The Avengers interview process.

I think the Avengers might have just inducted a new junior member. A seven-year-old kid named Alex recently had a special meeting with genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark (alias Robert Downey, Jr.) in which he was gifted with an Iron Man-style bionic prosthetic for his partially developed right arm.

The high tech piece of machinery was developed by Albert Manero, whose non-profit organization Limbitless Solutions builds, as as Stark/Downey explains, 3D-printed artificial limbs "for families with kids who want to show the playground how badass they are":

Plant got your tongue?

Let's add this to the list of "things most people would assume are bad ideas, but someone on YouTube has tried anyway, just to prove it." That list also includes classics like stabbing a phone battery with a knife, and severely over-inflating a basketball. That's what's great about people; we're always learning, mostly from each others' stupid, stupid mistakes.

#BitchImaSock: The Madonna hashtag nobody's been waiting for.

Madonna has started dropping several awkward Instagram and Facebook videos of her talking to a sock puppet to help promote her new tour. And you guys, I have come to this conclusion: Madonna doesn't understand social media. You know how, if you're under the age of 35, your boss will eventually read about social media in an in-flight magazine and then ask you to "make something viral," even if your job is making joints for PVC pipes? I think that #bitchimasock is Madonna's version of that.

A video posted by Madonna (@madonna) on Mar 10, 2015 at 8:37pm PDT

This is the conversation I imagine she had with her employee:

Madonna: "I should make more Internets."

Underling: "Well, you don't really 'make' Internets."

Madonna: "When I was doing Internet this morning, I watched three vids, and I discovered that people like quirky things. What's quirky?"

Underling: "Oh, gosh. Um, sock puppets, s—"

Madonna: "That. The first idea. Let's make that an Internet."

Underling: "Are you sure?"

Madonna: "Bitch, I'm Madonna."

Underling: "That doesn't actually answer the—"

Madonna: "Hashtag bitch I'm a sock close hashtag."

Underling: "...yes, Madonna."

A video posted by Madonna (@madonna) on Mar 10, 2015 at 7:41pm PDT

"Bitch, I'm a sock," in case you didn't know, is a play on "Bitch, I'm Madonna," one of the singles off of her new album, Rebel Heart. You can see all of Madonna's weird sock puppet videos on her Instagram.

Warning: will make you want to go back to bed.

Good luck ever getting as comfy as Bikke the chip does with a whole human-sized bed to himself. Then again, it's a noble goal. Who among us hasn't wanted to stuff their cheeks with food, yawn, and stretch out on a bed the size of a football field? Relaxation moves like that are best left to the pros, however. And in this case, the pros are chips.

Performance Review for Winter: Q1 2015

Precipitation: Satisfactory

Winter's numbers truly excelled in this sector, specifically in the northeast region. Unfortunately, many of these deliverables were later than initially projected based on past performance.

(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)

Temperature: Excellent

This year, Winter really went above and beyond normal responsibilities. It didn't have to reinvent the wheel. Instead, there was an impressive return to this department's bread and butter: bitter cold.

A video posted by TJ Parker (@tjparker) on Jan 24, 2015 at 12:41pm PST

Interior Destruction: Excellent

Thanks to a strong showing in the precipitation quadrant, nearly every week of winter brought its street team, rock salt, into homes across the country.

(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)

Depression-Inducement: Excellent

While other seasons still rely on things like the preponderance of weddings or having to go back to school to prompt depression, Winter achieves this easily, allowing time for other projects like flu epidemics and power outages.

(Via: The best examples of people making the most of a cold situation.)

Cooperation/Working with Others: Unsatisfactory

At the close of this quarter, winter could have exhibited more compromise with its coworker spring, which normally handles the workflow in this time period.

(Via: This heroic cat jumped through a wall of snow to rescue food from not being eaten.)

Holidays: Satisfactory

Winter came out the gate strong this quarter with perennial favorites like Christmas and New Years Eve, not to mention the office-closing Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Presidents Day, and the unofficial holiday that is Superbowl Sunday. The weak point, however, is Valentines Day, which still leads the entire organization in tears, bad sex, and suicide threats.

Projections for Q1 2016:

While winter exhibited unprecedented enthusiasm and dedication to its department this quarter, the long-term predictions for its performance are uncertain. With the changing landscape thanks to the uncontrollable influence of global warming, winter will either lose marketshare or become the industry leader as the earth becomes either a superheated ocean or frozen hellscape thanks to a second ice age.

(Via: Celebrate winter's end with two snowmen murdering each other with roman candles.)

The incredible, edible actor from "Footloose." (Note: We do not know if Kevin Bacon is actually edible.)

Just like that check you really need arriving late, or a former teen starlet hitting rock bottom, Kevin Bacon becoming a spokesperson for the American Egg Board was inevitable, right? In this well-done "web film" (Bacon's words, not mine), Kevin simultaneously manages to promote eggs and help tear apart a marriage. Now that's the kind of multitasking I can support!

In the AP article about the launch of the campaign, Bob Krouse, CEO of Midwest Poultry Services, notes that "he's glad the egg board is taking a slightly edgier approach in its marketing." With that in mind, here are some other ideas for edgier, Bacon-based web films for the American Egg Board:

• Large worms, a la Tremors, surfacing in grocery stores and decimating the entire egg section. Bacon figures out that they are feeding on eggs because "eggs are the perfect nutritionally balanced food."
• A conservative town like in Footloose, but the reverend thinks that oatmeal is the only godly food and is afraid of the town's youth being corrupted by eating eggs.
• Bacon tracking down a Following-style cult that cuts off people's heads, then drops a raw egg into their open throat holes because "the protein power of an egg can keep a beheaded body alive for days" while they use it for their rituals. Bacon cannot argue with this because eggs are so great, and he leaves the cult alone to keep murdering people.

Do you want to build a franchise?

Don't gloat. Everyone knew it was going to happen.(via Disney)

Remember Frozen? The most profitable animated film of all time? The one that spawned the song you only just managed to get out of your head? Well, it turns out there's going to be another one.

Disney has officially announced a sequel. Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck, who co-wrote and co-directed the original, will return, and the original cast are also expected to reprise their roles. Kristen Bell should at least be involved, based on this tweet she sent out:

Dreams really do come 2!!! #FROZEN2#itsofficialpic.twitter.com/qF6qTQlnqi
— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) March 12, 2015

That bag could just as easily be full of money.

All cynicism aside, there's nothing wrong with this news. Frozen made a lot of kids happy, along with some weird adults. A sequel will just give parents another two hours of peace on any car trip. If you're holding on to some principled objection to the idea of this sequel, I have one piece of advice for you: reindeer are better than people. Wait, wrong song. Let it go.

If you ever swallowed Gak, rest assured it will be seen again...by your coroner.

Gak was a toy marketed to Nickelodeon viewers in the 90s, named for (but not identical to) one of the many goopy substances dumped on contestants on Double Dare and other Marc Summers-hosted game shows (there was legitimately a point in my life when I thought he was the most famous person on TV...I wasn't a cool kid). It's main selling point, besides being practically non-Newtonian in its combination of stickiness and rubberiness, was that it made fart noises. They also made versions that smelled. One selling point that was never mentioned is that it is practically heat-proof. Seriously, has NASA ever explored the idea of slathering re-entry shields with this stuff? What is it made of? Can it also stop bullets? What would happen if you fell in a vat of Gak (and is that why Double Dare got cancelled)??

If you've never seen an RHNB (red-hot nickel ball) video, allow me to explain: someone with a blowtorch (YouTuber Carsandwater) heats up a ball of solid nickel until it's red-hot. Then, they put it on something. Normally, this causes substances it comes into contact with to instantly melt, bubble, splatter, explode, ignite, or vaporize. There are many multi-million view episodes, but for a somewhat similar texture, check out what the RHNB did to the world's largest Gummi Bear:

Or to ice (because it's cool):

Or to Jello (why not?):

"Dogs can come back from anything, they forget their past. We, as humans, dwell on the past."

"Smile and the world smiles with you." (viaTraining the K9 Way)

Smiley the blind Golden Retriever was rescued by Joanne George of Ontario, Canada. He was born with dwarfism and without eyes, and so faced death at a puppy mill until George discovered the sweet pup. He would have probably been killed without her intervention, and now Smiley is giving back by spending hours a day visiting people with the St. John Ambulance Therapy Dog program.

"People were so drawn to him, so inspired by him." George told CBS News. "I realized this dog has to be a therapy dog -- I have to share him."

Shaking new friends. (viaTraining the K9 Way)

And he really makes the rounds, visiting retirement homes, special needs kids, nursing homes, and even a reading program. George recalls a particularly touching moment when Smiley connected with a patient at a nursing home who had no speech or ability to communicate.

"One day, Smiley put his feet up in front of him and he started smiling and making noise," George told ABC. "All of the nurses rushed into the room and said they've never seen him smile -- never seen any kind of reaction."

If you're Smiley and you know it raise a paw. (viaTraining the K9 Way)

He's already 12-years-old, but he's visited hundreds of men, women and children. Plus, George says he doesn't seem bothered by his blindness.

"Dogs can come back from anything, they forget their past. We as humans, dwell on the past."

And as far as getting around, "Does he bump into things? Of course, he does. But he does it very carefully," George told ABC. Noting he "takes 'high' steps when he walks as though 'He's feeling with his feet.'"

12 years old but still wet behind the ears. (viaTraining the K9 Way)

Thanks for being an inspiration, Smiley, and for proving that being an old blind dog isn't as lonesome as country music would have you believe.

Chelsea Handler: Tammy 3?

"Oh, hey there. We didn't know you were photographing us from behind." (via Esquire and Robert Trachtenberg)

If it's not already obvious from the picture above, Nick Offerman and Chelsea Handler are the naked cover models for Esquire's April issue, subtitled "Women and Men."

If you're at all familiar with Chelsea Handler, you know that she's not particularly skin-shy. If you're not familiar and you're not at work, Playboy has made a list of every time she's gotten naked on the Internet. The really naughty bits are covered, but you still probably don't want your boss to see, unless you work for the government.

Offerman, meanwhile, has less experience with public nudity, but he's not a total... er, virgin. He also got naked for the film Somebody Up There Likes Me. In a Flavorwire interview about the film, Offerman said, "I'm not built in the way that people regularly ask me to bare myself. But when things call for it, I've done it on stage, I've done it on screen… I enjoy the beauty of nature."

A character who probably will not be in this movie.

So, we finally know the name of the first stand-alone Star Wars movie. Disney chairman and CEO Bob Iger announced it at a shareholder meeting to a bunch of people who probably don't know the difference between a landspeeder and a speeder bike.

Let's see if you can figure out which one of these titles is the correct one, and which three I just pulled out of my Sarlacc hole:

a)Star Wars: Rebel Force

b)Star Wars: Red Five

c)Star Wars: Rogue One

d)Star Wars: Boba Fett vs. the Mole People

If you said b, you're wrong! Because it's c! I think! I can't remember, because the title is so boring and prosaic. I think we should check with the official Star Wars website to make certain:

"Rogue One is the title for the first film in a unique series of big-screen adventures that explores the characters and events beyond the core Star Wars saga. Rogue One will be directed by Gareth Edwards (Monsters, Godzilla) and written by Oscar nominee Chris Weitz (Cinderella, About a Boy, Antz). The first actress cast is Felicity Jones, who garnered an Academy Award nomination and critical acclaim for her performance in The Theory of Everything."

While Iger didn't announce what Rogue Force Five (or whatever) is about, there are rumors swirling around the Internet that it's about a group of bounty hunters who are hired to steal the plans for the Death Star. Fingers crossed that Lizard Face Guy is on the team!

Hey, cat? Even if you're adorable, there are consequences to stealing.

But I get it — an ice cream sandwich on a waffle? That looks delicious.

"Building a snowman sounds like man's work..."

The 'Honest Trailers' series from Screen Junkies is one of our favorite things on YouTube. Usually, they make fun of glaring plotholes, ridiculous love stories, or unrealistic physics of the films they're mocking. When it comes to the retrograde sexual politics of Cinderella, however...yeeeeesh! Also, the songs. The drunk, drunk songs.

As the owner of one of those little weird Y chromosomes, I a.) didn't watch Cinderella that much, because almost other movie ever made was marketed to boys like me, and b.) I did not catch how crazy sexist it was when I was 7. That one's on me: when I was 7, I fully admit to being completely out of touch with systemic sexism. As an almost 30-year-old, however, I now am extremely reluctant to show this to the children I probably won't have. Because it's sexist as all hell.

Would've guessed it was "F-PLUTO."

Either that "don't walk" timer is actually red, or it's moving away from us incredibly quickly. What's that? It's just red? That makes more sense. (via reddit)

When vanity plates match their owners, it's usually to describe what kind of douchebag they are, like a tag reading MONYBAG. See? The money kind of douchebag. Every once and a while, though, you pull up alongside a car with a vanity plate and it's someone who has legitimately earned their vanity. That's what happened to redditor TheDrunkMachine (on second thought, maybe he shouldn't be driving) when he stopped at a light next to this dark blue (and pretty dirty) Audi. It's been a long winter, though, so let's not hold the grime and salt marks on the car against one of the smartest men in New York City and the Cosmos successor to Carl Sagan, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, PhD:

"I see you have caught literally me riding dirty. I usually drive the Spaceship of The Imagination and I haven't cleaned my Audi in a while."(via reddit)

There's only one thing that could make this better, and predictably, someone on the Internet already did it before I could:

"I came here to do two things, blow minds and reclassify dwarf planets, and I'm all out of dwarf planets." (via redditor flash_memory)

See more: Neil deGrasse Tyson reveals the nerdiest thing he's ever done.

If Hillary did this in 1995 when 'Forrest Gump' won best picture, does that mean Michelle Obama will do a parody of 'Birdman'?

If you haven't heard of it, the Gridiron Club is a prestigious journalists' organization based in Washington, D.C. Each year they have a big gala dinner that typically features a combination of satirical sketches and remarks from the President of the United States. And for 1995's Gridiron Club Dinner, Hillary Clinton filmed this Forrest Gump parody.

This thing is so wonderful and odd, I don't even know where to start. Hillary's deadpan delivery? I know she was trying to ape Forrest, but c'mon. What about how delightful it is to hear a bunch of topical political jokes from 1995 some 20 years later? Also, this has nothing to do with Hillary, but what about the outfit of the guy who sits on the bench with her?

I know that this is already a weird parody video, but I really want to see this exact sketch made word-for-word by a bunch of six-year-olds. Can we do that?

Stop reviving my faith in humanity, it's confusing!

These cute Girl Scouts are still not cuter than Tom Hanks.(via Los Altos Crier, photo by Archanna Appanna)

Tom Hanks is pranking us, but he doesn't understand what a prank is so he's just doing unbelievably adorable stuff all the time. He got tossed a Wilson ball at a Rangers game, then at a Knicks game the crowd just straight up chanted his name and ignored the basketball players. He lip synched to what will probably be this summer's wedding anthem with Carly Rae Jepsen. Apparently, he's even nice to cab drivers. And a few weeks ago he helped Girl Scouts sell cookies. WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING TO AMERICA?!

It started with just buying some cookies for himself from the girls on the street, but when they recognized who he was and the picture-taking began, it attracted attention from passersby. Everyone wanted to get in on this photo op with the nicest celebrity on earth, but Tom Hanks said he'd only take more pics if they bought cookies. Which is insane because girl scout cookies are everyone's favorite thing. They don't need this press!!!!

What was Tom Hanks even doing on a random street in the Bay Area? Buying typewriters. He collects old typewriters. Please be my dad and my grandpa, Tom Hanks, if that's not too weird.

Sign me up!

Learning to love yourself is exhausting! Let's all do this instead. (Stock photo)

Millions of Americans on the verge of going to the gym today were relieved to discover that the FDA has just approved use of a magical drug that will dissolve their fat for them.

The drug, deoxycholic acid, is injected directly into the fat, where it magics it away over the next several weeks. It requires no special equipment, and using it has "little to no risk," a plastic surgeon told CBS News.

While most plastic surgery costs hundreds or thousands of dollars, deoxycholic acid is as affordable and easy to use as botox. Speaking of which, deoxycholic acid is going to need a catchier name. Chin-Tox? Deox? D-X? The Good Acid? I assume the FDA will hold some sort of contest.

The main thing is that this drug may be the one thing missing in all of our lives that will finally make us happy. We're going to look so svelte while we debate whether our obsession with looking perfect has gone too far.

We know who's getting audited this year.

One of Jimmy Kimmel Live's most popular segments is Mean Tweets, in which celebrities read aloud the cruelest insults that have been written about them on Twitter. Kimmel has gotten some major stars to participate, including Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Adam Sandler, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Until last night, however, there had never been a sitting president.

Always eager to show he doesn't take himself too seriously, President Obama read some particularly ignorant tweets on last night's show, and responded with a withering scorn he usually reserves for Congress. The president deserves credit for agreeing to the bit, but even more credit should go to the staff of Jimmy Kimmel Live, who presumably had to sift through thousands of tweets to find the few that aired. They must have rejected countless comments that were either too racist and offensive, or else too incisively critical of Obama's actual policies, to even try to get him to read them.

Don't believe me? Just search for "Obama" on Twitter and see what comes up. You'll be desperate to hear something about his big ears again.