This year saw Tinder's popularity explode, turning online dating into something that's practically automated. Another thing that became automatic was the likelihood that if you behave like a d-bag (or a hero) on a dating app, you're probably going to end up being publicly shamed online. Here are the biggest dating triumphs and tragedies we voyeuristically enjoyed in 2014, as well as a few reminders that analog dating is still so much more tolerable.

1. Tragedy! This borderline psycho who broke up with a girl via text based on some pretty scary criteria.

My friend just sent me this break-up message she received after 7 weeks of dating. My fav reason for split is #3 pic.twitter.com/EdAFS5lLKy

— Amy Nelmes (@amynelmes) November 13, 2014

2. Triumph! This 85 years "young" hiker who turned the trunk of a tree into his dating site.

(Via)

3. Triumph! This woman who forwarded some dude's a-hole Tinder message to his mom.

(Via)

His mother forgot to teach him the thing about making a non-horrific first impression.

4. Tragedy (But a triumph in the area of bringing strangers together for a common cause)! This hero who texted all 32 of his Tinder matches at once.

(Via)

And 32 lifelong friendships were formed that day. This is what I want to believe.

5. Triumph! This little kid's love letter to the girl he wants to "eat cheeses with."

(Via)

6. Tragedy! This guy's Infinite Jest-length "Don't message me if..." section on OK Cupid.

(Via)

And it started off so promising with the "No Doors" policy. Here's hoping he is still getting "TL;DR" messages to this day.

7. Triumph! This woman who got back at online dating creeps by drawing cartoons of them with tiny penises and posting them to Instagram.

I guess that should read "tiny, amorphous, just barely human penises."

8. Tragedy! This finance douche who went full "Finance Douche" after getting rejected on Tinder.

The "superiority" is obvious in the way he apparently spent most of an afternoon scouring her profile to deliver point-by-point insults. Couch-trading futures stocks must provide a lot of downtime to completely lose your shit.

9. Tragedy! This Frenchman who was taken to court after texting his ex over 21,807 times in ten months.

Stock photo reenactment of the 18,141st text being received.

In case you're wondering, that got him ten months in prison and a $1300 fine. Temper your own ex obsessions accordingly.

10. Tragedy (but still kind of adorable)! This dude who tried to flirt with an Amazon customer service rep and failed miserably.

(Via)

Sorry, that only comes with a Prime subscription.

(Via)

May you live a long, sad, empty existence that will one day end with you feeling utterly #aloneandafraid.

12. Tragedy! The "brake up" note this little kid received, letting him know at an early age that he's already emotionally unavailable and doomed to die alone.

Rachel's probably going to navigate the Tinder and OK Cupid world like a pro. Shawn, on the other hand, well, let's just hope he "gits" it together.

13. Tragedy! Or Triumph? Not sure. This guy's Tinder pic doesn't seem to indicate he's all that great personality-wise, but he's at least not beating around the bush.

Seriously, this is a good choice. Guys' faces just don't get all that attractive. Certainly not "6 figures at 29" attractive.

14. Triumph! As a palate cleanser, and a reminder that when done right, dating can lead to a lifetime of pretty wonderful romance, here's this newspaper "wedding announcement," which turned out to be a love letter from a husband to his wife on their 61st anniversary.

(Via)

Full text:

Dear Gail,

I look at newspaper pictures of new brides every Sunday. I'm searching. I want to see if there is now or ever will be another bride as lovely as you. Been doing that since June 27, 1953.
Actually, I already know the answer. There is not - and never will be to me - your equal in loveliness. On our wedding day you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The delightful truth is that you still are.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart. You've made me and you keep me the happiest and most grateful husband any bride could ever know. I'd gladly welcome another 61 years of marriage with you. Beyond that I pray we will spend eternity together.
All my love, Bob

Show 'em how it's done, Bob. Show 'em how it's done.

Just behind the wing exists the plane's dong, helping one brave passenger get off.

Your plane is gradually making its descent, and the tension builds: who is going to mess this up? You just know some idiot is going to clog up the aisle with their selfishly unplanned exit. Some peabrain is going to need put their coat on in the aisle while everyone waits, or else, some clueless rat is going to need to push backwards through the line to reach their carry on.

Someone is going to get off first.

It's maddening. Everyone is standing up, eagerly looking to the door at the front of the plane, bedecked with the flight crew and their passive-aggressive smiles, and you gaze longingly at the emergency exit right next to you. It has probably never even been used.

Yesterday, one man, one brave hero, took the exit less travelled.

An unnamed passenger of China Eastern Airlines had just landed at the Sanya Phoenix International Airport in the Chinese province of Hainan, China at 9pm, when he opened the emergency exit and pulled that slide.

Surveillance footage caputured images of the deployed slide, and ABC 7 reports that Chinese media are saying the event caused more than $16,200 in damage. When police questioned the man as to his motives, he simply said, "To get off the plane quicker."

According to ABC 7, he also said he "didn't pay attention to the safety instructions at the beginning of the flight and didn't realize the emergency door and emergency slide were for emergencies only."

Nah, he knew. Everyone knows. He's just the only one who did something about it.

My only regret is that they don't have footage of the man, still adorned with neck pillow, yelling "weeeeeee" all the way to freedom.

Scarry night. (via Daily Record)

Everyone who drinks too much on occasion has one or two stories about waking up in a bad place. This British 21-year-old's story can probably beat most of those, because he came to after night of heavy drinking recently with his arm "melted" to the radiator he'd passed out against.

The unidentified engineering student (as long as he's wearing sleeves) had been throwing back vodka and beer with his friends and didn't realize how hammered he was getting. When he got back to his place, he passed out against a radiator, which was cold at the time. The fact that even a cold radiator seemed like a decent place to crash helps explain the following, painful part of his story.

Like the proverbial frog swimming in a pot of boiling water, only shit-faced, he didn't realize the radiator was heating up as he slept, and by the time he woke up it was too late. The radiator had burned the skin on his arm to the point that it was stuck and he had to peel himself off of it.

The story is only a "happy" one in that we can all be happy that the British party boy has a funny story to tell, a few bitchin' scars, and didn't lose a limb. We can also be happy that it hasn't happened to us.

LIAR!! LIARRRRR!!!!!!! MOHAMMED ISLAM IS A LIARRR!!!!!!

Well, now that that's out of my system, let me state that in a calmer tone. Mohammed Islam, the 17-year-old Stuyvesant High School senior who claimed to have made a fortune in the high eight-figures on the stock market, completely fabricated every single part of the story he told New York magazine, Business Insider, and, by proxy, me.

The story went, in short, that there was this whiz-kid son of immigrants from Queens who obsessively studied great investors, and went on to make $72 million by trading oil and gold futures at lunch. Furthermore, he was now supposed to be partnering with two other rich kids who dine on "apple juice and caviar," and was just waiting to turn 18 so that investors could shower him with hundreds of millions of dollars to start his own hedge fund. Basically, it was perfectly designed to blow your mind.

The story slowly unravelled throughout the evening yesterday, as at first people called BS on the idea that he made $72 million from trades. The average gain in a good year of the stock market for successful investors is about 8%, and for him to have made that from a small amount of starting money would be mind-boggling. At first, it appeared as if the story was just poorly reported, because New York insisted that Islam had still shown them bank statements proving he had a net worth in the "high eight figures," and Mohammed said he had only made a fraction of that from trading. This was a far more believable story, since making a few million dollars when you have tens of millions to invest is much more feasible. For a second, it seemed like the mystery had been solved.

Unfortunately, even that was totally fake. The New York Observercaught up with Mohammed and his friend and co-conspirator Damir Tulemaganbetov at the offices of a PR firm they had hired as soon as they realized that feeding a total BS story to the national media probably wasn't a good idea. Here's a short snippet of their conversation:

Observer: What was your first contact with the New York magazine reporter?
Mohammed Islam: My friend's father worked at New York magazine and he had the reporter contact me. Then she [Jessica Pressler] called me.

You seem to be quoted saying "eight figures." That's not true, is it?
No, it is not true.

Is there ANY figure? Have you invested and made returns at all?
No.

So it's total fiction?
Yes.

I will say this for Mohammed—compared to most people who have been publicly caught in lies, he does do a good job of clearly saying that, yes, it was a lie. Similarly, New York magazine has since admitted "we were duped." Even the bank statement showing he was worth eight figures was falsified, a source close to the Islam family told the WashingtonPost.

So, is anything true at all? Well, Mo was indeed the president of the Investment Club, where he made an investment portfolio with imaginary money. He says he did do well at this practice game, so well that rumors started at school that he had made real money. Mo encouraged these rumors and it seems to have made him a lot of friends. Eventually, however, the rumors got too big. Usually, this ends in the girl you like looking disappointed when everyone at school finds out you're a phony. Mo dreamed big, though, and now the whole country is looking at him like a popular kid who deeply resents being tricked into making friends with a dweeb.

Although, as my coworker Shira points out, the ability to go viral and manipulate the media is probably as valuable as stock-picking skills in 2014. Maybe in a few years, that eight-figure value will be real. Too bad no one will ever believe it.

1. You Can Now See The Exploding Kim Jong-Un Head That Launched A Thousand Hacked Sony Emails

Early footage of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un's fiery death from Seth Rogen and James Franco's upcoming comedy The Interview has been leaked online, and is available to been seen here. The gory, though oddly mesmerizing, death scene is not only part of the headline-grabbing Sony Pictures Entertainment hack, but seems to be the reason for it. It is believed that this scene—which has since been considerably tempered—may have so offended North Korean officials that they instigated the cyber attack.

Now that they're finished with Kim Jong Un, maybe Seth Rogen and James Franco could take on racism and intolerance.

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) December 4, 2014

2. Jeb Bush Signals That He May Be Ready To Tarnish His Aura Of Respectability By Jumping Into GOP Primary

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush today announced that he will "actively explore" a 2016 presidential campaign, via a post on his Facebook page. This is the clearest indication yet that the brother of George W. Bush might be willing to throw away years of goodwill with the nation's Latino community, as well as a reputation for being a sensible Republican, in order to make himself seem crazier than Ted Cruz and Rand Paul in order to curry the favor of the conservative base.

UPDATE: Jeb Bush announced today that he's actively exploring losing to Ted Cruz in the 2016 primaries.

— Disalmanac (@Disalmanac) December 16, 2014

3. Robin Williams May Be Gone, But He Will Live Forever In Our Sad Google Searches

Beloved comedian Robin Williams—who chose to take his own life this past August—topped Google's annual list of most-searched topics for 2014, beating out search terms such as "World Cup," "Ebola," and "Flappy Bird." He would have probably found this immensely amusing.

Time marches on and attention spans whither, but Robin Williams' absence still gnaws at me like a toothache.

— Dana Gould (@danagould) November 15, 2014

4. Kids These Days Too Cool To Smoke Non-Electronic Cigarettes

It would seem as though old-fashioned tobacco-and-tar cigarettes just aren't good enough for today's youth, with their fancy iTelephones and their X-Box 64s. According to a new government survey on drug use, this generation of no-goodnick teenagers would much rather vape on an e-cigarette than riddle their lungs with carcinogenic gunk the way their parents and their parents' parents used to. It's just sad.

Vaping is the rollerblading of smoking.

— 2HAYNEZ (@imandyhaynes) December 5, 2014

5. Monkey Jesus Saves Poor Spanish Town

In an odd quirk of fate, the tourism generated by an elderly amateur artist's botched restoration of Elías García Martínez's fresco of Jesus— titled "Ecce Homo," though now colloquially referred to as "Monkey Jesus"—has brought in enough money to stabilize the economy of the previously financially strapped town of Borja, Spain, where the artwork can be found. There's probably a pretty apt metaphor for organized religion wrapped up in this story somewhere.

Art can save the economy. Massive tourist boost in #Borja due to #EcceHomo Here it is with our fave teacher @BobRosspic.twitter.com/coqCPvVsau

— the other studio (@TheOtherStudio1) December 16, 2014

She raised you, and this is how you repay her?

Joy Woodhouse is just a southern mom who wants a peaceful family Christmas this year.

Unfortunately for her, her sons are Democrat Brad Woodhouse and Republican Dallas Woodhouse, two pundits who recently appeared on a C-SPAN segment called "Woodhouse Divided." So, to reach out to them, Joy called in to the show.

"Oh God, it's Mom," were the first words out of Dallas's mouth when he recognized her voice. Steve Scully, the show's host, quickly jumped in to say, "This was not planned."

Mom, a registered Democrat who sometimes votes Republican, explained that she and her husband "love politics," but that doesn't mean she wants constant bickering at every holiday. She was thrilled her sons were going to their in-laws for Thanksgiving, but worried they'd be back to arguing when the family reunited for Christmas.

"I'm hoping you'll have some of this out of your system when you come here for Christmas," Joy remarked. That seems pretty unlikely, but at the very least, calling into the show gave those boys a thorough public chastisin'. If only all the moms of everyone in Congress would call in and tell them to stop their bickering.

Asked by Scully about raising them, Joy replied: "Well, it hasn't been easy."

Sounds like it still isn't.

Show me how you want it to be. (Via Jeff Lipsky/Women's Health)

Another casualty in the face race has has made itself known, this time on the cover of this month's Women's Health: Britney "I'm-a-slave-for-you" Spears.

She's not a girl, not yet a woman, and I'm not even sure she's really Britney, bitch.

This is the full cover, amazing abs and all:

Don't you know I still believe.(Via Jeff Lipsky/Women's Health)

Britney talked about the changes in her appearance in the magazine, saying, "I started noticing changes in my body. My hips are a little bit wider because I've had kids. "

And.. your face. Your face has changed because you changed it.

She doesn't mention it.

Here's another picture of a woman from Women's Health who is claiming to be Britney Spears:

I wanna believe in everything that you say, 'cause it sounds so good.
(Via Jeff Lipsky/Women's Health)

And another:

(
Sometimes I'm scared of you. (Via E!)

Maybe it's just Photoshop, right? Nope. Here's a bootlegged version of her interview with E! about her Women's Health cover (or you can see a better version on their site.)

I'm not sure who this not a girl, not yet Britney Spears is, but so far my best guesses are:

- A woman who plays the hot step-mom in a sitcom

- A woman who plays the tough-yet-vulnerable detective in a crime drama

- The hottest woman in business school

- A Britney Spears look-alike

The new issue doesn't hit the stands until December 23rd; until then, you can sit back and think about how it used to be.

Britney Jean, 1999. (Via Getty Images)

At the current rate of exchange, it seems like at some point there won't be any studio movies left to stream on Netflix. The list of films and shows arriving in January is dwarfed by the list of the ones on their way out. The numbers likely reflect the company's shift towards becoming a provider of original content. But until that transition is complete, they're like a roommate that starts slowly moving their stuff out of your place, hoping you won't notice they're gone until you're sitting on the couch by yourself one night watching Marco Polo.

None of that matters if you happen to be a fan of Friends who hasn't had cable for the last decade, because the big Netflix news this month is that all 236 episodes of the show will be there for you on the 1st. It's also a good month for fans of sinister teen girls, who get a double shot of high school dramedy with Election and Mean Girls.

Everyone else will have to make due with these movies and shows arriving in the new year.

Films and Specials
101 Dalmations
Bad Boys II
Batman & Robin
Bruce Almighty
Cast Away
Get Low
Election
Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas
Fort Bliss
Jeepers Creepers 2
Mean Girls
Shall We Dance?
To Be Takei
The French Connection
The Quiet Man
The War of the Worlds
Wayne's World 2
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (Jan. 3)
Brick Mansions (Jan. 7)
Frank (Jan. 8)
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (Jan. 16)
Iliza Shlesinger: Freezing Hot (Jan. 23)
Chef (Jan. 28)

TV Shows
Dallas, Season 3
Friends, Complete Series
White Collar, Season 5 (Jan. 3)
Psych, Season 8 (Jan. 8)
Z Nation, Season 1 (Jan. 9)
Being Human, Season 4 (Jan. 13)
Wolfblood, Season 3 (Jan. 15)
The Adventures of Puss in Boots, Season 1 (Jan. 16)
The Fall, Season 2 (Jan. 16)
Beauty & the Beast, Season 2 (Jan. 28)

Unless your happily unemployed, or somehow you've landed a job streaming movies from your couch, there's no way to possibly keep up with the movies coming and going from the service. But if any of the films on the following long list are still lingering, unwatched, in your queue, you have about two weeks left to pull the trigger before they disappear on January 1st.

1492 Conquest Of Paradise
As Good As It Gets
Brick
Being John Malkovich
Back To School
Battle Of Britain
Best Of Times
Born On the Fourth Of July
Braveheart
Body Of Evidence
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Biloxi Blues
Can't Hardly Wait
Capote
Dressed To Kill
Do The Right Thing
Desperado
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Elizabethtown
FX
Far From Heaven
Foxy Brown
Frankenstein And The Monster From Hell
Flashdance
50 First Dates
For The Love Of The Game
Gallipoli
Hard Target
Half Baked
Heaven's Gate
Intolerable Cruelty
In The Name Of The Father
Inside Deep Throat (documentary)
I'm Gonna Get You Sucka
In Like Flint
Jarhead
Jude
Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back
Killer Klowns From Outer Space
Lionheart
Man On The Moon
Miller's Crossing
Mystery Men
Not Without My Daughter
Once Upon A Time In Mexico
October Sky
Pumpkinhead
Platoon
Quigley Down Under
Rob Roy
Remo Williams
Revenge Of The Ninja
Roman Holiday
Requiem For A Dream
Ronin
Romeo And Juliet (1968)
Running Scared
Seed Of Chucky
Street Fighter
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Species
Species II
Serpico
Session 9
Seed Of Chucky
Scary Movie
TNT Jackson
Tales From The Crypt: Bordello Of Blood
Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight
The Woman In Red
Top Gun
The Andromeda Strain
The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas
The Bad News Bears (1976)
The Russia House
The Long Goodbye
The Secret Of Nimh
The Private Life Of Sherlock Holmes
The Odd Couple (1968)
The Mask Of Zorro
The Great Train Robbery
The Faculty
The Dream Team
The Rundown
The Skulls
Titanic
Troll II
True Grit (1969)
Up In Smoke
War And Peace
Talk Radio
War Games
We Were Soldiers
What Dreams May Come
Windtalkers
World Trade Center

"These are great, human, but next time I would like a shovel attachment for the yard."

Loosen up those tear ducts and make room in your chest cavity for your heart to grow a few sizes, because you're about to learn the incredible story of fun-loving Husky and heartstring-puller extraordinaire Derby the dog. Derby was born with deformed front legs that prevented him from running or walking normally. He was a very nice and upbeat dog, and seeing what a good attitude he had about life would probably have been enough to warm your heart for the day. But this is the future, and there's so much more Derby and the humans who love him can do to make you start crying at work.

Before: still a pretty awesome dog.

In this case, it's pushing the boundaries of 3D printing to create specially-designed front legs for the dog. Front legs that he immediately started running on, as if he couldn't believe it had taken this long for the humans to figure this out.

That'll do, humans. That'll do.

There's too much purchasable stuff to choose from during the holidays, so we're here to help. This selection of 10 Someecards gifts you can totally grab from Amazon right now will take care of your shopping list in one fell swoop. Unless you know more than ten people, but that's crazy.

Take a look...

1. The pint glass that lets people know how functional you are. (Buy it)

2. Greeting cards to remind loved ones that you're the funny one in the family. (Buy it)

3. The desktop calendar that will make 2015 way more tolerable than 2014. (Buy it)

4. The coffee mug that says what you're feeling all day, every day. (Buy it)

5. The Someecards book of cards that you can tear out and hang wherever it's legal to do so! (Buy it)

6. A selection of Someecards drink coasters to absorb your drink condensation with delightful quips! (Buy it)

7. Someecards Mad Libs. Finally, two great tastes that make a great gift together. (Buy it)

8. A planner that will make you look like you actually have plans with others in 2015. (Buy it)

9. A travel cup to bring Someecards wherever you satisfy your coffee addiction. (Buy it)

10. And of course, the least thoughtful and most desired gift of all...the gift card! (Buy it)

Bucking tradition.

Photographer Jarrett Hucks isn't a fan of working with large animals, due to their unpredictable nature. But he's not paid to be a party planner, he makes his living taking photos. Which is why, when one Myrtle Beach, California bride hired him to take pictures of her wearing her wedding dress riding a horse on the beach, he decided to go along with it. As she put it, "you only live once." So why not go all-in and go for one unforgettable shot of the bride on top of a 1200-pound beast out of his element?

Hucks wound up getting the unforgettable shot, along with a bonus video of the bride getting dumped on her face in the sand.

Aside from a few bruises, the bride was fine. And while it must suck to get bucked from a horse in your wedding dress, at least it happened on a beach and not in the church parking lot.