There should be a "forward to your investigating police officer" button on CL.(Via)
Sometimes a missed connection ad seems to be there solely to show you how close you came to death, or worse, a hookup or relationship with a truly unhinged person. Look through these ads detailing some terrifying near-misses, and if you recognize yourself in any of them, thank your lucky stars you got away alive.
.
What you were wearing? A flimsy gown rolled up above your waist?(Via)
.
Need more details. What kind of cat food? (Via)
.
Aggressive nipping? Like, in a threatening way? Or just an "invading my space" way? (Via)
.
Wouldn't it be great if this was the same woman from the OB/GYN? (Via)
.
You both love name-brand fashion at low prices. You were made for each other.
.
Had no idea there was more than one brand of pork rinds. (Via)
(click image to enlarge)
.
To summarize. You: Neck veins. Me: Enjoys neck veins.
.
He's not going to want to have sex with you if you make him catch a cold.
.
Updated 1/22/14:
Everyone has their own definition of "funny." Especially when it comes to smells.
I'm sure she remembers your fingertip when it grazed the digital pixelation of her face.
Some fish are the catch of the day. For her, it was the catch of a lifetime.
(click image to enlarge)
.
The most wonderful time of the year (for pervs).
.
You call him a BabyDaddy. She calls him a FucktrophyDaddy. Potato, potahto.
(click image to enlarge)
.
Dude, find her! You'll never find someone with lower standards!
(click image to enlarge)
.
Updated 9/30/13:
Did she perhaps shout, "I am calling the police?" If so, it's love.
.
If this is your type a of woman, you might really just be looking for a pet.
.
Just had to be in jail for a few hours. We all need our alone time.
(click image to enlarge)
.
It's hard to find a edumacated man who understands horemones. Keeper!
.
Give him a chance. Some of those grandes can cost like seventeen bucks.
(click image to enlarge)
.
If there was ever an incentive to turn that frown upside down, it's not this.
.
Updated 6/28/13:
OMG is this the guy we pooped on at the diner on Sansom last week?
.
I want to recycle our encounter and turn it into 85% post-consumer love.
(click image to enlarge)
Just click to enlarge. It's worth it.
(click image to enlarge)
How many pie-related experiences does he think she's had?
.
You clearly have a thing for men with snot-covered hands.
(click image to enlarge)
.
We're pretty sure we know who this is about. And we agree.
(click image to enlarge)
.
We can work this out if you relax your rules about not throwing fruit at the elderly.
(click image to enlarge)
Updated 5/29/13:
I could fart and you could laugh for the rest of our lives.
.
If you want to be with the kind of guy who sneaks pics of chicks' toes, I'm your man.
.
Was it Meghan? Sorry, I'm a little hard of hearing.
.
But now that I've apologized, maybe you're into that sort of thing?
(click image to enlarge)
.
Girl, your fine ass is just made for sexual harassment training.
.
Save this one for the scrapbook for your grandchildren!
(click image to enlarge)
Updated 4/29/13:
Maybe see you at the reading of the will?
.
Physical description: he had hair, empty eyeballs, and a nose.
.
A man who can make explosives out of his mullet is truly innovative.
.
Seeking: Policeman. Must be able to duck.
.
Always great to find someone who shares your interests/infections.
.
Dark prince disciples always fall for the flame-haired alabaster crystal guardians.
.
Updated 3/25/13:
Fake. The "I vomited on your shoes" thing is used in every Nicholas Sparks novel.
.
How could she leave him? He had a logo and everything!
.
Brenda, everyone at that library would like you to take him back.
(click image to enlarge)
.
Can we get this guy and the farting "We shared a moment" girl together?
(click image to enlarge)
.
She only put you in jail because she wanted to know where that pretty face was at all times.
(click image to enlarge)
.
Nope. Want to go peeing some time?
.
If you were at a store recently and you had an ass, somebody loves you.
.
Updated 1/30/13:
You never know when you're going to be the victim of unlawful entry...in your heart.
.
Ew, he got taller? Dealbreaker.
.
We want these people to throw us in their trunk and take us on a cross-country crime spree.
.
Would have been a ten but the landing was actually too sticky.
.
We don't understand what happened, but we're excited that kittens are using Craigslist now.
Updated 1/3/13:
Dear God. Did...did he kill her with his fart?
.
Fork-geddaboudit!
.
Um, drunk as she was, she should still avoid responding to an ad from a guy who naps on train platforms.
.
Updated 12/03/12:
.
.
Updated 9/14/12:
.
.
Updated 8/9/12: