It's like watching someone use a forked stick to find water...except it's this guy's hand and he actually does find a mole.

The main reason I think we're not being duped by super-clever video editing is this guy's accent. I don't even know what kind of accent it is. Definitely some form of British or someone under their rule in the past 200 years. But rustic. Trustworthy. Trustworthy enough that I just watched him gently caress some grass and extract a mole from the earth like some heartwarming version of the Temple of Doom and I don't want to burn him at the stake for witchcraft. I do think we should keep an eye on him, though. That kind of power can be dangerous if it's not carefully wielded in a responsibly folksy manner.

If you asked Miley what was bad, she'd probably point to this.

 

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Aug 31, 2015 at 5:32pm PDT

Oh man. Miley. Nicki. The VMAs. All that stuff happened. As the evening editor here at Someecards, I haven't actually been subjected to most of it, but damn if I don't love the "Miley, what's good?" gif and the look in Nicki Minaj's eyes from that incident (whatever it was).

This is the kind of thing that gets you into the gif Hall of Fame (as if Nicki wasn't already). It's also the kind of thing that never, ever, ever dies, because it will always be fun to throw it back in Miley's face. Specifically on her Instagram page. See that photo up top? This is what the comments look like:

And so it goes, as far as you can scroll:

It's not just that photo, though...it's becoming all of them.

Miley should really come up with a snappy answer for this question, since strangers are going to ask it about 3 billion more times. May I suggest "puppies"? Puppies are good. Or boobs. Both very Miley answers, which I offer free of charge. Because I'm good.

This is for the time you dropped a call in the middle of a relationship fight and my (now) ex-girlfriend wouldn't believe I hadn't hung up on her.

Ahhhh. Our phones, specifically our iPhones, are a source of mixed feeling. Pride (and shame once the new one comes out and you don't have it yet). Power (and helplessness in the face of signal unavailability, battery problems, and pay-to-pay apps). Closeness (and the incredible distance of everyone being glued to their screens). Anger (and...oh, yeah...just anger). YouTuber TechRax, who apparently has plenty of money to burn, gets out those feelings and more on his channel. There, you can see him maul, twist, saw, slice, burn, shoot and generally torture iPhones to death. In theory, this should mean nothing. In practice it's very satisfying. So satisfying, that imgur user surebet turned his videos into this following album of gifs. Hopefully, you can get your rage out here and have a healthier relationship with your phone going forward:

iPhone tortune porn

Fortunately, this will end up benefiting wounded vets. Plus, we get more proof Colbert will still be funny.

Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida and current person who is wondering how the hell they were wiped off the map by Hairricane Trump, will be appearing on the first episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on September 8th alongside person who is doing quite well thanks, George Clooney. Jeb, or "Jeb!" as his campaign logo would like us to address him, decided that it would be a good idea to hold a fundraiser for one of their reserved tickets. It's not a ghastly idea, but it's fair to say they should have asked the show if it was ok to raise political money off it (on the first day no less). Colbert did form a SuperPAC, but The Late Show is not part of the political process. Stephen took some offense to this, and has responded with his own raffle (benefiting the Yellow Ribbon Fund) for one lucky person to attend and ask Gov. Bush one "non-obscene" question. In the end, it's hard to be too mad about a feud that helps wounded vets and gives everyone looking forward to Colbert's debut something to be excited about.

Okay, wittle babies, this big girl reporter is going to explain that the world has other languages besides "American" to you.

The tweets below represent a segment of people in Arizona who have a problem with rookie Channel 12 News newscaster Vanessa Ruiz's way of pronouncing Spanish words. Not because she pronounces them incorrectly, but because she pronounces them as a bilingual person would: the way they sound in Spanish. People are weird! 

It finally got to the point where Vanessa felt she had to address the issue on air, and her tone as she explains that she's been places besides Arizona is hilariously gentle:

The simple message has been getting a lot more attention than Ruiz expected, and she posted this on her Facebook page yesterday:

It's cool she's getting so much support after addressing the issue. Even a state senator gave the thumbs up:

Keep talking, lady, it just sounds right.

Take a look at what women's lingerie looked like for the past 100 years.

If the discovery of time travel was made by a teenage boy, this would be the video he'd make. It's like looking at a live-action Victoria's Secret catalog through the ages. The people at Mode gathered up a bunch of women's lingerie styles from the last 100 years, and had one very sexy model wear all the looks.

With every new set of underwear, the model also gets a total makeover to match the decade. Spoiler alert: she's super hot and looks good no matter where she lands in the space-time continuum.

The looks are definitely more of a future take on the past, rather than an accurate replica, but it's still fun. Except when I think about how all this underwear is more expensive than any article of clothing I own.

There's even a "surprise" at the end, according to the makers of the video, which you can watch here:

Sure, they bring out three other lingerie'd ladies in order to show that "confidence is always sexy," but I would have rather seen a variety of body types throughout the video instead of just thrown in at the end!

This Merino sheep, who has either been severely neglected or is on the journey of his life, was rescued by the RSPCA in Australia.

Merinos, a domesticated breed, are supposed to just grow and grow and grow their wool. Under normal circumstances they're sheared regularly to make us all ugly Christmas sweaters for Ugly Christmas Sweater parties. Wild sheep don't grow wool in the same way, which is why you don't find dead sheep everywhere in the countryside, crushed by the weight of their own body hair.

This poor dude hadn't experienced the tender ministrations of a shearer in what the RSPCA is guessing to be about 5 years. After they captured him, they put out the call for shearers and some good dudes showed up with the tools to carve "Chris" out of his self-made prison.

It may seem like a haircut is a silly emergency, but rescue workers were concerned that Chris might have hidden infections under his coat. He was also in some shock to be getting manhandled by humans again after 5 years of walking a lonely road. Shock is dangerous for little animal brains and can kill them!

After he was denuded, the RSPCA weighed all the extra wool Chris was carrying around and it came out to EIGHTY-NINE POUNDS. His poor knee joints!

That weight destroyed the record for the most wool every taken off a sheep. For more context, without his coat, Chris only weighed 97 pounds. He's basically been cut in half. 

He'll be recovering for awhile with the RSPCA, as they keep an eye on some of his minor health issues, then be put up for adoption. New year, new Chris! 

Idea for the next James Bond movie: 007 sits at his computer for two-and-a-half hours and writes a thinkpiece about himself.

Earlier this week, James Bond author Anthony Horowitz told the Daily Mail that Idris Elba was "too street" to play the role. While he insisted it wasn't a race thing, everyone was like, it's weird that you're saying that, considering it's such a race thing. 

Horowitz quickly apologized, and now Elba has responded to the comments in an Instagram post (above). He took a screenshot of an article about the apology and wrote: "Always Keep Smiling!! It takes no energy and never hurts! Learned that from the Street!!" Wow, the high road is looking good, just saying.

Smoking makes you look sophisticated until it makes you look like a mummy.

It's a well-known fact that smoking causes your face to age prematurely. But knowing that and seeing it are two different things, as three smokers found when they volunteered to have BuzzFeed simulate what they'd look like 30 smoke-filled years in the future. Yellow teeth, wrinkles, sallow skin… these are what they saw when they looked in a mirror.

Needless to say, they were shocked, and considerably more motivated to quit smoking. It would be great if this service could be done for all smokers. After all, everyone knows smoking can kill them, but that's nothing next to the possibility of not being hot anymore.

Prepare to buy all the things.

Target has a new location opening in Chicago this fall that has applied for a liquor license allowing customers to purchase and consume wine and beer in the store. So if all the red shopping carts start to swerve suddenly, its not just a wobbly wheel.

The plan is likely part of a larger move to provide upscale offerings in its stores that can compete more directly with Whole Foods. That's all well and good, but I bet everyone could use a drink to ease the pain of navigating a busy Target on the weekend. Maneuvering through a labyrinth of screaming kids and people who block an entire aisle would be much more tolerable with a responsible amount of libations in your system.

We've watched him grow up, from pop star to deposition brat to crying man.

If you're wondering why Bieber cried during his VMAs performance, this interview from last night's Late Night With Jimmy Fallon will explain what his team wanted him to say. According to Bieber, he was overwhelmed by the support from the crowd, especially since the last time he performed at an award show he was booed:

I think that was what was so special about the emotional moment at the end. That it was authentic. It was real.

Was it, though? One thing that was definitely real, however, was Bieber hilariously forgetting the date of his album release that he was supposed to announce, which is why he came on the show in the first place. It's like an anti-publicity stunt.

Also, Questlove let Bieber think he won a drum-off.

Joseph Kahn directed the extremely seductive Taylor Swift video below, which many are calling a white-washed homage to colonialism.

Notice anything about Taylor Swift's video for "Wildest Dreams?" Yes! She's a brunette! Also, it's set in Africa and there isn't a single black person to be seen. Also also also, the guy is Clint Eastwood's son. What a hottie.

Lots of think-pieces have flooded the Internet since the video premiered at VMAs, talking about how this romantic fantasy can only exist on the backs of colonized Africans, and celebrating it is shameful, problematic, etc. At the least, it certainly confirms what the Cecil the Lion brouhaha suggested: most average Americans don't know anything about what Africa is actually like. Not now, nor in the bygone era where "Wildest Dreams" appears to be set. 

Joseph Kahn has been responding to all these allegations with a surprising amount of humor, but he very unfortunately tweeted this:

Jil Hardin IS very lovely: 

Maybe they could have put her in the video? Of course, a lot of people are calling this the I-can't-be-racist-I-have-a-black-friend of music video excuses.

He has something to say to that too:

Which has not stopped the haters:

Kahn released a statement about why you only see white people in Africa. It's because they were all behind the cameras:

“The reality is not only were there people of color in the video, but the key creatives who worked on this video are people of color. I am Asian American, the producer Jil Hardin is an African American woman, and the editor Chancler Haynes is an African American man. We cast and edited this video. We collectively decided it would have been historically inaccurate to load the crew with more black actors as the video would have been accused of rewriting history. This video is set in the past by a crew set in the present and we are all proud of our work.”

Howeverrrrr, it's not so much that people are complaining Kahn didn't cast a black man as the lead, but that he shows a very romantic vision of a time and place that was not romantic at all for most of the population. The most obvious reason that there are no black people in this video is that in that era, they'd likely be playing servants and colonized slaves. That would definitely put a different twist on Taylor's chic little sex tent.

In general, Kahn mostly seems annoyed with people objecting to things they find objectionable:

Here's one of his retweets, for an example:

This is about Rihanna and we're sharing it because it's confusing as hell. Who doesn't want to have sex with Rihanna, what?

It's probably true that African people living in Africa care about this video about as much as they care about Cecil the Lion. And that there will soon be a whole new thing to get pissed out about. Hurray! 

Unrelated, but, doesn't it seem weird that Taylor cast herself as The Other Woman in her own video? Seems off brand. 

Holidays commemorate very specific, obvious things, and most people know what those things are.

Labor Day, for example, honors workers and unionized labor. Good for you if you knew that, unlike these people who don't quite get holidays.

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How successful do you think you are? WRONG!

Like all the best viral videos, this one utilizes multi-layered mind games. A Plus had participants rate their own success on a scale of 1 to 10. Then their loved ones rated them, giving them much higher scores. The video concludes, "You're more successful than you realize." That's cute, but I'd love to see a follow-up where these people also rated the participants' success: bosses, coworkers, exes who broke up with them, exes who'd gotten broken up with, former high school teachers, and Meryl Streep.

It's hard to tell if this is for real, but it's awesome either way.

What's really striking about this story is how hopeful that kid must've been. He's buying a used Buick at some random car dealership and thinks, "Sweet! This baby comes with an iPhone dock so I can jam out with my favorite tunes!" Then he shoves it into the cassette players and...waits. Takes it out, shoves it in. Takes it out and notices a scratch. Probably still shoves it in four more times. Finally, he realizes: the damn thing's broken! 

At least the dealership owner got to take a swing at a customer for a change. Slimey used car salesmen have been our punching bags for too long! Now, they can finally strike back against post-Millennials (what are teenagers called now? The Snapchat generation?). 

Brave New World...was published right before a lot of these people were born.

Back in my day, dogs were sweet. If they weren't, they were dead. (via reddit)

Old people invented the Internet. They did not, however, invent Facebook. It shows. Don't get me wrong—sometimes old people do it better than anyone, like when they call out their descendants on being lame. Or when they have friendly conversations with brands, or unfriendly conversations with brands...they have a lot of conversations with brands, specifically Walmart. Other times, they rival teenagers at not knowing what is and isn't appropriate to post on the social networking site. They may have fought in wars and participated in civil disobedience, but give them a blank box where they can enter anything for the world to see, and soon the whole Internet is held hostage like the patrons of a Denny's where someone's grandmother is telling the staff what she really thinks of Obama.

I have a feeling Beatrice B has been called a few b-words in her day. (via)
 

Susan is the person local news producers tailor their shows around. (via reddit)
 

You now understand 80% of what seniors do on the Internet: find a more complicated way to complain to the manager. Seems to work, though. (via reddit)
 

Maxine knows everyone is dying to hear her opinion. Maxine also doesn't care.(via)
 

Seriously, though, your meal looks great. Enjoy it! Before you get cancer.
(via reddit)
 

On second thought, change your friends, too. (via reddit)
 

You laugh, but when Minna thought a puppy was being eaten, she said something.
(via)
 

I know it's something that happens to a lot of grandmas, but accidentally tagging Grandmaster Flash will never get old. (via reddit)
 

I would pay extra taxes for PSAs from the 21st Century on every channel. (via)
 

To be fair, that was how technology was supposed to work by 2015.(via reddit)
 

This is why you don't see old people defend Obama online: they got hungry.
(via reddit)
 

Inappropriate comments? Check. Thinking "LOL" makes it ok? Check. It's official: grandma is a neckbeard.(via)
 

Judith has apparently found People of Walmart (or that's what they want you to think).
(via reddit)
 

You're not wrong, Mom. (via reddit)
 

Patricia, you're doing it wrong. Walmart, you are doing it scarily well. (via reddit)
 

Let's take it home on a sweet note. Thanks, Grandma. (via reddit)

She said "see you later boy." Get it?

Avril Lavigne announced her split from husband and Nickelback front man Chad Kroeger on Instagram. Her picture and words make it clear the two rockers will part amicably as friends.

"It is with heavy heart that Chad and I announce our separation today. Through not only the marriage, but the music as well, we've created many unforgettable moments. We are still, and forever will be, the best of friends, and will always care deeply for each other. To all our family, friends and fans, thank you sincerely for the support."

It's the second divorce for Avril, as she was previously married to Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. If she continues to only date rock stars from the early 2000s, hopefully some members of Three Doors Down or Switchfoot are still single.