Whether you're a recent graduate or just failing to achieve your dreams, you may find yourself in the glamorous world of temporary employment.
Temping gets a bad rap, but there are plenty of perks that will have you saying, "No benefits, no problem!" Here are the 5 best things about temping.
1. You don't hate everyone, yet.
The lame office jokes and stories are hitting your ears for the first time, not the 500th. When Keith from Accounting says, "Is it Friday yet?" on Monday morning, you smile. When he says it every Monday morning for five years, you smile while aggressively stabbing thumbtacks into a homemade voodoo doll of Keith from Accounting. (Ok, it's a potato, but Keith happens to look exactly like a potato.)
Full-Time-Employee-You is one heatwave away from murdering Keith and sending him straight to Hell where he belongs. ("IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, KEITH!? IS IT!?")
But not Temp-You. Temp-You is like, "Oh cool, someone talked to me."
2. "Sorry, I'm just the temp."
Were sweeter words ever spoken? This sentence is your get-out-of-jail-free-card. Screw up all you want. It's not your fault; you're just the temp!
Hung up on the CEO?
"Sorry, I'm just the temp."
Wasted 90 minutes sending one fax, when no one's needed a fax since 2002?
"Sorry, I'm just the temp."
Patted Carla from HR on the stomach and asked her due date, when she wasn't pregnant?
"Sorry, I'm just the temp."
3. Flying under the radar!
Most people haven't bothered to learn your name, so it's unlikely they'll notice you've spent 45 minutes in the bathroom. Why zone out to a spreadsheet, when you could be hiding in a stall, taking selfies, and tweeting Keith from Accounting's humorous quips as your own?
"Am I working hard or hardly working? #LOL #TGIF"
4. New job, new you...
Your past can't come back to haunt you. Temping is a fresh start. When all the doughnuts are gone exactly two minutes after being set out, everyone's not automatically like, "Damn it, Greg!"
No one knows you regularly get drunk and karaoke 90s female empowerment songs, using the instrumental breaks to scream, "I'm so lonely." Or that you left your last job because you went on two dates with the UPS guy, and quitting was easier than facing him again.
Sorry, you don't get vacation days, but luckily, your grandma can kick the bucket again and again. Little do they know, she actually died in 1996, as part of Puff Daddy's Vote or Die campaign.
5. That swag though!
Sure, you're not getting much of a salary, but offices are full of freebies! Candy, bagels, instant oatmeal, Splenda packets, highlighters, napkins, binder clips, teabags, and those little wooden coffee stirrers no one needs.
I don't think you're technically supposed to steal stuff, but if you get busted, a good thing to say is, "Sorry, I'm just the temp!"
So, be proud of your temp status! You're a shooting star- you burst into the office, then burn out quickly, and disappear before most people notice.
And if you have full time employment, don't despair, any job can be a temp job if you're bad enough at it!