (via)

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Yes, that gas tank has a hose running into the dashboard that feeds into the engine.

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Two choices: retreat, or put the pedal to the metal and send your coworkers a self-satisfied email about how you were the only one who wasn't too lazy to show up today. (via)

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How's my driving? Call 1-800-PETA-NOW. (via)

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This picture was posted with the title "Bloody cold day on the highway," but I'm going to pretend it was a really hot day for a truck-full of Jolly Ranchers. (via)

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I'm not worried about her crashing someone else's car. I'm worried about her giving onlookers PTSD forever. (via)

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HE'S OK, I PROMISE! Someone on the Internet said so. (via)

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Take me to your leader, or at least to a local GPS dealer. (via

For those of you who counted 11 things, I included the two images of the stake-filled truck as a single thing. Got any crazy commute pictures? Send them to submissions@happyplace.com and our ADD-riddled staff of people who couldn't work in more rigorous industries will struggle valiantly to include them!

(by Johnny McNulty)

Friendship

A news anchor wore the same suit every day for a year, and no one noticed.

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Just one man in one suit trying to change the world. (screengrab via Today)

Karl Stefanovic, anchor for Sydney's Today program, revealed over the weekend that he has worn the same navy suit almost every single day for a year to make a point about sexist attitudes toward news anchors. 

Stefanovic told Fairfax Media that he decided to conduct the experiment because of the many comments his female co-anchors got about their dress and hairstyles—not only on television, but even while they were out running errands and living their lives. 

"Women are judged much more harshly for what they do, what they say, and what they wear," he said. Unlike them, he felt he was judged based "on how I do my job, basically." 

Viewers would often email or Tweet comments about what co-host Lisa Wilkinson was wearing, but as for Stefanovic's suit, "No one has noticed; no one gives a shit." Well, now people are noticing and the response seems to be overwhelmingly positive. Let's hope viewers start making an effort to submit snarky comments about the wardrobes of both sexes. Progress!

Here's every outfit Karl and co-host Lisa wore this year:

(by Shira Rachel Danan)


Taylor Swift's middle school video project just emerged on the Internet.

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Can't stop, won't stop groovin.'

In what was likely an attempt to get students prepared for their futures in selling out, a middle school in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania assigned their students the project of creating a commercial. Usually, these things only ever see light outside of class when a family refuses to let the humiliation end and drags it out every year at Thanksgiving to play the "embarrassing middle school project drinking game."

But this 2003 project has a young Taylor Swift in it and, for some reason, it's always strange to see evidence of any star pre-fame. This isn't a reminder of her early child-actor beginnings, it is just an awkward, awkward, awkward class video where she has one line as "Island Girl 1." 

The video was found by one of her classmates and uploaded to YouYube as unlisted in 2008, and then was recently reintroduced to the world by Domer2012 on reddit. As such, the video came with this notice:

Thought about it. Thought about it again.

Sell that Paco's smoothie, Swift!

(by Myka Fox)

New ideas.

Only five more years until you can get the penis transplant of your dreams!

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It's my dick in a box.

As the great artists in Cinderella once said, "You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone," but they probably weren't talking about your penis. That's something you know you've got, which is why it is so important that if for some reason it does go missing, you have options for getting it back.

Fortunately, Dr Anthony Atala and the Wake Forrest Institute in North Carolina have been pumping away at the penis transplant for the last 15 years, and now they are finally ready to say they're so, so close. The penis transplant is coming.

Atala has been working on growing a new penis out of a patient's existing cells, which will look and perform much better than penis prosthetics.

The Mirror described patient's current options which, until now, have been the same for almost half a century:

"Prosthetics options leave the patient either with a “bendy” permanently semi-rigid penis which is hard to hide, or with inflatable rods powered by a saline pump in the scrotum.

Both technologies have been around since the 1970s. The aesthetics leave a lot to be desired and penetration is not smooth."

Yikes. "Penetration is not smooth" is likely going to be a deal breaker for people flipping through your Tinder profile.

Apparently, four women have already successfully received bio-engineered vaginas, but according to Atala, getting dickier is a little trickier (my words, not his). It has something to do with how the penis is made up of different kinds of tissues. 

He has, however, been very successful in replacing rabbit's penises though, and is hopeful his technology will work on humans. He thinks we will be there in the next five years. 

This is, of course, great news for any man who has suffered an unfortunate loss of his penis, and who hopes that in the future he will be able to screw like bunnies. 

(by Myka Fox)

Someday soon.

Anonymous

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - November 17, 2014

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1. Bill Cosby Rendered Completely Mute By Uncomfortable Interview

Comedian Bill Cosby completely lost the ability to make word-like noises with his vocal cords over the weekend when NPR reporter Scott Simon asked him a question about the sexual assault allegations that have been welling up on the Internet this month. "This question gives me no pleasure, Mr. Cosby, but there have been serious allegations raised about you in recent days," Simon said during the interview. This was followed by silence, as Cosby was clearly struck by some sort of hysterical muteness due to the awkwardness of the reference. "You're shaking your head no. I'm in the news business. I have to ask the question. Do you have any response to those charges? ... Shaking your head no."


2. Facebook Releasing Version For You To Use At Work When You're Not Using Facebook At Work

Facebook is planning to release a work-specific version of Facebook to compete with other professional platforms by Google and Microsoft that nobody actually uses but that still appeal to easily impressed members of upper management who have the authority to throw away money on fad technologies. "Facebook at Work" will not include functionality for inviting people to play Farmville, but will allow you to invite people spend their time even less productively at interoffice brainstorming sessions.  


3. Prepare Yourself For The Coming Chocolate Wars

The day we have long feared is finally at hand. The world's supply of chocolate is beginning to dwindle. Global consumption of chocolate is beginning to outpace cocoa farmers' ability to produce an insufficient quantity of the precious beans to satiate the corpulent masses' unending desire to shove handfuls of the sweet food into their ever-hungry mouths. Soon will come the craving-induced uprisings. Civilization will surely fall, crushed beneath the weight of the massively rotund cocoa-hoarding warlords. Or maybe we'll just figure out a way to produce more chocolate.


4. "Black People Are Scary Wizards" — White People

"Mystical," "magic," and "wizard" are just a few of the hilarious words that ridiculous white people often associate with black people, according to a too-good-to-be-true study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. The observed "superhumanization bias" results in many white people actually believing that black people can "read a person's mind by touching the person's head."


5. GTA V Re-Release Makes Decapitating Hookers With Katana More Realistic Than Ever Before  

A newly released version of Rock Star Games' Grand Theft Auto 5 allows players to interact with the video game in first person mode, so that they can see through their avatar's eyes, thus really upping the sociopathic quality of the game and making it about forty times more fun to play.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

A husband secretly filmed his adorable wife rapping to Salt 'n Pepa in the car.

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As cute as it is, the lyrics aren't very marriage-friendly, actually.

You might argue that what this woman sings in the car when she thinks only her husband is around is none of our business. Fortunately for us, her husband, YouTuber Sir Prise, thought it should be our business, and made it so by filming her while they cruised the town. This rendition goes beyond simple fandom. Did you see those hand motions? Always on point, always on time. 

The only way this could be better is if it were a massive supercut of animals dancing to Salt 'n Pepa's "Push It." 

(by Johnny McNulty)


This weird-ass dog is scared of doorways. The way he has to enter rooms is hilarious.

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What does the future hold?

It's not that weird a fear. If we're all one and everything flows through everything, doesn't it make sense that entering a new room completely changes what you're made of? It's like you and your world transform with every threshold. Also, there's no telling if Ninjas are in there somewhere.

Only way to deal with a fear like that is to come at the world ass-backwards.

(by Bob Powers)

Goofus And Gallant

Santa Claus robbed a post office this weekend, and the whole thing was caught on camera.

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Ho ho hold your hands where I can see them.

He's been delivering his own packages for free for far too long. 

The jolly old elf robbed a post office in Melbourne, Australia Saturday and hauled away his loot in his toy sack. 

ABC reports that the "Bad Santa" demanded money from the cashier and that "the woman gave the man cash and he put it in a red Santa sack," but we can clearly see Santa working a little harder than that. 

In the surveillance footage, the Santa in sunglasses jumps sprightly onto the counter and removes the money himself. By the time he hops off, his Santa pants are below his butt like he was auditioning for a '90's rap video.   

Santa made his getaway in a "cream-colored Jeep." The pants under his Santa suit appear to also be that color. 

I guess he likes his Jeeps and his pants like he likes his cookies...


...with cream.

Police say there were no weapons involved and no one was hurt, but if Santa is caught, he will end up behind poles.

(by Myka Fox)

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Anyone planning a wedding, because Solange Knowles has outdone you in every way.


(via Beyonce on Instagram)

Might as well delete your Pinterest accounts, brides to be, because newlywed Solange Knowles has outclassed you in every possible way. This weekend, the 28-year-old singer-sister-to-Beyonce married second husband Alan Ferguson, 51, in New Orleans. Today, it's time to start calling your guests and letting them know your wedding has been called off, because Solange's entire bridal party wore white and had their photographs taken in the classiest wedding photos ever. Maybe you and your fiance should just get a civil union since you'll never think of a more adorable way to arrive at your ceremony than by bicycle. 


(via Beyonce on Instagram)

Ugh, your chalkboard table numbers are so lame. 

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4. American Catholics, who need to clean up their act before the Pope arrives in 2015.


(Getty)

Yikes! When was the last time you anointed the sick? Pope Francis announced today that he will attend the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia in September 2015. This will be the pope's first visit to the United States, which means American Catholics have about 10 months to get their acts together before papa comes over to check up on them. He might have a reputation for being progressive, but he's still the pope. I'm not Catholic, but from what I recall from that children's song, he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're getting divorced. Time to get baptized, take the Eucharist, and venerate the heck out of some saints. Go! Go! Go!

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3. Bono, because the world is apparently out to get him.


(Getty)

Either the universe is out to get Bono, or the guy is getting really desperate for attention. On Sunday, Bono was out cycling in Central Park and had an accident that required surgery on his arm. Just a few days ago, the back door fell off of Bono's plane while in mid-flight. The plane landed safely, but it could have been disastrous. What's going on here? Is Bono acting out because he needs more love from us after everyone complained about their instant U2 download? Maybe we should have suspected something when he did a new recording of the best/worst Christmas song ever: "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

They know! They know it's Christmas! Please stop. And be careful out there.

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2. NFL teams that got surprise visits from DEA agents yesterday.


(Getty)

Yesterday, while you were drinking beer and blissfully watching grown men cause each other severe bodily harm, Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) agents made surprise visits to the medical staffs of several NFL teams playing on the road. The DEA was following up on claims made in a class action lawsuit against the NFL by 1,300 former players. Among other grievances, players contend that strong, often addictive painkillers were pushed on them on game days to cover up injuries and let them play through pain. The DEA didn't release the names of the teams they visited Sunday, but the San Francisco 49ers and Seattle Seahawks confirmed they were among those investigated. Just remember, when it comes to supporting the dicey tactics of the NFL by watching games, you have a choice: pizza or wings. 

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1. Bill Cosby, because yet another woman has come forward to accuse him of being a rapist.


(Getty)

Another woman who claims to have been drugged and raped by comedian Bill Cosby has come forward today, making it more and more difficult for everyone downing pudding in their Cosby sweaters while watching Nick at Nite to refuse to pay attention. Joan Tarshis, a publicist and journalist, told Hollywood Elsewhere that Cosby drugged and raped her on two separate occasions in 1969. Because Cosby was so well-loved, Tarshis—then an aspiring young writer—says she was too ashamed to come forward. But now that another woman, Barbara Bowman, has told her similar story publicly, Tarshis decided it was time. Cosby's lawyer continues to claim that these rape allegations are "decade-old" and "discredited," and offered no comment. Here's a comment from me: "Gross."

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

This church band leader flipped out and smashed his guitar in the middle of a song.

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They can't hear her roar over the guitar player's temper tantrum.

If this leader of a church cover band had paused for a moment to ask himself what Jesus would've done, he might have handled things very differently. Sure, Jesus would've quit on that band as well, just with less shouting and guitar-smashing. Because the band's version of Katy Perry's Roar is pretty awful. The singer hasn't even bothered to learn the words and the drummer sounds like he's playing along to a Zeppelin song in his head. But at least the audience can hear them! The supposed leader of the band is strumming an acoustic guitar that's not even plugged in. He may as well be strumming a tennis racket. So maybe him quitting the band is a blessing in disguise. God often works in mysterious, sometimes obnoxious ways.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

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