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This video is a reminder that jetpacks are both real and really awesome.

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Oh, and jetpacks are also pants-wetting terrifying. They're definitely that too.

Guys, we can't say "It's 2015, where's my damn jetpack?" anymore. The jetpacks are HERE.* Well, not here here — the jetpacks are in Dubai. Because obviously, that city of wealth and eternal WTF is the home of operational jetpacks.

The jetpacks belong to Jetman Dubai. The flying team is comprised of professional pilot Yves Rossy, and his protégé, pro-skydiver Vince Reffet, who thankfully is not nicknamed "Jet Boy." After watching that video and learning that they travel at an average speed of 200 km/h, I can only assume that both Rossy and Reffet have had their sense of fear removed by some sort of hypnotist. (If only I could hire the same guy to remove my fear that I will NEVER LOVE AGAIN.)

I can't figure out from the video and website if there's any sort of endgame to Jetman Dubai other than being real cool dudes. But being a really cool dude is a pretty sweet endgame.

* Instead, let's try "It's 2015, where's my damn sustainable power source?" or "It's 2015, where's my damn Sim City 2000-style self-contained-living arco?"


Boring day at the mall becomes BOAR-ing when wild boar drops in.

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A wild boar came in through the ceiling of a children's clothing shop in Hong Kong, and it turned the place into a pigsty.

Recently, a boar crashed through the ceiling of a children's clothing store in a Hong Kong mall, I assume because it was looking for a spring wardrobe refresh. But apparently it was outraged by the high prices, the slim sizing, or both, because it then proceeded to run around the store, attacking mannequins and knocking over signs.

According to the manager of the shop, "It also pushed open the fitting room door and got in. Pigs are actually not stupid." I think what she meant to say was, "Pigs are actually not stupid, and just like humans, they want to know if they look good in dem jeans."

After four hours, authorities were able to tranquilize the boar, presumably with the promise that they would hire a personal stylist to teach it how to dress with its body type in mind, not trends.

Planning ahead.

Hero who smashed car window to save overheated dog now faces jail time.

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Veteran Michael Hammons saw a distressed terrier locked in a hot car and freed it before animal control could arrive or the dog died, whichever came first.


Thanks for your service!(via The Daily News)

Before we even get into this story, here is a quote about locking your dog in a parked car from The Humane Society:

Never leave your pets in a parked car. Not even for a minute. Not even with the car running and air conditioner on. On a warm day, temperatures inside a vehicle can rise rapidly to dangerous levels. On an 85-degree day, for example, the temperature inside a car with the windows opened slightly can reach 102 degrees within 10 minutes. After 30 minutes, the temperature will reach 120 degrees. Your pet may suffer irreversible organ damage or die.

Even assuming they're exaggerating to makes things as black and white as the idiots of the world need in order to understand what consequences are, that's a pretty serious warning about what locking a dog in a hot car can do. Irreversible organ damage sounds like a pretty painful way to go and if you love dogs it's hard to stand by and watch as they pant in the heat.

This was the case with Michael Hammons, who was out with his wife when he came upon a crowd of people standing around a car with this little guy inside:


Hot dog.(via The Daily News)

The onlookers were waiting for the police to arrive, but Hammons took the footrest of his wife's wheelchair and smashed the damn window. Hurray! Oh, wait. No.

The unnamed car/dog's owner came out to the parking lot from where ever she was chilling in the Athens, GA strip mall and lost it. The police had finally arrived so she demanded they take in Hammons. She insisted she'd only been gone a few minutes, though witnesses said it was much longer. Officers had no choice but to arrest him.

Now Hammons is facing a $1,000 fine and up to a year in prison for trespassing.

He said about his interference:

"I've got PTSD, and I've seen enough death and destruction. And I didn't want anything else to happen if I could prevent it."

While most of us might be pissed to come out and find our car window smashed in, weigh that against finding your dead dog.

Atlanta News, Weather, Traffic, and Sports | FOX 5

A bunch of guys tried a labor pain simulator to find out how badly it really hurts.

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I didn't know this machine existed until right now, and I wish I could forget that it does.

This video is so uncomfortable, I couldn't watch it all in one go. I feel guilty enough about being a man* without thinking about the pain that women feel during childbirth. Now, if I ever have a kid, I'll be even more aware of the agony I inflicted on somebody for my own selfish needs.

I do like to think that if I was going through labor, I wouldn't make as many lame wisecracks as these dudes. But I probably would.

*I probably don't feel guilty enough about being a man.

Woman's skin cancer selfie goes viral, along with her message about tanning beds.

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Tawny Willoughby has been battling skin cancer that developed after her compulsive use of tanning beds as a teenager. She posted a selfie of what she looks like now as a warning.


This isn't it.(via @tawnybelle11)

Tawny Willoughby posted a selfie of herself after one of her more brutal skin cancer treatments on her face. The cause of her cancer is almost certainly the insane amount of tanning she did as a teenager. Willoughby wrote on Facebook:

I did the bulk of my tanning in high school. I probably laid an average of 4-5 times a week (I laid frequently because my tan faded very fast). I never laid in the tanning bed and in the sun in the same day. I never laid in the tanning bed twice in one day. I had my first skin cancer diagnosis at 21. Now, at 27, I've had basal cell carcinoma 5 times and squamous cell carcinoma once (excluding my face). I go to the dermatologist every 6-12 months and usually have a skin cancer removed at each checkup.

The photo is so startling that it went viral. Not for the faint of heart:

If anyone needs a little motivation to not lay in the tanning bed and sun here ya go! This is what skin cancer treatment...

Posted by Tawny Willoughby on Saturday, April 25, 2015

In the edit she talks about her treatment, which includes a cream called Aldara, which causes scabbing, curettage and electrodessication, cryosurgery, surgical excision, and photodynamic therapy. Most people are thankful for the warning. Tanning is said to be addictive and Tawny wants this to be a warning to people, not just for vanity's sake, but because skin cancer can metastasize and kill you. She's got a two-year-old and she wants to see him grow up!

Get your vitamin D through a supplement and wear sunscreen. Yes, even in winter. A great message though not everyone appreciated it:

Well, it only took 10,716 shares for my photo to be reported. If I knew who reported it I would give them a major side eye, and the finger lol

Posted by Tawny Willoughby on Thursday, May 7, 2015

Very chill dude awakened by sea lion pup taking a nap on his boat.

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A guy was woken up from a nice boat nap by a sea lion pup who was also taking a boat nap.

Michael Duffy told ABC News he was sleeping on his yacht in San Diego Bay when he heard snoring and sneezing coming from the next cabin. Duffy is apparently a very chill dude, because he didn't even check to see who it was, he just assumed one of his friends was crashing on his boat, and he went back to sleep.

When Duffy woke up from his second nap of the day he discovered the snoring was coming from a sleepy little sea lion pup. That's when Duffy started filming a video on his cell phone. He tells the sea lion, "hey you gotta go," and the the sea lion leaves the boat. Then Duffy follows him down the dock and says, "hop in the water," and it dives into the water! If Duffy wasn't so surprised by the encounter, you'd think this was a well-trained animal, not a wild animal who acts suspiciously like a drunk guy.

This sea lion's friends totally think he's a baller now that he naps on fancy yachts.

Worst mom in the world posts a photo of her 1-year-old smoking a cigarette on Instagram.

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It's not for us to pass judgement, but f*ck this lady.


54 likes?! Who are these people!!!!(via The Daily Dot)

Okay, what the hell, world. I can believe someone would do this. The world is full of terrible people! But that there's 54 people who would just casually scroll by and like it?

The caption explains this Kodak moment thusly, "Already smoking at a year old, love you little one, you're my f*cking life."

<3 <3 <3 Go to hell.

This photo has since been taken down, perhaps because this mom discovered what Internet Shaming is for the first time. This Instagram user is located in Spain, so no way to check.


Women aged 18 to 50 answered the question "Does size matter?" definitively forever.

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So now we never need another viral video like this ever again.

As a man, you probably have feelings about your penis and its size relative to the penises of other men. We, as women, totally get that. We basically invented body image issues!

Well, buckle your seatbelt because these women aged 18 to 50 have definitively answered the question of whether size matters, and guess what? It does to some women and not to others! Thank you, Cut Video, for bringing us this exclusive reportage.

Now gents, get under your bedcovers with your flashlight and tell your penis the good news. No, not that you're perfectly adequate to someone, but that we can stop making viral videos asking women about their preferred penis size and shape.

Domestic abuse survivor gets awesome surprise proposal from the man who saved her life.

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Melissa Dohme was stabbed 32 times by her ex-boyfriend and the paramedic who lifted her into the ambulance turned out to be the love of her life.


Get it, girl! (via The Tampa Bay Rays)

Since her ex-boyfriend, Robert Lee Burton Jr. attacked her in January 2012, Melissa Dohme has been through a lot. First there was her recovery, which sounds brutal:

Melissa, then 20, spent three weeks in the hospital, flat-lining four times and suffering nerve damage that partly paralyzed one side of her face.

The firefighter-paramedic who answered the call to the scene of the crime, Cameron Hill, described her condition like this:

"It was so bad. You couldn't tell she was blond."

But Melissa Dohme lived and walked out of rehab on her own steam. She's since traveled to Europe, graduated from college and has become an advocate for domestic abuse survivors. In the fall of 2012 she was giving a talk at her church when two of her first responders surprised her. One of them was Cameron Hill. By December they were dating. And this week when she walked out to the mound of a Tampa Bay Rays' game, where she'd be throwing out the ceremonial pitch for her organization Hands Across the Bay, he handed her a baseball with a question: Will you marry me?


She's not gonna throw that ball.(via The Tampa Bay Rays)

Generally, I'm not wowed by public proposals, or romance, or stories about love at first sight. This story made me tear up as I wrote it. Melissa Dohme has faced a lot and she's got a better perspective on life than most people who have never been stabbed 32 times by someone they trusted:

"I don't even want to be upset about what happened to me because I met Cameron out of it. So I can't even look at it as anything bad anymore...My message to any woman that's in an abusive relationship is that you are not alone and there is a better life after abuse."


ABC News Videos | ABC Entertainment News

Tiger Woods wrote a heartwarming letter to a bullied kid, reminding us all that he has feelings.

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After Golf Digest profiled a young man who had been bullied over his stutter, Tiger reached out with a story of his own stuttering past.


Tiger Woods teaches a young golfer during his Junior Clinic at Fort Bragg.(Getty)

Remember when Tiger Woods was an inspirational figure? He was a prodigy who came out of nowhere and smashed golf's unspoken color barrier to transform the game forever. He brought newfound popularity to the sport and made the Wheaties box look better than it had in years. Then it turned out he was a womanizer and everyone soured on him. To be fair, the way Tiger treated women (especially his wife) was terrible. But that doesn't mean he has a heart of pure blackness. If you don't believe me, read this story.

Last month, Golf Digest ran a story about Swedish pro golfer Sophie Gustafson. Since turning pro in 1992, Gustafson has won five LPGA Tour events and received numerous awards. She is also a lifelong stutterer, and rarely speaks to the media. Here's a clip of one of her few public speeches, delivered when she won an award from the Golf Writers Association of America:

The article, written by Ron Sirak, discussed how Gustafson had been mentoring a teenage golf fan named Dillon, who also has a stuttering problem and was bullied mercilessly about it at school. It had gotten so bad, Dillon's mother confessed to Gustafson that he had attempted suicide, nearly jumping head first out of his bedroom window before his parents could grab him.

Dillon is a huge fan of golf, and of Tiger in particular. In an email to Gustafson, his mother wrote:

“He continues to love to watch golf and is still a fan of Tiger. Is there anyway we could get his story to Tiger and see if he could help find something encouraging for [him] to look forward to?"

That's when Sophie Gustafson shared the email with Sirak. He published the story, which made it to Tiger. Almost immediately, word got back that Tiger had personally written this letter to Dillon:


Awwwww.(via Golf Digest)

Dillon was ecstatic upon receiving the letter. He made copies and passed them out to other students at his day treatment program, in the hopes that it would help them like it had helped him. He wrote to Sophie Gustafson and said,

"I hope that maybe one other person out there that is also having struggles, will hear my story and realize suicide is not the answer and maybe it can help them. I just acted on impulse and now wish that I hadn't. I was just tired of feeling small and like I didn't matter. I know that I do matter with the help of my family and friends like you to support me. So thank you and please thank Ron. You are a really great person."

This story is like a daisy chain of people being really nice. From Dillon to Dillon's mom to Sophie to Ron to Tiger and then back down the whole chain, everybody paid it forward in the best possible way. And as an added bonus, Tiger Woods proved he's got a soft side. Maybe now the world can forgive him for his transgressions. And if not, he'll just have to comfort himself with his many, many millions of dollars. A happy ending for everyone!

Article 38

This is the kind of birthday candle mishap that only happens every 102 years or so.

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I think Grandma's been waiting to pull this one since at least 90.

Aunt Lou Lou, as she is called by Arnee Dodd (who uploaded this video), seems like a hoot. Not only does she still want all the dessert she can get at her age, she thinks it's funnier than anyone when she suffers a dental malfunction when trying to blow out her candles. You go, Lou Lou. Plus, I don't think you gotta wait until those dentures are clean. Just wash that soft cake down with some milk and gum your way to some chocolate heaven without the worry of cavities.

Awful people in the US are declaring themselves "safe" from the Nepal disaster on Facebook.

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Facebook introduces tool for survivors to alert families of their safety, now it's being abused by tools.


Not a comedy device.

In the days following the Nepal earthquakes that have killed thousands and impacted thousands more, Facebook introduced a feature that would let users tell their familiesand friends they are safe with one Facebook alert. This feature is available to all Facebook users, including that dude at work who has all the Family Guy toys on his desk.


Even destruction porno fans of the Fallout fan community know this is in poor taste.
(via Tumblr)

Naturally, the strong user base of tacky people on Facebook thought it would be a fun goof to let their friends and family know they are safe from a natural disaster thousands of frequent flier miles away. Buzzfeed has a collection of outrage posts from across the internet protesting this poor taste:

The upside to these public displays of ghoulishness is that you finally take the time to trim some of those weirdos out of your friends list

This guy was told his puppy would die so he recorded her every day.

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Vets told him the rescue puppy wouldn't live long, so he started filming her once every day.

It's hard not to be charmed by little Pegasus, a frail, snow white puppy rescued by YouTuber Dave Meinert. In the video's description, Dave writes, "When I rescued Pegasus, I was told she wouldn't live too long so I set about filming her every day..."

Dave's video details how he was told Pegasus had little chance of survival and that her quality of life would deteriorate rapidly. In the first few seconds, though, you can tell how charmed Dave is by the rambunctious pooch.

This heartwarming love letter to Pegasus has made many curious about her. Dave, unfortunately, had to give her to another home where she has a doggy friend.

Subsequent to making the video, I had to travel a lot, and struggled with keeping her where I was living. A saviour stepped in and helped look after Pegs while I tried to make a plan and she moved back and forth, which was disruptive for her. After months of no solution, it was obvious that her new set up with incredible love, a bigger garden and a new best friend in Luna, another great dane was more than I could offer.

Oh, Dave. Is it any coincidence Meinert rhymes with sweetheart?


16 more of the most perfectly demented Cards Against Humanity combinations of all time.

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1.


The family that plays together...(via reddit)

There's nothing quite like the feeling of satisfaction that comes with playing the perfect game-ending, un-toppable card combination in Cards Against Humanity. It's those moments that make the game, so here are 16 more of those moments to make your day.

2.


Seems like heavy stuff for Lifetime.(via reddit)

3.


Don't mess with taxes.(via reddit)

4.


It doesn't matter if you're black or white.(via reddit)

5.


You need a belt too, but this is basically right.(via reddit)

6.


"We never pinky swore on those treaties."(via reddit)

7.


It means no worries.(via reddit)

8.


Love hurts.(via reddit)

9.


I can't wait. (via reddit)

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The cover up is always worse than the crime of covering up.(via reddit)

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SPOILER ALERT.(via reddit)

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Yikes.(via reddit)

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Best Subway ad I've seen.(via reddit)

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Gone but not forgotten.(via reddit)

15.


Gender equality.(via reddit)

16.


Something every parent has experience with.(via reddit)

Previous entries from 4/14/15:

17.


He would have wanted it that way.(via reddit)

18.


That Abraham Lincoln was a slippery fella. (via reddit)


19.


She looks so charmed she caught a touch of the vapors.(via reddit)


20.

Breathtakingly beautiful when you think about it like that.(via reddit)


21.


"Mr. Squishy is as malignant as he is inoperable."(via reddit)


22.


Ghengis Khan, let me rock you / Let me rock you, Ghengis Khan(via reddit)


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Bruce Wayne is a little short of being a trillionaire, but OK.(via reddit)


24.


One of the weirdest ways to announce you're becoming a vegetarian.(via reddit)


25.


Hindsight is always 20/20.(via reddit)


26.


This was probably the initial response to the invention of circumcision.(via reddit)


27.


Never trust the devil and his square-shaped buckets.(via reddit)


28.


What if I told you that's what it was the whole time?(via reddit)


29.


Learn from the mistakes your father made.(via reddit)


30.


I get it!(via reddit)


31.


"By our powers combined..."(via reddit)


32.


Eugenics can be adorable.(via reddit)


33.


Man, that guy will clean anything.(via reddit)


34.


Leonardo DiCaprio can't catch a break.(via reddit)


35.


Jim Henson was such a pervert.(via reddit)


36.


If that doesn't work, make yourself appear as large as possible to frighten him.(via reddit)


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Say it again!(via reddit)


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It just got weird.(via reddit)

Police in a small town felt the need to send out this very specific bear-related Facebook warning.

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The North Adams Police Department was so taken aback by one resident's actions, they fired off this sassy post on Facebook.

You have to do something pretty dumb to be sassed like that in an official statement from the police. There's no word on who this "hatchet man" is who went "all Davy Crockett" and chased a bear through the woods of North Adams, Massachusetts, and that's probably for the best. It's embarrassing enough to see the NAPD's post go viral (5,000 likes as I write this) without being named as well. I just hope that the anonymous hatchet man takes this opportunity to change his ways, get his drinking under control, sharpen his hatchet, and leave the bears alone.

See also: Weird bear walks eerily on two legs.

Incidentally, here's a good tip for bear safety. If you find yourself in this guy's situation: face to face with a bear that you chased down, blackout drunk and armed only with a dull hatchet, just play dead. It'll be easy once the bear kills you.

There's now a drone that will follow you around like a puppy and film your day.

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It sees through its mouth like some Lovecraftian horror.(via lily.camera)

Have you ever wished you had a personal camera following you around taking video? Well you're in luck, you stupid narcissist! There's a new flying robot that does exactly that. It's got four rotors, and a video camera, and two blue eyes that make it look like it whirled straight out of a Japanese cartoon.

All you have to do is toss it in the air like an awkward baby bird and it will zip around you taking video. Despite its friendly face, it doesn't imprint on you like a baby duck. It just follows a sizable tracking device you keep on your body. Unfortunately, it can only fly for 20 minutes before it runs out of batteries and then you're left kayaking around with a big dead robot in your backpack.

You can pre-order it now for around $500, which feels like a lot of money to shell out to discover nothing you do is worth recording on video, but the price tag goes up to $1000 when pre-sales are over.

(There's no word on whether or not they have plans to make a male version of the robot so they can mate like the little flying saucers in*Batteries Not Included.)

9 more depressing places to eat lunch than at your desk.

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It's perfectly fine to eat your sad little lunch at your desk, because the other options are far bleaker.


There's nothing wrong with this. (Via Sad Desk Lunch)

There's a movement afoot to get people to stop eating lunch at their desk, because it's depressing, or even unhealthy. But really, what's the alternative? There are far, far sadder places around to eat your lunch than at the place that has YouTube access and air conditioning.

1. The break room

(Via Photobucket)

2. The conference room


(Via Photobucket)

3. A stairwell

(Via Photobucket)

4. The roof

(Via Photobucket)

5. Your car

(Via Photobucket)

6. Somebody else's desk

(Via Photobucket)

7. The food court at the mall

(Via Photobucket)

8. A graveyard

(Via Photobucket)

9. With your co-workers

(Via Photobucket)

Article 30

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