This loving couple were not legally able to wed in their native Australia, but wanted to before Lee succumbed to pulmonary disease.

Lee Bransden and Sandra Yates have been friends for 30 years and together as a couple the last eight. Lee is 78 and in the late stages of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. She'd been given 8 weeks to live, made it through Christmas and is now hoping to make it to one more Christmas with the woman who is now her wife, Sandra Yates.

We're rooting for you.(screenshot via TVNZ)

After her diagnosis, Lee and Sandra wanted to get married, but since they're both on pensions, they didn't have the finances to travel someplace where they could. Though Australia is perceived as progressive, it's still holding back on legalizing gay marriage. To get somewhere that their union would be recognized cost a lot and things were rough; they'd even had to sell their camper van to pre-pay for Lee's funeral. An organization called Australian Marriage Equality stepped in and crowdsourced the money needed to fly Lee and Sandra to New Zealand and to give them a beautiful ceremony.

Actually tearing up just looking at this.(via Gotya Photography)

Even though it's bittersweet, seeing these two united after 30 years of friendship, love and commitment is what the world needs. Anyone willing to support each other through the trials and tribulations of life and, sadly, death, deserves to have their relationship acknowledged and honored. Especially by the state, who should only really have a say about marriage for tax purposes.

Never has filling out paper-work been so meaningful. (via Gotya Photography)

This personal trainer has some serious moves dancing to "The Way You Make Me Feel."

You heard it here first: treadmill dancing is the new twerking. It combines the best parts of treadmill running and floor dancing into a form of athletic expression so kinetic and explosive that nobody can resist it. Also, it makes me tired to watch.

Related: Guy treadmill dances to "Uptown Funk."

As much as there have been some impressive examples of the art form on the Internet, this personal trainer has some moves I've never seen before. The jumps, the flips… it's like he's doing Parkour without moving. I want him to train me in how to live.

Related: Treadmill dancer doesn't need music.

The choice of music is also perfect. "The Way You Make Me Feel" is a classic, and this guy's breathing new life into it. I'll tell you the way he makes me feel: inferior. There's only one criticism I could possibly level at this man: he's not a dog in a bear suit.

Related: Dog in a bear suit on a treadmill.

Man has been visually documenting his food since before the dawn of civilization:

"Brunch with my betches! #paleo #nocarbs #SundayFunday"(photo via Wikipedia)

But recently one restaurant/winery duo kicked things into overdrive by offering dishes designed to help you capture the perfect Instagram of your tater tots (they probably don't serve tater tots).

Behold: the foodture.(photo via Foodography)

"Foodography," a joint photography project between Catit Restaurant and Carmel Winery in Israel, is working with an artist to develop a line of smartphone-holding dishes that will allow even the most inept food photographers to shoot amateur POV food porn that looks professional.

You look good enough to eat. (photo via Foodography)

The project also features a food photography class, which I'm guessing consists of someone telling you to turn off your fucking flash. (I know one woman who could use a few pointers.)

"Wheeeeeeeeee! It's getting cold!"(photo via Foodography)

Study discovers more proof that teens make up things about sex.

How can we be pregnant? I'm bi and Jace is a demi-romantic asexual.(via Thinkstock)

A new study has discovered something peculiar about teenagers; they are weird and confused. Two researchers, Lisa Lindley of George Mason University and Katrina Walsemann of the University of South Carolina, studied data on over 10,000 teenagers in New York City gathered from 3 years worth of surveys issued by the Center for Disease Control.

The survey was meant to find out how teens label their sexuality versus their actual sexual activity. Not surprisingly, Lindley and Wasserman found some discrepancies between what teens say and what they do.

According to a Daily News article on the study, 14.3% of female and 10.8% percent of male students surveyed by the CDC had experienced a pregnancy. However, teens who identified themselves as gay or bisexual were more likely to become pregnant than those who did not. Not only that, but students who reported they had sex with both male and female partners, but did not identify as either gay or bisexual, were also more likely to get pregnant.

The study reveals that teens still operate under a lot of false ideas when it comes to sex. Lindley suggests that all teens need better reproductive services. "Just because someone identifies as gay, you don't know," she tells the Daily News. “We want people not to make assumptions."

Personally, I hate puns.

How long were they in this store? Either Emily's boyfriend is a pun genius or they've been wandering in this godforsaken supermarket all afternoon. No wonder she's so annoyed, it's terrible to shop when you're hungry.

Most of his puns are about how pissed she is. She does almost laugh at when he holds up some creminis and says, "There isn't mushroom for more puns." Relax, Emily, he was just having some fungus. DAMMIT.

If you didn't get Dr. Seuss's "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" as a graduation gift, then you just haven't graduated yet. It's an inspiring book for the newly matriculated, to encourage them to chase after their dreams.

It contains more pleasant lies than there are in your family photo albums.
(Via Random House)

Here's a (mostly) line-by-line examination of the book reflecting a more, well, realistic worldview.

"Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!"
Not so fast. Your parents will take you out to a tedious “celebration dinner" after graduation, and getting Grandma back to the home is going to be a whole thing. The hardest part is pretending to be genuinely moved and pleased with all 10 relatives who gave you Oh, the Places You'll Go! as a graduation gift.

“You're on your own. And you know what you know."
You are on your own, and what you know is the bare minimum that got you an undergraduate degree in…oh no, Liberal Arts!

“And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go."
Any number of internship coordinators and hiring managers decide where you'll go.

“With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street"
Your monthly share of the rent on your studio apartment is $1,700. It's located on Not-So-Good Street.

“You'll head straight out of town."
It's an overcrowded, low-paying job market out there, and you can't afford both food and fancy resume paper. So try your luck in another city. Like your hometown. You're moving back in with your parents is what we're saying.

Elephants and canopies. Your twenties, amirite? (Via Random House)

“Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you."
They sure do. To people like you. But who are not necessarily you.

"You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead."
Your mom ran into Sheila at the pharmacy. You know, your old overachieving sort-of-friend's mom? Anyway, your overachieving sort-of-friend is doing very well for himself, and Sheila and your mom are just sure he could help you get your foot in the door somewhere.

"Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't."
You won't.

"You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. You'll be left in a lurch."
Prickle-Ly Perch is the bank you got your students loan with. Lurch is the name of a local bar that was hiring.

“And when you're in a slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done."
Thanks to Obamacare, you can stay on your parents' health insurance until age 26, and that includes therapy.

“You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked."
Cool! You got a job in an office. You're not sure what it is they do here, and your job consists primarily of inputting data in a cubicle in a windowless room in a sea of other cubicles, but hey, if you really think about it, it's kind of in your field of study, right?

“You'll get so confused that you'll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place."
You got promoted at your mind-numbing office job, because you are really good at tedious, repetitive, unimportant work. Congratulations?

"Now here's a look at the morning commute." (Via Random House)

“The Waiting Place…for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting."
You've made it! You're an important member of the American workforce. Go to work, go home, go to sleep, do it all over again, and shut up.

“Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake."
You've got a sweet 9 to 5 but are too tired to actually go do anything on the weekends. And your new apartment eats up a lot of dough. TGI Netflix!

“Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."
Sure, you're still young and cool and still know what bands are cool. You will go see one at a dark, smoky, noisy club and it will be terrible and will make you feel old.

“There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV."
After all, the world desperately needs another blog and/or web series.

"All Alone" if your roommate would learn how to knock maybe. (Via Random House)

“All Alone!Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants."
Tinder.

“You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go."
Tinder.

“And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)
[Success not guaranteed.]

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places! Today is your day!
Oh, you're from that prominent family. Oh, the places you'll go!

Two female students are suing Florida's Valencia State College for being forced to undergo invasive vaginal exams as part of their education.

Welcome to the classroom/nightmare workshop. (via Thinkstock)

In order to learn medical procedures, students often practice on each other. At Valencia State College, two female students were asked to participate in transvaginal probes to teach their fellow students how to complete sonography exams. The transvaginal probes were supposed to be voluntary, but when the students were told by professors that opting out would negatively affect their grades and their futures in medicine, it didn't feel so voluntary.

The students filing the suit claim they had to partake in the invasive procedure, which involved disrobing and entering a room of their peers, on a weekly basis. Aside from the embarrassment of being naked on an exam table because their grades depended on it, one professor allegedly told one of the plaintiffs she was 'sexy' and should be an 'escort girl' during a probing session. Did that give you chills? It's because the creep-factor just went through the roof of one of those giant buildings in Dubai.

If this story is giving you a rage-induced panic attack, you are having an acceptable reaction. As if choosing to go into medicine wasn't already punishment enough, can you imagine if your professors were basically blackmailing you into getting your vagina probed? If these allegations are true it will inspire a new show called Law & Order SVU: Japanese Horror Porn.

Here's more info about the case, I need to go scream or something.

1. Maryland Court Of Appeals Rules In Favor Of Second Season Of 'Serial' Podcast

The Maryland Court of Special Appeals has finally caved to immense pressure from the online world to provide radio journalist Sarah Koenig with sufficient fodder for a second season of her popular podcast Serial. The court found yesterday that convicted murderer Adnan Syed must be given the opportunity to be tried in court again, and everybody in my "Let's Get Serial" Facebook group must be given another opportunity to pour endlessly over semi-coherent minutia.

I want to do a podcast that's basically serial but it's interviewing someone & all known associates about their crush.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 25, 2015

2. Bill O'Reilly Claims He's Only Awful In The Ways We Already Know

Fox News host Bill O'Reilly is denying allegations from his 16-year-old daughter that she watched him drag his ex-wife down the stairs by the neck, telling Politico that, "All allegations against me in these circumstances are 100% false." Personally, I'm inclined to accept his denial only because I already have so many things to dislike him for, I don't know if I can handle also disliking him for domestic abuse. My disliking Bill O'Reilly plate is pretty full at the moment. Can we cycle back to this in a year or two?

There's no way the allegations that Bill O'Reilly dragged his wife down the stairs are true. He doesn't listen to rap music.
— andy lassner (@andylassner) May 19, 2015

3. Cannes Film Festival Bans Foot Comfort For Women

The Cannes Film Festival is catching a lot of flak today after several women were turned away from the premiere screening of Todd Haynes' LGBTQ romance film Carol because they were not wearing high heels. Considering that Cannes is on the French Riviera, I wouldn't be surprised if a number of ladies were also sent on their way for not showing enough nipple.

Round up those responsible for the high heels policy at Cannes and make them walk around in heels for 2 hours. Live stream it. I MEAN IT.
— Connor Ratliff (@connorratliff) May 19, 2015

4. Science: Something About Goldfish And Our Bad Attention Spans

A study of 2,000 Canadian subjects has found that the average attention span of a technologically active person has dropped from 12 seconds to just 8 seconds in just a few years. To contrast, the attention span of a goldfish is a bit higher at 9 seconds. Though, that's probably because their smartphones short out underwater.

I have the attention span of a hummingbird just flew by the window really needs to be washed my clothes but forgot to put them in the dryer
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) April 29, 2015

5. Study: Teens Who Smoke Pot Grow Up Less So

A new study from Pakistan has found that the endocrine systems of teenagers who regularly smoke marijuana contained considerably less human growth hormone than those who abstained, making them on average about 4.6 inches shorter. That's kind of a blessing though, really. It means your ass is just that much closer to the couch.

"Shit, my parents are home! Act supernatural." -- ghost teens smoking pot
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) November 7, 2013

My name is Nathan, and I'm bad at love.

So I'm turning to the 11th season of The Bachelorette for help. Nine of the previous ten seasons have ended with an engagement. Every week, I will follow the dos and don'ts I gathered from each episode during my own dates, and there is a 90% chance that I, too, will be engaged by the end of summer.

In part one of last night's season premiere, 25 guys voted for their choice of Bachelorette between Britt and Kaitlyn. While this new format was a big change for the series I was still able to take away some tips:

1. Don't get drunk before the first date starts.

Oh Ryan M. When you found that open bar, you found your special someone. When you told everyone you were 'horned up,' you were really putting yourself out there. But when you put your hands on Kaitlyn, you were escorted off the show. I can't believe your strategy didn't work out. Note to self: two drink max.

2. Do bring your date an intensely personal gift.

Shawn B. earned an “almost love at first sight” proclamation from Kaitlyn with a picture drawn by his nephew. Who knew that giving a crayon drawing of a woman you have never met before would be the best first step towards a lifetime of love? They should change his occupation to “Personal Trainer/Genius.” It's time for my three nieces to get to work and win me some hearts.

3. Do prepare questions to fake being thoughtful and interested.

While some of the guys went straight to discussing Britt and Kaitlyn's physical appearance or made fun of their time on last season's Bachelor, a select few took a big risk by asking the Bachelorettes actual questions about their lives. Like when Ben H. gambled by asking Kaitlyn about the meaning behind her tattoos, something last season's Bachelor Chris Soules never dared to do. It turns out she really appreciated the question. Whoa! Game changer! I already wrote this one down as a must remember. Great tip!

4. Don't have the occupation “Amateur Sex Coach.”

Nope. Just don't.

5. Do constantly talk about your end goal of marriage on the first date.

Every person competing to win the heart of the Bachelorette is clearly only doing so for love. It's definitely not about being famous, or enhancing a career, or winning a role as the next Bachelor. The only way to make this known is to constantly say that you are there for the right reasons. Thanks to the alarm on my phone I will not let 30 minutes of my date go by without mentioning that I am there for the right reasons.

We are off to an amazing start to this beautiful journey of finding love. I can sense my luck turning around already.

In 2006, our culture peaked at the intelligence level of a third grader two weeks away from winter break. Important questions were asked, like "who would win in a fight, a ground shark or an aqua-tiger?"(via SeatSmart)

Andrew Powell-Morse of the entertainment data blog SeatSmart did some number-crunching recently to answer the age-old question, "is it just me, or is music getting dumber?" It's not just you, hypothetical person. It is really stupid. This confirms my theory that 2015 is both the smartest and dumbest year in recorded history—on the one hand, we're all using advanced technology to discuss the findings of a data-crunching blog. On the other hand, those findings are that popular music is operating on a third grade reading level. OK, that's rounding up. Way up. Popular music is operating on a just-started-the-second-semester-of-second-grade level.

Country seems to be the top turd on this turd pile (hey, it's not like I need to write better than they do), probably because it's hard to find new and creative ways to say your spouse left you and drove you to drink.(via SeatSmart)

"Oh," I'm sure you're thinking, "but I'm sure the genre of music I'm into is much smarter. It must be way smarter, for sure, than the idiotic lyrics of the genre of music I don't like." Nope, sorry. Rock, pop, country, and hip-hop/R&B have all sunk to the same pathetic level in some kind of idiocy arms race. Sure, there are up years and down years, but no one can look at these graphs with pride.

One day, I truly believe we will have a junior-high level recording artist.(via SeatSmart)

"Yes," you continue to insist, "but my favorite artist is a true genius and the voice of my generation. Surely they are head and shoulders above the crowd." Again, nope. Not at all. Your favorite artist hasn't even made it to middle school yet, lyrically speaking. Granted, this doesn't measure social awareness or the level of poetry within those simple lyrics designed to be beamed to hundreds of millions of simpletons around the world, but long story short, music is dumb.

It's probably not good that I know way more of these songs than the smartest ones.
(via SeatSmart)

If you would like to see more specific data, like the smartest artists in each genre and a complete rankings of all the dozens of chart-toppers in every genre used to make these graphs, head to SeatSmart now.

A disagreement over a damaged pillow quickly turned into a struggle over hate speech.

Byron Batista, who may or may not be dressed as Chewbacca.(via Byron Batista)

Byron Batista, 48, is a wig designer and wardrobe supervisor who lives in Los Angeles. Last January, he brought some throw pillows to Rosali Cleaners, a leather specialist in North Hollywood, to have them cleaned. When he picked them up, he noticed one was severely torn (good thing he didn't trust them with his Chewbacca suit!) He asked the owner for a refund, which is when things got crazy.

The owner, Rosali, refused the refund, and an argument ensued. She began screaming obscenities at Batista, who described the experience to The Huffington Post:

"She started saying, 'Fuck you, fuck you, fag. That's when she took her middle finger and mimicked putting it up her butt."

Despite Rosali's witty barbs, Batista wasn't cowed. He took her to court for the $75. He didn't even care about the money. Now it was personal. Batista won his case, and received a check from Rosali. When he saw the check, however, he knew this wasn't over.

Get it? Cause he's gay.(via Byron Batista)

Batista brought the check straight to the judge, who probably strained his eyes from rolling them too hard. He ordered Rosali to make out a money order, which she did. Batista took the money order to his bank, but the teller said she couldn't accept it. Want to take a wild guess why?

She went biblical this time. Nice touch.(via Byron Batista)

The teller wrote a letter to the judge, explaining that the bank couldn't legally accept a money order that wasn't made out to the recipient's legal name. Unfortunately for Byron Batista, his middle name isn't "Sodomite."

He's still waiting for the next development, but in the meantime, he's getting the word out. He doesn't want anybody to have to deal with a homophobic dry cleaner if they don't want to. He made this excellent point:

"You'd think a place that cleans leather would expect to deal with some gay people. I don't want anybody spending their money there."

Maybe this Rosali woman shouldn't be cleaning leather in North Hollywood if she has such a problem with gay people. Maybe she should pursue a new line of work, like writing a dictionary of old-timey slurs for gay people. She's uniquely qualified.

When you're angry, why count to 10 when you can go from 0-60 in the same amount of time?

Hulk out with your caulk out.(via KCTV5)

A frustrated Georgia man recently remodeled his living room using nothing but a Chevy pick-up truck and a head full of seething rage. John Paul Jones, Jr. (presumably no relation to the Led Zeppelin keyboardist) had just ended an angry phone call with his wife when, as he told police, "one thing led to another" (one of those things being his truck and the other thing being his house). A contractor by trade, Jones has already started repairing the damage caused by his hasty DIY breezeway addition, joking that he needed the work (even though it doesn't pay).

Jones won't be charged with anything, because it's totally legal to be a complete fucking idiot with your own property.

If you want to watch the new Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj video "Feelin Myself" you can watch it in high quality on Tidal or in crappy quality all over the Internet.

Two girls having fun on their exclusive music download service. (via vidme)

Are you torn between buying a subscription to Tidal or watching the hottest new video of pre-summer in sub-par quality? If you're like most people, you're not wondering that at all, because you've already seen Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj's "Feelin Myself" from one of the many sites who ripped the video from Tidal.

Top photo: BUY TIDAL. Bottom photo: JK we cool. (via vidme)

The video is fine, I guess. It's just Nicki and Bey hanging out in Coachella attire at Coachella and embodying all things feminine by looking hot/fierce/fun/pretty/sexy/approachable. Nicki shows off her possibly plastic body and Bey acts like Bey. To clarify, I still totally want to hang out with them even though this video is boring.

I like inflatable furniture (via vidme)

This wonderful man can now be streamed directly into your home.

Working the Liberty Island ferry run today. Boy oh buoyancy. pic.twitter.com/DAV45zCAoZ
— Bill Nye (@BillNye) May 14, 2015

Boy oh buoyancy, indeed! Right now, Bill Nye's classic science for kids show, Bill Nye the Science Guy, now has 31 episodes up on Netflix. Here's a helpful review:

(screenshot via Netflix, if you've heard of it.)

This is a great show to share with your kids or just sit back and enjoy as an adult who wants to get excited about volcanoes again. For those of us without Netflix accounts (what? who?) here's a little YouTube clip to encourage you to sign up or bug your parents for their log-in info.