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You're the Jesse Pinkman to my Walter White.


I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.

Sorry I didn't forget your birthday and you can't use it as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself this year.

I value the opinions that you keep to yourself.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 12, 2013

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Jay Leno, Matt Damon, Kevin Federline and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

Come get some >>

This compilation of the best Vine videos of 2013 is the funniest way to avoid doing work this morning.

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What my brain looks like on too much caffeine.

Vines are teensy little entertainments, just specs of flashing light and sound scattered about the Internet, so it's hard to find the ones you're looking for. Luckily, the person behind this compilation did the needle-in-the-haystack hunting for us. 

It might be tempting to worry that our attention spans have shriveled to where we can't tolerate more than six seconds of focus, but it's better to just relax and enjoy. The fact that we can still make it six seconds without clicking away is something to be celebrated at this point.

Woman mistakes Mark Wahlberg for Matt Damon. Mark Wahlberg's cool with it >>

Florida woman panhandles for boob job money.

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(Screengrab via KHOU 11)

How do we know you're not just going to spend the money on butt implants?

It's August, you guys. The month so boring that a global terror threat from Al Qaeda can barely hold our interest for a week. Christina Andrews of Pensacola, FL took advantage of the public's need for something—anything—to break the monotony by standing in an intersection with a homemade sign asking people to give her money to help her get fake breasts. "Not homeless," she insists. Oh thank God. It would have been horrible to know my money might be providing someone with food, or better yet, drugs.

According to KSDK channel 5, she managed to raise some money. They don't say how much, because who really cares?

The full story is below:

See the rest >>

Keep your friends closer and your glass of wine closer.


Here's to TV for giving me something to talk about when I'm not watching TV.

I'd be amazing at my job if taking dumps led to as much success for me as it did for Hank on Breaking Bad.

I can't believe it's almost time to put off the things I didn't do this summer until next summer.

Just sending non-suicidal thoughts your way on this rainy Monday.

Hey developers: work for Someecards, because we know how soul-crushing work can be.

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someecards.com - When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die

Want to work as a developer for Someecards? Send an email to jobs@someecards.com after reviewing the requirements.

Someecards is looking for a New York based Web Developer who is excited to work at a growing company, and who wants to help create cutting edge ways for users to share, create and interact with great content. 

Working at Someecards you’d be doing a bit of everything from helping update our CMS platform so we can enhance existing properties to building out some of the lab ideas our creative team is pumping out. It's exciting, challenging, and there is room for the right candidate to take a leading role in helping us design and build new solutions as content shifts towards motion, video, and more complex interactions.   

We are a small team that works out of a brand new office in the flatiron area and we offer a flexible and fun work environment. Sometimes you even get a free t-shirt.

Please send an email to jobs@someecards.com with a resume and links to code samples.

Must haves: 

  • Experience concepting, architecting, and building complex web-based applications.
  • Full-stack LAMP development on Amazon’s infrastructure, including extensive devops experience. Must have fluency with CI tools, Github, and unit testing, as well as familiarity with command line, apache config, chef server, and more.
  • Experience with object-oriented development, MVC architecture, and component-based application development. Ability to debug custom procedural applications, and build new applications without requiring the use of full-stack frameworks.
  • Experience working with social media API integration (especially Facebook).
  • Experience building and maintaining RESTful APIs.
  • Solid knowledge of modern, cross browser HTML, CSS, and JavaScript.
  • A desire to work at a company whose goal is to try and make people laugh, but who also value great UX and elegant tech solutions

Pluses:

  • Advanced Javascript development skills, including both client-side (full app, not just jQuery) and server-side (Node.js) Javascript
  • Heavy experience with modern HTML5 and responsive, cross-browser front-end coding
  • Experience writing, maintaining, and deploying production code for a large scale application
  • Strong communication skills and the ability to draft and visually communicate UI design concepts.

Send a resume and links to code samples to: jobs@someecards.com

I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

Man who turned younger brother's room into pink little girl's playroom strikes again by rotating room 90 degrees.

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There's always that moment when the Prank War turns into just War.

So, about a year ago, Tobias Mathijsen turned his brother Jamiro Smajic's room into a little girl's dream room in retaliation for Jamiro's going into Tobias' Facebook account and posting silly things. (You can see Jamiro's defiant song about living in a pink room here.) Presumably all this started when their parents pranked them with different last names.

This time, however, the prank seems to have been inspired primarily by Tobias' boredom, which must be pretty intense. Tamiro is a pretty good sport for a guy whose room just got rotated like a Jamiroquai video (holy shit: Jamiroquai!). As Jamiro points out, though, "I didn't do anything bad this time." Which means that this is an unprovoked act of Prank War and Jamiro will have no choice but to retaliate. No one can win here, except the Internet.


No offense, but you do have a 10-year-old's bed. Pretending to be Spidey doesn't seem hard.

This also dispels the notion that all Dutch people are high, because high people would have still been discussing whether you could really say something was "sideways" in outer space (you can't).

I just wish that Jamiro Smajic had done this to Tobias, so that when someone asks him "how'd you do it, Jamiro?" he could reply "Simple: s'majic."

(by Johnny McNulty)

P.S. - I at first thought this was a follow-up to this video of housemates turning a man's room into a different pink pony playland. Apparently, that was just made by a bunch of Brits who were ripping these two Dutchmen off. It's still a pretty great video, though.


I see your CrossFit updates all the time and I think it's just great that you're keeping all those other weirdos away from my happy hour.

I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.

I've been waiting for someone like you ever since I started drinking earlier tonight.

May you someday work as hard at your job as you do at CrossFit.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 13, 2013

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What broad demographic group is getting out of jail? What narrow demographic group is giving up their citizenship? What even more narrow demographic group is getting some rights in California? Find out in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today!

Here you go >>

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