Everyone cheered when Caitlyn Jenner walked into this New York City Pride party.

#CaitlynJenner x #NYCPride
A video posted by The Real Is Back!! (@whatspoppindotnet) on Jun 28, 2015 at 2:23pm PDT

The Pride celebration was at the Dream Downtown Hotel penthouse and featured a performance by Candis Cayne. People seem excited that Jenner received a "Caitlyn! Caitlyn!" chant upon walking in, and that is pretty cool. But this moment described by E! seems like the real story:

Caitlyn, who wore a white dress and her hair down in loose waves, watched the performance from a VIP, roped-off area. During "I Am a Woman," Caitlyn made it rain money on the partygoers. She left shortly after the show ended with her friends.

Yes, during the song "I Am a Woman," Caitlyn Jenner made it rain money on partygoers. Italics are mine, and they are not enough. Those letters would should be so italic they are all the way horizontal. That is amazing. How much money are we talking about here? And how hard was the money raining?

Here are some pics of the loose waves and partying.

#CaitlynJenner watching @CandisCayne at our annual Pride Party! Shes kinda major... #VossEvents

A photo posted by Voss Events (@vossevents) on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:27pm PDT

A photo posted by Andreea Elena R. (@andreea_er) on Jun 29, 2015 at 6:08am PDT

A photo posted by keeping up with... (@xo.kardashian.jenner.xo) on Jun 29, 2015 at 4:39am PDT

The most. @caitlynjenner for @jaredneedle #pride

A photo posted by Mark Silver (@markmasonsilver) on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:51pm PDT

Another weekend has gone by, and I once again find myself at the wrong parties.

Fig. 1 – a weirdo.

There's an old saying: every office has a weirdo. If you think your office doesn't have a weirdo, then you're the weirdo.

This advice is woefully inadequate. Most weirdos have no idea how weird they are, or what weirdness even looks like. That's part of what makes them so weird. They probably think that somebody else is the office creep because they drink almond milk. Meanwhile, their own cubicle is full of live squirrels. Or dead squirrels. Either would be weird.

Here's my point: you might be the office weirdo right now, and you would have no idea. Here are a few red flags to look out for. If any of these apply to you, you might want to start working from home.

1. Your coworkers stop talking when you walk into the room.

They were talking about you and you know it.

2. Everyone puts on their headphones when you start eating.

Close your mouth when you chew.

3. They bought you your own mini-fridge.

Now their normal food won't be contaminated by your steamed eggs or whatever.

4. You yell at the copier when it jams, but about unrelated topics.

"The banks want our blood! Illuminati!"

5. After the office pizza party, you ask if you can take home the boxes.

What are you going to do with them? Nothing wholesome.

6. You bring your dog to work, but your "dog" is actually just a cotton ball.

"Again? I just walked you!"

7. You're pretty sure HR's "no hair sniffing" speech was directed at you.

"Don't lean in Jerry. Don't you lean! Resist…"

8. Everyone counts down the days until your vacation.

It's because you smell.

9. Your out-of-office message mentions the Kennedy assassination.

(via YouTube)

"I will be out of the office until I figure out who the HELL paid off Jack Ruby."

10. You don't take feedback well.

They can't give you constructive criticism from the grave.

Images via Thinkstock.

The dude who got schooled by Amy Poehler about his misogynist tweet has apologized.

Queen Amy, poised and ready to verbally cut a bro-bitch. (via Hulu)

You're probably not surprised that a guy who writes for an ultimate bro-rag did something misogynist. Mark Mravic, an editor at the bikini/sportsball publication Sports Illustrated posted the following tweet calling out his co-worker Andy Benoit for his views on women's sports:

If you listen, you can hear people starting to chant "fight."(via Hulu)

One man calling another man out on his bullshit. Definitely the perfect way to start a nice little Twitter boy-fight. Andy Benoit responded to the tweet like a portrait of a sexist nightmare:

I dunno, he seems like a real stand-up fellow!(via Hulu)

If I could have one wish, I'd wish to turn into a cartoon character so I could express my seething rage by having smoke billow out my ear-holes. Amy Poehler agreed with this sentiment and roasted Mr. Benoit on Late Night with Seth Meyers:

Following the extreme burn on national television, Benoit issued an apology:

"I got carried away responding to playful ribbing ... and, in my stupidity, overcompensated by saying something ignorant and extreme. 100% mistake on my part, for which I'm deeply sorry."

We accept your apology, thank you. But just in case you're still frustrated, I suggest watching Amy's roast on repeat until you feel better.

Last night at the BET Awards, Rihanna was wearing duct tape around her wrist, and people were like, "Why?"

WHY DO RIHANNA HAVE THIS DUCT TAPE?! pic.twitter.com/JFhG17vLZ1
— Doll. (@CallMeDaishaa) June 29, 2015

Dear @Rihanna we need to know what you're up to with that roll of tape #BETAwards2015pic.twitter.com/6ShETsiTGW
— iHeartRadio (@iHeartRadio) June 29, 2015

But Rihanna had everyone exactly where she wanted.

Rihanna is perfection. pic.twitter.com/pnfKWjSEHE
— R8 era stan. (@KareemFenty) June 29, 2015

It turns out she was planning to use the duct tape for a very admirable reason: to shut up Floyd Mayweather. She taped the boxer's mouth closed, sat back in her seat, and probably started enjoying the show a lot more.

You'd think once you get to be Rihanna, you'd get a higher quality seatmate.

Thinking about how she wishes she was sitting next to Janet Jackson. (via BET)

It's like 'Grand Theft Auto,' but without the amoral slaughter of multitudinous innocents.

On the off chance that you've never weaved a motorcycle at breakneck speeds through the traffic of major European city, then you might want to check out this video—taken by a GoPro camera strapped to the helmet of a paramedic in Warsaw, Poland—to get a pretty decent idea of how thrilling (and terrifying) an experience it can be.

However, in the much more likely scenario that you have experienced this scenario multiple times in your extremely interesting and endlessly fascinating life, then this video may serve as a reminder to get your bike tuned up and ready for death-tempting.

Maybe this guy's handicap is being empathetically challenged.

If the thought of a person with mobility issues being inconvenienced (possibly dangerously so) doesn't do it, and the fear of a hefty municipal fine doesn't do it, maybe the possibility that a group of angry strangers will cover your car in a bajillion blue and white post-it notes will keep you from parking your car in a handicap parking space. Maybe. However, if you're the kind of person who doesn't care about the first two outcomes, then maybe you won't be too concerned by the last outcome either. Though, judging from the perturbed reaction from the illegal parker in this video from Maringá, Brazil, that last one seems to do the trick.

Here the same scene from another angle:

Two things I'd like to point out here:

1. This is clearly not a matter of a dude parking quickly so that he can run into a store in order to pick up some medicine for his poor, ailing mother. Have you ever tried to cover an entire car in post-it notes? I haven't either, but I'll bet you it takes a crazy long time.

2. Check out the detail work on the handicap icon. That are some remarkably tight lines considering the medium is a bunch of square pieces of paper with a tiny bit of adhesive at the very top. Very impressive.

Zendaya: former Disney star, current singer, dedicated no-makeup selfie activist, eternal anti-hair-shamer.

Short hair, don't care (about your tweets). (via Getty)

Previously, Zendaya was responsible for the anti-hair-shaming heard round the world when she called outFashion Police host Giuliana Rancic's racist comments about her dreadlocks. (Brief recap: Rancic said they probably smelled like "patchouli" and "weed").

Now, Zendaya is once again standing up for her hair against critics (or more like, rude people on Twitter...let's call them what they are). Last night at the BET Awards, she debuted a new pixie-cut wig. She also wore a crystal-covered shirtdress and looked cool as hell. But apparently some people didn't like her new hairstyle, and also never learned the essential life lesson, "If you don't have anything nice to tweet, don't tweet anything at all."

When people don't like your hair but they tweetin bout you tho..... #idgaf#idgafpic.twitter.com/03PQxkEd1B

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) June 28, 2015

Too bad Zendaya doesn't care what you think. You know she doesn't give a fuck, because she hashtagged "IDGAF" twice. Who's a crying emoji now?

i love the way she always snatch off her wigs pic.twitter.com/x6PMWaVaLv

— black girls (@bombblackgirlss) June 29, 2015

This photographer's response to haters has made him a viral sensation for all the right reasons.

Like many people on social media, photographer Clinton Brentwood Lee added a rainbow filter to his profile picture in support of gay marriage. It's a way of saying, "I think all people should be allowed to do people things." It lets everyone know you support your fellow human beings on this earth. Also, it's a rainbow! Everyone loves rainbows, right?! Apparently, there are some monster-people who despise rainbows.

One of these rainbow-haters was Clinton's photography client, and she said she no longer wanted to use his services knowing that he supports gay marriage. Here is the post, along with Clinton's incredible response to this Facebook bigotry:

The business reply heard 'round the world! Lol I hope in the scheme of life this isn't the one thing I am known for but I am happy I took a stand. The only thing I wish I had changed on this photo screen shot is where it says I support "Gay Marriage". While I 100% do, I wish I had just said that I support marriage opportunity for all. We shouldn't have to call it "gay marriage" like it is something different. It's just marriage. Like it is between a man or a woman or a black person and a white person. Ever person on this planet deserves their own happy ever after, even if it is different from your view of it. Don't like "gay marriage" that's cool, don't get "gay married"! But don't try to stop a company who believes everyone deserves to be happy. PLEASE NOTE: Yes I realize I could have handled this differently or more professionally, but I have always been known to be an artist with freely expressed feelings and my uniqueness. I will never stop being me. I will continue to love everyone. #loveislove #love #marriage #lgbt #glad #lovewins #standup #pride #istandwithyou #kcco www.BrentwoodPhotography.com
A photo posted by Brentwood Photography (@brentwoodphotography) on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:22am PDT

Here is the full text from the client:

Greetings Brentwood. We would just like to inform you we will NOT be using your services for out [sic] wedding. My fiancé and I support traditional marriage between a man and a woman and don't want our money going to places that supports [sic] otherwise. Secondly I would like to inquire about how we can get our retainer back from you. Thanks.

And here is the text of the photographer's response:

Wow, I'm not really sure what to say here. I would say this disappoints me, but I actually find this to be a good thing because our company now would now not like to work with you as well.
It's not that because you have a different view from us, but it's because, since you don't like an support gay marriage, no one else should be able to have it. That's like me not liking broccoli, and demanding that everyone else in the world should not have broccoli either! If you're not in favor of gay marriage that's fine, don't marry a woman.
Personally, I was taught not to judge others and to love everyone else. So I will try not to judge you here and say anything more as to my opinion of you.
At Brentwood Photography we see love in all forms. Now as far as your retainer goes, I hope you'll read the first article in the contract you signed stating that this retainer is nonrefundable.
But don't you worry, I'm not going to keep it!
Because of this conversation, I have decided to donate your $1500 to GLAD [sic] [the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation], a group created to help and support gay rights.
So let me be the first to say [redacted], thank you very much for your donation and support for this great cause!
I couldn't have done it without your money.
Sincerely and with Love,
Brentwood Photography

And guess what? THE INTERNET LOVES THIS REPLY! It's gone bonkers on Facebook, racking up over 65,000 likes. Isn't it great when the Internet breaks from support and kindness? Isn't it great to be crying tears of joy instead of sadness on a Monday? I just wish there was a way to "like" this post a million times.

Also, this post on Clinton's Instagram is going to make you like him even more:

Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love. Business as usual here. Gonna keep on doing what I always go! Traveling the world, taking pictures of my dog. Making others smile. Occasionally making people feel uncomfortable and think. ;) www.KonicaTheDog.com www.Facebook.com/KonicaTheDog can #konica #KonicaTheDog #dog #funnydog #dogsofinstagram #follow #kcco #omg #instagram #bicycle #bike #StAugustine #talent
A photo posted by Brentwood Photography (@brentwoodphotography) on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:39am PDT

1. It's harder to focus.

When you're younger, you're so horny you can't think. When you're older, you think too much. I'll be ready to start and suddenly think: I've got to pay the electric bill. We only have a quarter of a roll of toilet paper. Why didn't I pick up toilet paper? She told me to get toilet paper. Is this going to be a thing now, that I forgot the toilet paper? Fucking toilet paper! Did I lock the door? I thought I locked the door. Should I get up and check? I don't want anyone walking in and seeing the weird shit I'm watching. I'm kind of hungry. Maybe I should just forget it and put on True Detective instead.

2. Death of imagination.

The only fantasy I have room for in my life now is Game of Thrones, or that my vote will make a difference. Most of my dreams have died or been gradually compromised and I'm not about to muster the effort to visualize something naughty with the taut tattooed girl from the gym obsessed with squatting. Way too much work. I'm more likely to take a Pilates class. I've also been with my wife for over 14 years and my Personal Masturbatory Rolodex became obsolete when Al Gore invented the Internet. The only memories I have left of other women are so old, it would be like trying to whack it to faded ghosts and white noise (sad, confusing and a little creepy). Pornography is the simplest solution.

3. Too much of a hassle.

Being a grown-up means having grown-up responsibilities and obligations. I'm married, so I have a lot of them, and literally do not want to get caught with my pants down. Gone are the carefree days of just jerking off devil-may-care whenever I please. There are other people's feelings to consider, and I don't want to consider my wife's if she finds me hunched over the computer gratifying myself like an oversexed, adolescent chimpanzee at the zoo. So, it's of vital importance that I know exactly where she is before I start and how long I have before she gets home (browsing, closing incognito windows and clean-up time all must be factored into the equation). Unfortunately, knocking her out and implanting a GPS locator isn't economical or humane, and the only viable alternative is calling or texting to find out. More often than not, this will lead to a list of demands, a fight about nothing or, worst of all, a prolonged boring story about her day that goes nowhere. This can both cut into the window of my “me time" and psychologically castrate my libido, defeating the purpose of contacting her in the first place.

4. Clean-up is a bitch.

Erasing your browser history isn't enough. You must erase all evidence you've debased yourself in the first place. Failure to do so might result in a humiliating tirade about what a disgusting animal you are, planning a “date night," or a frank discussion about finally having a baby. As an older adult, I have more refined tastes, which leads to a more complicated clean-up. I'm a little too old for the spit-and-tug (all that bacteria—ugh!) and can't just reutilize the same old crusty sock or t-shirt and throw it under the bed (she'll find it). I need a good unscented lotion (it's best to have your own supply or she'll become suspicious about why ¾ of her expensive Christmas gift is missing) and a quality, 2-ply paper towel (non-generic) that's ultra-absorbent. I also make sure avoid both the keyboard and crossing streams with the earbuds wire I'm wearing, so my elderly landlady doesn't hear the moans of the startled ingénue auditioning for a calendar and getting a little more than she bargained for. Collateral damage can be tricky, and tack on 10 extra minutes plus the use of a toothbrush if you're not careful. Finally, I dispose of the payload by burying in the bottom of the kitchen trash and placing some choice pieces of refuse on top as insurance (flushing it will result in a clog and burning it is too obvious). If you're ultra paranoid like me, you can always do one extra splatter check and pray she hasn't bought a black light.

5. It's no longer necessary.

When you're younger, masturbation is an imperative. It's mandatory. When you're older, it becomes a choice. Most of the time, I don't even do it because I want to. It's less about needing it and more about breaking up life's monotony, numbing disappointment, and just feeling something for a change. Rubbing one out has become a lot like a depressing Wes Anderson movie, and I'm Bill Murray. If I'm going to be completely honest, the main reason I still practice it at this point is that I read it's good for my prostate. I don't even really enjoy it anymore. It's like taking fish oil.

5. Diddy, because he fell into a hole at the BET Awards.

There were a lot of big winners at the BET Awards last night: Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé (who wasn't there), Rihanna's roll of tape… and there was also one big loser: P. Diddy, who fell down a hole.

The 45-year-old rapper/impresario was performing during the much-hyped Bad Boy reunion when he forgot about a trapdoor in the stage, out of which Lil' Kim had just risen. He danced right into the gap in a moment of physical comedy worthy of Buster Keaton. TV viewers saw him drop out of frame, then crawl out moments later like an old man who fell in the toilet.

To his credit, Diddy had a good sense of humor about the whole thing. He took to Instagram to say:

"I was getting so loose I fell! LOL, but really though I busted my ass! … IF YOU EVER FALL DOWN, get your ass up and FIGHT!!!!!!! But really though, I crack up every time I see this shit! It's like I fucking disappeared. HAAAAAA!!!! I was scared as fuck but I had to get up! #BADBOY"

4. CNN, because they confused the ISIS flag with one covered in dildos.

That's not what Arabic looks like. It's actually the opposite.
(via YouTube)

After Friday's SCOTUS ruling, there was no shortage of homophobic news reports over the weekend, but this one is just baffling. On Saturday, CNN International reporter Lucy Pawle devoted a whole segment to this flag she saw flying during the Gay Pride Parade in London. She described it as “an attempt to mimic the ISIS flag, the black-white flag with distinctive lettering." She also mentioned in the report that the symbols weren't Arabic.

She was right about that part. They weren't even letters. The flag actually depicted a selection of sex toys: dildos, butt plugs, and more. You know, the kind of stuff ISIS would behead you for using.

The best part is that Pawle apparently called the police to report the flag. I would love to hear a cop explaining to her what anal beads are.

3. Elon Musk, because his rocket blew up.

Elon Musk may want to change the world and everything orbiting it, but he's got his work cut out for him. His dreams for a better future apparently need some tweaking, or else we're all going to die in a ball of fire.

One of Musk's pet projects is SpaceX, his reusable space rocket company. On Sunday, one of SpaceX's unmanned Dragon rockets launched from Cape Canaveral on a supply mission to the International Space Station. Minutes after liftoff, the rocket exploded in midair. Maybe they should work on making their rockets usable, before tackling the whole reusable thing.

The spacecraft was carrying more than 2 tons of supplies, including 1,500 pounds of food and other provisions. The crew still has four months' worth of food on board, but I'm sure it was heartbreaking for them to watch the malomars they asked for going up in smoke. And they were watching, as NASA's Scott Kelly confirmed on Twitter:

Watched #Dragon launch from @space_station Sadly failed Space is hard Teams assess below @NASAKennedy#YearInSpacepic.twitter.com/myi3col5Ix
— Scott Kelly (@StationCDRKelly) June 28, 2015

Space is hard indeed. And Mars is even harder. If Elon Musk wants to get there, he's got his work cut out for him.

2. Police who went to the wrong address and were attacked by an 88-year-old woman with a knife.

You'll never take me alive! I'm not going back to jail!(stock photo)

Seniors these days are more active than ever before. And sometimes that's a bad thing.

Take Phillis Stankiewicz, for example. The 88-year-old woman from Pittsfield, Massachusetts is still spry at her age, as two unfortunate cops found out on Thursday. The officers came to her door after being informed of a dispute involving someone with a baseball bat. Stankiewicz eventually answered the door, holding a knife that she brandished at the officers' stomachs. She kept yelling at them, "There's no crime here! Get out of my house!"

The officers tried to calm her down and get the knife away from her, at which point she slapped one of them in the face. That's when they arrested her.

After the arrest, the police dispatcher confirmed that the officers had gone to the wrong address. The person with the bat was actually a block north. Still, knife beats bat. I'd say those cops should be commended for the upgrade.

1. Donald Trump, because running for president may get all his TV shows canceled.

"What, me worry?"(Getty)

At this point, Donald Trump is clearly the frontrunner for the Republican nomination. At least, if you ask Donald Trump. Everyone else agrees he's a total joke.

Trump got in trouble recently over extremely racist comments he made about Mexicans in his speech announcing his campaign. Speaking from the podium, the candy-haired dickhead said that America had…

“become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. When Mexico send its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."

That led Spanish-language broadcaster Univision to drop Trump's Miss USA pageant, igniting a feud that's still going on. It also led NBC, Trump's longtime broadcasting partner, to issue a statement distancing itself from him. In a statement, NBC said:

“Donald Trump's opinions do not represent those of NBC, and we do not agree with his positions on a number of issues, including his recent comments on immigration."

However, that's not enough for some critics. A new petition is calling for NBC to cancel all of its properties associated with Trump, including Miss USA, as well as his reality show, The Celebrity Apprentice. That petition has already collected more than 200,000 signatures.

The amazing thing is that this is a real possibility. NBC values its Latino viewers very highly, and there's no way Trump is done saying offensive things. So as it turns out, his ridiculous presidential campaign could wind up being a good thing. It won't make him president, but it might get his stupid face off your TV for good.

Solid close-up magic like this would have earned him a flaming pyre 500 years ago.

I'm generally not one to point fingers at people and accuse them of being under the sway of dark, otherworldly forces of preternatural evil. That said, this German teenager magician might be working with something a little bit more powerful than an unusual degree of finger dexterity.

I mean, look at that coin! It vanishes, and then it reappears! Do you have an explanation for that?! I don't, and I'm afraid!

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that he's necessarily breaking the rules of our physical universe via magic or anything silly like that. It's entirely possible that he's somehow creating tiny, short-term wormholes that bend time and space long enough for him to transport a coin from one hand into an ethereal plane and back into another hand. That's all.

Last night on 'Last Week Tonight,' John Oliver dedicated an entire segment to transgender rights.

In the clip, Oliver points out struggles and hypocrisies that transgender Americans have to deal with everyday. He also points out what people can do to treat their transgender friends and fellow citizens with respect. And it's really funny, while also being informative, while also never making fun of Cuba Gooding Jr. I think everyone should be required to watch the portion where Oliver does a quick primer on what "transgender" means:

Transgender people have a gender identity that differs from the one they were assigned at birth, and that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. Gender identity is who you are; sexual orientation is who you love. Some transgender people do undergo hormone therapy or sex reassignment surgery as part of their transition; some do not. And interestingly, their decision on this matter is, medically speaking, none of your fucking business.

At the end, he helpfully reminds viewers that this is a civil rights issue and they probably want to be on the right side of history. I'm currently sitting in a very quiet office, but I really wanted to snap and/or applaud throughout the entire 16 minutes of this video.

Silly ignorance parade comes to a satisfying stand-still.

Confederate flags are on their way out, but that hasn't stopped a few proud Southern men (it's always men) from flying the increasingly-rare battle flag. Dalton, Georgia was the sight of a Confederate Flag Parade to offer counter-programming to Pride weekend, of course. The participants, however, seem way more scared than proud to take part.

The parade is more like a high speed funeral procession. Fitting, as this dumb, shameful flag is finally being laid to rest. The police have blocked off the street for this celebration of the stars and bars. Our intrepid cameraman is stuck at a gas station as police block the road, but everyone seems pretty eager to get this pointless exercise of a parade over with. No parade goes down the street at 35 miles per hour, the floats would be rent asunder! These proud pick-up truck owners must be scared of their now-precious flags being torn down by a roving posse of Bree Newsomes.

At about the 1:00 mark of this sad display, you start rooting for something to happen to people like this who value hateful flags over human lives. They can't be arrested for being ignorant, and rooting for grievous bodily harm makes you a monster yourself. So, you are left simply wishing something very inconvenient would happen. Something that might make insurance premiums go up, perhaps? Then that perfect moment happens, and you realize these dopes are going to continue tearing themselves apart as the rest of us get along and make friends.

This photographer really knows how to extract raw emotion from his subjects.

"All right everyone, say cheeEEESE OH SHIT!" (via Imgur)

Let's face it: Most wedding photography is stiff. The smiles are forced, the arrangements are excessively staged, and the photographer doesn't ever get to truly engage with their craft. Chase Rich was brave enough to combat this tradition, however, and even though he might have done it unintentionally, the results are nonetheless brilliant. The Mississippi-based wedding photographer was snapping a standard group shot when he slipped in puddle. At this moment, something cosmic happened. The muse of photography came down from the clouds and possessed his finger. Chase opened his shutter and caught everyone's hilarious reaction to his fall.

The photo was actually posted on Chase's Instagram over 44 weeks ago, but it just went viral recently, thanks to some awesome Redditors who also uncovered Chase's Twitter and the wedding photography company he works for. Chase recounted the puddle incident on the company's blog:

[A]t their wedding I slipped in a puddle while shooting the wedding party, cut my finger open, and broke one of my lenses. Evidence of this can been seen on my Instagram. But! Here I am alive and well and able to bring you photos that document how great this day really was.

Chase's injuries were well worth the picture. If you look closely, there are a bunch of funny details. While the general reaction is a one of surprise, there are a few looks of downright horror:

"Oh my god, is he going to die?"

While some people are completely oblivious:

They're trying really hard to get this over with.

Best of all, however, is this woman's look of maniacal pleasure:

"He fell. Just like everyone else will fall one day."

Amazing work, Chase. This year's Pulitzer has your name on it.

Finnish racer Niklas Ajo came in 17th at the Dutch Grand Prix, but he's #1 when it comes to all anyone's talking about. (video below)

What a race yesterday the front group got away already in the start so the race was just fighting in the second group. I was able to lead the group until the last corner but pushed a bit too much there and finished like this was a scary moment but I wanted to finish the race in any way and I think that was a pretty unique way!! #rbaracingteam#avant #batteryenergydrink#nautical#karavasauna#duell#javetech#angelmamakela#petajavedenmetalli#arai#alpinestars
A photo posted by Niklas Ajo (@niklasajo31) on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:16am PDT

As he states in his Instagram post, Niklas Ajo was not in contention to win the Dutch Grand Prix this weekend. He was, at best, struggling to win the race for pride among the pack of stragglers who had fallen behind. He was winning that secondary race (in 8th place) when he "pushed a bit too much" on one of the final turns. This almost resulted in a wipeout, but what happened instead ended up being the most exciting moment of the entire race:

This is probably a metaphor for perseverance or something, but I think it mostly speaks to the importance of upper-body strength and having the reaction speed and coordination to avoid breaking all your bones on an impact wall. But I'm a very literal person. Good job, Ajo! Let's not turn this into your thing, though.

If you failed to try your eggs with the house artisanal ketchup, you should hide your head in a bag.

If there are two things the world remembers from Friday's landmark Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court decision, it's:

1. The overwhelming outpouring of goodwill towards an historically oppressed minority from people from all walks of American life, and

2. Holy shit, Antonin Scalia is an incredible douche!

Yeah, the Court's resident cranky old man (Clarence Thomas isn't animated enough to be defined as "cranky"—he's more "sepulchral") really solidified his legacy as one of the most embittered and execrable political figures in America's long line of embittered and execrable political figures when he delivered one of the ugliest and vitriolic dissent statements in judicial history.

And the honorable Justice has justly been "honored" with his own breakfast platter at Philadelphia's rightfully beloved* Morning Glory Diner.

When it opened at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning, the South Philly establishment had the ingredients to make 150 servings of the 'Antonin Scalia Is A Douche' breakfast special (eggs, andouille sausage, tomato, scallions and Monterey jack cheese, available in both scrambled and frittata forms). By 10 a.m., it was sold out. Bear in mind, this is tiny establishment, so for it to sell 150 of these plates in two hours is remarkably remarkable.

"Not one single person complained,” owner Carol Mickey revealed to the Philly-centric Billy Penn blog. “The atmosphere in here was really wonderful. People were just loving saying it! 'I'll have the Scalia is a Douche, please.'"

I'm no legal expert, but I'm pretty sure this sets a precedent for future breakfast specials. We really need this frittata to go nationwide.

* Full disclosure: I nearly recused myself from writing this post on the grounds that I used to live literally 30 feet from this establishment and would eat there at every available possibility. If you're ever in there, I strongly recommend the Glory Cakes with blueberry and strawberry.

Naturally occurring visual comedy or the beginning of a bad Stephen King killer car movie? Either way, it's hysterical.

An unidentified Texas State Trooper was caught on camera trying to free himself from his cop car like he was Winnie-the-Pooh stuck in the knot-hole of a tree.

I could watch this all day, and I am a bit frustrated that the videographer didn't hold up traffic on this flooded road just to get a few more seconds of this glorious moment. It's like watching a turtle trying to get out of its shell while lying upside down and packing heat. It's also fun to add monstrous eating noises and pretend like the cop car is eating its driver.

The Texas Department of Public Safety has declined to comment on this video—at least publicly. I bet State Trooper Wigglybutt is hearing lots of comments back at the station.