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This raven videobombed a stadium webcam to terrify sports fans.

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I'll watch this webcam… nevermore.

This webcam was set up to document the transformation of Levi's Stadium, normally the home of the San Francisco 49ers, into a hockey arena for an NHL event. Nobody expected the shot to be videobombed by this juvenile raven*, cawing directly into the camera like he knows he's going to be on YouTube.

It could be part of a sophisticated viral marketing scheme for the new season of Game of Thrones. It could also be a prank by Baltimore Ravens fans, trying to sike out San Francisco well before the new season. Or, it could just be a dumb bird acting weird. But probably not, as ravens are quite intelligent.

*Raven, crow, jackdaw, etc...what do I look like, Unidan?


You can now drive your toilet to work in all weather, thanks to the Loocy.

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I hope that's a heated seat.

Meet Loocy. Get it? Loo. See?

OK, maybe I exaggerated a little by saying you could drive this to work. I'm not sure what kind of mileage the Loocy gets on the small tank of gas you can see sticking out of the back. There's probably a biofuels joke here that I'm slightly too dumb and polite to make.

This miracle of modern science comes to us from the Union Hardware store in Bethesda, Maryland. They invented the Loocy to plow the sidewalk in front of their store and also to advertise that the store a.) has toilets, b.) employs crafty people, and c.) employs insane people, but the fun kind.

So, head down to Union Hardware and weird everyone out by demanding to own one of these today!

Jay-Z's first televised freestyle is 1990 at its freshest.

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Bay-B Jay-Z

Everything about this clip of Jay-Z on BET's Rap City screams 1990: the flattops, the pendant on a leather rope, the embarrassing AIDS talk, Jay's Where's Waldo shirt… not to mention his fresh 20-year-old face.

It's a cool moment to see in retrospect. Big Daddy Kane giving him the vouch was probably a big deal for Jay. And I'm willing to bet nobody in that room knew he would one day be part owner of a Brooklyn basketball team. Anybody want to bet?

Real bartenders dish on how awkward your Tinder dates actually look.

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No one knows what happened to that Malaysian plane, but these bartenders are perfect witnesses to your Tinder date's crash and burn.

"I told her, 'If he doesn't look like his pictures, give me a signal' and he came in and the girl started aggressively hitting herself on the forehead." - Kerryn Feehan, Greenpoint Heights.

Going on terrible Tinder dates is what terrible life is all about. When you're the bartender, though, you just get to sit back, steal yourself some booze, and watch the desperation unfold.

The fine people at The Daily Share collected some real-life NYC bartenders who have been subjected to watching your dates burn with passion or go up in flames, and are more than willing to share your embarrassing tales of strained hugs, lap-straddling, and bathroom escapes.

Real or fake, this guy who made a cane out of his replaced hip is a badass.

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There was a hipster joke here, but it got old and had to be replaced.


"Come real close and tell me it's fake. I dare you. Did you notice what appears to be a switchblade under my lower hand?" (via redditor steamviking)

This picture was posted to reddit with the title "So my dad got his hip replaced and had the doctor save it so he could turn it into a cane." What followed next was predictable: he was told by people claiming to be doctors on the Internet that this is impossible. In light of recent studies showing that people are more likely to trust fake doctors in comment sections than real doctors in real life, I'm not inclined to believe anyone.

Related: Someone asked the Internet a question. They got what they deserved.

Before we address the controversy, let's examine what we know to be true.

  1. That is a cool cane whether or not this is true, and it makes the guy holding it seem cool.
  2. It sure as hell looks like a hip-bone cane.
  3. The hip ball (technical term) has a big hole in it that does not look right.
  4. If true, that guy has a lot of metal in his leg.
  5. If true, that guy has a lot of metal...in his heart. \m/

The arguments for this being false break down into two basic categories:

  1. Doctors are not supposed to give you your internal bits back.
  2. That's WAY too much femur (leg bone) on that cane. Hip replacements don't usually take that much out.

I've been around enough to know that while in general you don't get your internal parts back, that rule does get broken, so let's move on to the second, more pressing issue: the amount of leg bone.

Do you believe in femuracles?


The Internet has a bone to pick with you. This bone.

Redditor steamviking, the guy claiming that this is his dad and the cane is real, counters this by saying that a.) his dad is 6'3, so it's really not that much femur for him, and b.) the hip was replaced due to severe arthritis.

Others in the comment section confirmed that cases of severe arthritis can result in significantly more femur being removed, although they also point out that the femur on the cane is in much better shape than the ball part with a huge hole in it. I have no idea what real doctors say. I don't know why that would be relevant.

In Caneclusion:

Since I started writing this story, the post has been downvoted significantly and the herd consensus seems to be that it is fake. While I'm not usually one to feel at home in the herd, I kinda feel like that cane looks like a contiguous piece of wood that's been carved at one end and stained below.

In conclusion, I'm calling bullshit, but mostly because of my own amateur wood-looking skills, as opposed to fake comment doctors.

Why should you believe me? I'm Johnny McNulty, god dammit. I may not be a fake Internet doctor, but I'm Irish enough to know a shillelagh when I see one.

This Yorkshire Terrier trying to climb a child's slide is a modern-day Sisyphus.

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One must imagine the Yorkshire Terrier happy.

You've been this Yorkshire Terrier. I've been this Yorkshire Terrier. Every person you or I have ever met has been this Yorkshire Terrier. I'd say that the plight of this Yorkshire Terrier represents the human condition, but that would unfairly exclude the Yorkshire Terrier. So, let's just say that it represents the mammalian condition and call it a day.

Missed connection.

USA #1: America's weather is officially the most bizarre on the planet right now.

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The US can't be touched, because your hands will freeze on contact.


All those little circles are probable record lows. Who says America's record-setting days are behind her? (via @RyanMaue)

Russia may be destabilizing world politics by sending troops to Ukraine, but the export Americans hate most right now is the huge destabilized swath of Siberian and Arctic air that's migrated over America's eastern half. Temperatures in Chicago (it was -8ºF today) a place that knows cold, are threatening to break all-time lows set in the 1800s. On the other hand, the drought-ravaged West continues to experience bizarrely high readings on the thermometer, with Anchorage, Alaska setting records regularly this year for the highest minimum temperatures ever recorded.

One look at this WeatherBell map tweeted out by weather scientist Ryan Maue makes the problem clear.

The map above doesn't show absolute temperatures, that map shows how much temperatures are deviating from what they should be, on average. As you can see, the eastern US is much, much farther away from "normal" temperatures than anywhere else on the globe—it isn't even close. The West, however, has a huge surplus of Farenheits.

They're not hogging all those sweet, sweet, degrees though. The weather phenomena are related: that huge bulge of warm air that seems to be headed North over California, the Rockies, Alaska and the Pacific is what's nudging the frigid airmass that normally hovers over the Arctic, Siberia and northern Canada out of alignment—last time around, they called it the Polar Vortex.

Think of the Earth like a lava lamp: the West is a hot blob going down, and the East is that blob that was on top but then it got cold, so it slides past the hot blob (without mixing) on the way back down. Except don't think about North as up, in general. It just happens to be working like that today.

So, American Exceptionalism is intact! It's exceptionally messed-up out here right now.

For a more in-depth explanation, check out this exhaustive article on Mashable.


Many more.

8 cats who love the snow as much as we hate it.

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This winter has been very rough on most of the US. You may have been filled with childlike wonder at the first snowfall, but by now, chances are you want to punch every last flake you see falling out of the sky. That's why it's good to step back and see the snow through the eyes of those who never get tired of it: cats. Cats don't have to worry about commuting or shoveling or wearing heavy boots. They can just roll around in the snow to their heart's content. Our hope is that some of that joy will rub off on you, as you look at our gallery of cats who can't get enough of the white stuff:

1. This Alabama cat, experiencing snow for the first time.

2. Rudiger, who simply has to dig his way out of the house.

3. This furry warrior, who got sweet revenge on a woman kicking snow on him.

4. This daredevil, who jumped through a snowbank for a bowl of food.

5. These cuties, who found a warm spot in their owner's snow boots.


(via redditor Saudade-x)

6. This feline Odysseus, who will let nothing stand in the way of getting back home.

7. Masha, a true hero who saved the life of a baby abandoned in the cold.


She stayed with the baby and meowed until someone heard.(via HappyPlace)

8. And finally, all of these cats just going nuts.

Iced out.

Jessica Williams doesn't want to host "The Daily Show" and you should step off about it.

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Even if you have a Twitter account.


"Did I ask for your opinion? About this, I mean."

With Jon Stewart leaving The Daily Show, the fur has been flying as people dog-pile on top of possible replacements. In the last few years, there's been a lot of talk about what the faces of late night talk show hosts look like. They look manly. And white.

Now when one of these white men step down, there are a lot of people pushing to put someone who looks different up on that pedestal. Which is great! If that's what that person wants. In Jessica Williams' case, it's more like what WE want from her. That brief clip showing her in The Daily Show host seat that leaked from Hot Tub Time Machine 2 fanned the flames, but remember that's supposed to be a glimpse of the future. Right now, Jessica Williams isn't interested, thank you.

Seems pretty clear, right? Unfortunately, where there's one cool, confident person, there's more people trying to say they know better. Ester Bloom wrote this about Williams' choice for The Billfold::

Jessica Williams, respectfully, I reject your humility. What on earth does “under-qualified" mean when it comes to being a comedian? You're smart, you're funny, you're self-possessed. Is there something I'm missing? And how insulting that so many press outlets took her tweets at face value despite the fact that they were displaying clear symptoms of Impostor Syndrome, a well-documented phenomenon in which men look at their abilities vs the requirements of a job posting and round up, whereas women do the same and round down, calling themselves “unqualified."

Yes. How insulting to be taken at your word.

That 'Lean the Fuck away' comment is a reference to a brand of feminism that asks strong, capable ladies to Lean In: to fill roles wherever they can as a kind of fix to underrepresentation in general. Ladies, if you want to fix structural inequalities, you just have to do it, already, okay?

As a feminist, one of my great hopes is that I won't have to approach everything I say and do as a feminist. That women as outstanding and talented as Jessica Williams will be allowed to exist as autonomous humans with their own paths, instead of as representatives of their race and gender. No one is saying to Jon Stewart, "We need strong white men like you showing other white men that they can achieve their dreams." Because his situation is just...regular. Jessica Williams can be regular. And maybe in 2025 she'll be ready, on her own time.

To Ester Bloom's credit, she apologized. Seriously. Not a lot of people genuinely apologize online:

I wanted to state officially and for the record, as I have on Twitter, that I was wrong. I was offensive and presumptuous; I messed up, and I'm sorry. Williams should not have had to deal with this shit: my calling her a “victim" of anything, my acting like I know better and could diagnose her with anything, all of it...But I apologize, again. I am listening to folks and trying to learn, and I will try my hardest to be more damn careful & thoughtful in the future.

We're all learning.

What every commercial for a tech product sounds like.

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Why does every single tech commercial look and feel exactly like this?

When it comes to selling tech products, it's hard to stand out. So why bother? Barely rouse us from our Hulu-induced stupor with yet another commercial that, like this parody from College Humor, features buzzwords, people doing cool-seeming but probably nonexistent jobs, and sleek logos. We'll buy your thing, sure. What is it again?

Time Warner agent changes woman's name to "C*nt Martinez," cancels her service after she calls to complain.

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Turns out Time Warner is just like its soon-to-be parent company Comcast, who already pulled this stunt.


Cunt is her given name, in the sense that it was given to her by TWC. (stock photo)

I thought I had a pretty good Time Warner Cable customer service story (I spent an hour and a half talking to nine people all over the country just to get my service cancelled). But it is nothing compared to this.

Esperanza Martinez of Orange County, California, sent ArsTechnica this letter that she received from Time Warner Cable after calling to complain about her cable box not working correctly:


(via ArsTechnica)

In an email to ArsTechnica, she said that she called Time Warner to complain but got the runaround:

The only information they could provide was that the name change was made on 2/12/15, which happens to be the same day I used their 'live chat' feature online and called in and spoke to a representative regarding an issue with my cable box. I was not upset even when they could not resolve my issue and had to send a technician out. I have no idea why a TWC employee would do this and risk losing their job.

Since the story went viral, Time Warner Cable has apologized, saying they're no longer doing business with the third party agency that took Martinez's call. They also gave her a year of free service.

Of course, considering their track record, you'll only be getting decent cable and Internet service about half of that time, but still. Nice of them to try to make it up to her.

Godspeed.


12 things we'd ask famous women from history if they were on the red carpet this Sunday.

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So much wisdom to gain from these history makers.


Alice Coachman, the first black woman to win an Olympic gold medal in 1948, being interviewed. (Getty)

The best part of movies are the trailers and the best part of the Oscars are the red carpet interviews. Journalists really know how to cut to the heart of the artistic process, challenging roles and the genius of the true auteur. We're all watching for those enlightening glimpses into the minds of directors, like Ava DuVernay of Selma, or actresses like 5 time Academy Award nominee Julianne Moore. Yet there are so many women from history we'd love to have heard from! If only we could transport them to modern times for the triumphant public moment that is an awards show. Here are some questions we'd ask these trailblazers if they were on the red carpet today:

1. Marie Curie.


"So, I have to ask, what are you wearing?" (Getty)

2. Amelia Earhart


"Who are you wearing?!!!!!" (Getty)

3. Angela Davis


"You look incredible, what are you wearing?" (Getty)

4. Susan B. Anthony


"This is a really exciting night for you, you look amazing. Who are you wearing?" (Getty)

5. Mother Theresa


"You have such an iconic look, but tonight is so special, clearly you stepped it up a notch. What are you wearing?" (Getty)

6. Eleanor Roosevelt


"Who dressed you tonight?" (Getty)

7. Hattie McDaniels


"Wow. Hattie McDaniels, Academy Award WINNER. Who styled you tonight?" (via Wikipedia)

Last-second basketball loss is perfect metaphor for finding out you need to work this weekend.

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Friday afternoon, two seconds left on the clock and OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH.


Forget Office Space and Bill Lumbergh, the new symbol of being told you have to come into the office on Saturday is this miserable kid who's never worked a day in his life. Nevertheless, he already knows the crushing feeling of being seconds away from a victory that seems so obvious and inevitable that contemplating it not happening is almost impossible. For him, it's a simple layup. For us, it's 5 p.m. on a Friday afternoon. Of course, just because something should happen, doesn't mean it will.

If for some reason you actually care, this video comes from the Kansas Mid-East League 8th Grade Basketball League tournament game to determine who would win 3rd place. That turned out to be Riley County Falcons, thanks to the awkward last-second failure of the Rock Creek Mustangs.

A must-see.

Kim Jong-un's new haircut is straight out of Babylon 5.

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Who knew the supreme leader loved 90s sci fi?


The resemblance is uncanny.(via KCNA Watch/Tumblr)

Kim Jong-un is known for several things: his love of Emmental cheese, his gouty feet, and his fascist dictatorship over a country with one of the world's worst human rights records. But he's perhaps best known for his style.

And this time he's outdone himself. New photos of Kim show him with a sculptured 'do completely shaved on the sides, rising off the top of his head like a trapezoid. What's more, the outer halves of his eyebrows appear to have been shaved off. Here's a comparison to his previous look:

That's a drastic change. Everyone in the news media is wondering where Kim got the idea for this look, but that's because they spent their youth studying journalism instead of watching low-budget science fiction shows. I, however, immediately made the connection to Babylon 5's Centauri, an alien species with a very specific hairstyle.


I rest my case.(via Wikia)

Clearly, Kim has been inspired by the power-hungry, hedonistic Centauri philosophy, and sought to emulate that in his appearance. This actually makes him more likable, at least from my perspective. He might be a ruthless monster, but at least he has good taste in under-appreciated TV.

This doesn't explain where he got the eyebrows from, though. Maybe Dennis Rodman?

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 20, 2015

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1. New Allegations Surface That Bill O'Reilly Is As Full Of Shit As We All Assume He Is

On his Fox News show last week, Bill O'Reilly was helicoptered to the peak of his high horse so that he could bestow shame upon NBC News's Brian Williams for lying about his past as a wartime correspondent. Which is a perfectly understandable thing for a professional blowhard to do, except that O'Reilly himself seems to have a similarly fanciful collection of stories about his days reporting from war zones in El Salvador and the Falklands. Of course, this would all be a lot more damning if the Fox News host had any reserves of public respect to lose.



2. Beloved Terrifying Clown Doll Found After Ten Years In Equally Terrifying Place

Louie the Clown—a life-sized clown doll that went missing from an amusement park in Wichita, Kansas a decade ago—was discovered in the home of a convicted sex offender who used to work at the park. There, now you know what your nightmares will be about tonight.



3. Today, We Woke Up In A Post-'Toxic Poopsicle' World

A tanker truck accidentally spilled around 350 gallons of raw sewage onto an I-65 exit ramp in Indiana last night. The liquid slurry of feces and urine quickly froze solid in the sub-zero weather conditions, prompting some genius working at the local newspaper Lafayette Journal & Courier to describe the fallout as a "toxic poopsicle." Ladies and gentlemen, we are no longer accepting applications for this year's Pulitzer Prize for journalism. Better luck next year.


4. Two and a Half Men Finally Ends, Will Sadly Be Missed By Millions

CBS's Two and a Half Menended its massively popular twelve-year run last night with a series finale filled with the same level of highbrow humor and biting social commentary that made it a multi-cam sitcom sensation. And that level is right down by your ankles. Here is the show's very last scene:



5. Pediatrician Bravely Refuses To Treat Infant Whose Parents Are Infected With Lesbianism

A Michigan pediatrician is so very, very sorry that she will be unable to care for the six-week-old infant child of a lesbian couple, on account of her crippling homophobia. As she explained in a letter to the parents: "After much prayer following your prenatal (visit), I felt that I would not be able to develop the personal patient doctor relationship that I normally do with my patients." I hope this doctor gets through this difficult time in her life.

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