Black cook loses job thanks to fallout from racist video.

Chef Howard Dixon, who somehow refrained from poisoning a bunch of racist frat bros. (via Indiegogo)

On Sunday, Blake Burkhart, a former resident of the University of Oklahoma's Sigma Alpha Epsilon house, started an Indiegogo page to help an employee of the house who will now be leaving his job. So far, Burkhart has raised over $37,000 to help the man "land on his feet."

Burkhart describes Howard Dixon, the SAE house cook, as an institution in the house. Though former brothers may not have loved his "chili dogs," Burkhart writes that many "came to love Howard" and his "infectious smile." They also loved the way he took care of "Mom B" (Beauton Gilbow, the frat's 78-year-old "house mother," who now has her own Internet video scandal to deal with).

(via Indiegogo)

Ironically, Dixon is likely to lose his job because of a video leaked Sunday that shows brothers from the house doing a racist chant that included the n-word and references to lynching. The school immediately shut down the chapter.

Burkhart is concerned that "ignorant kids" will not only end up losing Dixon his job, but that Dixon will "learn who [he] has been working for." In Burkhart's word: "a bus full of racist kids."

The campaign seems to have also become a place for SAE brothers who are upset by the video to show their remorse on behalf of their brothers. At least one donor identifies as an "SAE from Penn," while another included this message to SAE brothers:

From an SAE, their actions are not something we support. Their chant was evil, vile and wrong. All the students on the bus need to be kicked out of school. Howard May you land on your feet and never change who you are.

Let's hope the national organization goes beyond this well-meaning symbolic gesture to address the institutional racism that traces to the fraternity's founding.

Heads up: this guy is shirtless on a lot more of these days than you'd expect.

Dean Smith wanted to propose to his girlfriend, Jennifer, in a way that would let her know he thinks about how much he loves her every day. To accomplish this, he quoted Love Actually ("To me, you are perfect"), and followed the show-don't-tell rule of making a person believe you.

Dean created a video diary of him proposing to her every day for a year. Each day, he taped himself holding a whiteboard with the data and a written proposal. He used the video to create a 365-day countdown to the day he proposed in person.

Over the course of the year, we see Dean in all manner of dress (and undress): working, waking up, showering, playing with the pets, everything that gives us an image of what married life would be like with him. Plus, he sings along to his musical score. That means he had to sing each of those songs every day to edit it together correctly. This is really the Boyhood of marriage proposals.

Finally, some good news.

Friend him.(via GoFundMe)

Jimmy Thoronko is an athlete who came to the UK for the Commonwealth Games last summer, then disappeared soon after. Thoronko was Sierrra Leone's top 100-meter sprinter, and was expected to bring home medals. Shortly before competing, he received news his uncle had passed away, probably from Ebola. The outbreak had just begun, but the loss took a toll on Jimmy and the races went poorly. At the end of the competition, there was difficulty finding flights for the athletes, as the seriousness of the outbreak became more apparent.

He has been living on the streets of Glasgow in the months since, as Ebola ravaged his home country, killing his adopted mother, brothers and sisters. Last Friday, he was arrested and detained for breaking his visa.

But there's some good news! The story broke and offers to help Jimmy Thoronko came pouring in, from legal help, to petitions, to a successful GoFundMe campaign that's raised over $30,000 this weekend.

Thank you, Internets. (via GoFundMe)

No amount of money can replace what Jimmy Thoronko has lost, but with this support he is facing a better future than he could in Freeport. He told The Guardian about his dreams:

"But after everything I've been through I'm determined not to give up hope...If I had not come to the Commonwealth Games I probably would have died of Ebola along with the rest of my family. I believe I was meant to survive so I can succeed in my dream to be the best sprinter in the world."

Let's hope his dreams come true.

I ain't 'fraid of no ghost! Just women.

Barely six weeks after Sony Pictures announced the cast for Paul Feig's upcoming all-female Ghostbusters reboot, the studio has dropped another bombshell. Last night, Sony execs announced a spinoff movie produced by, and hopefully starring, Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum will star in an all-male Ghostbusters movie http://t.co/uGlezrG00apic.twitter.com/42oML52aKE
— AskMen (@AskMen) March 10, 2015

You know, famous comedic actor Channing Tatum? Known for his many comedic roles in films as varied as 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, the upcoming 23 Jump Street, and as many more Jump Streets as it takes to convince us that he can carry a Ghostbusters movie?

Pardon me for being skeptical, but I'm a lifelong fan of the franchise: both movies, the cartoon where Egon was blond for some reason, Ecto-Cooler… It's just hard for me to believe that a funny movie about people in beige jumpsuits cracking wise while fighting ghosts would be improved by adding a soft-spoken bodybuilder. The original cast was amazing, but not for their physiques.

The 'Ghostbusters' world gets bigger with Channing Tatum version in development http://t.co/3FbK2FrCuVpic.twitter.com/HFjUN43uqO
— HitFix (@HitFix) March 9, 2015

Newer reports seem a little more hopeful. In addition to Tatum, the movie may star Chris Pratt, who at least has comedy chops, and will be directed by the Russo brothers, who did a great job with Captain America: the Winter Soldier.

Rumor Patrol: Channing Tatum Ghostbusters to Co-Star Chris Pratt, Wont ... #MovieNewshttp://t.co/Mc3SCgNFWEpic.twitter.com/3f6OPfJOdj
— The Movies Story (@_MoviesStory) March 10, 2015

But of course, the real controversy of this announcement is the gender issue. Feminists the world over were excited by the announcement of the female Ghostbusters cast. In recent years, female-led comedies have struggled to even make it to the screen, despite the success of Feig's Bridesmaids. Studios seems to have little faith in women to carry a comedy, or in audiences to come out and see it if they do. Handing a beloved franchise like Ghostbusters over to an all-female cast (and one stacked with heavy hitters) struck everyone as a turning point. This decision seems like a step backward, with Sony hedging their bets and undermining their faith in Feig's project, and its cast. Personally, I found it very disappointing, both as a feminist, and someone threatened by Channing Tatum's abs.

"In LA my arms register as legs."

After the trailer for Trainwreck came out, Amy Schumer was fighting off trolls on the Internet and in Hollywood who think a woman's primary contribution to any entertainment is being able to fit into a size zero. Because she's average!

I am a size 6 and have no plans of changing. This is it. Stay on or get off. Kisses! pic.twitter.com/6IsEfFOwAD
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) February 12, 2015

I wish I were that average.

Schumer covers a lot in this short set at Night of Too Many Stars, from her reaction to being told to stop eating, to how she tucks herself in at night (It involves Ambien and wine). She also manages to make the sad double standard in comedy funny. Truly, a thinker.

So hot 14 years ago...and maybe right now?

A video posted by Tina Leung 梁伊妮 (@tinaleung) on Mar 10, 2015 at 7:24am PDT

Paris Fashion Week is usually above bowing to celebrities (although Kanye and Kim are trying to change that), preferring the champagne of their own snobbiness to the mass-produced beer of Hollywood worship. They're apparently willing to bend that rule not only for fashion-obsessed Kanye West, but for two of the least-intelligent (yet awesome) characters in big-screen history: high-fashion supermodels and accidental heroes Derek Zoolander and Hansel McDonald, aka Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson.

Zoolander come to @MaisonValentino#PFWhttps://t.co/jpTR4WczUb
— Vanessa Friedman (@VVFriedman) March 10, 2015

The two turned up at Paris Fashion Week to model Valentino's Fall 2015 collection. I don't know much about fashion or PFW, but I know that's a BFD.

What is this, a fashion show for Annas?

DOES THIS VALENTINO FINALE MEAN ZOOLANDER 2 IS COMING!?!?!?!?!?!?
A video posted by Man Repeller (@manrepeller) on Mar 10, 2015 at 7:05am PDT

No one knows why Zoolander waited 14 years to do his signature Blue Steel look on the runway, but many are speculating that this is the run-up to a sequel announcement.

Speak no evil. See no evil. Hear no evil. Derek #Zoolander and #Hansel are back! Photo by @kevintachman backstage at @maisonvalentino. #Zoolander2
A photo posted by Vogue (@voguemagazine) on Mar 10, 2015 at 7:16am PDT

Or maybe even terrifying fashion icons like Anna Wintour just have a soft spot for one of the only successful mainstream movies ever set in the fashion world (except, y'know, for that Devil Wears Prada movie about how she's a soul-devouring monster).

Stand out by being two-dimensional.

"Are you staring at my hair bun horns?" "No, I'm staring at your purse."
(via Facebook)

WTF is going on with these bags? They're like cartoons that were edited onto the photo, but they're real! What we have here is some real life-imitating art.

The people at Taiwanese bag company JumpFromPaper (no prizes for guessing how they came up with that name) have come up with a line of purses and backpacks that "attempt to fulfill everyone's childhood fantasy."

So cute... this is the perfect bag to pack when Garfield mails you to Abu Dhabi.
(via JumpFromPaper)

And they nailed it. My childhood fantasy was to discover a product so unique it would make me want to post a bunch of pictures of it on the web, so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

If you're not doing cartoon in pink, you're not even trying.

Make sure you're not too pure to be pink. (via JumpFromPaper)

I love this pink backpack, and I think it looks equally good on a guy.

This is the perfect way to let everyone know you are a DJ. (via Facebook)

Look at him in real life with his straight-up cartoon backpack. They look like they should only carry balloons and pinwheels and stuff, but they actually hold real things.

Here's a bag on its own, looking fake as hell:

"Hi, I'm here to meet with Dick Tracy." (via JumpFromPaper)

Now here it is again, with your real stuff that you actually carry around in your non-cartoon life:

It even looks fake on the inside, but those are real books!
(via JumpFromPaper)

And they come at a real cost. JumpFromPaper costs actual paper. The price of the bags is anywhere from $30 (for a change purse) to $139 (backpacks). There aren't any stores in the US, but they will ship. That way, next time someone asks, you can tell them you don't just look good on paper, you actually look like paper.

1. Are We Even Pretending That We're Not All Going To Be Wearing These Stupid Apple Watches In Five Years?

While Gizmodo's Mario Aguilar makes a compelling argument for why none of us should buy this first-generation version of the Apple Watch, we're all in agreement that we're all going to buy the watch eventually, right? I mean, not right away! We'll obviously spend a lot of time mocking it and making fun of the people we see wearing it. But then, in a couple months or a couple years, we'll start quietly eyeballing it online and trying to work its $350 selling price into our budgets. This is just the cycle of things. It's best to accept it.

I hope your $10,000 Apple Watch tracks your location so you can be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

— Steven Rosenthal (@Rosenthaltweets) March 10, 2015

2. Americans' Interest In Deadly Firearms Is Dangerously Low

A mere 32% of Americans currently live in a household with at least one gun that can accidentally go off and kill them, or be used against them by an intruder, according to a new poll. This is way down from the 1980s, when approximately half of all Americans owned a gun or lived with someone who owned a gun. Of course, back then J.R. Ewing's shooter was still on the loose, so people probably had reason to be nervous.

If you ask me, guns are for wussies. Just speaking my mind on the Internet.

— PÄŮŁÝ ÇÂŞÏĽŁĄŠ (@PaulyPeligroso) February 26, 2015

3. 56-Year-Old Woman Who Thinks She's 32 Releases Album For 14-Year-Olds

Madonna's 13th studio album, Rebel Heart, was released online and in physical retail locations that still sell CDs for some reason. The album, which is getting moderately favorable reviews from critics so far, includes collaborations with Kanye West, Diplo, Nicki Minaj and some other musicians that might trick kids into shelling out $10 to hear someone older than their parents trying to act like their junior high friends.

.@Madonna This morning, my rebel heart told me to put goat yogurt in my smoothie, and so I did.

— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) March 10, 2015

4. You're Turning Your Special Little Angel Into An Especially Narcissistic Asshole

Telling your children that they are special may result in them becoming narcissistic twerps whom nobody loves later in life, according to a new study from Ohio State University. Instead, parents should remind their children that they are completely replaceable and that regardless of how much they achieve, the universe will ultimately wipe away all trace of their existence. That should lead to much better results.

I wish I were a narcissist just so I could lose some weight.

— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 27, 2015

5. 'Better Call Saul' Answers All The Questions About Mike We Didn't Know We Wanted To Know

In last night's critically acclaimed episode of AMC's Better Call Saul, viewers were treated to a full hour about a cranky old man who hardly ever talks and doesn't like anything, and it was maybe the best thing on TV in the past six months.

I wish someone would tell me I should watch Better Call Saul!

— Barry Rothbart (@barryrothbart) February 24, 2015

Dust off your L.L. Bean gear and lobster cracker, your future is waiting in Maine.

Straight out of Stephen King.(via TripAdvisor)

If you've ever dreamed of owning a historic bed and breakfast in Maine, that's an oddly specific dream. But good news! Now's your chance to fulfill it, as long as you have $125, a postage stamp, and a gift for words.

An essay contest will determine the new owner of the Center Lovell Inn & Restaurant. http://t.co/R5xles9xgLpic.twitter.com/XSCYlztYld
— PressHerald (@PressHerald) March 9, 2015

Janice Sage, the owner and innkeeper of the Center Lovell Inn and Restaurant, wants to retire. Rather than sell the inn traditionally, however, she is holding an essay contest to find the person who will treat the old place right. She is charging $125 per entry, and hopes to attract at least 7,500 contestants, netting her the $900,000 estimated value of the property.

Where did she get the idea to hand off the inn that way? That's how she got it.

Back in 1993, the Center Lovell Inn was owned by Bil and Susie Mosca. They held an essay contest, charging $100 per entry, and Janice was the winner. The contest attracted a lot of media attention at the time, including a feature on The Phil Donahue Show. Janice doesn't have the media power of the Donahue behind her, but she does have the Internet. What do you say? Do you want to help make her rich, and have a chance at owning your own piece of history in the process?

The Center Lovell Inn was built in 1805, and features two outbuildings, as well as scenic views of Kezar Lake and the White Mountains. There are 10 guest bedrooms, a 40-seat dining room, and ghosts, probably. Probably lots of ghosts.

Check out how to enter here. All entries must be mailed in by May 17. The essay must be no more than 200 words, written in English, and explain why the writer is the right caretaker for the inn. It must be typed or legibly handwritten. The rules don't say anything about essays written in calligraphy with a quill pen on a piece of faded parchment, but you should definitely do that. If you think you're going to beat that person, you just don't understand B&B culture. And the Center Lovell Inn will never be yours. Good luck, though.

Personally, I'm not entering the contest. I'm just going to buy the lot across the street and open a Chair Lunch Dinner.

Edit:
You know what? After seeing the interest generated by this article, I think I will enter. In fact, I'm so certain my essay will win, I'm posting it here for everyone to see. I won't blame you for crumpling up your entry after reading this:

Hello. Boy, I'm nervous. Oh right, I shouldn't waste space. OK. My name is Matt Nedostup, and this is my submission essay to be the new owner of the Center Lovell Inn and Restaurant in Maine or possibly New Hampshire. Here is why I would be a good candidate: I am a self-starter. Furthermore, I have a great love of bed and breakfasts, having stayed at many when a larger hotel was not available. Also, I am punctual. Not that that would be an issue if I were an innkeeper, because I'd live there! That was a joke. But also a perk of the job. If you choose me, I promise I will treasure and properly maintain the 210-year-old historic inn, and not bulldoze it to put up a Holiday Inn with adjoining strip mall, even though that location is perfect and whoever does win should at least consider it. Also, I wrote an article for happyplace.someecards.com that probably got you a lot more entries and therefore $$. In conclusion, I believe I am the only logical choice to inherit your inn. Thank you. Oh, I have a few words left. Um… follow @nedostup on Twitter.

Once the Center Lovell Inn is mine, you're all welcome to come stay there. But wipe your feet.

You don't have to carry your new bride across the threshold, because she's already in the house.

Note to self: Find out if the real estate broker can also draft a prenup. (via Thinkstock)

A woman in Jakarta, Indonesia has found an unusual real estate hook (or an unusual online dating profile, depending on how you look at it) — "Buy the house and you may marry the owner."

Wina Lia, her car, and her house (well, the fence outside her house). (via RumahDijual)

A widow since her husband died in 2000, homeowner Wina Lia has tried dating but without success. Her real estate agent reportedly gave her the idea to throw the marriage in with the house. Lia told the news site Kompas that "My goal is that this house be sold. But if I meet another partner, it is important that he be single, whether a bachelor or a widower, responsible and mature." Coconuts Jakarta reported that, "She also said she hoped her potential mate would be a good father to her children and a religious man who would not object if she wore a headscarf." The house is listed for approximately $76,500 USD.

I hope that the popularity of Lia's posting spurs several dating/real estate cross-overs, such as:

• Covering yourself with that fake fresh-baked-cookie smell spray real estate agents lovebefore meeting a potential mate.
• Tinder, but for houses (swipe left when you see wall-to-wall carpeting).
• Staging yourself before a first date like you'd stage a house, hiding as many flaws as possible. WAIT WE ALL ALREADY DO THAT.

Why should they have to change the movie? He's the one who rocks.

For those of us old enough to have loved Mike Judge's 'Office Space' without being quite old enough to be emotionally attached to early-90s pop-balladeers, Michael Bolton (the singer) was forever doomed to be remembered as a no-talent ass-clown who ruined Michael Bolton's (the Initech employee) life. The singing Bolton did eventually re-enter the Millennial consciousness, first as the subject of a thousand relatively easy vocal impersonations, and then in an awesome Lonely Island video about Pirates of the Caribbean (below). Now the zeitgeist train has come full circle (like in Snowpiercer—that train ran in a circle, right?), and Bolton (the singer) has teamed up with Funny or Die to reprise the role of Michael Bolton (the Initech employee) that doomed him to a decade and a half of punchlinedom. I'm still not exactly sure what he does here, though.

Oh, right... Atmosphere! I remember that.

Twelve years ago, a terrible injustice was inflicted upon one of the coolest superheroes ever to be produced by Marvel. One that inflicted untold agony upon comic book geeks the world over, and forced the uninitiated to live in the false belief that Matt Murdoch—the blind public defender by day/tortured vigilante by night—was some lame pretty boy with moussed hair and a lot of half-funny quips.

One month from now, Marvel Studios will fix all that when the Daredevil series is dropped on Netflix. And if the above trailer doesn't fill the nerd capillaries of your circulatory system with turbulent excitement, just try watching it in comparison to the trailer for the 2003 film version, starring Ben Affleck:

To be fair, 2003 was two years before Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins was released and studios learned that superhero movies were allowed to be smart.

This story sounds like a plot line from a poorly written episode of 'CSI,' not a real thing.

Padge-Victoria Windslowe.(via the Philadelphia Police Department)

Padge-Victoria Windslowe, a woman who ran an escort service and made goth hip-hop under the name "Black Madam," has been convicted of manslaughter for the awful and untimely death of a young woman. She killed the woman, 20-year-old college student Claudia Aderotimi, by injecting almost a half-gallon of silicone into her butt.

Windslowe has claimed credit for this butt, belonging to Kardashian/West Twitter fighter Amber Rose. (via amberrose on Instagram)

You see, beyond the escort service and the goth hip-hop (as if that's not enough), Windslowe had another endeavor: providing illegal "body sculpting" butt injections — injections that she claimed she was the absolute best at. In fact, during her testimony, Windslowe said that she had worked on model Amber Rose's butt and that "Nicki Minaj had contacted her about an operation." This despite the fact that, according to Time,

Windslowe had no medical training, other than tips she said she picked up from overseas doctors who performed her sex change operation and a physician-client of her escort service who became her lover.

...and...

The evidence showed that Windslowe traveled to hotel rooms and “pumping parties” with tools of her trade stuffed into a shiny pink purse: a water bottle filled with liquid silicone, a red plastic cup, needles and syringes, and Krazy Glue to close the wound.

I had to search for a long time to find a picture of Nicki Minaj's butt with fabric over it. (via nickiminaj on Instagram)

Windslowe reminds me a lot of another untrained surgeon, "doctor" John Brinkley, who made a fortune in the early 1900s by convincing both men and women that having goat testicles surgically grafted to them would cure all ills. Unsurprisingly, he swindled and killed a lot of innocent and well-meaning people.

Also, this just made me think about filling someone's butt entirely with goat testicles, a terrifying mental image that I am now passing on to you. You're welcome.

I know you're tempted, but you must resist.

This video is actually terrifying. I can't believe I've been carrying one of these things in my pocket all this time! It's almost enough to make me want to give up my phone. Just kidding never never never.

As redditors will point out, when the battery is already swollen like that, it's a good sign it's about to self-destruct Get Smart-style. Not that this would have been a good decision otherwise.

If you can't get enough of things exploding that shouldn't explode, check out what happens when you over-inflate a basketball.

Cape Codsicles

From @Dapixara: "Turtle, king of the Ice." (via Twitter)

According to my relatives in Boston, local news is abuzz with a debate over whether they want one more snowstorm to break annual snowfall records (they're just a few inches short) or whether they just want spring to finally come. Well, across the bay on Cape Cod, a whole new kind of insane snowfall is occurring, namely landfall by huge icebergs. These haven't appeared on the beach for a few years, but after this year's brutally cold temperatures (read here on why this winter had been so weird) and heavy snowfalls on already-frozen seas (like the "slurpee waves" of Nantucket) have created bergs the size of small shacks. Cape Cod-based photographer Dapixara captured these amazing pictures of the icy boulders with all kinds of curious onlookers.

Death Valley have sliding Rocks, We in #capecod (sailing) moving Ice! Dapixara photography. @GoParks#naturepic.twitter.com/Sp3ykTFBge

— Dapixara (@dapixara) March 5, 2015

This is how thick ice in Wellfleet, Cape Cod! Dapixara pic. @CapeCodNPS#naturehttp://t.co/EZ4jzjrCMYpic.twitter.com/QLoutS9ELB

— Dapixara (@dapixara) March 7, 2015

Now Melting! Human size icebergs in #capecod National Seashore! Dapixara #photographyhttp://t.co/ioqYRyiqp9pic.twitter.com/QucazaFn2m

— Dapixara (@dapixara) March 9, 2015

Head to Dapixara's site to see more photos of the icebergs, especially since who knows how many more times it will get cold enough for them to form?

If a bank makes a mistake, you'll pay the price.

Guilty of having his greatest fantasy come true. (via Fox 8)

A teller for First Citizen's Bank in Madison County Georgia was supposed to deposit $30,000 into 70-year-old Steven Fields's bank account after he had recently sold some land. Despite having gone to that bank in person and having known the teller for years, the bank employee accidentally put that money in 18-year-old Steven Fields's bank account instead.

According to a report by Fox 8, the two Steven Fields lived in the same town, and at one point on the same street. It's an easy mistake, which is all the more reason the teller should be double checking her work. Especially when we're talking about a sum that could easily get an 18-year-old's hands on a luxury car and some drugs.

Once the bank (and probably an angry elder Mr Fields) noticed the error, it was too late. The cash was gone. Young Fields had already blown most of the cash on a new BMW, "among other things."

FOX 8 doesn't say what those other things were, but since this has all gone down, the teen has been arrested for possessing illegal drugs.

The teller who made the error was forced to retire, which seems fair, but the kid is far worse off. He now has a criminal record, has been put on 10 years probation, and is ordered to pay the money back. It really sucks that he blew that money on two things with terrible resale value (well, the drugs might hold their value, but you have to not use them first).

Stacy Sorrow was described by Fox 8 as "a woman who raised the teen," although unfortunately not in the right direction.

“He was excited. I would have been too," Sorrow told Fox 8, clearly having never heard of anyone having been screwed over by a bank. “I told that woman up at the bank she should have looked over her mistake that she made if she knew there were three people up there with the same name."

That's what I said!

I also would have said that banks aren't in the business of giving away money, and that they will stop at nothing to crush whoever is in their way of a penny.

Teen Fields tried to apologize in court, but of course apologies have no place when it comes to $30,000. The teen's apology was intended for the old man, and when man was asked if he thought the teen was sincere when he apologized, he said,

"I don't know if he was or not. It's like when people say, 'I'm sorry.' I feel like they're sorry they got caught."

Um, yeah... of course he's only sorry he got caught.

The elder Fields is referred to as the victim in this case, although I feel like the teen is equally a victim: of temptation and ignorance.

It's unclear at this point whether the bank will reimburse the elder Fields, or if they will force him to sue the kid. I think both Steven Fieldses should sue the bank. You had one stupid job, bank, and you blew it.

If any lesson can be learned from this, it is for people who invest in the prison system. If you want to fill up your jails, just accidentally transfer money into people's bank accounts and then arrest anyone who doesn't give it back. Which will be everyone.