Boys will be boys, but you're getting too old to use that excuse.
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Just wanted to let you know that it's possible to exercise and then not post about it on Facebook.
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May your age be as irrelevant to you as your birthday is to others.
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I want to fill you up like my DVR in early fall.
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If you worked as hard at your job as you do at playing Grand Theft Auto V you might be able to afford a car.
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Let's spice things up in the bedroom by making a tape of us deciding we're too tired to have sex.
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You have the perfect autumn body.
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Sorry the most exciting thing to happen in your sex life this fall is the new prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto V.
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Your driving in Grand Theft Auto isn't nearly as scary as your driving in real life.
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My kid's head lice feel like members of the family in that they're embarrassing and show up unannounced.
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I want to see you naked as much as I don't want to see Walter White in his underwear.
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I have more food in my body than in my fridge.
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We should have a lot of sex this fall since my seasonal affective disorder makes it impossible for me to get out of bed.
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The arrival of sweater season has coincided perfectly with my new habit of eating every carb I can possibly wedge inside my body.
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Please don't mistake this birthday wish for any form of potential friendship.
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I aspire to be the beautiful, together person my Facebook profile suggests I am.
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You're the best friend I could ever settle for.
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I am fully committed to this relationship unless you ask me to go apple picking.
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Thanks for being willing to conduct our entire friendship online.
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You're as great a friend as you are a terrible employee.
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