by Dan Abromowitz

Even the nastiest hangover is manageable with a little preparation; all you need's some salt, some potassium, some protein, and loads of fluids. But if you black out, your night's out of your hands, leaving you to come to far from your Brita and bananas. Here's how to conquer your hangover with what's at hand, wherever you may find yourself:

A stranger's bed

Mistakes have been made. Grab your shoes, unearth your undies, and scope the scene. Best case scenario: Their kitchen's a whole Breaking Bad lab dripping goop into a big ass sizzling vial labeled "HANGOVER CURE - FINAL." Worst case scenario: The place is on fire and it's also a houseboat. Whatever the situation, your best bet is to grab any pills you can find and take a couple of each. This is also a good general strategy to keep life zestful.

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Trapped under the ice of a frozen lake

Quick! Start gulping! You need to drain the lake enough to give yourself some breathing room! Every swallow helps... with your HANGOVER!!!! You've just tricked yourself into living healthy, and it's just that easy.

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Europe

If you're from Europe, this is perfect, because A.) you're home and B.) Europeans don't get hangovers. If you're not from Europe, a quick dip in the frigid European ocean should shock some adrenaline into your system. Then, it's off to the patisserie for black pudding and pierogi. And who's this? Why, the Kaiser's stopped by to say, "¡Aloha!" What a splendid European morning.

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Stowed away on a Japanese whaling boat

Is that your head pounding in your skull, or the Pacific waves pounding against a barnacle-crusted hull? Luckily, Muktuk, an Inuit snack of a whale's skin and blubber, is an excellent source of Vitamins C and D, the perfect cure for what ails you. Now all you gotta deal with is communicating that you're thousands of miles from home and not let yourself be tempted into committing ecological atrocities!

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In a giant eagle's nest

It happens: after a couple rounds, you got a little confidence, started taunting the huge terrible eagles that blot out our sun, and ended up carried away in one's wicked talons. Luckily, you're in a prime position to pull a Rocky and slurp down the protein-y yolk of a few huge precious white eggs to stop that tummy rumbling. Shimmy down the cliff face before Mama comes back, leaving the hollow shells behind as a few big ol' Fuck You's. You've devoured her bloodline!

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Cradled in the arms of your weeping father

If your dad is sweaty, lick him and his tears. If not, ask him for a glass of water. He's your dad, he'll get it for you.

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On tour with Bastille

Whoa! You, opening for international pop-rock superstars Bastille! It'd be a dream come true, if soundcheck didn't feel like a rail spike in your skull. But as every Stormer knows, Bastille's rider specifically calls for a ten-gallon drum of quality pickle brine to fuel the Bastille boys' disgusting all-brine diet. A few ladlefuls and you'll have all the electrolytes you need to crash and burn on the arena stage, stumbling your way through a panicky half-remembered cover of "Champagne Supernova."

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As a gigantic cockroach

Uh oh, it finally happened: You blacked out drinking and came to as a gargantuan vermin. This is a bad thing, not only because you're a huge bug, but also, because you are hung over. The trick to this one is, your family (or roommates) will, screaming, smash your carapace in with a cast iron as you try in vain to communicate who you are, so hey, the hangover's actually a non-issue here.

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On a comet

What a fun coincidence. Everyone's real into things on comets these days. You'll have a great story whenever you get back. There's plenty of ice to melt in your mouth, and the void of space is thankfully silent. Nice! This is assuming you're not actually the Philae probe, suddenly self-aware and suffering the blinding pain of new-formed consciousness, 'cause I can't help you there, buddy.

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Buried alive with a Vitamin Water

Looks like your drunk self had the foresight to snag yourself a revitalizing blend of dragonfruit, Vitamin C, and taurine, but not enough foresight to not get yourself buried who knows how deep in a pine casket. Seems like an easy fix, if you had more than an inch between your mouth and your wooden tomb, and your arms weren't pinned at your sides. But wait, Ryan Reynolds got out of this situation in Buried, right? Maybe; you never saw it! Enjoy your last agonizing hours, idiot.

Follow Dan Abromowitz on Twitter

(some images via Getty Images)

If you like hardwood floors, this photo probably deserves a warning label. (via)

If you're anything like me, you love complaining. Winter is one of the most magical times of the year for complainers, as Mother Nature does her best to make you cold, wet, and sick at all times. Unfortunately for me and most other complainers, I don't live in Buffalo, NY, and if these pictures that have been flooding the web since yesterday's insane lake-effect blizzard in Western NY, they may well have won complaining rights for the whole 2014-2015 season. Just take a look at what their forecast looked like:

The Canadian side of Lake Erie is looking pretty warm and cozy right now. (via)

You may have noticed that the snow front has a pretty defined shape, and that the edge of it runs right through the middle of Buffalo on the map. Lake Erie is much warmer than the arctic air blowing across it right now, so when wind blows East, it picks up a lot of moisture as it passes over the lake. It then rapidly drops all the moisture on Western New York. This is what that sharp line of snow looks like when it rolls across Buffalo.

The northern half of the city (bottom) basically escaped the storm & was even sunny. (via)

This persisted for a while. (via)

Needless to say, it affected traffic.

"So....have you seen Snowpiercer?" (via)

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At least...uh...at least.... there is no at least. (via)

Even just getting out the door proved difficult for people and animals alike.

"Um, there's another door you need to open." (via)

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"I've got to find Captain Skywalker, he hasn't returned from his patrol." (via)

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"I've made a hugely fun mistake." (via)

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Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to invite the snow in? (via)

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Who stuck that tiny basketball net in that huge marshmallow? (via)

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As far as I know, the snow keeps going down a few more feet, too. (via)

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There was so much snow, they didn't even have room to turn the camera sideways. (via)

If there's one thing Buffalo residents can't complain about, though, it's the dedication of their firefighters, seen here carrying someone 10 blocks through the snow to a hospital.

"Anyone need anything from the store real quick?"(via)

Finally, let's not forget one group of Western NYers who won't get to complain at all: those who were too crazy not to enjoy the whole thing by going surfing.

Truly a god among men. (Getty)

Chris Hemsworth has taken time out of his busy schedule of being gorgeous and sitting around in abandoned trucks while the sun sets over the Outback to be declared the Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. The selection of the Aussie actor—best known for playing Thor in the Marvel Avengers series—almost makes up for last year's choice of Adam Levine.

When he was told the big news, 31-year-old Hemsworth tells People his first thought was, "Good. But you're a couple of years late. I hit my peak a few years ago. On the decline now so I'm not sure if I still deserve it, but thank you." Naturally, he said all of this with the hint of a wry smile that made it clear his peak is right this second.

Asked what his wife—Spanish model and actress Elsa Pataky—thought of his award, Hemsworth said she "thought it was pretty funny, as I did. We had a good old laugh about it." They're probably always laughing together, though. That's just what the beautiful people do.

Oh, and did you know he's a dad? 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

9/11 would never have happened if those towers had just gotten out of the way of the planes. #DonLemonReporting

— Alex Halpern (@HalpernAlex) November 19, 2014

CNN's Don Lemon is facing a lot of criticism today for a comment he made while interviewing Joan Tarshis, who has come forward to accuse Bill Cosby of raping her in 1969. Lemon was sorry but he "had to ask" but why didn't Tarshis bite Cosby's dick when he forced oral sex on her? (Technically, he did not have to ask.) I want to say Lemon took victim-blaming to a whole new level, but actually it's the level we've been at for a long time.

Twitter is having some fun with Lemon's lack of logic with the hashtag #DonLemonReporting. Here's a few of our favorites:

"I'm sorry Ms. Tubman, but I have to ask, if you were so unhappy, why did you wait 27 years to run away?" #DonLemonReporting

— Thomas Edge (@tedge20) November 19, 2014

If Shamu doesn't like SeaWorld, why does Shamu keep working there? #DonLemonReporting

— Richard Hernandez (@richrdhernandez) November 19, 2014

When Germany invaded Poland, what was Poland wearing? Was it drunk? Was it begging for it? #DonLemonReporting

— JRehling (@JRehling) November 19, 2014

If Africans didn't want to be stolen and sold into slavery, they shouldn't have been in Africa that day. #DonLemonReporting

— L. Brothers Media (@LBrothersMedia) November 19, 2014

"Look, if those kids had just woken up, Freddy couldn't have killed them." #DonLemonReporting

— Autumnal &e-ru (@dvnix) November 19, 2014

When life hands you lemons, Don Lemon blames you for taking them. #DonLemonReporting

— Paul Myers (@pulmyears) November 19, 2014

"This is #DonLemonReporting . Watch as I ask this survivor of Rwandan genocide why he didn't kick the militants who cut off his arm."

— MWR (@nowhere_nh) November 19, 2014

And this is what it really comes down to:

"Rape and sexual assault are problems, but have you considered, you know, just not being a woman?" #DonLemonReporting

— ♕r x d s ღ (@roxiedees) November 19, 2014

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

"Biting." "Ouch." (Via CNN)

In an astonishing display of victim blaming and general creepiness, CNN's Don Lemon asked Joan Tarshis, the woman who came forward to accuse Bill Cosby of raping her in 1969, how it was that she could be forced to perform oral sex on the man when she was equipped with a working set of teeth. You know, he didn't "want to be crude" but, couldn't she have just bitten his dick off? 

Tarshis says that, yes, that would have been a great thing to have thought of at the time, but her head was too muddled by all the drugs Cosby pumped into her. Otherwise, great idea!

This is absurd! Why is Lemon wasting his impressive crime-prevention skills in the interview room, when he should be out there preventing other crimes?? 

Happy Place refuses to let another tragedy occur without Genius Don's insight, so we've enlisted his help in coming up with solutions for other common problems. So, don't just sit around and be a victim! Instead, Don Lemon suggests...

Store Robbery:
- Shoot everyone as they enter
- Don't keep items on the shelves

Murder:
- Always wear a kevlar suit
- Kill yourself

Car Accident:
- Walk everywhere
- Crash into other cars first

Child Abuse:
- Run away from home
- Make another sibling the scapegoat

Credit Card Fraud:
- Keep your cards maxed out
- Use only traveler's checks

Stalking:
- Quit job, cancel cell phone, move into the woods, buy infrared goggles, remain vigilant

Poisoning:
- Slowly build tolerance to every toxin

The Plague:
- Wash your hands
- Invent penicillin 

Holocaust:
- Dye your hair
- Become a Nazi

Slavery:
- Dye your skin
- Just stop working

Dinosaur extinction:
- Be born after the Cretaceous period
- Don't be a dinosaur
- Bite asteroid's dick off

(by Myka Fox)

1. Netflix To Postpone Bill Cosby Special Until People Go Back To Pretending He's A Nice Guy

Netflix has bravely decided to hold off on releasing Bill Cosby's new stand-up comedy special until its customers have successfully managed to put all thoughts of his sexual assault accusations out of their heads and gone back to thinking about him as a cuddly old man with ugly sweaters. So, you see? Actions really do have consequences.

I lived 34 years of my life without ever considering Bill Cosby's dick.

— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) November 19, 2014

2. All Of The Snow In The World To Land On Top Of Western New York

By the end of this week, the entire western half of New York state will have been buried under mountains of frosty, white snow, according to meteorologists. The region has already been smitten with five feet of the frozen precipitation, and as many as three more feet are expected by Friday.

Living in LA everytime I see an update of the winter snow in upstate NY I get survivors guilt. :-/

— Owen Benjamin (@OwenBenjamin) November 19, 2014

3. Chris Hemsworth Named Sexiest Man Alive By 'People' Despite Being Openly Australian 

Chris Hemsworth—star of the 2010 short film Ollie Klublershturf vs. the Nazis—has been chosen by People Magazine to assume the mantle of "Sexiest Man Alive" for the coming year. Duties entail being photographed shirtless on or near a horse, claiming to talk show hosts to have been awkward as a teenager, and waiting until your reign has ended to spout racist nonsense in front of the paparazzi.

Since #SexiestManAlive is still trending, we want to give you a gift in the form of an exclusive Chris Hemsworth shot pic.twitter.com/iV5kd3EPre

— Sexiest Man Alive (@sexiestmanalive) November 19, 2014

Sexiest Man Alive? Chris Hemsworth. Sexiest Man Dead? Still Nixon.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) November 19, 2014

4. Anna Wintour Says 'Vogue' Needs Dirty, Trashy People Like Kim Kardashian

In defense of her decision to get bullied by Kanye West into giving Kim Kardashian her own Vogue cover, the magazine's editor Anna Wintour said that people of Kardashian's ilk do in fact have their place: "I think if we just remain deeply tasteful and just put deeply tasteful people on the cover, it would be a rather boring magazine," Wintour rationalized to a group of fashion snobs at The Museum of Metropolitan Art. "Nobody would talk about us. It's very important that people do talk about us."

I hate Kim Kardashian's ass so much that I'm never going to stop talking about it because I'm a creep who's secretly horned up for it

— Edgy Will Well Done (@oldmanweldon) November 14, 2014

5. Science: Women Less Bothered By Dudes' Ugliness If There's No Fear Of Making An Ugly Baby

Women are less grossed out by the ugliness of potential sexual partners if there is little chance of the regrettable sex act resulting in a hideous baby, according to recent scientific studies. Research seems to suggest that women on contraception were less repulsed by the thought of intermingling their genitals with men who do not resemble Chris Hemsworth than women who also had to consider intermingling their genes. 

I try to treat all ugly people equally.

— Josh Comers (@joshcomers) November 15, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

The team still stinks, but it's an improvement. (via)

With every passing week, more and more people are coming around to the idea that "Redskins" is an inappropriate name for an NFL team in 2014. Let's face it, it was an insensitive name for a team in 1932, but back then, sports logos weren't that high on the list of problems facing Native Americans.

If you hate seeing the name and are sick of waiting around for team owner Dan Snyder to pull his stubborn head out of his ass, you may want to check out The Redskins Web Skin. Co-created by someecards contributor Eric Schlakman, it's a site where you can get an extension that will change "redskin" in your web browser to a more appropriate name, like the Washington Athletes, the Washington Indigenous Peoples, and the Washington Tribe.

Do it just to piss this guy off.(via Getty)

Even people who aren't bothered by the name are beginning to accept that the tide has turned and that it's only a matter of time before team owner Dan Snyder caves in. If not for moral reasons, then at least as a cynical business move. But anyone who follows professional football knows that making wise decisions isn't one of Snyder's strengths.

If you want to support the cause but are leery about installing an extension on your computer, the site also has a petition you can sign. There's little chance he'll ever read it, but if the site goes viral, it will be one more wave in the rising tide that will eventually wash over the NFL and Dan Snyder.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

"I made you a playlist!"

Spotify offers 20 million songs on its streaming service. That is a lot of music to sift through. You might not be sure where to start. To help, here are some soundtracks for your life that are as unique as you are. They might not all fit what you're going through now, but trust me, you will need them someday soon:

You're out there on the open road. No kids. No wife nagging at you. Just you. And that big open space...My God. What have you done?

You're just some girls gabbing about your lives, no biggie. It's such a sweet time until you're two bottles deep and need to blast that last track.

You think your taste is superior, but it's actually the same as everyone else's. 

You do you. You're better without him/her.

We all have to go sometime. Why not prepare in advance with this list?

You can't wait to get it started in here! Oh...right.

This playlist crams as much as it can into one song just like you try to cram as much food as you can into that weird body of yours.

Why the fuck do I live in this city??? OK. Calm down. Deep breaths.

MOM! THIS IS WHAT I LIKE!! GOD. Hey, how did that get in there? I don't listen to that kind of stuff...Haha. Seriously. How do I make this Spotify thing private?

Laugh until you cry, cry until you laugh. Either way, you should see a doctor. I think you're manic.

There's exactly one instance you'd need this: a dinner party with extremely boring people who pretend they know anything about Jazz.

Stop it. Just. Please.

Mmmmmmm...

(by Dan Wilbur. Designed by Cole Mitchell.)

Not clear if this is intentional or not but wheeeeeeee!

What's black and white and rolling down a snow-covered hill? Da Mao, the giant panda who lives at the Toronto Zoo, of course! Da Mao's love of playing in the snow has been previously covered on this blog. Let's hope this is the winter he finally gets the hang of walking in it without comically falling over. Good luck, Da Mao!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

1. This couple that passed out together at a Golden Corral.

You can all-you-can-sleep when you're dead. (Via)

Golden Corral boasts an "endless, legendary buffet" that one couple found is a lot easier to take advantage of if they took naps between feedings. Unfortunately, police were called in for "suspicious activity" when Angela Denice Reece, 48, and her boyfriend went into a food coma at a Corral in Georgia. Cops had to perform a life saving procedure of removing the man's head from his plate so that he would not suffocate and choke on his food, and they arrested Angela for possession of a controlled substance. These two should probably start sleeping with other people.

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2. This couple that got busted doing it at a strip joint.

It ain't no fun if the homies can't watch me get some. 

Daniel J. Tromp, 28, and his girlfriend 30-year-old Alysson Siopes sought sexual inspiration at Tens Show Club and got carried away. By the cops. The two got mega-drunk in front of the main stage where Tromp was Fondling Siopes, and she "attempted a sexual act." Police were brought in when Tromp refused to take his party home, and then he was slapped with a disorderly conduct charge after resisting arrest. Then, when Alysson argued with police for arresting her beloved, they arrested her too. Too bad men and women can't share jail cells, or they could have continued their pole-dancing adventure with bars. 

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3. The guy who tried to hook up with his wife's delivery room nurse.

Jerk4Affair (Via Craigslist)

Some people have said that having children changes the marriage, but it should be the kid's fault, not because the dad is too busy making intense eye contact with the delivery room nurse. And yet, one new dad  was so moved by the birthing experience that he couldn't wait to ruin his marriage by getting another woman pregnant, STAT. Jezebel reported that the North Carolina man posted a missed connection on craigslist for the woman who helped his wife deliver her baby. The message read:

"This is probably a long shot but you were the nurse taking care of my wife while she was having our baby. I enjoyed our eye contact and would really like to talk to you more. Maybe tomorrow I will be there most of the day and I will bump in to you in the hall way or see you at the nurse station."

He'd be better off writing a missed connection with his common decency. And his wife would be better off going it alone. 

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4. This couple ready to shoot anyone who tries to steal their holiday packages.

The next free package their thief will get is a coffin. (Via KXAS)

Kell and Julie Curtis have had two packages stolen from their front porch in Fort Worth Texas, so they are handling it with the only logical solution. No, not "require a signature" for the package to be delivered. Instead, they have hung up this sign:

If we shoot ya, then we're gonna shoot ya. (Via KXAS)

But wait, they're not really going to shoot people who touch their packages, are they? Kell told KXAS, “In Texas it’s legal to do so. So if I felt threatened, yes.”

It's safe to assume that the packages are being stolen while the couple is out of the house, which means they'll review their security footage, and then go on a manhunt. But once the perp is off their property, I'll bet they've lost the right to feel threatened, and any shooting they do will be considered attempted murder. This couple needs to break up and find significant others who will talk them out of this, or the only presents they'll be receiving will come from a commissary.

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5. These jerks who stole money from a cheerleading squad.

Gimme a... all your money!! 

Parents gave a woman who was the director of a privately run youth cheerleading squad thousands of dollars to pay for cheerleading supplies like uniforms and backpacks. Now, that money, totaling somewhere between $8,000- $16,000 is missing. Police Chief Mark Hephner said the money was kept in the woman's private bank account, and that her boyfriend had something to do with the money's disappearance. The woman and her boyfriend were booked into jail and then released on bond. It's time the two of them part ways for good before they plot against a pee-wee football team or a high school marching band.

(by Myka Fox)

A pretty mangy-looking group.

I have some terrible news for people who hate things like dogs, human compassion and the basic concept of companionship. I'm afraid that one of Ecuador's many sweet and good-natured stray dogs has decided to befriend a Swedish racing team. And by "befriend," I mean start following around and refuse to go away no matter what.

"I had just opened a food pack when I saw a scruffy miserable dog in the corner of my eye," Mikael Lindnord explained to a Swedish news source. "I thought he was hungry and gave him a meatball. Then I thought no more of it."

Little did Lindnord know, but the dog—clearly enamored by his filthiness, foul odor and willingness to hand out canned meat—had already decided to adopt him and the rest of his team. What the dog didn't realize was that these weren't the kinds of athletes who run a few hundred yards down the street and then hug each other and give interviews to TV cameras. These were adventure racers. Adventure racing isn't so much a sport as a mash-up of a bunch of awful sounding activities like hiking through mud and kayaking through the pitch black night.

The members of Team Peak Performance tried getting rid of Arthur (as he's now called) a bunch of times, out of concern for his safety, but he was having none of it. So, when he got stuck in the mud, they pulled him out.

And when he dove into the water to paddle after their kayaks, they pulled him in.

By the time they all finished the race together, he was just as dirty and smelly and exhausted as they were. So, how could they not take him home with them?

They brought Arthur to a veterinarian in Quito, Ecuador—probably the first visit of his entire life—in order to start the process of getting him cleared to make the return trip to Sweden. Based upon the nervous timbre of their Facebook posts about paperwork, there seems to be a lot of bureaucracy involved with transporting street animals into the country. Or maybe that's just the Swedish policy for all Ecuadorians. 

And just a little while ago the team posted this bit of good news to their Facebook page: "Finally! Athur is on the plane – going home to Sweden! 20 minutes before boarding the final document was delivered!" 

"I came to Ecuador to win the World Championship. Instead, I got a new friend," Lindnord said. That's sweet and all, but it's kind of a rationalization. I'm just saying, he could have done both.

Anyway, I'm really happy for Arthur and Team Peak Performance. I just hope Arthur can cope with the language barrier. He's definitely going to the right place if he's into meatballs, though.

Lots and lots more pictures on the team's Facebook page and here.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Maybe try bangs? (all images via Lammily.com)

Back in March, artist Nickolay Lamm put together a Kickstarter page to fund the creation of a "normal Barbie" doll with realistic human proportions. The response was overwhelmingly positive, the project was funded, and thousands of Nickolay's Lammily dolls were preordered.

Now, Lamm is once again pushing us to reconsider our ideals of beauty with stickers that allow kids to add blemishes to their Lammily's skin. The "Lammily Marks" include "cellulite, stretch marks, acne, glasses, blushing, adhesive bandages, moles, temporary tattoo, stitches, scrapes & scratches, bruises, cast, scars, mosquito bites, grass and dirt stains."

In other words, the Lammily doll has been through some shit.

But she still hangs out in sports bra and denim shorts. Don't try to stop her!

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Cellulite stickers are normal!

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Tried to eat human-sized crackers. #embarrassing

Lamm told BuzzFeed News he thinks the stickers "make the dolls more relatable." But what do kids actually think of the Lammily doll?

Second graders at a school in Pittsburgh were given the opportunity to play with the Lammily doll and were asked a few (slightly leading) questions about her. 

They appear to have loved the Lammily doll, saying, "She looks like she would help somebody if they were hurt," though that might just be "because if she was real, she would be able to stand." Very true. 

Luckily, no matter how many blemishes you give your Lammily, she's still a well-proportioned white woman with long, luscious hair and huge eyes. You can always cover up her temporary tattoos with one of her many fashionable outfits. 

Anyway, it's only a matter of time before some weird ladies start getting plastic surgery to look exactly like Lammily!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Which one of these guys is "baked?"

I'm not sure why Jeff Daniels can't join Jim Carrey on the International press tour for Dumb and Dumber To, but it looks like Carrey doesn't need him.

Jim, in all of his abundant talent, also happens to be an incredible sculptor. As you can see here, he creates an amazing likeness of Daniels for a puppet he intends to take with him around Europe. Carrey claims this is the first time he has worked with a puppet, although it's clear he's going to be great at it considering how well he's done with his own rubber face. 

Dumb And Dumber To was released in the US Nov. 14th.

(by Myka Fox)

Seniors rule!

Smoking pot for the first time can be an incredibly intimidating experience, let alone doing it on camera in a room full of people waiting for you to act goofy. Which is why it's kind of amazing how well these three grandmothers handle being high for the first time in their lives. And it's not like they took a few puffs off of a joint. They each take a couple of bong hits before a mellow game of Jenga. Then, the producers bust out a vaporizer, the deceptively strong device that's been known to knock even experienced stoners on their ass.

These gals are somehow able to handle their weed better than most college kids. They play Cards Against Humanity, snack on Doritos, and basically kick back like they've been smoking pot since Snoop was in diapers. If you live in Washington state and are looking for new smoke buddies, you might want to look up these three chicks. Just be sure you can handle your weed.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

The one that got away.

Some kids are wise beyond their years. That's certainly the case with Pink, a Thai girl who decided she would rather take her chances living in an orphanage than be adopted by Kim Kardashian.

On a very special episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, it's Kim who decides against the adoption, but in reality the scene appears to have played out differently.

The family was in Thailand using the ten-year anniversary of the tsunami as a backdrop for their show. During a tour stop in the Phang Nga province to introduce orphans to the worst of American culture, Kim started eyeballing Pink like a must-have pair of shoes. She was so taken by the 13-year-old, she announced on camera that she'd like to adopt her.

“When you meet someone that you really connect to like this, you can’t help but think like how you could change their life," Kim said, "I literally cannot stop thinking about her. I told Kanye, I was like, honestly, this girl is so sweet and so cute, like, I would honestly adopt her.”

That's when Mama Kris stepped in and put the kibosh on the idea, telling Kim that the family wasn't in Thailand on a shopping spree. Kris probably also wasn't thrilled with the thought of working another younger, cuter cast member into the budget.

It all made for good reality TV. But Pink recently told the Daily Mail that she was the one who shot down the idea, because she didn't feel like leaving her country behind to live with Kim and Kanye.

“Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it, I realized it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.”

Despite the possibility of a life full of finer things, Pink says she feels that she made the right decision.

In a way, it's too bad. Because she sounds like a bright, sweet kid, which is something the show could use more of.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

"For the Bold" is for the cold. (Via Jeremy Cohn)

As Buffalo residents got suspended in place due to apocalyptic amounts of snow from the now-infamous lake-effect snowfall, the biggest question came: what are we going to do about this abandoned Doritos truck?

Like manna from heaven, a giant truck containing nature's most delicious abomination had been abandoned, and it contained both Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch.

Jeremy Cohn, a cameraman and editor for Toronto's Global News, posted his firsthand account of the incident to Twitter. 

I just saw several men stealing chips from inside this abandoned Doritos truck. #BuffaloSnow#nywxpic.twitter.com/PlDsEl8H2V

— Jeremy Cohn (@JeremyGlobalTV) November 19, 2014

What happened to the driver is unclear, but in his attempt to save himself, he no doubt saved many others an impossible trip to the store. He also saved them from having to try the even more impossible task of resisting the beckoning flavor granules that frosted each chip like the snow that frosted the streets.

The incident was also witnessed by Angela Oestereich on Facebook. 

One commenter noted that stealing Doritos wasn't worth the jail time, but I wouldn't worry about it. They'd have to be able to get police down that street first. 

Doritos ingredients vary per chip, but I bet there's enough sodium on those bad boys that if the residents wanted, they could use the rest of their stash to melt the roads back down to normal. 

(by Myka Fox)

Man, I never save my receipts. Then again, I never drop a grand on email.

Jeremy Gutsche is the CEO of the Toronto-based consulting company Trend Hunter. He is also a man who made a very serious mistake while on a recent flight from London to Singapore. He signed up for in-flight Internet. 

GOUGED! Here's how @SingaporeAir billed me $1200 for the internet: http://t.co/hTohWmy5LLpic.twitter.com/RMlYPmiOmT

— Jeremy Gutsche (@jeremygutsche) November 13, 2014

Now, this by itself was not Gutsche's biggest error; signing up for only 30 MB of data (paying an already-egregious $28.99 for that privilege) was his big mistake. Those of us who are familiar with how the Internet works after 2000 or so can tell you that 30 megabytes is not a lot of data. That's why you sign up for "unlimited" even though that, too, is a rip-off. To be fair, Gutsche admits he did know he would be charged for the extra data, he just had no clue how much.

How can I access the Internet through Wi-Fi? Very carefully.

All in all, Jeremy looked at 155 pages of email and Internet. The over-use charges amounted to $1,142. Singapore Airlines is well-known for being one of the most expensive ways to move through the air, but that is ridiculous.

As he wrote on the Trend Hunter blog, 

"I wish I could blame an addiction to NetFlix or some intellectual documentary that made me $1200 smarter. However, the Singapore Airlines internet was painfully slow, so videos would be impossible and that means I didn’t get any smarter… except about how to charge a lot of money for stuff. I did learn that."

Psych, You're Poor! Airlines.

Unlike many tales of four or five-figure roaming charges, no amount of publicity is going to get Gutsche out of this bill. He and the airline have both publicly confirmed that he will be coughing up the dough. It won't actually go to Singapore Airlines, however—it will go to OnAir, the company that provides the wi-fi to the airline. OnAir made no secret of it's opinion of Gutsche's claim that he did nothing special online.

"To consume several hundred megabytes during one flight takes much more than basic email viewing, for example downloading heavy attachments, cloud access and using Skype," OnAir told the media through a statement.

As I said, Gutsche does not dispute that the terms of service do obligate him to pay. He just thinks it sucks. "Just because someone agrees to terms and conditions doesn’t mean those terms are ethical," Gutsche told the Wall Street Journal, “I think the overage model is excessive and I can imagine someone like my mom, or a family, or a backpacker going aimlessly over."

Those people would probably fare better in the public sympathy arena, as well. Still, this is a pretty good reason to pack an old-fashioned DVD and enjoy some time off from the Internet when in the air.

(by Johnny McNulty)