FYI, Labor Day is generally the termination date for all my air conditioning-based sexual relationships.
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Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.
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Welcome back from the vacation I didn't realize you went on.
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There's no one I'd rather conspire with against our mutual friends than you.
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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your masturbation fantasies.
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Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.
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Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.
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I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.
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Let's spend the next few hours recklessly gaining back all the weight we lost this summer.
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Mom, I hope having a happy Rosh Hashanah will help offset your disappointment over the Fifty Shades of Grey casting.
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Sauvignon Blanc pairs nicely with freshly grilled halibut, but pairing it with leftover tater tots is also acceptable in my house.
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I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.
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I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.
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Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.
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Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying.
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We're concerned about your lack of bullshit classes.
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You had me at your correct pronunciation and spelling of Rosh Hashanah.
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I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.
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It's nice to know you've always got my back unless you're stabbing me in it.
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I hope the colder weather won't deter you from continuing to wear slutty summer dresses to the office.
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