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ISIS's attempt to dismantle global capitalism was foiled when three Chechen women Catfished them out of $3,300.

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More like the Islamic State of Getting Served!!!


The women all made this exact face after getting the money. (via Thinkstock)

There have been a buttload of investigative journalism pieces about how ISIS recruits young women to become their "brides." They'll use social media to find unsuspecting women living in the middle of nowhere, convince them that joining ISIS will provide them with a life of luxury or salvation or whatever, and arrange for their travel. Then, by the time the women are in Iraq or Syria and realize it was all a lie, it's too late to leave. Luckily, three Chechen women saw through the terrorist organization's bullshit and decided to use it to their advantage.


Everyday I'm hustling, E-Everyday I'm hustling. (via Thinkstock)

They started online correspondences with multiple ISIS fighters, and as soon as they were sent money for travel, they deleted their accounts and started ignoring their benefactors. They managed to rack up over $3,000 with this scheme. They would've kept going, except the Chechen police just caught on. Now the girls are now facing up to six years in prison for fraud, which is absurd because 1) They're stealing from a terrorist organization, so it's not really stealing 2) They're more worried about the fraud part than them communicating with terrorists? Let's hope Nev Schulman and his crew try to bail them out in an upcoming MTV series, preferable one called Catfish: International Terrorism Edition.


Article 14

Let this one-line repeat version of Human League's "Don't You Want Me" be your weekend jam.

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This song is really dumb, but I can't stop listening to it. Please send help.


"Don't, don't you want me to repeat the same lyric over and over?" (via YouTube)

Picture this: One of those gritty 80's dystopias, full of darkness and waste punctuated by garish neon lights. It's an alternate reality where songs are exactly like they are now — except that they can't have more than two lines of lyrics. Dun dun DUNNNNNN!

What is this world like? Is it better, simpler? Or do these sad people not know what they're missing? Well, you can decide for yourself now that YouTube user svantana edited Human League's 1981 tune "Don't You Want Me" to basically just be about that lady working in the cocktail bar, and nothing else. BEHOLD YOUR ALTERNATE REALITY! You can dance to it.

Heading into the weekend, this owl that gives no f*cks is all of us.

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Do you have any more f*cks to give about the work week? Me neither. Same for this owl.

I guess that implies that the owl's job is getting hit on the head with tiny birds. I wonder what kind of a degree you need for that. Do I need a master's? Because if not, I'm in. Sure, my parents might not be proud, but if the money's good, I'll take it.

Friendship

Let's watch these hilarious NSFW 'Trainwreck' outtakes in remembrance of jokes that were left behind.

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Could this video be any less safe for work? Click play to investigate.

Universal released this montage of outtakes from Trainwreck, and it's crazy how many joke options they had for some of the film's most memorable scenes. But only one (or, like, a few) could ultimately make the cut. R.I.P. "Maine Lobster Rolls." We never knew you, Amy-needing-a-calculator-to-figure-out-how-many-people-she's-slept-with. I'll never forget you, additional instances of LeBron James being surprisingly good at acting. Even though you didn't get into the actual movie, we will cherish you in this YouTube video forever.


Spiders close school for third time, proving summer school is the worst.

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Every student will be able to spell "arachnophobia."

This is an actual school in Wyoming!
(via Natrona County Public Schools)

To ensure that fear lives in the hearts and minds of students forever, some brown recluse spiders decided to take up residency at a Pennsylvania elementary school. This is the third time the school has closed because of spiders. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and there's no way anyone will ever be comfortable in that school because it's plagued by spiders.

The Tuscarora School District made the decision to close the school Tuesday after officials met with the district's pest control management company. The company found five to six spiders in the school's library in mid-July. They were also found during separate incidents last year in the lunchroom kitchen and the boiler room. So basically the entire school has the potential to be a complete nightmare. The librarians, custodial staff, and lunchroom workers must fear every last book, broom and industrial sized container of whatever it is they feed kids in cafeterias these days. But at least they don't have a spider living in their ear.

There are some positive ways to view this problem. In addition to snow days, there are now spider days. No school! And hopefully any kid having trouble with bullies keeps a few fake spiders in his pockets.

Article 8


Kim Kardashian finds a new way to shock America: becoming a soccer mom.

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Run to your local Mazda dealer and buy yourself a minivan! Kim Kardashian has deemed herself "officially a soccer mom."



Officially a soccer mom! #MyLittleGoalie ⚽️
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

Kardashian posted three photos of daughter North West playing soccer to Instagram last night, and finally the soccer ball emoji is getting its 15 minutes in the spotlight.

In the pics, which are objectively the cutest thing ever, North is playing goalie and Kim K. expresses how proud she is. Presumably, all the other soccer moms are offscreen shopping because children's sport game style just got upped to a whole new level.




Last pic of my baller baby! She's doing so good I'm just so proud!
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

Enjoy slicing oranges and organizing carpools, Kim Kardashian, along with all the other soccer mom activities that you are definitely, absolutely going to do yourself.

Sweet mother of God! The 'Mission: Impossible' trailer is a lot better with Chris Farley instead of Tom Cruise.

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The late Farley would have made a great agent.

Tom Cruise was not the first actor to heroically hold onto an airplane as it flies off the runway. And the typical action scenes of a Hollywood blockbuster are easily interchangeable. Some wonderful editing by Tom Spence shows us what happens when you replace Tom Cruise in every trailer scene of Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation with Chris Farley.

The airplane scene from Black Sheep perfectly lampoons the Tom Cruise stunt we've been repeatedly subjected to leading up to the film's release. Several car and action scenes from Tommy Boy fit seamlessly as replacements for the actual movie.

As luck would have it, a documentary about the comedic genius, I am Chris Farley, was just released. So should this magic mash-up inspire you to revisit Farley's best works, go one step further and learn about his legendary life, too. It will be well worth it, because Chris breathed comedy, and his life story is not cluttered with questions about his wacky religion or sexuality.

Bill Nye responds to tweets that say mean things about him and/or climate change.

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Bill Nye made a video responding to those bold people on Twitter who are brave enough to say horrible things about celebrities.

At last -- It's time to watch everyone's favorite #ScienceGuy read and respond to his very own #MeanTweets!And it's all thanks to YOUR incredible response to our latest BACKER CHALLENGE and the overwhelmingly popular #FrisbeeFriday! Keep sharing, pledging, and helping us to #ChangeTheWorld with Bill Nye The Science Guy! Details here: bit.ly/billnyefilm

Posted by The Bill Nye Film on Friday, July 31, 2015

Reminder: When you tweet insults about a person, they can see them. We've seen celebrities read mean tweets before (mostly on Jimmy Kimmel Live) and some viewers (me) think the genre peaked with the president. But what I love about this particular entry into the mean tweets canon is that while some messages include nasty comments about Bill Nye, others just deny evolution and climate change. Those are some pretty vast concepts to pin on one science guy, though I'm sure it does hurt his feelings.

Tom Hanks wrote to a director at 18 begging to get discovered. And now he's the star of a Carly Rae Jepsen video.

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He wanted to make a splash.

Tom Hanks not at age 18.
(via Getty)

A young Tom Hanks wrote an adorable and sincere letter to director George Roy Hill in which he asked for a break in Hollywood. Yes, before hungry young actors in Hollywood began sending emails with links to their YouTube reels, they had to send hand-written letters and hope for the best. He humbly acknowledges that he's not ripped or wildly handsome, but will work hard for any acting opportunity:

"Now, right away, I know what you are thinking ("who is this kid?"), and I can understand your apprehensions. I am a nobody...my looks are not stunning. I am not built like a Greek God, and I can't even grow a mustache, but I figure if people will pay to see certain films...they will pay to see me."

That is just the cutest thing ever. Before he was Saving Private Ryan and Sleepless in Seattle, he was just grinding it out in Los Angeles. We now love Tom Hanks even more. The greats really are in A League of Their Own.

Jimmy Fallon and Kevin Bacon sing The Beach Boys "Fun, Fun, Fun" with more relatable lyrics.

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"Ham plus burger equals burger at the hamburger stand now."

What if Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show was all silly singing stuff and none of the graphic finger injury stories? And what if Kevin Bacon had his own sitcom? These are the types of questions this video will make you ponder. Fallon and Bacon sang a "first draft" of the hit song "Fun Fun Fun" by The Beach Boys, and their version has more hamburger references. Like, a lot more. And I like it better that way.

As required by celebrity law, Ashlee Simpson gave her daughter a weird name.

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Her totally normal name is Jagger Snow.

Her husband Evan Ross is also a member of The Night's Watch.
(via Getty)

Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross welcomed a baby girl into their lives, and they named the little bundle of joy Jagger Snow Ross. Sounds like they put a lot of thought into the name, or they were sitting on the couch and Evan said "man I love drinking Jäger," and Ashlee responded with "my favorite season is winter." Then their eyes lit up, and they realized they had a perfect celebrity baby name. Or they chose exclusively from the last names of The Rolling Stones, which actually makes sense because the other options would be Richards, Watts, and Wood. And Jagger is technically the most feminine of them all.

Young Jagger will get to grow up with cousins, as Ashlee's sister Jessica has kids named Max and Ace. Just a playdate with kids named Jagger, Max, and Ace. Ashlee and Jessica can look on lovingly, remembering when they were little girls, dreaming what it would be like to raise kids together with names resembling Axe body sprays.

It goes without saying that Jagger will have a very simple and modest upbringing.

The 'Zoolander 2' trailer leaked, and now it's in your computer.

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The trailer for the Zoolander sequel was leaked and then deleted last night.

It's amazingly incomprehensible, starting with DECtalk (Stephen Hawking-style) narration of the history of the universe and leading into some updated examples of Derek Zoolander being dumb. The first movie came out so long ago I thought I didn't remember it, but now scenes and lines are popping back into my mind from some mental storage area I didn't know existed. (That's what you're using your amazing capabilities for, brain?) This teaser doesn't even have any content from the actual movie, which is quite a power move, but hopefully soon we'll get some glimpses of modern day Hansel and Mugatu.


Tyler Perry presents escorting Leolah Brown from Bobbi Kristina's funeral.

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Leolah Brown had an outburst and was tossed from Bobbi Kristina's funeral.

Walking the walk after too much talk.
(via Getty)

It's safe to say that the Houston family could use some peace and quiet. Regrettably, Leolah Brown decided to take things in a different direction and shouted at another family member during the service. Thankfully, Tyler Perry was there, and he quickly made his way to Leolah to quiet her while escorting her from the church. Is there anything Tyler Perry can't do?

Leolah interrupted Pat Houston, Whitney's sister, as she was walking up to to say a few words about Bobbi Kristina, telling her that Whitney was going to "haunt" her. We all know that you shouldn't make a scene at a funeral, but more importantly the only people that have license to threaten you with a haunting are gypsies. If you're going to effectively threaten someone with a haunting, don't bother yelling; quietly whisper what sounds like backwards Latin in their ear and walk away smiling.

Following the outburst, Leolah walked outside with Tyler Perry and made her way straight to the press, which is what you do when you're trying to keep a low profile and be respectful of the entire family's privacy.

Friendship

Article 3

Article 2

The cast of the new 'Ghostbusters' went to a children's hospital because they are amazing and I love them.

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The cast of the new 'Ghostbusters' movie just keep giving us more reasons to love them.


All four stars of the upcoming Ghostbusters movie visited the Tufts Medical Center in Boston in full costume as a special surprise to some patients in the hospital. I didn't think I could be more obsessed with Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Kristen Wiig and Leslie Jones in anticipation of the new Ghostbusters, and yet now somehow I am.

A spokesperson from Tufts Medical Center told WCVB:

“They were a true delight to have today... They were so kind to all the kids and their parents. They took their time in each room visiting children as young as a few months to teens. We cannot thank them enough for the happiness and excitement they created."

Celebrities are pretty great sometimes. Good job ladies! Also, good job to their PR people!

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