Someone found a wedding ring with a weird inscription and they're using the Internet to locate its owner.

December 4, 2014, 5:16 am

≫ Next: 17 awesome tattoos that should last longer than forever.

≪ Previous: Always greener.

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Lonely Ring seeks loving couple with wacky nicknames for each other. (Via)

Hi. We don't know each other, but are you "Flirfin?" And do you happen to love someone named "Doodle?" Or, conversely, are you the beloved "Doodle" who is lucky enough to have found your "Flirfin" to cherish you and give you the affection necessary to keep you going in this cold, heartless world?

Because someone on the Internet found Flirfin's ring. In a parking lot in Ellsworth, Maine. They shared the above pic on reddit, and it reached the top of the front page after just six hours. The ring's inscription reads, "Flirfin loves Doodle." So redditor TheJawsofIce would like help locating either "Flirfin" or "Doodle" so that the ring might be returned to its rightful finger.

If the owner of the ring is located, the Internet does not want a monetary reward. A thorough backstory for those goofy, lovey-dovey nicknames would be payment enough. Thank you for your time.

(by Bob Powers)

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17 awesome tattoos that should last longer than forever.

December 4, 2014, 7:00 am

≫ Next: Personal shopper.

≪ Previous: Someone found a wedding ring with a weird inscription and they're using the Internet to locate its owner.

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This is what happens when a tattoo artist gets a tattoo. (Via)

Not all tattoos are created equal. Some people go on a drinking binge and wake up with a goat on their calf and they can't explain why, and then there are people who go and do something really special. They elevate the ink to something that actually resembles art. Maybe it's a really intricate optical illusion, or maybe it's a punchline for a physical flaw, but these tattoos are so awesome they've actually escaped the trap of everyone assuming you've made a huge mistake.

Thor's next film will be seen only in black light. (Via)

He's not losing a leg, he's gaining a face. (Via)

Yeah, well, stumpy never gets any mosquito bites. (Via)

Warning: does not work as well for liquid. (Via)

A winged man emerges from the shadows. (Via)

No better way to remind people you were born deaf in your right ear. (Via)

You gotta keep the neighborhood kids busy somehow. (Via)

Or you could just fake it. (Via)

Or you could be even more direct. (Via)

This warrior is afoot. (Via)

Sometimes working out will give you too much definition. (Via)

I ink, therefore I yam what I yam. (Via)

If you renumber this you get a ham sandwich. (Via)

Fun project for your next crafting circle! (Via)

At least this person doesn't have "wee wee wee" on their foot. (Via)

Pretty good excuse to trick someone into licking your creamy center. (Via)

(by Myka Fox)

Personal shopper.

December 4, 2014, 8:00 am

≫ Next: Company card.

≪ Previous: 17 awesome tattoos that should last longer than forever.

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Company card.

December 4, 2014, 8:16 am

≫ Next: For what it's worth.

≪ Previous: Personal shopper.

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For what it's worth.

December 4, 2014, 8:30 am

≫ Next: What not to wear.

≪ Previous: Company card.

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What not to wear.

December 4, 2014, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Target manager delivers "Braveheart-style" pep-talk before opening the doors on Black Friday.

≪ Previous: For what it's worth.

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Target manager delivers "Braveheart-style" pep-talk before opening the doors on Black Friday.

December 4, 2014, 8:50 am

≫ Next: Your ad here.

≪ Previous: What not to wear.

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Every man dies, not every man really wears suspenders.

Black Friday has come and gone, but now, like many great war documentaries, we can get a peek of what it was like inside the big box stores for the brave men and women who battled the customers that had "bargains in their heads and fire in their eyes."

Seeing the opportunity to inspire his team and also to invoke the spirit of Mel Gibson or that dude who delivered the St Crispian's Day speech, manager Scott from Target stands upon his register and bellows in a fake British accent a rousing oration.

Why? Our bald-Santa-Braveheart-guy-from-300 answers with this heartening rhetoric:"We are more than just a store. This is a team. This is a family. This! Is! Target!"

No Target team members were hurt during the filming of this video or Black Friday in general. I think we know who to thank.

(by Myka Fox)

Your ad here.

December 4, 2014, 9:09 am

≫ Next: A big horse and little dog have a minute-long, hot-and-heavy makeout sesh.

≪ Previous: Target manager delivers "Braveheart-style" pep-talk before opening the doors on Black Friday.

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A big horse and little dog have a minute-long, hot-and-heavy makeout sesh.

December 4, 2014, 9:10 am

≫ Next: Here are the top 25 songs of 2014 all squished together into one insanely hooky track.

≪ Previous: Your ad here.

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A stable relationship.

Everybody loves horses, but the sad truth is that most of them live in what amounts to a jail cell. They don't get a lot of visitors. Most of them aren't even allowed conjugal visits. That's why it's not surprising to see this one take an "any port in a storm" mentality when it comes to getting a little action. Even if the port happens to be a tiny Border Terrier who appears to be using the horny horse as a makeshift back massager. But as long as they're both happy and getting their needs met, who are we to judge? We should all be so lucky to have this kind of passion in our lives.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Here are the top 25 songs of 2014 all squished together into one insanely hooky track.

December 4, 2014, 9:31 am

≫ Next: Pregnant hero lays into anti-abortion protesters outside of a clinic.

≪ Previous: A big horse and little dog have a minute-long, hot-and-heavy makeout sesh.

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I feel about as modern as this contraption after watching the video.

Since 2007, DJ Earworm has been getting stuck in our brains every holiday season with his mashup of each year's 25 biggest songs on the Billboard Hot 100. This year's track, "Do What You Wanna Do," is a lot different than its seven predecessors. According to Earworm, that's because music went through a big change this year. "This year," he told Billboard, "'Timber,' which was popular in January, is the only popular dance track I'm dealing with." This amid what he sees as an overall decline in EDM music over the past few years. "It's definitely down-tempo, so you have to decide, how is this going to go? How am I going to maintain the energy levels while being true to the sound of the year?" By doing what you wanna do, and turning down (the beat) for a more accurate version of 2014, which may be the best actual song in the Earworm anthology.

For me, these annual compilations are like a checkup visit with a pop culture doctor, and every year I recognize one or two fewer songs, and the doctor shakes his head and makes a graph of how long I have until I am completely out of touch. Then, I get lectured for reading so much. It's a whole thing.

Here's the full track list, so you can chart your progress into pop senility.

A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera - Say Something
Ariana Grande feat. Iggy Azalea - Problem
Bastille - Pompeii
Dj Snake & Lil Jon - Turn Down For What
Hozier - Take Me to Church
Idina Menzel - Let It Go
Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX - Fancy
Iggy Azalea feat. Rita Ora - Black Widow
Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz - Talk Dirty
Jeremih feat. YG - Don't Tell 'Em
Jessie J feat. Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj - Bang Bang
John Legend - All Of Me
Katy Perry feat. Juicy J - Dark Horse
Lorde - Team
Magic! - Rude
Maroon 5 - Animals
Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass
Nico & Vinz - Am I Wrong
One Direction - Story of My Life
Passenger - Let Her Go
Pharrell Williams - Happy
Pitbull feat. Ke$ha - Timber
Sam Smith - stay with me
Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Tove Lo - Habits

If not knowing how One Direction songs go means I am old, I don't want to be young anymore.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Pregnant hero lays into anti-abortion protesters outside of a clinic.

December 4, 2014, 9:56 am

≫ Next: Jon Stewart heard about the Eric Garner verdict right before taping yesterday, and he did the best he could.

≪ Previous: Here are the top 25 songs of 2014 all squished together into one insanely hooky track.

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She's impregnating these protestors with some knowledge.

An anti-abortion group protesting outside of a doctor's office in London was not only harassing the women going in and out for treatment, they were also filming them (without their permission, obviously). When a man came up to them to stop them from filming, a pregnant woman noticed what was going on and took the protesters to task.

She reprimands them for invading these women's privacy, scolds one protester who has actually had an abortion for being "a big hypocrite," and points out the organization across the street that helps, not judges, women and children.

What is happening here, she says, is "wrong on so many levels."

While the British public is strongly pro choice, only about 4%-7% in favor of an abortion ban, the government does not offer protective legal services. The clinic these anti-abortionists are protesting may be the first to close it's doors due to harassment, which would set a toxic precedent and inspire more protests outside of other clinics.

(by Myka Fox)

Jon Stewart heard about the Eric Garner verdict right before taping yesterday, and he did the best he could.

December 4, 2014, 10:13 am

≫ Next: Menorah

≪ Previous: Pregnant hero lays into anti-abortion protesters outside of a clinic.

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Oh, is it injustice o'clock, already?

Whatever your view on the Ferguson protests and Darren Wilson case, anyone who had gotten emotionally invested in that story had a severe case of whiplash yesterday when the nation suddenly had to absorb the news that another grand jury had declined to indict another police officer in what seemed a much more cut-and-dry case than that of Michael Brown. The asphyxiation of Eric Garner by a plainclothes police officer as he was being arrested for selling loose cigarettes was caught on camera, seen by many witnesses, and verified by a coroner. That it could not even go to trial was a very big surprise, much more so than in Missouri. The news came out late in the news day yesterday, and the folks at the Daily Show, including Stewart himself, had very little time to process it. What they did do very well, however, was capture the feeling a lot of folks are having while trying to reconcile this stream of non-indictments with our preconceptions of the society we share.

I guess if I had to offer anything to cheer up Jon and the people of Staten Island, Missouri and elsewhere who are far more upset, it would be this audio clip of Eric Garner's father calming a crowd after hearing the verdict. There are a lot of good folks on the case. Heck, even John Boehner thinks Americans "deserve more answers" about this case. John. Boehner.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Menorah

December 5, 2014, 12:47 am

≫ Next: Holiday get-together.

≪ Previous: Jon Stewart heard about the Eric Garner verdict right before taping yesterday, and he did the best he could.

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Holiday get-together.

December 4, 2014, 10:24 am

≫ Next: The thought that counts.

≪ Previous: Menorah

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The thought that counts.

December 4, 2014, 10:36 am

≫ Next: Big scare.

≪ Previous: Holiday get-together.

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Big scare.

December 4, 2014, 10:56 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 4, 2014

≪ Previous: The thought that counts.

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 4, 2014

December 4, 2014, 11:09 am

≫ Next: This guy's Facebook #SayThanks video to his ex will make you #thankful you're not him.

≪ Previous: Big scare.

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1. Public Anger Over Grand Jury Decision Erupts Into Terrifyingly Non-Violent Protests

Following a grand jury's decision not to indict NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo for the videotaped choking death of Eric Garner, angry protesters in New York City and other cities around the country failed to act out in violent or destructive ways, resulting in a major inconvenience for media outlets who would prefer not to grapple with the actual implications of the incident.

The Eric Garner grand jury also likes Nickelback, is okay with Comic Sans, and thinks Han Solo didn't shoot Greedo.

— JerryThomas (@JerryThomas) December 4, 2014

2. Feds To Investigate If It Is Legal For Police To Kill Unarmed People On The Street

The U.S. Department of Justice has announced that it will be investigating the controversial Garner-Pantaleo incident that occurred in New York City over the summer, despite the fact that a Staten Island grand jury had already decided that the police officer—who was filmed administering a banned choke hold on a civilian who repeated stated that he was unable to breath—had done no wrong.

Even Darren Wilson is just like "WHAT THA FUCK??" over this Eric Garner thing

— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) December 4, 2014

3. Internet Readying Itself To Hate The Shit Out Of NBC's 'Peter Pan Live!'

Allison Williams—the 26-year-old actress who portrays arguably the most loathed character on HBO's Girls and will be performing in the title role in tonight's live broadcast of the saccharine musical adaptation of J.M. Barrie's early 20th Century fantasy story Peter Pan—has nicely asked the Internet not to hate-watch the show. We're all assuming that this is some kind of double-super-secret-reverse psychology ploy, right?

Peter Pan? More like Peter Pon't!

— Liam McEneaney (@HeyItsLiam) December 4, 2014

4. NASA Announces Plans To Dump A Few Human Lives Onto Martian Surface Deathtrap

Despite a delayed launch of a test flight, NASA officials are moving forward with its stated plan to choose a handful of human beings that they don't mind sacrificing to the ravages of spacetime and eventually depositing them 30 million miles away onto the inhospitable surface of the planet Mars, from which they will likely not return alive. This is truly an amazing time for humanity.

We could go to Mars or we could use the money it takes to get us to Mars on a huge nationwide pizza party.

— sean oconnor (@seanoconnz) December 2, 2014

5. This Ol' James Bond Franchise Still Has A Little Gas Left In The Tank

MGM Studios and Sony Pictures announced the title and cast of the 24th James Bond movie yesterday. Spectre—named for the international terrorist organization with which the Bond character battled in films such as Goldfinger and You Only Live Twice—will once again feature Daniel Craig in the lead role, as well as Christoph Waltz, Andrew Scott, Monica Bellucci and— You know what? Don't even worry about who else is in it. Or the plot details or anything like that. You're gonna see it regardless.

The announcement of a new James Bond movie came out just in time for you to have something to awkwardly talk to your dad about at Christmas.

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) December 4, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This guy's Facebook #SayThanks video to his ex will make you #thankful you're not him.

December 4, 2014, 11:15 am

≫ Next: This is the most inevitable video the Internet has ever produced.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 4, 2014

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"Thanks for ripping my heart in two." - Ian

The holidays can be brutal for everyone, but they're especially difficult for anyone dealing with heartbreak. People like Ian K, who, as you'll see, is still reeling from a recent breakup with his girlfriend. But instead of wallowing in self-pity, or lashing out at the girl who dumped him by bombarding her with hundreds of creepy texts and weepy voicemails in a lame attempt to rekindle a romance that wasn't meant to be, he decided to take the high road. Or at least a slightly higher road.

Using Facebook's new mushy video gimmick #SayThanks, Ian created a montage to let his ex know he was still thinking about her, drinking about her, crying in the shower over her, even listening to Adele all by himself.

Ian told Huffington Post that even though the video didn't win her back, it did make her laugh. And if nothing else, there's now a beautiful, permanent keepsake to remind them that she broke his heart.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

This is the most inevitable video the Internet has ever produced.

December 4, 2014, 11:26 am

≫ Next: Transformers (toy)

≪ Previous: This guy's Facebook #SayThanks video to his ex will make you #thankful you're not him.

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I would actually love to see a Wes Anderson film about a sentient comedy generator.

I present to you now, "Wes Anderson Presents: Star Wars Force Awakens Trailer."

The YouTube page would have you believe this was posted by a human named Jonah Feingold, but I suspect that this video actually emerged spontaneously from the bowels of the Internet itself, like comedy mildew between moist shower tiles. The title doesn't help assuage my suspicions. You see, when a video that is not already a parody becomes popular on the Internet, two things are certain. 1.) It will be mashed up with Star Wars, and 2.) it will be re-cut as "If Wes Anderson directed" whatever it is. When an actual, serious trailer for a real, new Star Wars film became viral on the Internet last week, I imagine that deep under Silicon Valley, a server achieved primitive sentience and started slapping yellow text and French music onto the footage, until eventually the algorithms improved themselves so that they could fool any human into thinking a fleshbag had made this parody. If I am correct, we don't have much time left until smartass computers replace humans when it comes to making the same joke over and over. Basically, humans on the Internet are about to become obsolete.

It's been a good run, everyone!

(by Johnny McNulty)

Transformers (toy)

December 5, 2014, 12:47 am

≫ Next: Jenna Bush probably did it on the roof of the White House.

≪ Previous: This is the most inevitable video the Internet has ever produced.

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