An investigation has revealed that Fogle's non-profit was a sham.
Now he's gone too far.(Getty)
Remember Jared Fogle's non-profit foundation? Don't feel bad if you don't – recent revelations may have pushed the more insignificant details of his life out of your mind. Founded in 2008, the Jared Fogle Healthy Lifestyle Nationwide School Grant Program was supposed to distribute more than $2 million to schools and community organizations to fight childhood obesity. It was a noble goal, but like so much of Fogle's life, it turns out it was just a lie hiding behind big jeans.
USA Today is reporting that the Jared Foundation has yet to issue a single grant. Between 2009 and 2013, the foundation spent only $73,000 a year. 60% of the money was used for the salary of Executive Director Russell Taylor, who you may remember is in jail on child pornography charges right now. I guess that salary was Jared's way of rewarding him for swapping pics.
Another 26% of the foundation's budget has just disappeared. In fact, administrators haven't even paid Indiana their $5 annual registration fee since 2008. It seems like the entire thing was just a front. Daniel Borochoff, president of CharityWatch, told USA Today,
"If Jared was really interested in helping children through his foundation, he could have gotten more money. As with a lot of celebrities, the charity appears to be more about image-enhancement than charitable deeds."
Jared needs all the image enhancement he can get right now. But I have a feeling it won't be enough.
In today's world news, Avril Lavigne is making an energetic play for a Taylor Swift Twitter feud all of her own. It started with a Tumblr post (above) someone created comparing the way that Taylor Swift and other musical artists interact with their fans. According to the photo compilation, other celebs are robot-like and awkward and don't want to physically touch the dirty peasants who for some reason are obsessed with them, whereas Taylor Swift immerses herself among the happy children who love her, making them even happier.
The comparison is not exactly scientific, and clearly relies on especially awkward photos of Katy Perry, Kanye, Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears. But it cannot be ignored, because of what happened next: Taylor Swift liked the post. (Or the sentient social media robot who runs her Tumblr account did.)
Using my expertise and analytical skills, I've formed a hypothesis that this passive aggressive like was possibly intended as a counterattack to Katy Perry's passive aggressive follow of an Instagram account called "sluttytaylorswift." But so far there's been no word from the Katy Perry camp (yet), and a lot of words from Team Avril Lavigne, who in my studied opinion might have just been caught in the crossfire.
Wow. A counterexample collage. Bold. Well, knowing celebrity Twitter feuds, this will probably quietly blow over now, everyone will make up, and we'll all have learned a valuable life lesson we won't soon forget.
Josh Duggar's sister and one of the million kids and counting, Jessa Seewald, posted a photo of Bible scripture about being forgiven after confessing your sins:
The post was a not so oblique reference to her brother Josh's extensive list of sins, from molesting his sisters to cheating on his wife Anna Duggar with as many dating profile accounts as he could sign up for. That's when Anna's brother Daniel Keller stepped in, reportedly commenting:
"You have to confess and forsake your sin to have mercy. Not sin confess and repeat."
He acts exactly like a person who lives in Ojai and named his kids Zuri and Azai would act.
Fine, but now his son will be facing unrealistic body standards. (via Mikki Willis Facebook)
"Take a seat, son. There's something I need to tell you. Now, I don't really know how to say this, but...It'd be chill if you were gay. Or trans. Or whatever. Not that you are. Not that it'd be a bad thing if you were. Not that those two things are necessarily related. Not that—you get what I'm saying? I'm just saying do whatever. Play with dolls, do ballet, hell, convert to Baha'ism or get dreadlocks, I don't care! I'm a cool dad. Just look into the camera."
That's basically what Mikki Willis told his son in a video yesterday, after he wanted to buy an Ariel doll from The Little Mermaid. Little Azai had the following reaction:
The latest famous husband outed in the Ashley Madison hack is Josh Taekman of Real Housewives of New York. He immediately issued an apology statement, saying that he joined the site "foolishly and ignorantly with a group of friends." Blaming your group of friends when you get in trouble with the wife is reserved for coming home too drunk or sneaking cigarettes behind the garage. In fact, men blaming their friends begins in high school when they get in trouble with their moms for smoking and drinking. Some things never change.
His real housewife, Kristen, is a model with whom he has two children. He added that they "look forward to moving past this and getting on with our lives." Which means hiring lawyers and keeping an eye on his fortune that he amassed from a line of energy drinks. If an energy drink mogul who always wears a fedora with a model wife can't maintain a happy marriage, I don't know what to believe in anymore.
Henry and Henriet James were unhappy with their school's lunch policy at North Elementary School in Somerset, Massachusetts that kept students apart by gender in the cafeteria. Henriet told ABC News, “Boys and girls couldn’t sit together...It was separating people.” The twins proposed the idea of writing an article about it for their school newspaper. They got the go-ahead from the fourth grade newspaper advisor and began their investigative journalism.
The twins spent five weeks interviewing students, teachers, and even the principal for the article. Henry told ABC, "It took us a while to get all the ideas and type them down in a way that made sense.” Henriet added, “The hardest part was finding the ideas and making them interesting in a way that people would want to read the article.” Their endeavor was definitely a success, because the article was published in the school newspaper in June, and the school decided to change the same-sex lunch seating policy! If only the US government worked this quickly.
These kids know how to get sh*t done. It's safe to say that Henry and Henriet are going to rule their 5th grade newspaper club. May their story inspire you to follow your dreams and question authority, even if those dreams are to eat pizza for lunch every day without the judgment of your co-workers.
This is the single most convincing face-in-an-object image I have ever seen.
Which of these two has a later expiration date? (via)
Before she suddenly became a part of it, Wildwood, Missouri resident Jan Castellano, 63, was sick of Trumpmania. “I’m just tired of seeing his face everywhere," Castellano said in an interview with The Daily Beast. Unfortunately for her, however, "I open up my butter and there he is! He’s everywhere and now he’s in my food products. It was just staring right back at me.” Castellano uploaded this photo to Facebook, and it took off from there.
"We need a wall to keep my lipid-soaked goodness from leaking out." (via KDSK)
Three pudgy holes and a lumpy nose-like feature all tying it together...it's hard to argue that this tub of golden lard-like spread (I'm a bit unclear on whether Trader Joe's Earth Origins Organic Spread is merely organic or full-on vegan, but either way there's delicious irony there somewhere) isn't a dead ringer for the Republican upstart. And it fits so many of the Donald's exhaustive catalog of open-mouthed, yelling faces. “He has such weird expressions,” Castellano said. “He’s so animated—whether he’s angry or whether he’s trying to make a point. All the cameras seem to capture him with his mouth kind of open and his eyes scrunched.”
Here's an explanation on how this phenomenon of seeing faces in random stuff works, by the way:
I always love a good fan theory. Multiple films taking place in the same universe, characters being deadthewholetime, entire storylines that are actuallydreams, you name it. But this latest fan theory gaining traction rubs me the wrong way. It concerns John Guilbert Avildsen's 1984 masterpiece, The Karate Kid— a film that I absolutely love. I love it ironically, of course, since I think it symbolizes everything that is so funny about Hollywood in the 80s, but I love it nonetheless.
YouTuber J. Matthew Turner made a video breaking down why Daniel, the hero of the film, is actually a violent sociopath, and Blake, the villain, is actually a good guy whom Daniel harasses.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Gz_iTuRMM
It's a fun thought experiment, but I refuse to believe it for the following reasons:
The Karate Kid is the ultimate underdog story about a scrappy, working-class Italian kid from New Jersey kicking the ass of an rich, blonde, Reagan-era SoCal bro. There is no universe in which I won't support the former.
Sure, Daniel is a little aggressive with his combat strategy, but it's a martial arts film, so who cares? Did Jake LaMotta from Raging Bull have time for politeness? What about Rocky? No, they had some ass to kick.
Johnny practices Cobra Kai, which is whack, diluted, white people Karate. Mr. Miyagi teaches the old country way, which I'll always support.
Calling Miyagi, the only Asian-American cast member, a "demon-sorcerer?" That's dehumanizing, bro.
As you can see, The Karate Kid is something I am very passionate about.
Tinder can be a powerful tool for fulfilling the geo-locational dating needs of hopefully-single people everywhere. It can also be an adult playground full of misogynistic double standards. Laura Nowak created a Tinder account with the following words in the bio section, "hello i am a feminist." She posts screengrabs of the messages she receives on Tinder to the Instagram account @feminist_tinder, which has 27,500 followers and and rising, probably because every woman can relate to single guys acting like terrible trash people at some point in their lives. There's something about online dating that really brings the sexism right up to the surface of the pot of boiling Internet dicks.
The messages Laura gets show how much further women have to travel on the poorly paved path to gender equality. They're not all negative though, and she shares some positive experiences as well. Here are some of the best gems:
If you can get back up after tripping, shake it off, and keep walking, you're special—but not as special as this unnamed new Internet star: the Taiwanese boy who fell into a $1.5 million Paolo Porpora painting yesterday and somehow got off scot-free.
The 12-year-old boy was on a trip to a Taipei museum, where he was viewing an exhibit called "Face of Leonardo: Images of a Genius" and slurping down a soft drink of some kind. As he moved on from a 350-year-old Porpora painting of flowers, he tripped over the rope barrier and put his hand out to stop his fall, which it did.
It also punched a hole in the very expensive 17th century painting.
After he recovers his footing, the boy appears stunned (well, his body does. His face is blurred). Everyone freezes. An older woman comes over and says something, probably "Damn, son."
Then, a wonderful thing happens. Nobody yells or kicks him out. A museum worker puts her hand on the boy's shoulder, as if to say "Hey, I'm really sorry this is going to go viral. I know it was just an accident."
The exhibit's curator, Andrea Rossi, took the same attitude, asking that people not blame the boy and that the museum not request payment from his family. The painting is insured, so the cost of restoring it is covered, and it can hopefully be repaired so middle school boys can re-destroy it for generations to come.
In the end, this kid really screwed up, and not only manages to not look totally stupid on camera but also doesn't have to pay a dime. Lesson learned: destroying old paintings is fine as long as you can walk it off.
Prior to this, the former Daily Show host shocked millions when he supported longtime foe Seth Rollins against John Cena, smashing Cena in the gut with a chair during a championship match.
https://twitter.com/WWE/status/635997451736891392
This turn of events came after months of Jon Stewart feuding with Rollins, which all started when Rollins said he would take over The Daily Show and "actually make it watchable." So, for the 53-year-old comedian to suddenly turn heel and attack Cena while hosting SummerSlam 2015 was obviously a huge surprise to audiences and wrestlers alike. This set up Rollins to become the WWE World and US champion and be immortalized in bronze, and while I won't give away what happened last night, let's just say that John Cena isn't quite finished yet. Once Rollins was driven from the stage, Cena had a score to settle with the anchor who betrayed him. I'm sure this story will keep developing, so stay tuned.
We've all been wrong at some point in our lives, or at least have been forced to say we are.
"Uh, sorry not sorry?"(via Thinkstock)
It's National Kiss and Make Up Day, because it's not enough to make us celebrate fake holidays, they're also forcing us to say "sorry." In celebration, we (the staff and contributors at Someecards) put together this compilation of the worst things we've been forced to apologize for, either by outside forces or our own consciences. Keep in mind, these are the worst things we've apologized for. There's lots of other terrible stuff we'll never back down about.
Read these nightmares below:
A few New Year's Eves back I was celebrating with large amounts of alcohol. At the stroke of midnight, my also-drunken friend rang in the new year by giving me a massive bear hug that lifted me off the ground. He then began spinning me in a circle while shaking me like a rag doll. A spray of vomit shot from my mouth in multiple directions that I was powerless to stop or aim safely. A lot of it got on people coats. I had to pay for dry cleaning and apologize even though it was only half my fault. -Justin Laub
In 1st grade, my school made me write an apology letter to my parents because I had "put on a show for the boys in the bathroom." In the letter, I wrote, "I made a bad choices." -Matt Nedostup
Somebody was sending me $5 a picture through Paypal to send him pictures of my bitten nails… I had to apologize to him when I decided porn wasn't my thing and stopped sending them. -Luke Ollett
Also from Luke:
Peeing in their underwear drawer. [Ed's note: presumably a different person than the fingernail porn.]
I went on three dates with someone and found out that the whole time I'd had mono. Then to let him know, even though we're both Millennials, I called him on the telephone. It's unconscionable to make someone have a conversation by phone. -Ariel Karlin
When moving, I accidentally threw out my wife’s suitcase containing her birth certificate and our marriage license. Although I have no real memory of the event, my best guess is that she told me the bag was important, and then later when she was gone, I looked at the bag and remembered there was something important about it, and must have decided I was supposed to throw it out. I am a sitcom husband, except I live in the real world. So, my absent-minded antics result in a lot of apologies. -Johnny McNulty
I was so hungover the day after a wedding, I had to ask my sister and brother-in-law to pull over on the highway so I could puke. Then I sat next to them on a flight from SF to NYC and got up every 20 minutes to puke in the bathroom. Once we got back to NYC, I got out of the cab and puked outside their apartment. I was so exhausted they let me sleep on their couch. I'm the worst. [Ed's note: not in this post!]-Ashley Bez
My girlfriend and I split up amicably just before going to a new Thai restaurant. The restaurant was in a converted house in upstate New York, so it was packed but also we were basically eating in a living room. Everyone could see and hear you. By the time our food came we had fought and made up again, but were both weeping so intensely that we couldn’t eat. All the patrons were mad, and the people who worked there looked like they thought the food upset us. I said sorry to the whole room over and over but no one who worked there spoke English very well. Later, I ate some cold pad thai alone in my room. Still feel bad for the owner of that place because it was the week they opened. The Yelp reviews must have been fun: "food’s good but the atmosphere is very upsetting." -Dan Wilbur
My parents made me do youth soccer when I was 8 or 9. For one of our first practices, we were all rotating positions so the coach could determine what our strong suits were. During my turn as goalie, the coach's son (who was playing defense), kept trying to give me pointers on how to goalie. I thought it was kind of patronizing so I told him to stop showing off, and he all of a sudden just started sobbing. The rest of the season was really awkward. -Bijan Samareh
Wiping my chicken grease hands on my step-father's shirt with deliberate malicious intent. -Aimée Lutkin
I repeatedly snorted cocaine in the synagogue bathroom during a good friend's wedding and then gave a spontaneous (unasked for) speech that several people described as "pretty much ruining the wedding." I was forgiven, and have since given speeches that ruined several other weddings, but without the use of drugs. -Brook Lundy, everyone's boss.
After reading these, almost any feud seems surmountable. With whom do you need to bury the hatchet?
Just FYI, Curt Schilling, 43.9% of Germans voted for the Nazis in 1933. In 1940 the war was already raging. Wait...just how dumb are you?
This is like a dumb onion. It has layers of stupidity and makes you weep for humanity.
Curt Schilling is best known for his years as a pitcher with the Boston Red Sox, and also for being asked by local Republicans to run in Massachusetts every two years. I wish I could say this tweet would hurt his chances in that field, but for all I know this is just a prelude to him announcing his candidacy for something in 2016.
Earlier today, Curt Schilling, a man with two German names, tweeted out the above meme/photo/nonsense. He quickly deleted it, but the damage was done. He's since been stripped of his position as a commentator for the Little League World Series. He still gets to work at Monday Night Baseball, though. Seriously, though, WTF? This may be easy for me to say as a non-Muslim, but I'm more offended by how mind-meltingly stupid this is than its bigotry.
The 5-10% number for Muslim extremists is one of those "statistics" that gets repeated a lot on right-wing sites like Brietbart.com, but falls apart under the harsh light of Google. When it comes to Muslim radicalism, I'll take my facts from the RAND corporation, because that's where our overlords get their information from. If you haven't heard of the RAND corporation, it's because you're unimportant. Their figure? Less than 1 percent in Europe and North America. In fact, more like .01 percent. If you went ahead and multiplied that by 10 for Muslims living in Muslim regions, you'd still only get 1%.
But the 7% figure for Germans is even stupider and more insane because the Nazis won an entire election. Sure, they won it by a plurality like Clinton in '92, but they fucking won it. The Germans were totes on board, by Schilling's standards. Does Curt Schilling know Germans still exist? Does he know they've been around longer than Islam has existed? We didn't ban German culture. I'm literally eating a pretzel right now. Plus, when we occupied them, we actually invested huge amounts in their infrastructure and civil society because we needed them to succeed on their own.
Ok, I already disliked him before I saw he used one of our rip-off imitators:
Wait? Is this all a convoluted way for Curt Schilling to suggest that the United States enact a better-late-than-never Marshall Plan for Iraq and Afghanistan, pouring hundreds of billions of dollars into them to create stable allies (y'know, like we said we were going to do before we handed that money over to US contractors)? If so, then I apologize for underestimating your genius, Mr. Schilling.
Oh, and I thought maybe you'd like to see what Kurt's Facebook page is like, just so you know he's not a one-time idiot. Here are some posts he shared from folks:
Is your refrigerator running? Then you better chill some champagne bottles for the private jet ride.
https://instagram.com/p/6vG8KuTLaX/
Cindy Crawford posted an Instagram photo of her and husband Rande Gerber sharing a romantic face mash. In the background is a refreshing pool, luscious tropical foliage, picturesque mountains, and the setting sun. Oh, and Europe's silliest vacationing prankster, George Clooney, doing a photobomb.
According to People, Clooney and Gerber are business partners and were in Ibiza for the Spanish launch of their tequila company. So Clooney and Crawford are basically work friends. And this is a business trip. It was supposed to be all conference calls and Powerpoints and sunbathing and dry margaritas and hot tubs. But Clooney couldn't stay serious for too long.
What a goofball, that one. A rich, rich goofball playing tricks in paradise.
Of all the revelations to come out of the Ashley Madison leak, perhaps none is as shocking as the fact that the site was a big sham. It turns out that 90-95% of the site's users were men, and the vast majority of female accounts were actually spambots. What's more, there's no proof that any of the famous men implicated in the leak actually managed to cheat on their wives using the site. So how many men actually set up and executed an affair through Ashley Madison? One. And we scored an exclusive interview with him.
Someecards: Thank you for agreeing to speak to us.
Rod Panglin: Sure. Just as long as you use a fake name for me? "John Simpson" or something like that.
SE: Will do. So let's get right into it. How does it feel to be the only man who successfully had an affair using Ashley Madison?
RP: Very gratifying. I feel slightly less humiliated than all the other men who were exposed in the leak.
SE: How did you succeed where everybody else failed? How did you have an affair on Ashley Madison?
RP: I'd love to take credit, but it was really luck of the draw. I happened to match up with one of the few real women on the site, and she picked me out of thousands of guys messaging her.
SE: Do you know why she chose you?
RP: Oh yes; that was the first thing I asked. She told me there were a few factors: first off, I didn't have my wife in my profile picture. You'd be surprised how many guys didn't pass that test. Second, I was willing to give some personal information. Nothing incriminating – just my home city and the industry I work in. But she appreciated that I was willing to take the chance. And I had a car.
SE: That was it?
RP: She took everyone who fit those criteria and chose one with a random number generator. That still left about 3,000 names, so I was pretty lucky to be picked.
SE: She sounds very methodical.
RP: Yeah, she's an accountant. And she really wanted to have an affair.
SE: So how was the affair?
RP: Oh, it was great. We totally did it.
Panglin without a black bar covering his eyes.
SE: Any more details?
RP: You don't have to twist my arm! We met at the Hilton and then went to have drinks at the Sheraton. We paid cash for Japanese takeout and went back to our room at the Holiday Inn, where we proceeded to have two hours of vaginal sex without making eye contact. It was the most erotic night of my life.
SE: It sounds like you went out of your way to be discreet.
RP: Of course, we both had marriages to protect.
SE: And yet you don't seem uncomfortable talking about it now.
RP: That's just because my life is over. My wife left me when my name was exposed in the leak. Now I have nothing to lose. Thanks for asking.
SE: How is the other woman doing? The one you had an affair with?
RP: I wish I could tell you. I've called her hundreds of times since the leak, but she won't answer.
SE: You want to see how she's been affected?
RP: No, I want to sleep with her.
SE: Well, best of luck, and thanks for talking to us.
RP: Thank you. Remember to use a fake name, right?
SE: Of course.
Rod Panglin, AKA "John Simpson," is a dental sales representative from Toledo, Ohio, and a cheater.
No major movie studios have purchased it yet. (via Getty)
Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman is a victim of his own company's hack. But he wasn't outed for an affair; he was outed for penning a screenplay entitled In Bed With Ashley Madison. He stuck to the rules that your first screenplay should be 100 pages and really, really awful. The kind of premise that only the author thinks is great, receiving fake smiles and nods of approval when he describes it to friends at parties.
Movies are, of course, loaded with paid advertising placements, usually for cars, food and electronics. Normally it helps if the movie is good and those placements are relatively subtle. An entire movie can even be about a website, if the CEO went to Harvard and stole it from some unsuspecting preppy twins. But in this case, Noel chose to write some sex scenes involving a little person, a farm animal, and a giant sex toy. You know, the kind of family-friendly film that destroys at the box office. It's safe to say that this screenplay will be the least famous exposure from the Ashley Madison saga.
On the one hand, nothing is real and media is a lie. On the other, I am really looking to forward to the next single from this sick upcoming herd, which I'm sure is....oh, they're all steak now? Everything is lies.
