The Lifetime movie you've been waiting your whole lifetime for.

Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig are two of the most naturally funny people in Hollywood. They might be the two most naturally funny people in Hollywood. They're also two of the people least afraid of making some very strange decisions. Like dressing up as a Game of Thrones character they know nothing about or making a Spanish language melodrama despite not really knowing the language. They seem fully willing to take big risks, secure in the fact that they're so naturally funny that they'll somehow pull it off. And they usually do.

Which is why this is strangely intriguing:

A Deadly Adoption, everyone. pic.twitter.com/hsQ5Oom5av
— Rebecca Ford (@Beccamford) June 3, 2015

That's a billboard on Hollywood Boulevard for Deadly Adoption, a Lifetime-style movie that's actually premiering on the Lifetime network on June 20th. Yes, it is real, and it does really star Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig as a couple who take a pregnant woman into their home until she gives birth, so that they can adopt the baby. Because it's for Lifetime, something surreally melodramatic is likely to happen.

The two-hour movie was written by written by Andrew Steele, who previously brought us IFC's The Spoils of Babylon (which also featured Wiig and Ferrell), so we can assume it's going to be appropriately oddball.

Three of Hollywood's most famous young actresses are routinely cast against men as old as their dads.

That's Emma Stone on the left, Jennifer Lawrence in the middle there, and Scarlett Johansson is just there on the right. (via Getty)

After the news broke weeks ago about Maggie Gyllenhaal being deemed "too old" to star opposite a 55-year-old leading man, Vulture decided to investigate who is cast against the "young" actresses working now. The results are surprising, if you've never met a screenwriter, director, or producer from Hollywood.

Vulture plotted the ages of Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, and Scarlett Johansson in some of their biggest movies against the ages of their co-stars in these handy graphs. I warn you, this is probably the first time a line graph is going to fill you with sexism outrage.

(via Vulture)

Emma Stone is only 26, but her entire career seems to be spent playing against men much older than her. Even in her breakout role as a high school student in Superbad, she's the age-appropriate one. The only other time she comes close to playing against a love interest near her own age is in the retelling of The Scarlet Letter as a sex comedy, Easy A. It seems after Stone arrives as a known quantity in Amazing Spider-Man, she's then paired off with rumpled-ass Sean Penn, Mr. Darcy-ass Colin Firth, and a slew of men in their 40s.

If you think it's just harmless byproduct of movie making, remember when this happened out of nowhere?

It's like Hollywood's creepy old man club rented Zombieland on the same night. I couldn't find the original version of Jim Carrey's proposal because it's been taken down. Why would it be taken down if there is nothing wrong with a 55-year-old man trying to marry a 22-year-old Emma Stone?

(via Vulture)

Jennifer Lawrence's multi-faceted acting career has her back and forth between men around her own age and some sad-sacks in their late 30s and early 40s. I don't want to spoil the next graph for you, but this is the only time you see an actress play against a younger man. Starring in the Hunger Games movies, which are marketed to young adults, gives Jennifer Lawrence the rare opportunity to act with a romantic interest her own age.

As much as the Young Adult market is ragged on for their highfalutin stories of youngsters falling in love as they destroy dystopian systems run by money-driven maniacs, I'm starting to see the appeal.

(via Vulture)

Do you remember in 2008, when Scarlett Johansson released an album of Tom Waits songs? Well, I guess if I were only hanging out with weirdos in their late 30s to early 50s, I'd probably do the same thing. Scarlett Johansson has had an amazing career, and she's a very talented actress, but it seems like she hasn't had anything close to a typical love story.

As common as it is in films, it's simply not the case in real life. Vulture's excellent reporting found that 60% of heterosexual couples in the United States have an age difference of about 3 years. Only 1.6% of couples separated by a margin of 15 years, like Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Fuck This Stupid Shitty Movie ASGHGGGHGH!!!!

As a man who is old and not getting older, I get it. Men like beautiful young Hollywood actresses. But men like beautiful Hollywood actresses no matter what the age. The problem seems systemic. With a world built on producing fantasy that's so insular and homogenous, the only fantasy movie makers have is watching Colin Firth sleep with young blondes.

Amy Schumer says she feels like she "burned all the bridges possible" in her hilarious acceptance speech at the "Glamour" Women of the Year Awards.

Within the first minute of getting on stage Tuesday night, Schumer announced, "I'm probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want," to loud applause. She thanked Glamour for being the first magazine that let her be herself in photos, instead of what she explained as a common alternative:

"When a female comic has a photo shoot, they're like, 'Oh cool, like, can you hold this like plastic dick over your head and we're gonna like shoot um like actual cum out of it onto your head? And you're like, "Oh, thank you, yes."

The weird and gross ways that magazines try to photograph female comedians has also been bitingly joked about by Tina Fey in 30 Rock:

I wonder if that's what Schumer and Fey were talking about before taking this picture last weekend:

Schumer also thanked Glamour for not being one of those women's magazines that "make you feel bad for just being born with a pussy" before launching into a run of vagina jokes, observing that some of the guys in the audience were "not even remotely smiling," and then boldly charging on with even more vagina riffing.

Thankfully, it was a great crowd:

Pet stylists in Taipei are shaping dogs' coats into perfect squares.

This is a very patient dog.(via Siam 55)

At first, I wasn't sure if I should write this story. Is this a fair way to treat a dog? They're free-spirited creatures, and don't like to be put in a box. There are at least four sides to this story (six if you want to get all three-dimensional about it). But after thinking it through, I'm pretty sure I've found the right angle. Now that that's squared away, here's my conclusion: it's cute!

In Taipei, Taiwan, in the latest trend is to shave your dog's head into a perfect cube. It's a painstaking process that only pays off if the dog is looking straight at you, but it's worth it for these amazing pictures. These pooches look like they came straight out of Minecraft:

He's not a Boxer, but he is a box.(via Siam 55)

Now his face can fit perfectly into a box of saltines. Yum Yum!(via Siam 55)

These photos are pretty great, but what if you're not into squares? If you find angles too jarring, or if you just want your dog's face to have the greatest possible area for the smallest possible perimeter, look no further. Circle dogs are here as well:

I think I drew this dog in first grade.(via Siam 55)

"Walk me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."(via Siam 55)

It's a bobblehead come to life.(via Siam 55)

Dog or microphone? You decide.(via Siam 55)

You will definitely not be surprised to learn that the Japanese are getting in on this, too. They have grooming competitions where teams of groomers take extra-fluffy dog mannequins and shear them into the most precise shape possible. The transformation is amazing:

"I saw the dog in the fur and shaved until I set him free."(via Sepia Pet)

That's what dogs looked like on Nintendo 64.(via Sepia Pet)

He's not real, but neither is a dream.(via Sepia Pet)

What do you say? Are you going to groom your dog into a geometric shape, or leave it in its imprecise natural state? This is clearly the trend of the future. By next year, if your dog isn't a square, you will be.

A 57-year-old man set the world record for holding the longest plank at 5 hours, 15 minutes, and 15 seconds.

After two whole hours, he says, "I'm into the uncomfortable stage now." That's a pretty bold statement from a man who has already been continuously exerting his core muscles for the amount of time it takes to view two whole episodes of a television drama. And he still has three more episodes to go. (Thinking of extreme planking in terms of TV episodes is the only way I can wrap my mind around it.)

He describes his strategy by explaining, "I look for every bit of distraction I can get." So actually maybe it would be helpful to throw on a few episodes from the second season of Parenthood in his line of vision. And now it doesn't seem that bad.

Chris and Scott Evans recorded themselves singing Taylor's classic song "Fire and Rain."

You probably know actor Scott Evans from his role as Officer Oliver Fish on the soap opera One Life to Live. You may not have known that his older brother Chris plays Captain America. They're both accomplished actors, but it turns out they also have a lot of musical talent. I didn't even know Chris played piano until today, and now it's all I want him to do.

This video is pretty endearing. Their sweet voices, their backwards baseball caps, the way they sing apologies to each other… this is destined to be a YouTube classic. It's also great to see a world famous action star who isn't afraid to show his sensitive side. That goes for Chris too.

In a bid to motivate employees, Walmart will stop forcing its patrons and staff to listen to certain musicians.

"It's all coming back to me...my dignity."(via Getty)

All these minimum wage debates should start with one caveat: before we get down to the brass tacks of how much employees are going to make, let's make sure they're treated properly by not forcing them to listen to Celine Dion on a loop.

That's exactly what giant retail company and no-longer-emotionless-monolith Walmart finally promised its employees. Hoping to motivate its staff to consider long-term employment at the company, Walmart is offering higher starting wages, a different dress code, and claiming they won't play annoying music on a loop, specifically citing new Celine Dion and Justin Bieber albums.

Instead, Walmart is bringing back "Radio Walmart," which includes hiring a real DJ to pick the songs all day. I am now considering a career as a Walmart DJ. I would not only play the best music, but I'd do shock jock-style pranks on other businesses to keep morale up. Like calling Sears and asking them is all their refrigerators are running and that someone could get hurt by that stampede of refrigerators.

Now all you can expect to hear on the Walmart PA system is a screeching voice asking for a price check, followed by whatever it is old Walmart greeters like. I'm guessing a ton of Steely Dan.

Running out of stuff to get the crazy cat mom in your life? Check out the buys below!

Both their eyes are sending messages.(Thinkstock)

I have a theory that no one becomes a cautionary cat-hoarding story until their friends and family find out they like cats and start buying them everything 'cat.' Cat shirts, cat socks, cat pictures, cat picture frames. More cats. I used to be a normal person who just had a cat, but every Christmas I get more cat-themed doodads than I can squeeze on a shelf. My bedroom is a Museum of Cat Lady Sadness. You know what? I'm embracing it! Below are ten items for the crazy cat owner who has everything (me) (you?):

1. A book on how to make yourself another cat out of cat.

...Someone actually already gave this to me.(via Quirkbooks)

2. A cat mask so real it's in the Uncanny Valley.

They're art pieces made of wool, but don't let something being astronomically expensive and unbearably hot stop you. (via Cat Doll)

3. Something actually practical.

If I'm gonna die alone surrounded by cats, by Heaven, my ass will be wiped! No more kitty-unrolled rolls. (via Amazon)

4. A second one of something you already have for the cat to enjoy.

Mama's gotta get some work done, throw the cat a decoy. (via Imgur)

5. A toy that mocks what's become of you.

Take playing with yourself to a whole new level. (via Walmart)

6. A translation device for your pet's yowls.

It can translate up to 75 words, but they're all variations on "food." (via Tribune India)

7. Something that lets you dream of more.

I was gonna be a magical princess. (via Entertainment Earth)

8. An iTunes playlist of songs to enjoy with your pussy cat.

Good God, they're terrible.

9. A cat food gun, because I give up.

Blam blam, you're fed. (via Fab)

Related: 10 ways to use your cat as something besides a cat.

Walter Thomas crossed off the only item on his bucket list.

91-year-old Walter Thomas backed through a garage door with an Isuzu. Normally, this would continue on as some scare story about seniors behind the wheel, but Walter destroyed the garage because he was encouraged to do it.

Many elements came together to make this wonderful moment happen. Friends were demolishing a small garage as part of a home renovation, and Walter's grandson had a 1988 Isuzu Trooper that was headed for the junkyard. My guess is that over drinks, Walter probably talked about how much fun it would be to drive through a garage door on purpose. From the look on his face at the end of the video, it looks like it was a total blast.

When asked to sing something that reflected her "as this woman heading toward maturity," Anna Kendrick sang "Sunday Candy" by Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment.

In an interview with Peter Travers, she explains that she thinks the song's hook, which has been stuck in her head, is sweet and beautiful. Travers says, "It was sweet but it had that little energy that said, 'Don't fuck with me.'" I think he might just be scared of Anna Kendrick.

The song also has a short film to go along with it that was written and co-directed by Chance the Rapper:

I'm not sure why no one ever asks what song reflects me as this woman heading toward maturity. I've been dying to tell someone that it's "Still Sane" by Lorde.

After their flight was delayed for six hours due to bad weather, performers in the two musicals let off steam the only way they know how.

The casts of Broadway's The Lion King and Aladdin were flying from New York to Orlando and got stranded at La Guardia Airport for the length of two Broadway musicals. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before they started a sing-off, which looks like it was an amazing experience that stirred the hearts of the other passengers—except of course the stony hearts of airline workers, which can be touched by no man.

It's not the first time the cast of The Lion King has treated bystanders to a performance. They did it on the New York City subway back in August, and on an airplane last April. They must get so, so sick of these songs and the only way to have fun anymore is get them stuck in the minds of random strangers.

Mission accomplished.

After making this catch, he became a high-fiving bear.

Samson and Kayleigh Lee were visiting the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, Washington, to see the famous waving bears. This Kodiak bear, who seems not so interested in waving, makes a spectacular catch with his dextrous bear paws after Kayleigh throws him a slice of bread. Nice bread snag, bear bro.

Incoming Oxford vice-chancellor Louise Richardson is under fire for saying that the US "overreacted" to 9/11.

Vice-chancellor Louise Richardson, pictured without foot in mouth.(Getty)

Despite our reputation, most Americans can take criticism about our country. But if there's one touchy subject, it tends to be 9/11. We're still understandably upset about that.

That's why Americans are up in arms about comments made by Oxford University's incoming vice-chancellor Louise Richardson. At a British Council panel debate in London, she said that the United States' response to the 9/11 attacks was an "overreaction," and that the British people would have reacted more appropriately because of their "resiliency." Here's the clip:

Complicating this story is the fact that Professor Richardson is one of the leading terrorism experts in the world. A native of Ireland, she grew up during the infamous "Troubles" that claimed 3,600 lives there over the course of 30 years. She taught at Harvard for 20 years before become the vice-chancellor of St. Andrews University in Scotland in 2009. She is the author of What Terrorists Want: Understanding the Enemy Containing the Threat, and regularly advises world governments on issues related to terrorism. She has also testified as an expert before the US Senate.

She made headlines just last week when she was named the next vice-chancellor of Oxford University, the first woman to hold the post since the school was founded in 1230. She'll take over that position next year. Obviously, her credentials are above reproach, but from my lay perspective, what she said in this clip seems like a load of crap.

Any academic who talks about countries like they're people immediately damages his or her own credibility. What's more, comparing the UK's reaction to the Troubles to the US's reaction to 9/11 is like comparing horribles apples to horrible oranges. They were both awful, but completely different: one happened over 30 years, and the other happened in a day. One was an internal conflict between different factions, and the other was an external attack by a terrorist group halfway across the world. It accomplishes nothing to put these tragedies on a spreadsheet and see which comes out on top.

She also makes no distinction between the American people's reaction to 9/11 and the American government's, which is quite unfair. Regardless of how you feel about the US government's actions in the years after 9/11, blaming that on the American peoples' lack of "resiliency" is pure ivory tower speculation. I know Professor Richardson is an expert, but she seems pretty out of touch to me.

Malcolm Gladwell doesn't think Harvard needs money and he's not afraid to say it.

Who can argue with an expression that intense?(via Getty)

Wall Street billionaire John Paulson gave Harvard its largest donation in history on Wednesday, adding to its already enormous endowment of $36.4 BILLION dollars. Paulson's $400 million is probably just going towards buying the administration another set of ivory backscratchers. Considering the high cost of attending college these days, which leaves many people in crippling debt, it's not surprising that giving so much money to a private institution that's already swimming in it might enrage some people. It sure enraged pop psychologist Malcolm Gladwell!

Here he is not holding back at all on Twitter:

It came down to helping the poor or giving the world's richest university $400 mil it doesn't need. Wise choice John! http://t.co/2bFmuTy397

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Next up for John Paulson: volunteering at the Hermes store on Madison avenue. Let's make this a truly world class retail outlet!

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Working the coat check at Art basel. They're short staffed!

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

If billionaires don't step up, Harvard will soon be down to its last $30 billion.

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Apparently $200 mil is earmarked for a satellite campus on St Barts.

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

It's going to be named the John Paulson School of Financial Engineering

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

It's going to be named the John Paulson School of Financial Engineering

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Harvard's pitch to Paulson: not all privileged people are equally privileged!

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Paulson to Harvard: is there a way to give back without actually giving anything back?

— Gladwell (@Gladwell) June 3, 2015

Well, I guess Paulson can spend his money however he wants, right? It'll be awkward if these two ever come face to face, but I think they separate the Wall Street rich people and the intellectual rich people who peddle simplified psychology to the masses at the various rich people parties.

Even though I basically agree with Gladwell and enjoyed his vitriol, he certainly has his own detractors. I guess the lesson is: everyone is terrible, especially if they have shit tons of money?

Popular rap artist Snoop Dogg is also something of a marijuana enthusiast. At the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber, he shared some of that enthusiasm—and marijuana—with domestic icon Martha Stewart.

Roastmaster general Jeff Ross appeared on Conan earlier this week, and told some stories about what really goes on during those roasts. "We'll go in the back and decompress a bit," Ross told O'Brien, referring to how Snoop and himself will blaze one during commercial breaks. "And me, him, and Martha Stewart got a little stoned."

It was at that very roast that Stewart delivered a killer stand-up routine, cracking that all Bieber really needed was a powerful woman to smoke weed with him. Evidently, she was that powerful woman all along, but Snoop snatched her up before the Biebs could. Tah-dow.

A friend with weed, etc. (Via MarthaStewart.com)

This is not the first time the people I wish were my parents have crossed smoky, smoky paths. In 2009, Snoop appeared on Stewart's daytime talk show and made brownies together. Snoop has a really great recipe.

Every single day, Wealthy Americans become lost in their gigantic mansions and can't find a way out. Donate your money to the American Gold Cross, which uses remote navigation and rescue crews to help out these poor rich people.

The American Gold Cross provides remote navigation assistance to help wealthy people find their way out of their fifth bathroom and back to safety in the east tennis courts. Rescue crews are also dispatched for the most severe cases. But all of this costs money, and you can help for less than the cost of "two dozen oysters per day."

The 1 percent suffers 100 percent. (Via YouTube)