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20 inappropriate sexual propositions to send your favorite person in HR.


I work harder at getting the office temperature right than I do at my actual job.

I hope your sweat from the heat wave helps cover up your sweat from having no idea how the hell to do your job.

My favorite part of the heat wave is watching tourists deeply regret their decision to come here.

I challenge you to pleasure me in the bedroom as much as my air conditioner does.

It's hot enough to make me jealous you're one year closer to a cold dark grave.

Remember during the heat wave to stay indoors and exert minimal energy like every other day of your life.

Thanks for preparing the office for summer by having B.O. year-round.


Thanks for waiting until you’re alone to aim the fan directly at your genitals.

Thanks for being fat enough to cast a shadow big enough for me to walk in during the heat wave.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 19, 2013

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What crumbling city is forced to sell it's old toys? Where is heroin use the hot new thing? Which Rolling Stones coverboy had embarrassing photos leak to the media? All this and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

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I’d do anything for you except leave the comfort of my air-conditioned home.

I'm a connoisseur of every restaurant's second cheapest bottle of wine.

My retirement plan is to spend money on things that will significantly reduce my lifespan.

Let's drink this weekend to help us forget all the drinking we did this week.


May the heat wave break before Kate Middleton’s water does.

Vine is the perfect medium for our sex tape since you rarely last more than six seconds.

I'd bake you a cake today if I knew how to use an oven.

My boyfriend dumped me for not believing he'd ever dump me.

Nothing brings two people together like hating a third.

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