"Luke, if you only knew the power of Hydra."

It's the story of a group of bickering allies from various places around the universe who spend nearly as much time arguing with one another as they do battling a mighty robotic foe and the evil organization with which he is aligned. There's the wise-cracking rogue, the supernaturally powerful blonde warrior, the tough-as-nails female spy, and the massively strong beast. I'm talking about Star Wars, obviously. I think. Maybe I'm talking about Avengers: Age of Ultron. I lost the thread about halfway through that paragraph.

You know what, it doesn't matter. Because this fan-made trailer for the original Star Wars trilogy in the style of the new Avengers preview mixes them up enough that the issue is moot.

"We can't solve the world's problems, but I can solve this tiny problem for these cats."

How long can it be before a turf war breaks out between the cats and the Roombas?

With 15 rescue cats wandering through countless skywalks, tunnels and hidey-holes in his 3,000 square-foot California home, Peter Cohen has managed to turn animal hoarding into an art form.

"Hold still, bro. I got this."

I like to imagine that for the whole first half of this video, the dog is staring in wonder at all the people around him, thinking "Seriously? No one's gonna do anything about his?"

Let this be a lesson to us all: Don't sit around and wait for somebody to pull the cup of the cat in your own life. Just jump in there and tear it off yourself.

He's collecting souls. Log off! (Via)

Don't judge! Face-to-face human interaction has been dead since 2008. How else are we supposed to find love anymore, if not by posting and messaging each other a list of all the stuff we'd like to do to each other? Of course, sometimes your Facebook friends can get a little over-eager, maybe a little too excited to discuss their own anatomy, and that's when they end up on this list celebrating Facebook users trying to establish a romantic connection with no regard for their own dignity.

She even drove to you! That's a considerate horny mom-to-be.(Via)

Always wait for them to acknowledge your existence before asking them out.(Via)

At least he isn't driving. Safety first.(Via)

I hope they enjoyed the movie. I'm sure they went. How could she say no?(Via)

Updated 12/22/14:

You forgot, "And bring your baby! Let it be with a real stepdad!"(Via)

Woman seeking ass-man into Mexican food. Must be respectful and
loyal and in possession of fresh cilantro.(Via)

They might not know it, but they're kind of perfect for each other.(Via)

Picasso during his blue period? Or, dear God, not his cubist period!(Via)

Maybe she's had enough of boob men. Time for a manicure man.(Via)

Updated 11/26/14:

Sex bomb with delayed detonation.(Via)

Jilted at the Facebook altar. (Via)

She's saying she doesn't want to ruin what you two never had together. (Via)

What part of "cute" don't you understand? (Via)

It's just like one of those tour buses. Hop-on, hop-off. (Via)

Generally, "I love you sooo much" comes a little ways after "Will you go out with me." (Via)

Updated 10/23/14:

A lot of down-on-their-luck guys have wished they could date their bar.(Via)

Jessica cares enough to tell you in private how little she cares for you. (Via)

Are you from a poorly funded school district? Cos daaayuum!(Via)

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Cierra has learned: Give them not even the thinnest strand of hope to cling to. (Via)

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The full message was "We don't talk, and I like it that way."(Via)

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It's sad when you don't even qualify for the category of "someone."(Via)

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The most efficient rejection ever?(Via)

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Updated 8/21/14:

Take that as a warning or a threat. Up to you. (Via)

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He'll take what he can get. (Via)

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This is called "swinging for the fences (and striking out wildly)."(Via)

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Wait another 18 hours. Maybe everyone slept in.(Via)

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With a line like "I don't fuck fat bitches anymore," how can they not come running?(Via)

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8. I make lists of how awesome I am and desperately taunt you with them. (Via)

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Yeah, statuses like this one aren't going to help your cause.(Via)

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Updated 7/27/14:

Maybe send a lifeguard. He's flailing.(Via)

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One day someone not related to you who isn't a part of the greatest generation will give you a like. (Via)

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For post-world cup pickups, you tailor your lines to entire nations and see who bites.(Via)

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She's about to discover a lot of her male friends are forgetful.(Via)

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Make sure your spam messages offering revenge sex end politely.(Via)

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Thank you, heroic sir, for never going a day without reminding every woman on your friend list how creepy you are. (Via)

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Updated 6/8/14:

"Elastic collision" is what science geeks call a one-night stand apparently. (Via)

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You can do that on Facebook? Is that through Facebook Gifts? (Via)

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He'll get you to the starting line. Then you're on your own.(Via)

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You could also leave this on a giant net then trap him when you get a taker.(Via)

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To anyone who wants to help this kid, he's provided a handy hashtag to respond with.(Via)

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"Lol" means "I'm just kidding unless you're into it!" (Via)

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Updated 5/12/14:

60 more comments and she'll know you mean it. (Via)

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The mushrooms just turn your hair into snakes so don't waste time on the gel. (Via)

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Dude's got $35K. If you have a lifetime to spare, you're in business. (Via)

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Paying for love isn't desperate. It's supporting small businesses. (Via)

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As it happens, I have been meaning to try out this new saddle. (Via)

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That deescalated quickly.(Via)

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Updated 4/13/14:

No better way to woo a lover than to call them "braahh."

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Can't imagine why.

Eventually every woman gets sick of the toy boys and wants to meet a toy man.(via)

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"Super cute slut" is exactly what he was going for! Those Kmart glamour shots paid off!(via)

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Before the Internet, them titties could only be snail-mailed. #miracles(via)

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Updated 2/9/14:

They always lose interest the minute you take off the zombie makeup.

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I thought posting Happy Bday on his wall was enough. This is getting out of hand.

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He's going to regret this when she starts hitting on his friends.(Via)

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Dammit. Fell in love again. Stupid literacy!

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Girls love a gentleman who respects their fragile insecurity.

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Do you want a husband or a wifey? Make up your mind and stop playing with hearts!

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Does that come before or after the cake?

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Updated 1/9/14:

You called him bro. He thought that meant you were dating. (Via)

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This was the year he found out Santa's so not real.(Via)

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If you kept the wishing on the stars and off Facebook, you'd have a way better shot.(Via)

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Guess who just became ineligible for the boyfriend part. (Via)

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That went well.(Via)

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Updated 12/12/13:

Perhaps this should have gone in the "Enterprising Entrpreneurs On FB" list.(Via)

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A dog humping a leg has more game. (Via)

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Oh God! She shrunk!(Via)

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Yes, mom! Go over and teach him to take some frigging initiative.(Via)

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Correctional, like jail? Don't send pics! He just wants to trade them for cigarettes. (Via)

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Updated 11/14/13:

The real fight will happen when those four girls start arguing over who gets which imbecile.

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Click like if only interested in being mistress.

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You should all be euthanized.

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In committed relationships?

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Okay, if you can't tolerate all that, I'll set for someone who likes weed.

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Say hello to the 2013 version of "will you wear my varsity jacket?"

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Updated 10/29/13:

How to choose! The "looking good" guy or the "shoo wee" guy? Can't she have both?!

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Way to 100% safeguard yourself against even the hint of rejection, player.

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Can't wait to hear your self-written vows.

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How many relationships are undone by a man tagging another woman in his dessert?

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Study hard. Handsome gentle boyfriends don't look twice at girls who don't pass Maori.

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So hard to balance romance and coloring books in a young girl's life.

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Updated 9/27/13:

Let him know you like him with constant comment-section harassment!

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The surrounding towns heard a rumble from the stampede of interested parties racing to be "boned."

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Alien seeks girl with dimples. Must loathe grammar.

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If you ever get a girlfriend, delete this status if you want to keep all your limbs.

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That was one hell of a meet-cute story. Did Nora Ephron write that dialogue?

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Can't you just donate it or something? Virginity is tax-deductible.

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Updated 8/12/13:

I think the strip club advertisement really likes me!

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Prom's boring anyway. Just stay home and post on Facebook in a fancy outfit.

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You know your moves are working when she has to insist "I'm not a whore."

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It's a medical condition. He has no hands. Pity him.

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Facebook: The perfect way to know who to avoid at Thanksgiving.

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Facebook won't let you put your relationship status in bold, neon font.

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Updated 7/11/13:

Do you find me attractive? How about if I remove my genitals? Oh wait, I'm sad now.

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Not as classy as the story of the lady who rose from a lake holding a penis.

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The day Ben's penis unfriends Ben's brain...we're all doomed.

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And you're narrating it at 4:46 am.

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Give her seven more months to respond, then she's gone.

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Some things the Like button just doesn't convey.

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Updated 6/13/13:

Did he ever think to say, "PLEASE hit me up, bitches?"

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The ultimate pickup line is the one with an "insert your name here" space.

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Wait, are there women who can orgasm without crying?

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Every girl's just looking for a man who'll relocate at the first hint that she's available.

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So would Tom Cruise be Jesus's father-in-law in this? That's a hell of a family tree.

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If Facebook offered a "Translated to reflect your actual thoughts" button.

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Updated 1/2/13:

And some penicillin.

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Oh she's committed. Just boobs then?

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Ladies, stay out of the Axe aisle at Walmart tonight.

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Stop promoting your stupid camel farm and celebrate the fact that it's Wednesday!

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That'll do.

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Give her a chance. She probably has hard candy and a check for five bucks.

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Updated 10/30/12:

Maybe 'F' and 'U' should be introduced to each other.

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It's a trap!

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He took a shot. A ridiculously humiliating shot.

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He just has elegant penmanship.

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If only Facebook allowed him to type in a blinking neon lit font to get the point across.

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Not going to end well at all.

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Updated 9/17/12:

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Posted 6/21/12:

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A pizza request that leaves no room for error.

No no! So wrong! (Thinkstock)

Have you ever placed an order online and been concerned your slightly unusual request would be misunderstood, you'd get the wrong thing, and it would ruin your night?

If not, then you're probably not as neurotic as the person who submitted this order. A worker at a pizza restaurant posted this receipt from a customer's order to imgur with the caption "I know you're out there, and you're not an asshole."

Tl;dr banana peppers.

The pepperoncini-lover left a long, elaborate comment—in what I assume was an online order—to make sure that his or her request was not misunderstood. You have to hope the person who got this order "kept it real" and was kind enough to make sure they got the pizza they wanted.

An incorrect pizza order is a harrowing thing.

When it's puppies vs. ice, everyone wins.

We already know puppies are no match for water bottles, but it turns out they find frozen water just as baffling. It's slippery, it's cold, and it's not all that delicious. It's pretty much good for only one thing: being barked at.

Behold, the terrifying Slobfish:

The source of this footage is unclear, but we're either looking at some bizarre fish residing the floor of a deep-sea trench like the Marianas, or some cool kitchen tiles upon which a pit bull type dog has flopped onto his back for a snooze. Personally, I think it looks like a darker, furrier cousin of the Blobfish.

"Let's see how pretty you look thousands of feet under water."

We can all agree that the discovery of a fish that has legs growing up out of its back would be a big deal in terms of its implications for evolution. On the flipside, if this is the flip side of a pit bull, this could have equally huge implications of what people do when they're bored at home with their dog (like, for example, during this blizzard).

God has a plan, so don't screw it up by trying to do the right thing.

Too subtle, Lord. Too subtle.

His plan for Janelle and Matthew Jones of Rochester, New Hampshire, was to surprise them with $2,631 He knew they could use.

He thought about different ways to do it—a surprise inheritance, a locked box in their attic, a tax refund—and settled on a method that He thought was both fun and unique. Janelle would order a sweet tea and Jr. Spicy Chicken Sandwich at the Burger King on North Main Street.

But when she opened the bag, she'd find $2,631 instead of her food.

Everything went fine this past Friday until Janelle and her husband got to talking and—completely misunderstanding God's plan—decided to return to the money to Burger King. Matthew Jones told Foster's Daily Democratthat he and his wife, both Jehovah's Witnesses, believe "Jehovah sees everything."

Which is accurate. He just saw them totally not get it.

Don't worry about the Joneses, though. A grateful manager promised to get them five free meals. He may not be omnipotent, but he has an in with corporate.

His name is Wallace the Mad King, but he could just as well be called Wallace the Rad Bro.

Wallace the Mad King is a rabbit, this is true, but Wallace is also half of an art project with his owner's boyfriend. The Brooklyn-based rabbit monarch and his human collaborator are constantly pushing the boundaries of rabbit art. As Wallace's human partner wrote on YouTube about this video,

This event marks the release of an epic accomplishment. I have been collaborating for the past year with my girlfriend's pet rabbit to create performance art and "happenings" that capture this rabbit's capabilities and worldly passions. In a million years, neither Wallace nor I would have guessed that our creative endeavors would take this route but after such a long journey we arrive at this significant moment.

The projects have an emphasis on creating temporary installations or "happenings" that the rabbit will eventually eat and destroy (like any good mad king). By far Wallace and his human's most successful project so far was the construction of a replica of the Red Keep from Game of Thrones, from which Wallace reigned over the apartment before he chewed it into mulch:

Here are 9 simple tips to keep you and your loved ones alive at least until you've caught up on Game of Thrones.

This is what you look like when you're watching hour 19 of Netflix.

1. Dim the brightness on your television or computer screen.

Eye strain is a common problem associated with staring unblinkingly at your favorite show for days on end. Keep your risk to a minimum by dimming the brightness on your screen to a level that would conceal Frank Underwood's shadowy business.

2. Stock up on supplies.

Most people would rather leave the house during a once-in-a-century hurricane than have to drive to the store for more frozen pizza dinners to fuel their marathon of Aaron Sorkin's body of work. If you would stock up for a really bad storm when something might keep you inside, why wouldn't you declare a preemptive disaster zone around yourself and prepare now?

3. Stretch your legs to avoid Deep Vein Thrombosis.

You used to have to book a flight to South Africa or fall into a coma to develop blood clots from sitting still too long, but thanks to streaming video, you can now enjoy dying of a stroke from a laziness-induced blood clot floating up to your brain without even leaving the house!

4. Use a buddy system to remind each other to go to work.

You wouldn't wander into the Mojave Desert or scale the Grand Tetons without a buddy, why would you wander into the fathomless depths of binge watching alone? Finding a coworker to call you at 6am to tell you to drag your ass to your desk, sleep or no sleep, is an important part of not getting fired, which is an important part of paying for Internet. Anyone who fails to show up will be subjected to spoilers.

5. Drink plenty of water, but not too much.

Dehydration and your bladder are the twin nemeses of the binge watcher. Drink too little and soon you find yourself coughing dried pretzel bits all over your screen; drink too much and suddenly your bathroom breaks stretch each True Blood episode into a 3-hour special. So, do yourself a favor and invest in an IV drip and some astronaut diapers for well-hydrated viewing.

6. Alert your neighbors.

How many times have we all had the cops show up at our doors because we were screaming "OH MY GOD! HE KILLED HER! HE F***ING KILLED HER!!" at some revelations on, say, some HBO show involving weddings. Too many. If you're reluctant to look them in the eye after that, try sliding a simple note under your neighbors' doors letting them know you're going to try out American Horror Story for the first time and may freak the eff out during the finale.

7. Buy everything you're going to watch, then have your spouse change your password before you get too drunk.

Fast forward 24 hours, and where are you? In the dark (whether because it's nighttime or because you've drawn the curtains on your shame), watching the closing credits scroll on the season finale of True Detective, and beginning to get the shakes of withdrawal. You should go to bed but you've got 12 empty hard cider bottles around you and no restraint left in your clicking finger. Before you know it, you've purchased all of Joss Whedon's back catalog because your friend said you'd like Firefly, and you're wondering whether to order the DVDs of The Sopranos in case the Internet goes out. Know your limit. Change your password because you will ignore that limit.

8. Tell your partner to get on board or get out of the way.

Are you and your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/awkwardly-close-roommate going to go on a journey through all the back episodes of Homeland together, or are they pulling some kind of wishy-washy "maybe I'll come in and watch a few with you" crap? Get in or get out, and keep the door closed. It may seem harsh at first, but it will save you from having to divorce them for saying "what's happening? Who's she? I thought that guy died" during the finale.

9. Pace yourself. Just kidding.

Pacing yourself can lead to serious negative consequences, like realizing that the show you're watching isn't actually good, or remembering that you're supposed to be watching that thing saying "Daddy" at you over and over. Plus, as anyone who has crammed for a test can tell you, watching it all at once means you'll remember less of it in 6 months when you binge-watch it again.

1. Northeast U.S. Braces Itself For The Wrath Of The Snow Gods

The northeastern region of the United States is expected to experience a "historic" and "catastrophic" winter storm today. "This is going to be all-out whiteout snow, crippling everything. We're highly advising no travel, starting late Monday, going into Tuesday and on into Wednesday," a meteorologist told the Boston Globe. Residents of the area are being advised to hit their local stores now and stock up on food, household supplies, clothes, iPhone accessories, Starbucks gift cards and Disney collectable figurines, as it may be several days before they will be able to leave their homes and resume consuming.

The Fox News broadcast today will be 5% blizzard coverage and 94% smug "How 'bout that global warming?!?" jokes. (1% reserved for Benghazi.)

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) January 26, 2015

2. Sarah Palin "Seriously Interested" In Making 2016 GOP Primaries Even More Hilarious

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin informed the Washington Post that she is considering joining Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum in the amazing comedy of errors that is certain to be the 2016 Republican primary process. "You can absolutely say that I am seriously interested," she said to the giddy delight of millions upon millions.

I double fucking dare Palin and Trump to run on the same ticket oh god please grant me this wish would be better than chocolate bjs.

— Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) January 25, 2015

3. Cowgirls Threaten To Wreck Men's Penises, According To Study Which We Are Misrepresenting In This Headline

According to a paper recently published in the Advances in Urology journal, the sexual position commonly known as "cowgirl"—in which a woman sits on top of her male partner—has been found to be the most dangerous of coitus, resulting in half of all penile fractures reported from heterosexual sex. The authors of this study have clearly never heard of Tamakeri.

My favorite sex position is reverse cowgirl. That's the one where I dismount you and go cook a can of beans over a fire.

— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) July 29, 2014

4. Coyotes Are The Newest Group Attempting To Gentrify NYC

The latest in a stream of coyotes spotted wandering through the streets of Manhattan was tranquilized and captured by police in the East Village yesterday. This is the second specimen captured in less than two weeks. If you will recall correctly, this is almost exactly how the hipster epidemic of the late '90s started.

I'm only eating lunch with you because you sounded so down on the phone about the coyote eating all your cats

— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) November 7, 2014

5. Mankind Finally Realizes Longterm Goal Of Creating Robot With Worm's Brain

Artificial intelligence researchers have apparently managed to create a digital clone of a worm's brain and upload it into the operating system of a robot built from Legos. The machine seems to behave like a roundworm, avoiding obstacles and moving toward sources of food. Though, to be fair, that could also describe the lives of most Americans.

Every robot is a sex robot after they see me in my red lingerie.

— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) January 17, 2015

"I can make a difference!"

Aw, this is unbearably adorable! This little boy is trying so hard to stop the words scrolling across the chyron on the family television from disappearing off the edge. So cute!

He's too young and innocent to understand that these words were doomed from the instant that they were first conceived, that at the moment they appeared on the right-hand side of the screen they were thrust onto a collision course with obliteration, given only a few fleeting moments in which to appreciate their existence.

He'll learn, though. He'll learn.

Record lows.

If you're single, a blizzard is doubly hard to get through: not only are you stuck inside, but there's no one in your place to talk to. Sure, your mom will text asking if you're dead, but what about real human connection? What about romance? The blizzard that will soon turn everyone in the Northeast into Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining is now upon us. Some people are after one last hurrah by doing - what else? - asking people on Craigslist for casual sex stuff. Here are a few of the most desperate people hoping to ward off cabin fever this week with a "snow buddy":

Let nostalgia guide you into my bed.

Putting the "casual" in Casual Encounters.

A marriage of convenience.

Honestly, I answered this one.

Desperately seeking Santa.

Basically, a saint.

Ready to do absolutely anything...except travel very far. It's snowing! Come on!

He's going to be disappointed when he finds out everyone's favorite pastime during blizzards is gaining fifty pounds.

Cute pic!