1. America Wants Harriet Tubman On The $20 Bill, Probably To Piss Off Its Sexist, Racist Uncle

Civil rights icon and slavery abolitionist Harriet Tubman topped an unofficial online poll asking Americans which woman they'd like to see replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. As awesome as that would be, considering the continued gender inequality in the country, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up on a $15.60 bill instead.

Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill? Way to make the presidents feel awkward when they're stuffed in the same wallet.

— River Clegg (@RiverClegg) May 13, 2015

2. Radio Shack Finally Finds Something People Want To Buy—Your Email Address

The Standard General hedge fund recently made a $15 million bid to purchase the Radio Shack store brand name as well as all of the email addresses it collected from customers over the years. So, remember that time you went in there to buy a converter plug for that hookah you picked up in the Netherlands? Your address is probably part of the deal.

Radio Shack is going under, Shake Shack is doing great. The effectiveness of naming your business "Shack" remains undetermined.

— Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) March 12, 2015

3. 'Jem And The Holograms' Movie Is Just Like The Original Cartoon, Except Not Like It At All

Hey, remember that cartoon from '80s about a regular woman who, along with her friends, is transformed into a rock goddess by a holographic supercomputer, and then they have to fight an evil rival band called the Misfits? Yeah? No? Doesn't matter, because this movie adaptation of Jem and the Holograms has absolutely nothing to do with that.

You could've just made a movie about a girl band. I would have helped you come up with character names. You didn't have to take Jem from me.

— Emily V Gordon (@thegynomite) May 13, 2015

4. Colorado Hotel To Provide Customers With Weed, Just Like Every Other Place In Colorado

Bud + Breakfast is the first hotel in Colorado that is specifically designed to cater to all of the people who are flocking to the state to take advantage of its new legal status for marijuana. It features a breakfast in which "Eggs are cracked and bowls are packed," and a ""4:20 Happy Hour" so customers can get stoned before going out to get stoned.

"Wake and bake" is like Plan B for a baby that could have been a productive day.

— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) October 14, 2012

5. We're One Step Closer To Letting You Upload Your Brain Directly Into PornHub

Researchers at the MicroNano Research Facility in Melbourne, Australia have created an electronic memory cell that seems to work in the same manner that a biological cell in the human brain does. "This is the closest we have come to creating a brain-like system with memory that learns and stores analog information and is quick at retrieving this stored information," the leader of the project told Science Daily. Unfortunately, this probably won't lead to the downfall of human civilization in time to stop the 2016 presidential election. Fingers crossed for 2020, though.

If twitter-bots are any indication, we are a looong ways off from any real artificial intelligence threat.

— batkaren (@batkaren) May 10, 2015

Also you drive people mad. (via)

Kids are shockingly disgusting, perverse, and inappropriate. They're also our future. So we should probably pay attention to the weird messages they're passing to each other during class, because someday they'll be teachers, cops, and senators still passing poorly spelled notes with overtly sexual content. Here are some of the best kids' notes we've ever seen, and by best we mean they'll make you question ever having children.

I'm not saying a word until I speak to my lawyer. (via)

The day Jennifer stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy.(via)

But do you ever really know yourself?(via)

"Toilet" will be a spelling word next week. (via)

A poorly written secret admirer letter.(via)

Is this a love note or warning?(via)

It's wrong and it's soggy. (via)

And as soon as Rachel finds this, Carl will be dead.(via)

Might be coming on a little strong there.(via)

Then who is reading this? Ooweeooo. (via)

Glad to hear summer camp is going well, Josh. (via)

Dinosaurs prefer top saurusloin. (via)

And just how do you feel about your dad?(via)

Cock and moshmebs sounds like a recipe for disaster!(via)

Alright, I'll crush him. But only because you used the magic word.(via)

It's not what you said. It's what you didn't say.(via)

Subtitle: "A True Story."(via)

He left her for someone who can spell "you're."(via)

Come on, everyone spells that wrong. (Via)

Should have gotten extra credit for the accurate looking bong, though. (Via)

Kid's favorite foods are never good for them. (Via)

Maybe Long Island Medium can find out why she named her kid Rad. (Via)

Hopefully he didn't figure this all out in one evening. (Via)

That's why he wears that hat. (Via)

Should have just picked one. (Via)

But if you do ever want to sniff my fart, you know where to find me. (Via)

Now he is the head of Monsanto. (Via)

P.P.S. Fuck Fun Friday (Via)

Sincerely, Tara Reid (Via)

Better check those brakes. (Via)

This kid writing to his parents is really getting a jump on his teen years. (Via)

All day long? How does she find the time to teach? (Via)

She did say balls. The kid is human.(Via)

She was trying to write "cute"? I hope?(Via)

If it makes you feel better, everyone living is also dying.(Via)

Seriously, Valerie. Run girl! (Via)

She really needs to find a job where her boss respects her.(via)

Blunt, but concise.(via)

Dr. Lawrence has excellent handwriting for a doctor.(via)

At least she told you where she was. (via)

On the other hand, you may look handsome. Who is Nicholas to say?(via)

Better you learn now that it's a crul, crul world. (via)

You'll get your diamond earrings when you start flossing, kid.(via)

That's cool. It happens. (via)

Kids these days can't even spell "cunt." (via)

TV will keep your teacher from being lonely, don't worry. (via)

And hopefully studying my dictionary. (via)

Well that's just a reasonable request. (via)

You go girl. (via)

A simple, but effective plan. (via)

Adults these days are horrible spellers. (via)

Always vomit with caution, young one! (via)

Inconsistently and with lots of scratching? (via)

There's an implicit threat of bodily harm in this note that makes me uncomfortable. (via)

There's no limit to how many times she'd ceck on her brother. (via)

Thanks for the not-at-all creepy love letter! (via)

I'd be worried, but I'm too distracted by your grammar. (via)

I'm flattered. No one's ever called me cunt before. (via)

Tell no one, Ashley. (via)

Seriously Chad, what is your deal? (via)

Seems pretty accurate. (via) (Click here to see the rest...)

Where does she circle to lead him on for the next six months? (via)

That diagram is crystal clear! Crystal! (via Huffington Post)

When apologizing fails, be honest. (via)

And WHAT?!! (via)

LOL that bitch deserves someone better. (via)

But rest assured, they will not fail again.(via)

It's never too early to teach rap education.(via)

Oh god, the red.(via)

He's probably putting way more hearts on his girl's notes.(via)

Dear Julia: Ew. Love, T.F.(via)

Never fight a man armed with a lolepop.(via)

Don't believe him, girl! He's just trying to get between your sticks. (via)

No no, break her heart the day before your anniversary. Sigh. You'll get there. (via)

Always ask for consent before putting your special thing in there but. (via)

Why would anyone want to shoot a cat with a gasoline pump? (via)

Hate to break it to you, Julian, but you're still getting hit in the middle. (via)

Of course you love me. If you didn't, you would talk to me. (via)

What I'm trying to say is, you look like a sack of potatoes. (via)

Honesty is the most delicious policy. (via)

Oh, well if she's got those tet tet's, go to her. (via)

An unfavorable review on Facebook made this woman the target of her own unfavorable review.

Rude to own mother and waitstaff. 2/5 Stars.(via ABC 7)

Brooke Lewis left a review of the Sunset Terrace Lounge and Restaurant in Thousand Oaks, California. Why shouldn't she? it's her Constitutional right, as it is yours. Sure, unfavorable online reviews are often childish rants, personal vendettas, or incomprehensible nonsense, but reviews aren't only for businesses, goods, or services. You can review customers right back!

Lewis originally posted her review of Sunset Terrace on Facebook in June 2014. She details the rudeness of the staff, the slowness of the service, and how the owner, Tyrone, was confrontational on the phone:

[T]he service was poor and the bartender/waitress was very rude! Went in yesterday at 3 p.m. my Mom had already been there for 30 minutes waiting for me and she hadn't even gotten water yet. She had told the bartender/waitress Crystal that she needed to order at least the salads before my boyfriend and I got there and when we got there 15 minutes later she was still waiting to order. ... [T]he "owner" Tyrone was unbelievably rude. My mom is definitely scatter brained and out there but in no means rude and Tyrone tried to explain it away by telling me my mom was "all over the place." ... We left and didn't eat there. Oh and the owner actually called my boyfriend after I had talked to him and told my boyfriend I was a crazy bitch and he should break up with me.

Now, nearly a year later in May 2015, Tyrone—who is keeping his last name anonymous—has stepped forward with a response of his own. He claims to have attempted to respond to Lewis' Yelp review, but only recently discovered her Facebook post. So, now that he's been stewing for 11 months, Tyrone let Lewis have it.

Hi Brooke,
Thanks so much for the kind words.
Like any business there are times when we face challenges and sometimes fall short of our goal, which is excellent food and service in a nice atmosphere at a great price.
In the case of your mothers experience, after hearing three (3) witnessed accounts of the incident, I don't feel we fell short in any case. Your mother was struggling greatly that day. If she had been able to get her medications straight and find the ability to articulate her desires my staff would have been more than accommodating.
I can only assume, after years of embarrassment trying to explain the behavior of (as she put it) her “Bitch Daughter" she got her meds mixed up.
Brooke, you are an Ignorant, Disgusting, Miserable, Lying Filthy Cunt Pig!
I feel so bad for your mother, having to feel responsible for such a Foul, Repugnant, Waste of Space just because it spilled from her schizophrenic vagina.
As for you poor embattled boyfriend Erik, please, please, please have the common decency to kill yourself before you burden him with a half Shit child.
The world will be a little bit better place once you no longer a part of it.

Yikes. You can tell he's upset by all the capitalized adjectives, and from the fact he's not backing down or apologizing for his abusive review of Lewis and her family. Lewis tells ABC7 in Los Angeles, "I can't believe that he responded like that, and publicly, and even after all these people are slamming him he still hasn't removed it. He's still admitting that he did it and he's standing by his words."

If it seems a little unfair or one-sided, or if you work in the service industry and smell bullshit, then you might be interested to hear Tyrone's side of this unseemly feud. Tyrone followed up in another post on the Sunset Terrace Facebook page.

After all the interest in my admittedly vulgar Facebook post (which I intended to send to Brooke privately) I think I should give an explanation as to how I came to choose such Spicy language towards her.
Below is the account of what actually happened according to the three (3) witnesses I spoke with immediately after the incident.
Brooke's mother came in and ordered a draft beer from the bartender. The bartender (Crystal) then asked if she would like to see a menu. The woman explained she was waiting for other guests. The woman then spent the next 30 minutes moving from table to table around the restaurant arguing on the phone. It appeared she was trying to figure out what the person on the phone wanted to eat. The woman approached the bar several times to ask questions about different menu items and their ingredients. The bartender (Crystal) said the woman was very irritated that she “didn't know what to order for her daughter" and “that her daughter was going to kill her because she hadn't ordered yet".
A short time later Brooke arrived approaching the bartender and immediately criticizing her, saying “her mother had been here for a long time and hadn't been able to order".
The bartender (Crystal) apologized to Brooke and explained that there must have been some miscommunication as she had attempted multiple times to take her mother's order but her mother had said she wasn't ready.
Brooke then called the bartender (Crystal) “a lying fucking bitch" and said she was going to be late to her hair appointment. The bartender (Crystal) told Brooke that other customers had no problems placing their orders and receiving service. At which time Brook's mother intervened defended the bartender's service and saying she comes in Sunset Terrace all the time.
Brooke and her mother began arguing and ended up leaving Sunset Terrace separately.
Before Brooke's mother left she apologized to the Crystal for her daughter's behavior.
I received phone calls from both Brooke and her boyfriend Erik separately complaining about the service they had received.
While speaking with Brooke I asked if she had called my employee (Crystal) “a lying fucking bitch" she admitted she had but only after Crystal “gave her attitude". After I told Brooke I didn't feel my employee acted inappropriately in any way Brooke told me she had a lot of friends and we would “get a lot more bad Yelp and Facebook reviews".
Brooke's boyfriend Erik said he would change his negative Yelp review to a positive one if the next time his girlfriend's mother visited Sunset Terrace her check was “taken care of" and she was told it was done so at Erik's request.
I apologize to anyone offended by my choice of language towards Brooke.
I do not apologize to Brooke, her boyfriend Erik, and others like them who use social media like Yelp and Facebook to threaten and blackmail hospitality workers and businesses alike. My employee Crystal is a single mom putting herself thru school and working her ass off. Sunset Terrace is a family business struggling to be successful in a very completive market.
Brooke's mother is still an occasional guest at Sunset Terrace and claims not to have spoken to Brooke in some time.

Double yikes. Seems like an unstoppable force of self-centeredness hit an unmovable object of smug self-satisfaction. Clearly Brooke is a mental case whose hair appointment is more important than minding her manners at a lunch with her mother, and Tyrone thinks other people's failure to be polite is a license to be a giant prick in public. When in comes to fighting over the internet, there are no winners. We feel worst for poor Ms. Brooke's Mother for having to be stuck between these two on a regular basis.

Tyrone and the Sunset Terrace seem to want to put the whole thing behind them. After Tyrone told his side of the story, he reminded us what's truly important.

A man in Boston, UK was arrested for drunk driving within shouting distance of his own home.

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Especially if the crime is pointless.(stock photo)

Drunk driving is always stupid, but this is probably the dumbest example we've ever seen. In Boston, Lincolnshire, a 34-year-old man named Przemyslaw Szulc was arrested for driving under the influence. Incidentally, I'm not sure if his name is actually Przemyslaw Szulc, or if he just had to fill out the form while he was drunk, too*.

Szulc told police that he had been drinking at a barbecue only 100 meters (328 feet) from his house. Rather than walk the two minutes it would have taken, he had decided to drive. Ironically, because the town of Boston is a maze of one-way streets, the drive home was actually a mile and a half long. It was during that mile and a half that police saw him swerving into the curb ("kerb" in British) and pulled him over for drunk driving ("drink driving").

Szulc was fined £275 and ordered to pay costs of £85, as well as a victim surcharge of £28. He's also been banned from driving for 20 months. That's a bummer for him, but there is one bright side: he'll get to and from barbecues faster.

*I'm Polish, so I can make that joke.

Comedian and 'Jeopardy!' fan Louis Virtel did a decent job competing on the show, but it's the snappy (get it?) delivery of his answers that got people talking.

Louis Vitrel has put the "fabulous" back in "Jeopardy! is a fabulous show." The gay comedian is a life-long Jeopardy! super-fan, so he was super-excited to actually compete on the program. As a contestant, he was good — he made a strong showing, but lost in Final Jeopardy. But as a human, he was awesome, providing joyfully sass-tacular responses, like in the video above.

In an article on HitFix, Vitrel said that he has one regret from his appearance on the show: that he didn't explicitly say "I'm gay." Vitrel continued,

For whatever reason, you never hear gay contestants open up about their lives and you don't hear much about the lives of gay celebrities and luminaries either. While I don't believe "Jeopardy!" is at all antigay (Did you see that clue about gay marriage a few weeks back? Slightly shady!), it makes straightness seem far more acknowledgeable than gayness. Heteronormativity is an intoxicating comfort for some, especially in remote, internet-challenged areas... As much as I represented my gayness, I didn't say the word. As a kid growing up in the suburbs who venerated everything about "Jeopardy!", I would've loved seeing an expressive gay contestant own his homosexuality as well as the buzzer.

Vitrel also got some pretty excellent tweets out of the experience:

My "Jeopardy!" goal was for Alex to tell me, "Damn, nobody's phrasing YOUR sexuality in the form of a question."

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) May 8, 2015

I'm on @Jeopardy today. This is one of those days when I think about my childhood and wonder when "gifted" ended and "just gay" began.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) May 8, 2015

@slopchopz Have we fucked?
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) May 8, 2015

Who's the boss, again?(Via)

We know it shouldn't be a shock that there are drama queens on Facebook, but these infuriating users are are becoming a scourge, making the world's most self-absorbed medium even less tolerable with every intentionally cryptic, overwrought status update. Everyone has at least ten friends like this who constantly court concern with updates about how "you" broke my heart and now "life just isn't worth living," and they know they can get a dozen comments from their gullible, similarly theatrical friends by typing nothing more than a simple "Ugh!" The crybabies included here are just a small sampling of a growing Facebook population that must be stopped! (Sorry if we got a little over-dramatic at the end there.)

Well, which shade of green's fault WAS IT, then?(Via)

What if you really, really had to go?(Via)

Yeah, at least PM me if we're breaking up. (Via)

Now it's on your chest.(Via)

Hey...you added me.(Via)

Responding in French, because I'm the most pretentious of drama queens.(Via)

Okay, but you really shouldn't have a Facebook account.(Via)

May I pretty please take an infant to Dallas while there is Ebola?(Via)

Is posting vague attention-whoring statuses your best or worst, broda?(Via)

But you seem to be just getting started.(Via)

The southside is a land where long, dramatic statements mean absolutely nothing.(Via)

Speaking hypothetically, I'd keep it off my social network.(Via)

Those are tears of joy...over how much attention I'm getting right now.(via)

Sounds excessive, but the only way to raise awareness is through firing squads. (Via)

If you want to start trouble but are in hurry, just call people who lost their baby whiners.(Via)

Some people can't get the hint when their friends don't want to see them in a wet t-shirt. (Via)

Look, family court is crowded. Might as well sort it all out in a comments thread.(Via)

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!!!(Via)

They don't even have to make sense to piss each other off. That's closeness.(Via)

You would make your aunts very proud. Also, do snakes make drama?(Via)

.

Hard to keep track.(Via)

Who would do such a thing? (Via)

The usual? How often do you do battle with the world (and lose)?(Via)

His next vague complaint is going to be about people who demand elaboration.(Via)

Your emoticon looks like it still has a few more tears left. (Via)

Seagulls hate being brought into vague attention-getting statuses. (Via)

You two can work through this. Let us watch.(Via)

Nana hijacks another attempted vaguebooking. (Via)

You could just go with the "off" button. Less swimming. (Via)

On Facebook, who can maintain a positive outlook for 20 whole minutes?(Via)

How do they have time for boyfriends? There's so much public fighting to do!(Via)

At least post a haul video of what you spent the money on. (Via)

No idea what they're fighting over and hope to never find out. (Via)

The dance is called "Flight Of The Attention-Starved Vaguebooker."(Via)

But her broken heart is at least 14 or 15. (Via)

Quit making DRAFA.(Via)

Poor thing. Why can't the wealthy ever catch a break! (via)

The suicide rate among dumb Gods has been skyrocketing. (Via)

And if you visit my Tumblr you can find out how to make amends.(Via)

Fine. I'll say it. Your statuses are way too vague.(Via)

Related: 8 times your favorite TV characters were total drama queens on Facebook.

I've got five words for you: it was all a dream.

(via AMC)

Mad Men will air its final episode on AMC this Sunday. Unless Yahoo! Screen or somebody decides to pick it up and give it another season or two, this will probably be the last we see of Don Draper. Do you have any idea how it'll end? I'll bet you have a theory or two. As do your friends, your mom, that guy who sells loose cigarettes outside your favorite bar and the lady who screams about communist squirrels in the park. Essentially, everybody has a few guesses about how Matthew Weiner will wrap things up. They will all be wrong, make no mistake about it, but they're still fun to muse over.

Here's a few of the best ones that Twitter has to offer:

Mad Men final episode prediction: Don waits patiently for the bus, but is instead, picked up by a Studebaker driven by Muppets.
— Joey Ellis (@joeyellis) May 13, 2015

Does Mad Men end with Don Draper as a leather-clad warlord in a post-apocalyptic wasteland?
— Pitchaya (@pitchaya) May 9, 2015

Next week's Mad Men should still end with a cryptic "next week on Mad Men."
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) May 11, 2015

Mad Men should end with Peggy getting addicted to Blue Sky meth, Glen from next door starting a zombie outbreak, and Don being Azor Ahai.
— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) May 13, 2015

What if the final hour of MAD MEN was an extended flashback to Don on prom night juggling dates with three girls?

— Matt Zoller Seitz (@mattzollerseitz) May 13, 2015

Mad Men is gonna end with Don being so aloof, they can't even film his final scenes

— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) May 4, 2015

I, for one, will be greatly pleased if Don refuses to return to New York and starts a new life as a typewriter repairman. #MadMen
— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) May 11, 2015

I predict "Mad Men" will end with women very gradually beginning to get respect in the workplace over a period of several decades.
— River Clegg (@RiverClegg) May 5, 2015

please let mad men end in a flash forward to a 90 year old don draper pitching flo from progressive. "i knew a progressive redhead once..."
— curtis james gwinn (@curtisgwinn) May 5, 2015

Too bad we already know the end of Mad Men: Don Draper starts doing voiceover for car commercials.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) April 6, 2015

Re: the end of Mad Men — I am all about the Pete-gets-eaten-by-a-bear theory: http://t.co/0ePLo3IT0H
— Sarah Murphy (@sarahmurphy_) May 13, 2015

The last episode of Mad Men is a clip show hosted by Tim Conway.
— Eric Szyszka (@ericszyszka) May 12, 2015

the twist in the last episode of mad men is gonna be that don is a virgin and he was just weirdly dry humping all those girls
— Mira Gonzalez (@miragonz) May 12, 2015

The last season of Mad Men is secretly the new season of Twin Peaks.
— Josh Lee (@joshleejosh) May 5, 2015

Final line of Madmen as Pete & Don high five. Don: We certainly were.... Pete: Mad Men. Hot air balloon rises into bright blue sky.
— TKMD (@tomkaters) May 13, 2015

Brit-Brit and Iggy-Wiggy made a little jimmy jam for you, and it's about as sophisticated as you'd expect for a song named "Pretty Girls." Here's the video, followed by 5 of the lowest moments.

1. The first few notes.

I realize that every artist needs a "sound," but the first sounds that blurt from this pop culture frankentune are virtually identical to the opening burps of Iggy's only bona fide hit so far, "Fancy." It's possible that Brit-Brit never even heard that tune, since she's been performing in Vegas for a while now and may well only hear the sound of her own shows and the dingling of slot machines as she returns to her room.

2. The incomplete 'Zoolander' reference.

Despite riding around in almost the exact same car as the infamous Gas Scene from Zoolander and being surrounded by male models, there is a very disappointing lack of everyone in this video being consumed by cleansing fire.

3. Brit-Brit's dance scenes got cut-cut.

Attention, directors of music videos: Britney Spears may not be 19 anymore, but the woman can dance. Maybe stop zooming around and quick-cutting and let her work it, instead of cutting to a scene of Iggy Azalea using her pretty girl powers to get money from an ATM. What we're left with is Ms. Spears doing an odd, bouncy running man routine at the car wash and an ADHD montage of 1-second snippets of her dancing in a club. Oh, and this "bonus scene" at the end, preserved here in glorious gif form.

4. Samsung.

Was this entire late-80s/early-90s throwback vibe just an excuse to insert a scene where a chunky Zack Morris phone gets transformed into a sleek Samsung Galaxy whatever-model-is-new-now? How the shit would people from the 90s even react to that? They barely had ATMs with touch screens then. Was this entire alien music video written around that? God dammit, Samsung. Wasn't it enough to have scored the most-retweeted tweet of all tweets back when Ellen hosted the Oscars?

5. The Bonus Scene

Everyone knows that no matter what the movie, show, or music video, if there's a bonus scene at the end, it's going to be awesome. Sadly, despite how obvious it seemed the whole time, Nick Fury did not show up to recruit Iggy into the Avengers. Instead, we got an unbearably long 10 seconds of Britney Spears trying to remember where she's seen Iggy Azalea before while jerking her arms around.

This woman lost 150 pounds, and showed off the results through a photoshoot with her former self.

Beth now has the confidence to rock heels on the beach.(via Blake Morrow)

Before her gastric bypass surgery, Beth came to her photographer friend Blake Morrow to help her document her impending weight loss with a touch of creativity. Blake came up with a series of photos that would put a new spin on the typical, humdrum before and after photos: superimposing both Beths into the same photo. The result is The Beth Project.

(via Blake Morrow)

Over the course of two years, Beth lost 150 pounds. The difference between Before Beth and After Beth is incredible, the photos highlighting how the weight loss has amplified the fun and joy in her personality.

(via Blake Morrow)

Now, while it does take some pixel wizardry to composite two photos together and make the portraits look so striking and realistic, Blake disclaims that Beth's shape is not digitally altered in anyway.

(via Blake Morrow)

If you're eager to see more of Beth and Beth, check out the entire photo set on Blake's website.

Tell me your secrets, you mysterious relic.

You can see the gears turning in his tiny skull. Somewhere in the dim recesses of his mind—still vibrant and full of potential—he knows it's something you put up to your head. But why? He's like some pint-sized archaeologist piecing together relics from a bygone civilization in an attempt to understand how they lived.

On Mother's Day, a talk show in Cambodia told a 13-year-old girl she would be reunited with her estranged mom. It was all a "joke."

This talk show makes people cry for all the wrong reasons. (via YouTube)

Cambodian television program Penh Chet Ort (Like It Or Not) pulled what can only be described as a twisted horror-prank on 13-year-old singer/actress Autumn Allen. The show told Allen she would be reunited with her mother, who she hadn't seen since leaving the US with her father at the age of 6. Allen was tearful and said it was a "dream come true."

But when the hosts brought out Allen's "mom" it ended up being a male comedian in drag.

JK I'm not your mom, just a dude in a dress!(via YouTube)

Either the producers of the show don't understand what a prank is, or I don't understand Cambodian humor. This is as much of a "joke" as when I convinced my little sister she was adopted. After the big reveal the host said, "did you think it was real?" Allen, clearly a little shaken, says “I don't know."

Allen shared this message on Facebook:

"I have met with MyTV and accepted their sincere apologies. The two hosts, Rolin and Taboi (the producer) have apologized to me personally. Even the Deputy General Manager of the MyTV was there. A mistake happen and I have forgiven them. Thank you for every one supports. Please find it in your heart to forgive them too. Love, Autumn"

She received a letter of apology from MyTV, but its causing quite an outrage on social media. Cambodian political analyst Virak OU called out the segment for being both harmful to the child and bigoted towards the LGBT community.

Here is the tv show clip.

Jennifer Burbella is suing Misericordia University for not providing her with the help she needed to pass.

I'm going to be honest. I didn't know if I wanted to post this story. I don't agree with what this woman is doing, but I also don't want her to be subjected to the Internet's wrath.

Until recently, Jennifer Burbella was a nursing student at Misericordia University in Dallas, Pennsylvania. She is a sufferer of disabilities including anxiety, depression, and stress. Because of that, she asked her school for special accommodations, including extra time during exams, and the ability to communicate with her professor. The school didn't provide her with those aids, and she failed a required course twice. Now, she's suing. Her lawyer, an education specialist named Harry McGrath, told WNEP:

“She has some disabilities and under section 504 of The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1973, you can make certain accommodations, not only in educational setting, but in the workplace, et cetera."

Burbella and McGrath claim that the school's failure to assist her is a violation of the law. The suit claims that Burbella attempted to call her professor during the exam, but when she got no answer, a witness saw her crying openly in the classroom. The pair are seeking more than $75,000 in damages, although her lawyer claims what she really wants is to retake the exam with the aids she feels would give her a fair chance:

“She's not looking for the university to ordain that she get this degree, she's looking for a fair opportunity, which the statute provides, to take the exam. If she fails it that's her own problem and she has to deal with it."

However, seeing as Burbella is no longer a student as Misericordia, that doesn't seem likely.

Jennifer Burbella(via WNEP)

This brings me to why I feel so conflicted about this story. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, which affected me in a profoundly negative way during my time in higher education. Many people experience their first major depressive episode when they leave home and face the pressures of a university program. These people feel most alone at a time when more is expected of them than ever before.

At the same time, I can't possibly support Jennifer Burbella's lawsuit. Although her disabilities are real and deserve consideration, I don't see how extra time or private consultation during an exam give her anything but an unfair advantage. Many schools do provide free mental health programs for students – some were extremely helpful to me at that time in my life. But the kinds of accommodations she asked for are much more appropriate for students suffering from dyslexia or other learning disabilities, not the disabilities she lists.

At the same time, I would be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt if not for two ways in which she damaged her credibility. One, she asked for money. A lot of money. I understand that if she failed out of the university for reasons she felt were unfair, she would feel she was entitled to be reimbursed for her tuition, but that's only relevant if she has no plans to reenroll at the school. That's not what her attorney is saying.

More importantly, she was in a nursing program. As her attorney said, many people suffering from her same conditions become successful doctors and nurses, but not because they were given extra time to finish exams. If she isn't held to the same standard, it does a disservice to her future patients. Working under strict time constraints is a huge part of being a medical professional. The only difference is that there are lives at stake, not grades.

If you've read this far into my rant, thank you. It's really my hope that nobody who reads this article will rip into Jennifer Burbella with the vicious self-righteousness that the Internet is known for, but I'm not too hopeful. I'm sure people will say she's actually fine and that her condition is made up, which is deeply offensive to me and all other people like myself. Depressed people spend their whole lives hearing that they should just suck it up and be happy like everyone else, which flies in the face of all medical and psychiatric research. Neither I nor anybody reading this knows Ms. Burbella or what she has to deal with. And even if she were faking it, remember that she's a young woman who has just been denied her dream in life, which is to help people. So look at yourself before taking potshots at her.

"I think we over-excited him."

FOX 5 Atlanta's pet of the day is a precious little tabby kitten named Mister Meowgi. He meows a lot, he's playful, and he's a bit of a show-off. Watch Mister Meowgi execute a masterful double-backflip off the news desk to evade his sparring partner, the tail toy thing.

Mister Meowgi stuck the landing perfectly, though off-camera. If you are interested in adopting him, please give him a better name than Mister Meowgi, like Jean Clawed Van Damme.

You will consider paying someone a million dollars just to take it off the Internet permanently.

Originally titled A Killer in The Dark, the soon-to-be cult classic Seance has finally been uploaded in its entirety to YouTube.

The movie was filmed in Lancaster, California in 2001, and, according to the filmmaker's son on Reddit, cost one million dollars. Previously, the above trailer had been uploaded, but not until this week was the entire film made available (for free) for us to all bask in its glory.

At the time, it seemed brilliant, especially the acting. Producer Rick Vasquez offered this about Feldman: “It is the best film Corey Feldman has ever done."

Vasquez also may have been too starstruck to give an honest opinion of Adam West's work: “We called Adam [West] 'one-shot Adam' because he could do every take perfectly in one shot. Everyone's childhood hero became our hero on set." (I don't want to ruin anything about the movie, but Adam West is in exactly one shot, and I'd be surprised if they even thought about shooting it more than once. It's in Part 10 of the YouTube playlist below.)

Sure, there are lines like: “Video games are cool but not as cool as the sexy little honeys!" and "Grandma went into one of her trances." Yes, the gory scenes look completely fake. But how many movies have you made lately? This is probably better than what we all could have put together even with a million dollar budget.

Here's the scene that I think will give you an idea of the high-quality film work. Note the exciting voice effects on the grandma:

Here is the entire film (in the official YouTube playlist) for you to enjoy. When I first tried watching it, I only made it to minute 7. But after my fourth or fifth viewing, I decided this is one of the greatest worst movies ever made:

She's about to bludgeon traditional masculinity.(screenshot via YouTube)

Have you ever been to an open mic and seen an inexperienced male comic completely bomb? They start angrily flailing and commonly wind up retreating to some misogynistic or homophobic trope in an effort to alienate the few people left who might think they're funny win back the crowd. Witnessing the rise of Men's Rights Activists is like watching thousands of shitty male comics bomb all at once. They feel their relevance slipping away so they start pumping themselves up by putting other people down.

The latest target of impotent MRA rage is Mad Max: Fury Road. A website dedicated to combatting the insidious scourge of feminism has taken a page out of their enemy's book and reminded its readers that the personal is political:

Not only REFUSE to see the movie, but spread the word to as many men as possible. Not all of them have the keen eye we do here at ROK. And most will be taken in by fire tornadoes and explosions. Because if they sheepishly attend and Fury Road is a blockbuster, then you, me, and all the other men (and real women) in the world will never be able to see a real action movie ever again that doesn't contain some damn political lecture or moray about feminism, SJW-ing, and socialism.

Men are strong, natural leaders who are easily flummoxed by explosions and fire! (Also, "moray," lol.)

What could have made these self-described alpha males so pouty over a movie they haven't even seen? It's because Charlize Theron talks a lot in the trailer and gives orders to Mad Max. Also, reviews are saying she's the real star:

Charlize Theron kept showing up a lot in the trailers, while Tom Hardy (Mad Max) seemed to have cameo appearances. Charlize Theron sure talked a lot during the trailers, while I don't think I've heard one line from Tom Hardy. And finally, Charlize Theron's character barked orders to Mad Max.

Nobody barks orders to Mad Max.

Stop trying to turn Mad Max into some henpecked beta male!

But it's not just that, it's the BETRAYAL of the whole thing. They want a badass father figure action hero to root for, not some icky girl:

The truth is I'm angry about the extents Hollywood and the director of Fury Road went to trick me and other men into seeing this movie. Everything VISUALLY looks amazing. It looks like that action guy flick we've desperately been waiting for where it is one man with principles, standing against many with none.

THAT'S LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING ACTION MOVIE! Jesus Christ, go watch Under Siege 2: Dark Territory again if you're so hard up for an "action guy flick."

In conclusion, please enjoy this music video for "We Don't Need Another Hero" from the totally masculine action film Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome as performed by its star, feminist icon Tina Turner.