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A Hollywood producer trashes Angelina Jolie in the latest leaked email from the Sony hack.

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Nominees for Best Hollywood Fight.(via Getty)

The Sony hacking scandal has quickly become more compelling than any movie the company has ever made. They've already been embarrassed by leaked emails of executives trashing Adam Sandler movies, as well as documents containing many celebrities home addresses, phone numbers, as well as a list of aliases stars use to travel undetected. Now, the scandal has real A-list star power, because Angelina Jolie is officially attached!

Leaked emails between Sony Pictures co-chairman Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin reveal that Rudin is hot-headed and possibly nuts. He's also not a fan of Jolie, the "spoiled brat" who he believes is responsible for Sony losing Aaron Sorkin's much-publicized Steve Jobs movie to rival Universal Pictures.

In Rudin's view, Angelina ruined Sony's chances of getting Jobs off the ground by convincing David Fincher to bail on the project and direct Jolie's Cleopatra movie instead.

In the email exchange from February, Rudin tries to convince Pascal to "SHUT ANGIE DOWN BEFORE SHE MAKES IT VERY HARD FOR DAVID TO DO JOBS."

After Pascal politely asks Rudin to "not fucking threaten" her, and points out that Cleopatra has been in the works for two years, Rudin points out that he has "zero appetite for the indulgence" of Jolie and her "spoiled ego." Via Defamer:

What the hell are you talking about? Who's threatening you? Let me remind you I brought this material to you and I can off her from it in a phone call. Don't for one second even think about trying this shit with me. There is no movie of Cleopatra to be made (and how that is a bad thing given the insanity and rampaging spoiled ego of this woman and the cost of the movie is beyond me) and if you won't tell her that you do not like the script — which, let me remind you, SHE DOESN'T EITHER — this will just spin even further into Crazyland but let me tell you I have zero appetite for the indulgence of spoiled brats and I will tell her this myself. Watch how you talk to me.

Forget Jobs and Cleopatra. The movie I want to see is Crazyland! about Angelina Jolie and her "rampaging spoiled ego" driving Hollywood macho men like Rudin out of their minds.

Pascal explains to Rudin that she tried to speak with Angelina about the issue, but couldn't because "she was pissed off," and that if Angie continues being pissed off, she's "gonna make it uncomfortable" for Fincher to continue work on Jobs.

Rudin then tells Pascal that he will not have his career ruined by the "camp event" Jolie:

I've told you exactly how I want to do this material. It's the ONLY way I want to do this material. I'm not remotely interested in presiding over a $180m ego bath that we both know will be the career-defining debacle for us both. I'm not destroying my career over a minimally talented spoiled brat who thought nothing of shoving this off her plate for eighteen months so she could go direct a movie. I have no desire to be making a movie with her, or anybody, that she runs and that we don't. She's a camp event and a celebrity and that's all and the last thing anybody needs is to make a giant bomb with her that any fool could see coming. We will end up being the laughing stock of our industry and we will deserve it, which is so clearly where this is headed that I cannot believe we are still wasting our time with it.

It seems hard to believe that they're talking about the saintly woman dedicated to saving the planet one child at a time. The big takeaway from this is that Angelina Jolie is not only a talented actress, but also the most efficient multitasker in history.

If you'd like to take a trip to Crazyland yourself, you can read through all the entire epic email exchange at Defamer.

(by Jonathan Corbett)


Hard to shop for.

Someone's grandma saved this rude letter they wrote to her when they were six.

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You don't deserve for her to writ back, Setareh.

Setareh sent her grandma this letter when she was six, and she says her grandma saved it for the last twenty years even though Setareh was a total bitch in it.

She makes some pretty fundamental letter-writing mistakes: abbreviating the month of "May" to "M"; not putting her postscript on another line; and telling her grandmother that her most memorable characteristic is that she's super fat.

Still, it's clear Setareh loves her grandma, since she asks that Grandma "writ [sic] back" and excuses her infrequent visits with a kind reference to her grandmother's financial situation. (We're guessing Grandma lives in Iran, since Setareh is a Persian name.) Yes, she may be poor and obese, but Grandma is clearly a lovely person if she's willing to forgive not only those put-downs, but also Setareh's atrocious confusion of "you're" and "your."

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

This very short video was written by a ten-year-old kid with an apparently twisted mind.

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Little head full of darkness.

From the mind of an innocent youth, take a peek at Afternoon Danger. Shared on reddit yesterday, the person who shot it says, "My 10 year old cousin wants to be a director/actor. I told him that if he wrote the story I would film it for him. This is what he came up with."

And that's how you find out that your cute little cousin might just be a pre-teen Tarantino.

(by Bob Powers)

Master Chef.

Brief holiday.

A bar has opened that doesn't serve alcohol, and it's surprisingly successful.

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Introducing: a bar where far fewer people lose their phones. (via Facebook)

Brillig Dry Bar in Ann Arbor, Michigan doesn't serve alcohol, but owner Nic Sims is counting on customers not caring.

She hasn't had a drink in 20 years, and she wanted to create a space where people—including, but not limited to, recovering alcoholics—could gather to have fun and socialize without worrying about drinking. In other words, she wants Brillig Dry Bar to have "a bar-like convivial atmosphere, with snacks and drinks and conversation, without it being a bar," she told MLive.com.


Brillig Dry Bar staff, who look forward to not mopping up your vomit. (via Facebook)

Sims runs the bar as a pop-up out of her husband's coffee shop, Mighty Good Coffee. She serves interesting non-alcoholic drinks, like Brooklyn Egg Creams, Pomegranate-Rosemary Sodas, and Vegan Pumpkin Chillers, as well as snack plates with meats, cheeses, and cookies.


Chocolate syrup: the other social lubricant. (via Facebook)

Though some detractors have accused Sims of being anti-alcohol, the bar's opening night last Friday was packed. According to BuzzFeed, "Brillig's first customers included former drinkers, pregnant women, Muslims, teenagers, and college kids."

The next pop-up will be December 26.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Merry Switchmas.


Honor to be nominated.

On the company.

This guy used a mistletoe contraption to score kisses from random girls and it actually worked.

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Horny for the holidays.

Who says New Yorkers aren't friendly? A lot of people, actually. Which is why it's so surprising to see Blake Grigsby's portable mistletoe experiment work so well. Especially during cold and flu season. Factor in STDs and Ebola and his success looks like an old-fashioned Christmas miracle. Women seem to jump at the chance to plant one on Blake as he made his way around the city with his homemade contraption.

One key to mistletoe success is to look like a clean-cut guy who won't try to stick his tongue down a woman's throat or start groping strangers. Blake also seems to have learned a lesson from last week's TGI Fridays mistletoe drone debacle, which resulted in a woman's face being sliced. His devise is considerably less techy. Basically, it's mistletoe on a stick. Not fancy, but you can't argue with the results.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Heisman Trophy

If you were waiting for Jetpacks to become real, here's proof that the wait is over.

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...yeah ok, you twisted my arm, I'll buy one.

Yves Rossy is a former Swiss fighter pilot, but it wasn't in the military that he earned the name 'Jetman.' That nom de zoom was bestowed upon Rossy, now 55, by the world press back in 2008 when he debuted the most badass jetpack/wing-suit gizmo that humans have ever put in the air (Rossy had invented it and tested it in 2007, but his hop over the Alps was how the world found out). Most jetpack-type things are kind of a letdown, but Rossy's 200 MPH human wing is everything a pulp sci-fi author could have hoped for (although it mostly reminds me of the 80s cartoon The Centurions).

In this clip, his synchronized aerobatics with a prop plane almost seems like a past-meets-future duet. Then, like it's the surprise teaser at the end of the latest Marvel movie, they bust out a big reveal that's supposed to make you way, way more excited for the next video (and to go to Dubai). And if you think people becoming little one-person mini-planes is cool, you probably will be.

The clip is promoting Jetman Dubai, which could either mean there will be a Blue Angels-style team of Jetpersons all flying in unison in Dubai, or the mega-super-rich in Dubai will be the first to get their hands on a retail jetpack of their very own. The YouTube description simply states "Jetman Dubai, in partnership with XDubai, has just opened the door on the realms of possibility and the best is yet to come." So, you know...what they said.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Morning after.

Homeland


This newspaper gave Benedict Cumberbatch the wedding congratulations he truly deserved.

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Bachelor Donegotsnatched.

We all got really sad when Benedict Cumberbatch got engaged a few weeks ago, but among all of our jokes about Tumblr users going into an even deeper depression and coping with homoerotic gifs of Sherlock and Watson engaging in witty banter, we forgot the most important part of a wedding announcement: making fun of the groom-to-be's amazingly stupid name. Granted, we all had fun with Bednbreakfast Comfypants' bizarre and ultra-English name when he first became a superstar a few years ago, but over time we let it go. We really shouldn't have. There is, simply put, never a reason to stop taking Benadryl Computerglitch down a peg, especially as women and men across the Internet mourn the end of their chances to ever hear him whisper sweet nothingbatches in their ear. Well, this one UK newspaper didn't forget their responsibility, and we're forever in their Benedict Cumberdebt.


Red MS Paint circles: An Internet detective's calling card.

This excerpt of journalistic mastery was originally from (the tongue-in-cheek section of) the Forge Press, an independent student newspaper from the University of Sheffield. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; these student journalists have yet to have that urge beaten out of them to pursue the real story—the story of someone having a really funny name.

Bandicoot Curdledmilk.

(by Johnny McNulty)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 11, 2014

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1. Congressional GOP Will Get Back To Hating Big Government Just As Soon As They Get Done Blocking D.C.'s Legal Pot

Republicans in Congress have successfully lobbied to attach a small rider to very important spending bill, effectively outlawing sales of marijuana in Washington D.C. despite city residents' decision on election day to legalize the substance. For their part, Democrats were similarly successful in doing what they do best: caving in immediately.



2. Serial Podcast To Finally Give Closure To Ongoing Criminal Case In Next Week's Finale Episode

In this morning's episode of her extremely popular true crime podcast Serial, host Sarah Koening announced that next Thursday's episode will be the final installment of the first season, casually stated "Next time, final episode of Serial." Fans of the show are currently analyzing all six words in that sentence, in hopes of finding their deeper meaning. Here she is discussing the show on Comedy Central's Colbert Report last night:




3. Birdman Swoops Into Golden Globes, Flies Away With All The Nominations

Alejandro Inarritu's character-driven dark comedy Birdman is a force to be reckoned with in the 72nd annual Golden Globes, after racking up seven nominations for the prestigious awards, including Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical; Best Director; and Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical. Not bad for a movie featuring a guy in a big, silly-looking bird suit.



4. Noah's Ark Attraction Breaks Kentucky's Commandments, Left To Drown In Flood Of Taxes

Kentucky's Noah's Ark theme park—which will feature a 500-foot-long wooden replica of the Biblical ark—has lost its tax-exempt status and $18 million in potential tax breaks, after it went back on its promise to not religiously discriminate when hiring employees and evolved from a tourist attraction into a religious outreach for Answers in Genesis, Ken Hamm's conservative Christian ministry that also runs the Creation Museum. What do you expect in a bastion of liberalism like Kentucky?



5. Moscow Officials Opt Against Erecting Enormous Symbol Of Absolute Evil

Moscow officials announced that they "are obliged to halt the Eye of Sauron"—a giant piece of J.R.R. Tolkien-inspired art that would have looked down upon the city, in honor of the last installment of the Hobbit films—after the Russian Orthodox Church began complaining that it is "a demonic symbol."



(by Dennis DiClaudio)

These 10 men stripped down to their underwear to make no point at all.

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These 10 dudes in their underwear aren't confrontingtheirpersonalbodyimageissues or challenging society's unrealistic ideals. They're just wearing underwear.

1. This man was neither empowered nor disempowered by having his photo taken in his underwear.


2. This aging, slightly overweight dude isn't helping men who look like him feel more confident.


3. This man looks like he's making some point about what it's like to be a man in an office setting, but he's not. He just forgot to put his suit on.


4. This guy's in his underwear. NBD.


5. None of these men wearing nothing but their underwear gives a shit what they look like right now.


6. This guy is super stressed out, but not about society's unrealistic expectations of men. He's just got a lot on his plate.


7. This man is proudly showing off what a real man looks like just months after his wife has a baby.


8. This guy never tires of being bombarded with images of beautiful women. He f*cking loves unattainable ideals.


9. All day long, this guy's balls were burdened by unrealistic expectations of how much space they should have to breathe. Now, they're a lot more comfortable with themselves.


10. Yeah, this guy feels a little shy in his underwear. That doesn't mean he feels the need to be part of a photo project!

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

(all photos via Thinkstock)

Louie

6 new contenders for the single most enjoyable note ever written to a neighbor.

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Suicide by baby waking. (Via)

As the earth's population continues to grow, humans are forced to live in ever closer proximity to each other, pissing each other off in new and disgusting ways. The neighbor note is the most effective medium to alert your neighbors to the myriad ways in which their way of life is destroying yours. So if you're going to leave one yourself and want to make sure your neighbors pay heed, take a cue from these authors and unload on that piece of paper with both barrels.


PPS. I think we are getting each other's mail. (Via)



There's no good way to find out your dog is a smoker. (Via)


My mom threw away my best biker mag. (Via)



Or just jump in now with your eyes open for free LASIK surgery. (Via)



It's when they start sticking to the walls that you really have to worry. (Via)


Updated: 11/13/14


Why can't we all just git along, little dogie? (Via)


Maybe the neighbors are hoping their mouths will get pissed in. (Via)

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Time to invest in a ski mask for your dog. (Via)

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And if it isn't tight, I'll make it tight. (Via)

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And the Superbowl is just a really great bowl. (Via)

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Kate has more adjectives than you have sex partners. (Via)

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This was the friendly reminder. The next reminder comes with pitchforks. (Via)

Updated 10/9/14:


That giant spool will make the perfect coffee table for your douchebag ex-husband!
(Via)


I have almost all the ingredients to make one myself! (Via)

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Throw in another bottle of water and you're in, coach!. (Via)

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I never realized how weird the word "mow" was spelled. (Via)

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I've worked too hard to look at your ugly footprints. (Via)

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The Copulator Cop strikes again. (Via)

Updated 9/3/14:


If you can hear me masturbating, you've quieted down enough. (Via)

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Vengeance is swift in Canada. (Via)

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The investigation will look for roommates who take too long in the shower. (Via)

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MADE OUT OF PEOPLE. (Via)

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Oh yeah? Well no one wants to see your hair taped to the wall with this note, either. (Via)

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P.S. Please be real. I need something to believe in. (Via)

Updated 8/8/14:


Maybe now isn't a good time to tell you you have a crazy sign in your yard. (Via)


Damn, the store clerk told me that red shirt was an invisibility cloak. (Via)

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Beware of neighbor with clipart. (Via)

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"We Live Next Door To A Peeping Tom"
Maybe less people would look in your window if you stopped posting signs in it.
(Via)

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Sorry, my phone's "Someone will mourn her dead fiancé with a 5am wake up opera" alert must not have been set properly. (Via)

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God, you gonna help him on this one or what? In your name we pray, amen. (Via)

Updated 7/2/14:


Guess I can add "bad neighborliness" to all the reasons to be ashamed of myself.(Via)

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It's nice to see neighbors encouraging each other's artistic endeavors. (Via)



Fight fire with fire. Buy more cars. Buy so many cars they'll bow to you! (Via)



Aw, both neighbors like that movie about the people who make homemade explosives! (Via)



Neighbor of the year? Kind of braggy about the joke-telling though. (Via)



Dumb neighbor. Dogs can't read signs. (VIa)


Updated 6/1/14:


Dude, keep making noise as long as you keep delivering the guilt cookies. (Via)


Is this guy hoping those hashtags might start to spread?#yesallgirlbye(Via)


I'm sure they'd be cool with it if you put on some gloves first.(Via)


If you're going to leave a note, make sure you cover all your bases.


Have you heard the bad news?(Via)


Oh damn! Forget it. I am so not hard enough. (Via)

Updated 5/1/14:


Looks like we're gonna have a problem here. (Via)


"Stranger danger" has no effect on the inebriated and genitally exposed. (Via)


Do your children know you just made a sign with dog shit? (Via)


Cats can't read, but you might not be too good at that either so you're even.(Via)


#Myspot? Dude, get off Twitter. You can't hashtag real life.(Via)


If "Rimming" scores some cupcakes, #5 might be game.(Via)

Updated 4/1/14:


20G is the dictionary definition of "being chill."(Via)


That kitty seems kind of into it, though. Mixed messages! (Via)


The wording makes it really sound like this guy just found his life's mission. (Via)


For this rooster, we are all victims too. (Via)


I'm with the note-writer. Orgy-havers should keep it a secret from those who weren't invited. (Via)


So many valid points made in such a brief correspondence. (Via)

Updated 3/2/14:


It did seem odd that they kept screaming "Love." (Via)


But the dogs are just shouting, "Why don't you love us?!"(Via)


You're taking it too literally. UPS feels like "being home" is a state of mind, man. (Via)


What if you trained the dog to poop on junk mail? (Via)


This guy could help the sleepless neighbor above. (VIa)


It's a scary day when you find out your building has not one but two "Bronys."(Via)

Updated 2/3/14:


Oh damn. That guy had best never wave back.(Via)


Believe it or not, the guy who wrote this says his intended meaning was,
"Please, Satan, leave me alone." Oops.
(Via)


I bet Big booty bitches are just fine with the volume. (Via)



Seriously. And the "Ee-I-Ee-I-Oh" crap gets old real fast. (Via)


Less quiet? So, louder, and maybe with some narration so the kid gets it?(Via)


Say what you want about our kid, but how DARE you say we have no talent! (Via)

Updated 1/1/14:


Maybe they named her after a grandmother?(Via)


If you can't say something nice about someone, say it with the wifi.(Via)


Just seems like a really chill, helpful neighbor who loves life and fun. (Via)


The laundry room is the land of broken promises. (Via)


The "we're watching you" makes it seem like you're into it.(Via)


But I'm looking for a hot tub buddy with "benefits."(Via)

Updated 12/3/13:


You fear intimacy. Other people's really loud intimacy.


Wow! Imagine how bad the response would have been if they hadn't added the "Thanks."


If the cranking and wanking's too loud, you're too...tasteful musically.
(Via)



Maybe building inspectors need to pay more attention to wall thickness.


The more you f**k with her trash, the more she'll love you. That's just Steph!


Sure they probably didn't see it. Which makes this one the most passive-aggressive of all!!!

Updated 11/5/13:


His partner must have been worried sick.


Translation: Dear neighbors, when you're forced to do my laundry for me, do it right!


Roided out rat pee really gives a watermelon that extra crispness.


It told us to tell the ficus it always loved it.


Live in darkness, or feed me Whoppers. You make the call.


Coolest neighbor ever.

Updated 10/8/13:


Some men can only communicate in penis drawings. Especially when in a bathroom stall.


It would be worth it. That porch is irresistable.


Grammar Nazis have no business in elevator maintenance.


You should get a stethoscope and tape the listening end to the wall. It just works.


Holy crap. Do you live next to Ned Flanders?


Thus explaining the headline in the following morning's paper, "Man Killed By Whale In Apartment."

Updated 9/6/13:


It's easier than you think to drown in a paddling pool. If you drink enough.


In other words, we watch you through your windows and think you're hot!


"Naber?" Maybe he only heard people refer to "the neighborhood" as "the nabe?"


The big one is not to be trusted.


But you're so photogenic!


On the contrary, turn it up!!! From 402 —

Updated 8/7/13:


I sing what's in my heart. And everything in my heart is pure horror.


Worst thing is, it was blocked by a bag of cow's arseholes.


We didn't feel condescended to until you gave us the layman's definition of "urinate."


Or maybe your neighbor delivered it to you. Just in case you're interested...it's all clean.


That's nothing. Wait until they hook up with the singer from above.


Not a dry eye in the garage.

Updated 7/8/13:


Have some empathy for your jealous neighbors who long for human touch. Pipe down.


Lesson learned. Neighbors prefer to be concussed from above by full cans of beer.


It's been two years! Get over it. She's gone!


Don't test them. That grandson is a big fan of gravy fries.


Those two are going to have to get together for a movie night.


We thought our childhood issues just made us sleep with scary men. They make us litter too?

Updated 6/10/13:


That noise is whatever you want it to be, Kim.


And? What'd you think?


Well this sign is far more entertaining decoration, so silver lining?


There may be a vacancy in this building, as soon as Nick and his python are evicted.


Nah, he's sad inside too. He brings everybody down.


A truly polite marauder would have gone in and straightened things up a bit.

Updated 5/7/13:


Guess the tenant in #9 has no choice but to abandon their mail and move.


Or better yet, break up in your car. Make sure to play a sad song on the radio.


PPS: You can leave the souvenirs you bought me on my porch. Quietly!


What if all of his houseguests were hearing-impaired male siblings?


They scream across the studio to pretend it's bigger.


Good God. Just...good God!


But next time was going to be handcuffs and knee socks day. Ball gag is a week from now.

Updated 4/8/13:


Will this lion be in attendance? Because he seems nice.


Don't hit the H&R Block until after tax time. People need those returns, dammit. Have a heart.


Sweet! Free sex counseling! Why does anger turn us on so much?


Probably a lot of write-in answers on that one.


Of course if you chooe to post this on the internet, that's your decision.


You should thank them. Free fence!

Updated 3/12/13:


"Dude, what are these idiots smoking? We don't have a skunk. Oh."


5:30 AM is a small time. A very small time with NO ROOM FOR YOUR NOISE!!!


Although experts refute it, this photo of the Sock Ness Monster continues to intrigue.


"We left a note and tried to summon you with human sacrifice, but I guess you were busy."


The members of Apt. 93 have the best handwriting in this argument in Manchester, UK.


This girl has never made a decision that had any kind of odor in her life.

Updated 2/4/12:


Congratulations, Apt 2B. You're the most understanding neighbors on the planet.


No offense to Apt. 2B, but Apt. 3F is candidate for sainthood.


What ever happened to "Beware of Dog?"


He also has one that reads "Thank you for parking in front of my driveway. I hope you die."


We hope they responded with, "To the stupid shithead next door. You're welcome."


If that's what was left untouched, what on earth was redacted?


It's the fun new game, Secret Prizes For Poop! You'll see what's coming to you!!

Updated 11/29/12:


Wow, I can't believe those kids dropped out of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome university.


However, this does nothing to stop salespeople, landlords, or Antichristmas carollers.


She always moans when people park right in her spot.


"Did you see those assholes who just moved in?" "Yeah, they were very honest about it."


You don't get to be "Boss Lady of #75" without knowing how to do some serious italic yelling.


"Are you offering me your cat for free HBO? Because I can do that."

Posted 11/01/12:


This is called "The Direct Approach."


Now we're worried there are CDs of us crying being circulated by our neighbors.


The hardware store didn't have any "Owner Hates His Life" signs.


German? Those must have been some messy sexy times.


Can't wait until the next issue of "Noise Complaint Heroines" hits out comic book shop.


If someone being tortured shouts "Oh God yes," they're being tortured wrong.


He should be saying thank you. Forced nudity turned him into a real go-getter.

Updated 10/3/12:


From now on, they'll be sure and only whisper conspiratorially about boners.


They tried a Gangnam Style sign but it's hard to make a noise complaint while galloping.


Wait for the ransom request and don't involve the police or the tomato is ketchup.


Then why'd you install the cameras, perv?



They were up for a Macarthur Genius award but a Biggest Cunts award will do.

Updated 9/5/12:

Updated 7/30/12:

Updated 6/18/12:


There is absolutely nothing this person will not complain about.

Updated 5/21/12:

< CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE >

Updated 4/30/12:

Updated 4/10/12:

Updated 3/20/12:


"CD's Covered In Cat Piss. You Wanna Salvage Them? Be My Guest."
"Actually, The Cat Is Pretty On Target With The State Of The Music Industry Right Now. Funny That."

Updated 3/1/12:

Updated 2/16/12:

< CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE >


Updated 1/24/11:

Updated 1/4/11:

Updated: 12/5/11

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