King me.

August 28, 2013, 10:13 am

≫ Next: There's nothing quite like Dr. King's speech to remind me how unambitious my own dreams are.

≪ Previous: I want our relationship to be exactly like whichever perfect celebrity couple hasn't broken up yet.

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There's nothing quite like Dr. King's speech to remind me how unambitious my own dreams are.

August 28, 2013, 10:52 am

≫ Next: PSA: If you call instead of text, it's not a phone they'll be picking up.

≪ Previous: King me.

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PSA: If you call instead of text, it's not a phone they'll be picking up.

August 28, 2013, 11:39 am

≫ Next: I’m glad the next episode of Breaking Bad isn’t taking Labor Day weekend off.

≪ Previous: There's nothing quite like Dr. King's speech to remind me how unambitious my own dreams are.

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I’m glad the next episode of Breaking Bad isn’t taking Labor Day weekend off.

August 28, 2013, 11:54 am

≫ Next: Better Like Button: That's racist.

≪ Previous: PSA: If you call instead of text, it's not a phone they'll be picking up.

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Better Like Button: That's racist.

August 28, 2013, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

≪ Previous: I’m glad the next episode of Breaking Bad isn’t taking Labor Day weekend off.

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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

August 28, 2013, 12:54 pm

≫ Next: Honest Autocorrects: Masturbation anxiety.

≪ Previous: Better Like Button: That's racist.

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Honest Autocorrects: Masturbation anxiety.

August 28, 2013, 1:38 pm

≫ Next: I had a dream once.

≪ Previous: Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.

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I had a dream once.

August 28, 2013, 2:37 pm

≫ Next: If I'd known you were coming over I would have gone out.

≪ Previous: Honest Autocorrects: Masturbation anxiety.

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If I'd known you were coming over I would have gone out.

August 28, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: I wish I remotely made enough money from my labor to afford a Labor Day vacation.

≪ Previous: I had a dream once.

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I wish I remotely made enough money from my labor to afford a Labor Day vacation.

August 29, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Congratulations to you and the Arctic ice cap on just barely surviving another summer.

≪ Previous: If I'd known you were coming over I would have gone out.

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Congratulations to you and the Arctic ice cap on just barely surviving another summer.

August 29, 2013, 7:55 am

≫ Next: I'd appreciate it if you could bring meat, beer, condiments, paper goods, and all the guests to a BBQ I'm throwing.

≪ Previous: I wish I remotely made enough money from my labor to afford a Labor Day vacation.

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I'd appreciate it if you could bring meat, beer, condiments, paper goods, and all the guests to a BBQ I'm throwing.

August 29, 2013, 8:28 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder there are many fantasies not involving football.

≪ Previous: Congratulations to you and the Arctic ice cap on just barely surviving another summer.

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Just a reminder there are many fantasies not involving football.

August 29, 2013, 9:01 am

≫ Next: PSA: Smoking isn't the only thing that gives you throat cancer.

≪ Previous: I'd appreciate it if you could bring meat, beer, condiments, paper goods, and all the guests to a BBQ I'm throwing.

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PSA: Smoking isn't the only thing that gives you throat cancer.

August 29, 2013, 10:23 am

≫ Next: Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

≪ Previous: Just a reminder there are many fantasies not involving football.

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Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

August 29, 2013, 11:42 am

≫ Next: It's been awhile since we nodded mindlessly at each other's stories over drinks.

≪ Previous: PSA: Smoking isn't the only thing that gives you throat cancer.

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It's been awhile since we nodded mindlessly at each other's stories over drinks.

August 29, 2013, 12:09 pm

≫ Next: True friendship is built on distrust of each other and a deep-rooted hatred of everyone else.

≪ Previous: Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

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True friendship is built on distrust of each other and a deep-rooted hatred of everyone else.

August 29, 2013, 1:38 pm

≫ Next: Here's to hopefully still having jobs when we return from Labor Day weekend.

≪ Previous: It's been awhile since we nodded mindlessly at each other's stories over drinks.

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Here's to hopefully still having jobs when we return from Labor Day weekend.

August 30, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Take comfort this Labor Day in knowing the pressure to have fun this summer is finally over.

≪ Previous: True friendship is built on distrust of each other and a deep-rooted hatred of everyone else.

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Take comfort this Labor Day in knowing the pressure to have fun this summer is finally over.

August 31, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer.

≪ Previous: Here's to hopefully still having jobs when we return from Labor Day weekend.

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Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer.

September 1, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: FYI, Labor Day is generally the termination date for all my air conditioning-based sexual relationships.

≪ Previous: Take comfort this Labor Day in knowing the pressure to have fun this summer is finally over.

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