Someone unearthed a pilot starring a 24-year-old Amy Poehler as a rapping hacker. Yeah, really.

February 26, 2015, 11:15 am

≫ Next: Your favorite childhood cartoons become 100% more gangsta when they're voiced by Ice T.

Starring Amy Poehler, Matt Dwyer, and Del Close. Written by Adam McKay and Tom Gianas. Seen by barely anyone until now.

I'm having a hard time describing this 1995 pilot, "RVTV," that Second City dug up from its archives in a single sentence, which might have something to do with why it was never picked up. Let me try anyway: a 24-year-old Amy Poehler plays a "hacker" trying to deliver a subversive call-to-hacks message to other hackers...through the television. The ultimate goal is to disrupt Dan Rather's news broadcasts with any web videos people can send her. Apparently, web video was in short supply in 1995. She also breaks into rap frequently.

With her are comedian and (now) podcaster Matt Dwyer, and Del Close, the patron saint (he might prefer demon) of the long-form improv scene. Del was Poehler's mentor and he is definitely the patron demon of the Upright Citizens Brigade (show, theater and school), founded by Poehler, Matt Besser, Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts. Indeed, you can see a lot of what would become the airwave-hacking ethos of the Upright Citizens Brigade sketch show on Comedy Central, for which Del voiced the intro.

I'll let Matt Dwyer, who talked to Second City about this clip, explain it better:

Ohhhhh. It makes total sense now.

Still awesome.

↧

Your favorite childhood cartoons become 100% more gangsta when they're voiced by Ice T.

February 26, 2015, 11:15 am

≫ Next: Proof that "hydrophobic" shirts are only great if you plan on never, ever washing them.

≪ Previous: Someone unearthed a pilot starring a 24-year-old Amy Poehler as a rapping hacker. Yeah, really.

O.G.I. Joe

Ice-T has always been big on subverting our expectations. Nobody saw it coming when the gangsta rapper who recorded "Cop Killer" started playing a detective on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. So it should come as no surprise to find out that Ice was also a voice on many classic TV cartoons from the 60s till today, as Jimmy Fallon recently discovered.

Personally, I think Ice would be perfect to replace the late Don Adams in the new Inspector Gadget reboot. And Coco could be Penny! Make it happen, Hollywood.

↧

Proof that "hydrophobic" shirts are only great if you plan on never, ever washing them.

February 26, 2015, 11:35 am

≫ Next: Breaking away.

≪ Previous: Your favorite childhood cartoons become 100% more gangsta when they're voiced by Ice T.

Like water off a duck's shirt.

Hydrophobic clothes are the fashion trend of the future. They're made from ordinary fabric that is then treated with a compound that repels water, making them virtually impossible to stain. That is, until you wash them.

So maybe they're the fashion trend of the future, but just for slobs who never do laundry. Not a problem for me!

↧

Breaking away.

February 26, 2015, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: LIVE STREAM: Two llamas are on the run in Arizona.

≪ Previous: Proof that "hydrophobic" shirts are only great if you plan on never, ever washing them.

↧

LIVE STREAM: Two llamas are on the run in Arizona.

February 26, 2015, 12:25 pm

≫ Next: "Freaky" Jada Smith likes watching Will's sex scenes, because we've forgotten what "freaky" means.

≪ Previous: Breaking away.

These llamas are on the run in a white Ford Llama.

UPDATE: the llamas have been apprehended. They were taken allive.

CURRENT STATUS pic.twitter.com/scqag9J9y6
— Mark Berman (@markberman) February 26, 2015

Our entire office is currently live streaming llamas on the loose. #BreakingNews #LlamasOnTheLam pic.twitter.com/eSdcuI6DW6
— kj (@Katie__J) February 26, 2015

↧

"Freaky" Jada Smith likes watching Will's sex scenes, because we've forgotten what "freaky" means.

February 26, 2015, 12:28 pm

≫ Next: No one can argue with this: playing surf music while surfing is objectively cool.

≪ Previous: LIVE STREAM: Two llamas are on the run in Arizona.

"Freaky" now means "thinking your husband is attractive" and "not being paranoid."

In a recent red carpet interview, Extra TV asked "Hollywood's sexiest couple" Jada and Will how they felt about seeing each other in sex scenes. Jada's response? She likes it — or, as Will puts it, "She's freaky like that."

That's what counts as freaky these days? What happened to dominatrixes, fire-play, or a good ol' gerbil up the butt? Jada's response just makes her sound like a normal human in a strong committed relationship: She finds her husband attractive, she gets titillated by seeing other people have sex, and she's not paranoid if she sees her man with a female coworker.

Across our 50 states, there are real freaky Americans doing real freaky work. Right at this very moment, there is probably someone in our great country dressed as the Millennium Falcon plowing someone dressed as the USS Enterprise while they both scream "Battlestar Galactica is a false prophet!" And in a basement workshop in the Midwest, some enterprising young person is doing things with a dong so innovative, it would make Steve Jobs weep. These are the true heroes of freakiness.

So today, let's all stand together and make a pledge to keep the "freak" in "freaky."

(Side note/further reading: Will's definition of freaky can be especially amusing in light of the couple's supposed sexual escapades— scroll down to #3.)

↧

No one can argue with this: playing surf music while surfing is objectively cool.

February 26, 2015, 12:47 pm

≫ Next: '50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey' will change the way you think about 'Lord of the Rings.' Unless you're weird.

≪ Previous: "Freaky" Jada Smith likes watching Will's sex scenes, because we've forgotten what "freaky" means.

I'm playing guitar on a surfboard, your argument is invalid.

Chris Hau may be a singer-songwriter from Canada, but if time travel is ever invented this clip would be a huge hit in 1960s California. Believe it or not, this is not the only time Hau has endangered a nice guitar with saltwater punishment: check him out putting a sweet acoustic number at risk while strumming "(Sitting on) The Dock of the Bay":

So, next time you're wondering if something is cool, ask yourself if it's anywhere near as cool as a guy playing the guitar while surfing. Because that is cool.

↧

'50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey' will change the way you think about 'Lord of the Rings.' Unless you're weird.

February 26, 2015, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: This sports anchor's speech against racism will move you unless you're racist.

≪ Previous: No one can argue with this: playing surf music while surfing is objectively cool.

You shall not ass!

There's been no shortage of 50 Shades of Greyparodies recently, but this one took us all by surprise. Maybe it's because you have to know The Lord of the Rings pretty well to be aware that he's called Gandalf the Grey, but we didn't see it coming.

Which is surprising, because Ian McKellen's dialogue works surprisingly well as a creepy seductive wizard who's into BDSM. You almost wonder if that's how J.R.R. Tolkien envisioned the character. He had to be a pervert, why else would he name a character "Bilbo?"

↧

This sports anchor's speech against racism will move you unless you're racist.

February 26, 2015, 1:25 pm

≫ Next: Little girl receives gifts from crows as a thank you for feeding them.

≪ Previous: '50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey' will change the way you think about 'Lord of the Rings.' Unless you're weird.

This is how you check your privilege.

After students attending a high school basketball game in Texas held up "white power" signs last week, Dallas sports anchor Dale Hansen was upset. I mean, he wasn't the only one who was upset. That would be bad.

But he went further than just being upset. He went on live TV to give an impassioned, moving speech denouncing the students' actions. It's especially resonant because he admits that he himself was raised to be racist by a racist father, and had to unlearn those prejudices as an adult.

You may remember Hansen from that time he gave a similar speech about Michael Sam coming out of the closet. Let's hope he stays on the air for years to come, because he has a lot to teach the bigots of the world. They respond better to somebody who seems like one of their own. No offense to Hansen, cause he's an amazing guy, but "Dale Hansen" sounds like the name a lazy screenwriter would give to a racist character.

↧

Little girl receives gifts from crows as a thank you for feeding them.

February 26, 2015, 1:25 pm

≫ Next: Here's a useful Craigslist ad in case you're in the market for a "piece of sh*t Ford Escape."

≪ Previous: This sports anchor's speech against racism will move you unless you're racist.

Giving gifts is for the birds.

Gabi returning from her daily bird visit. (via BBC)

8-year-old Gabi Mann has a remarkable relationship with the crows that hang out in her garden. Every day she feeds them some peanuts or dog food, and in return, they regularly bring her presents.

Gabi keeps her collection of odd charms, pieces of metal, and broken glass in a bead storage container, and showed it to BBC writer and co-host of "The BitterSweet Life" podcast, Katy Sewall.

If you ever lose your engagement ring, check the bird bath.
(via Katy Sweall/BBC)

As Sewall writes for her article in the BBC, Gabi held up her favorite gift, a heart-shaped pear charm, and said, "It's showing me how much they love me."

I wouldn't believe this for a second, except that she has proof.

The whole thing started when Gabi was 4 years old, and would accidentally drop food that was picked up by appreciative birds, who learned to hang around her. As she grew older, the food dropping became intentional, and eventually became a ritual that Gabi engaged in with her mom, Lisa. The two make sure to keep the bird bath fresh, and leave peanuts around the side.

As soon as the birds realized that these free meals were a regular thing, they stated bringing the gifts.

They would empty the birdbath tray of the food, and in its place leave "anything shiny and small enough to fit in a crow's mouth."

Who else but a bird would think a rusty screw, or a brown piece of glass was a present? But just to be sure, Lisa, Gabi's mom, set up a camera to make sure that was what was happening.

Sure enough, it was, They even have a remarkable story about the birds returning a possession Lisa had lost. As Sewall writes,

She lost a lens cap in a nearby alley while photographing a bald eagle as it circled over the neighbourhood. She didn't even have to look for it. It was sitting on the edge of the birdbath. Had the crows returned it? Lisa logged on to her computer and pulled up their bird-cam. There was the crow she suspected. "You can see it bringing it into the yard. Walks it to the birdbath and actually spends time rinsing this lens cap. "I'm sure that it was intentional," she smiles. "They watch us all the time. I'm sure they knew I dropped it. I'm sure they decided they wanted to return it."

For more of the story, or scientific advice on how you can foster your own relationship with local crows, read the whole story here, or listen to the podcast.

Related: birds are weirdos.

↧

Here's a useful Craigslist ad in case you're in the market for a "piece of sh*t Ford Escape."

February 26, 2015, 1:37 pm

≫ Next: The best news bloopers of 2015, so far.

≪ Previous: Little girl receives gifts from crows as a thank you for feeding them.

A Ford Escape, in its non-sh*tty form.

I'd like point out right off the bat that this post should not be viewed as a critique of the Ford Escape. I actually hear some good things about the Ford Escape. If you're in the market for an reliable and affordable compact SUV with a solid four-cylinder engine, you could probably do a lot worse than a Ford Escape.

However, if you're waaaay more interested in affordable than reliable—something that "runs like sh*t" when it's even running—then this Craigslist ad might be for you:

I would consider contacting this seller myself, but my wife and I already have one car for burning and driving into the river. And in the city, that's all you really need.

↧

The best news bloopers of 2015, so far.

February 26, 2015, 1:45 pm

≫ Next: Town unites to surprise hearing-impaired man by learning sign language, sell some Samsung products.

≪ Previous: Here's a useful Craigslist ad in case you're in the market for a "piece of sh*t Ford Escape."

If you like reporters pushing crazy people out of the way, you'll love...

Is there anything more charming than news anchors laughing at how they've just pronounced a food item like genitals? Or when they've identified the esophagus as a sphincter? Or when they call each other "poopy man?"

I don't think so.

Personal fav moment: A cat trying to adopted attacks a reporter at 1:50

↧

Town unites to surprise hearing-impaired man by learning sign language, sell some Samsung products.

March 10, 2015, 6:56 am

≫ Next: Dirty minds.

≪ Previous: The best news bloopers of 2015, so far.

Alright, Samsung. You got us.

Residents of Bağcılar, a working class neighborhood in Istanbul, Turkey, helped Samsung orchestrate a day of belonging for a neighbor with a hearing impairment.

In order for Muharrem "to have one day, with no barriers," Samsung spent a month organizing sign-language classes, hiding cameras, and plotting. Muharrem's sister Özlem was in on it, and helped Samsung Türkiye pull off the stunt. They also found some music that would make you tear up even if literally nothing was happening on screen.

Add Muharrem's emotional response to suddenly being spoken to in sign language as he goes about his day, and you, the viewer, don't stand a chance.

Yeah, that's some emotional manipulation right there. But it's all to promote Samsung's new video call center for hearing impaired people, which will allow people with hearing impairments to contact Samsung by video with questions and concerns. We'll allow it.

↧

Dirty minds.

March 10, 2015, 7:10 am

≫ Next: Tiny chihuahua plays fetch with his cat friend's big body.

≪ Previous: Town unites to surprise hearing-impaired man by learning sign language, sell some Samsung products.

↧

Tiny chihuahua plays fetch with his cat friend's big body.

March 10, 2015, 7:10 am

≫ Next: Runner up.

≪ Previous: Dirty minds.

He likes herding cats?

The behind-the-scenes work to make this clip happen must have been a nightmare. The dog's too small. The cat is a cat. If you want the cat to come into the house, open a can of tuna!

Both animals must be getting something out of this party trick or that dog would have a face full of claws. Instead he's getting limp, dead weight. That's the most a cat will ever help you.

↧

Runner up.

March 10, 2015, 7:33 am

≫ Next: Lovers' spat: "My wife is a cheater" spray-painted on house that explodes, catches fire.

≪ Previous: Tiny chihuahua plays fetch with his cat friend's big body.

↧

Lovers' spat: "My wife is a cheater" spray-painted on house that explodes, catches fire.

March 10, 2015, 7:55 am

≫ Next: Soothing Presence.

≪ Previous: Runner up.

Now they're even.

A house in Arvada, CO exploded and then caught fire last night. The explosion, which happened around 1:30 AM, was powerful enough to throw broken glass and furniture clear across the street. Officials are investigating whether this was an accident or arson. And firefighters may have found an important piece of evidence in a message that was spray-painted twice on the side of the house.

Explosion: Arvada crews find this strange message on outside of burning home. FF say everyone accounted for. pic.twitter.com/CHSyd0zYX9
— Tyler Lopez (@nonstopTLo) March 10, 2015

This case just got a lot more puzzling. Or much, much more obvious. There are two explanations that immediately come to mind. One is that the man who lived in the house found out his wife was cheating, and decided his only possible recourse was to blow up all of their possessions. The other is that he found out she was cheating, and the force of her moral transgression was so great, it created a physical explosion of negative energy. Following the principle of Occam's razor, that the simplest explanation is usually correct, it's obviously the second one.

I guess there are other, less likely, possibilities. Maybe they got into a domestic dispute and they're both Tasmanian Devils. Maybe he spray-painted the accusation and she blew up the house to cover her tracks. Seeing as how the explosion destroyed everything in the house and left the outer walls intact, that option would suggest neither of them is that smart. It just gets more and more confusing.

Rest assured, I have forwarded all these theories to the local authorities. It's the least I can do to help clear up the crime of the century.

↧

Soothing Presence.

March 10, 2015, 8:00 am

≫ Next: Main squeeze.

≪ Previous: Lovers' spat: "My wife is a cheater" spray-painted on house that explodes, catches fire.

↧

Main squeeze.

March 10, 2015, 8:01 am

≫ Next: The best examples of old people on Facebook being old people on Facebook.

≪ Previous: Soothing Presence.

↧

The best examples of old people on Facebook being old people on Facebook.

March 10, 2015, 8:01 am

≫ Next: The Internet is trying to help the black chef who used to work in the University of Oklahoma's SAE frat house.

≪ Previous: Main squeeze.

Brave New World...was published right before a lot of these people were born.

Back in my day, dogs were sweet. If they weren't, they were dead. (via reddit)

Old people invented the Internet. They did not, however, invent Facebook. It shows. Don't get me wrong—sometimes old people do it better than anyone, like when they call out their descendants on being lame. Or when they have friendly conversations with brands, or unfriendly conversations with brands...they have a lot of conversations with brands, specifically Walmart. Other times, they rival teenagers at not knowing what is and isn't appropriate to post on the social networking site. They may have fought in wars and participated in civil disobedience, but give them a blank box where they can enter anything for the world to see, and soon the whole Internet is held hostage like the patrons of a Denny's where someone's grandmother is telling the staff what she really thinks of Obama.

I have a feeling Beatrice B has been called a few b-words in her day. (via)

Susan is the person local news producers tailor their shows around. (via reddit)

You now understand 80% of what seniors do on the Internet: find a more complicated way to complain to the manager. Seems to work, though. (via reddit)

Maxine knows everyone is dying to hear her opinion. Maxine also doesn't care.(via)