Life is a mystery, sometimes we stand alone in front of a green screen and make 100 Madonna references in a row.

Washington D.C.'s FOX5 weatherman Mike Thomas is a huge pop fan, and it's hard not to notice this fact whenever a superstar comes to town. He's previously devoted forecasts to Taylor Swift, but even the prolific T-Swift doesn't have the depth in her catalog yet to produce a run of epic references like this one. Fortunately, the weather was from yesterday, because I didn't actually catch what it was going to be in between trying to remember every single line he cited from her catalog.

This baby is being followed by a sinister shadow monster (that is just her own shadow).

I am very glad this dad decided to record his child's mild temper tantrum in a parking lot, because it turned out to be so much more. The girl is very young, and is still in the phase where she walks like a woman stumbling out of a club at 1:00am on a Tuesday in five inch stilettos.

When she is spooked by her own shadow, she tries desperately to make her little legs run away from the frightening beast beside her. In the end, her still-developing motor skills get the best of her, but luckily it's not a far fall since her center of gravity is so low.

I'm actually quite afraid of seeing my own shadow too, but that's because it means I'm probably getting sunburned. May this video help you reevaluate your own irrational fears as you flail through life.

If you are a celebrity with a body, chances are that body has been shamed.

Sometimes-clothed singer Selena Gomez went on sometimes-annoying host Ryan Seacrest's talk show on Friday to promote her upcoming album, Revival. She opened up to Ryan about being body shamed earlier in the year, revealing that it was the first time it had ever happened. I don't know how she made it twenty-three years without it happening before! Being constantly judged about your body is pretty much a requirement for female celebrities.

Selena responded to the trolls who called her out with a message of body positivity, meaning she's basically the polar opposite of Nicki Minaj when it comes to dealing with haters. She posted a photo on Instagram with the caption "I love being happy with me yall #theresmoretolove." Selena told Ryan "The reason why I did that is because I didn't want them to win. And the next day, it wasn't about how I gained weight, it was about how I embraced it." Here's a clip from the interview:

This giant letter to Kim Davis might be the nicest thing said to Kim Davis by her opponents.

The billboard pictured above, which says "DEAR KIM DAVIS, the fact that you can't sell your daughter for three goats and a cow means we've already REDEFINED MARRIAGE," was paid for by Planting Peace. It's a high-road response to blatant bigotry. It's definitely much kinder than what many people want to say to Kim Davis, which is mostly just a string of expletives ending with a frustrated sigh.

If Kim Davis sees this billboard, she'll probably think it means she's being forced to issue marriage licenses to goats and cows. And we all know that goats and cows can't marry each other! There would be way too many guests at the wedding, and they'd all be on the goat's side and it would cause a lot of tension during the ceremony. Also, the travel for the cows would be so expensive, plus they still have to give a gift!

Animal weddings aside, the message was clear and concise, even though I think the font could've been a little bigger. The organization released a statement along with the billboard posted in Kim's hometown:

Following the June 26th Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality, Rowan County clerk Kim Davis refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses in her home state, citing that doing so compromised her religious beliefs. That day, she became the poster child for the anti-gay movement.

As has been painstakingly observed time and time again, the anti-LGBTQ movement is comprised of a substantial number of zealots who unfailingly refer to their rigid interpretation of religious text to narrowly define “traditional” institutions and values. They pick and choose what they wish to convey as immoral and unacceptable, while seemingly sweeping lines of scripture just a few letters away completely under the rug.

In response, Planting Peace has constructed a message for Kim Davis and the anti-LGBTQ movement. The intent of the billboard is to expose this narrow interpretation by Davis and others that they use to defend their discrimination against the LGBTQ community. It is important and relevant to call this out, because these messages and actions are not simply about a political or religious debate. There are LGBTQ youth across the world who are taking their lives at an alarming rate because of these messages from society that make them feel broken or less than. We have to meet hate with love…intolerance with compassion.

Our message to our LGBTQ youth is simple:
You are loved, valued, supported, and beautiful.
There is nothing wrong with you, and we will stand by you.
You are not alone.

It's a way more positive message than the one that is made by denying people their civil rights.

Show your loved one you care by grabbing her breasts in the middle of a sporting event.

You might have to watch this Vine a couple times to catch a glimpse of the PG-13 PDA caught on live television, and now the Internet, forever. During the Tennessee vs. Oklahoma game, a male student expressed his undying love for his girlfriend by embracing each of her breasts with his hands. This over-the-orange-shirt action occurred right as the cameras panned to show the crowd, and this event will now define their relationship until the end of time. It's a modern day Romeo & Juliet, but with a happy ending! Also, a totally different story. OK fine, it's more like 50 Shades of Grey.

Here's the freeze-frame close-up you've all been waiting for:

May you one day find a love so pure and true, and may it be captured on live television.

He lives in Paris, she lives in Boston. They stay together (and practice each other's languages) through a lot texting.

Redditor aDrz (real name Adrien) has a girlfriend, everyone. Unfortunately, the two of them have been separated by the Atlantic Ocean for the past year, he in Paris and she in Boston. As anyone who has spent time apart from their significant other can tell you, maintaining that relationship requires a lot of effort. 20,846 texts worth of effort, apparently.

Thanks to an app called viber that sends you data on all your texts, who sent/received them, and their content (kind of like your personal NSA), Adrien was able to turn that effort into these delightful charts. Although he originally created it just for her, Adrien told me, "She really liked the project and did motivate me to make it public as it was not planned at first."

Here is what keeping the flame alive looks like when you turn almost 21,000 text messages into visualized data.

Overall, she sent more texts than Adrien did. He chalks this up to the long-observed phenomenon that women use more words per day than men, one of the few uncontroversial and well-documented gender differences. The differences aren't huge, anyway—She was responsible for 51.2% of all texts, and Adrien was responsible for the remaining 48.8%. 

Adrien had the fastest median response time, although his average was far, far longer (really drives home the difference between mean and median).

Adrien chalks this up to the time difference, saying many texts arrived while He was sleeping (sure, dude). Paris is 6 hours ahead of Boston, so I guess Adrien's girlfriend just keeps having conversations with a sleeping person after he passes out at night. On the other hand, his faster median time implies that when awake, Adrien is actually speedier at checking his phone. Here's a chart of when texts were sent (using Paris time).

But enough about frequency, let's get to the content.

As you can see, even for passionate lovers such as these, the most common message (around 10% of the total) is very short, under 5 characters. The majority of all messages were 25 characters and under, but since they were clearly sending these frequently, there was no need to write love letters as in the days of old.

When it comes to affection, whether it be laughing at each other's jokes or sending each other e-kisses, the French and English languages battled for supremacy. But not in the way you'd expect! As Adrien writes, "she is an American living in the US, and I am a French guy living in France right now. That is why the wordclouds are funny, because we both make effort to speak in the language of the other."

Although as you can see from this combined word map, the two languages seem to actually be getting along pretty well.

Adrien added that although they are once again across an ocean, "we already plan and schedule for soon to get reunited." Thanks, Adrien! I hope you and your beau are reunited soon for lots of smacking bisous.

Animals: they're just like us, in that they also can get self-absorbed and really sad about what they find when they examine their lives.

Or at least that's what they look like they're doing in these pictures.

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This routine by cheerleaders at Lumberton High School in Texas has gone viral, but not in the good way.

Depending on your point of view, this is either a touching tribute to one of America's defining tragedies, or an extremely distasteful exercise in exploitation. It all depends on how you feel about pom-poms.

There are a few facts about this clip that can't be denied: first of all, these cheerleaders are good. There are some really impressive moves in this clip. Second, it was done with the best of intentions. Lumberton does a tribute cheer to 9/11 every year, and takes it "very seriously." Cheer sponsor Lauren Sheffield told E! News,

"We do this because we believe it is very important to honor and remember the first responders, those who gave their lives, and those who still mourn the hole left by lost loved ones."

It's a lovely sentiment, but probably misguided. Although, still better than a sale on jewelry. To be honest, it's surprising that this tradition hasn't attracted negative attention before. It was bound to piss someone off eventually. It's just a shame these cheerleaders had to face the Internet's wrath about it. They probably had no idea they were doing anything wrong.

How far is too far when planning a 9/11 tribute? It's hard to say. The best advice to anyone who wants to try is this: tread lightly.

The red carpet is the perfect place to debut fancy outfits and new relationships.

Ellen Page, the actress from the seriously awesome movie Inception (I've seen it over 20 times), showed up on the Toronto International Film Festival red carpet with her girlfriend, artist/surfer Samantha Thomas. It's the first public appearance of the super-good-looking couple.

Last year, Ellen came out as gay in a moving speech, and has since been a voice for the LGBT community. She's in Toronto for her new movie Freeheld, which is a biopic about a lesbian couple fighting for the right to domestic partnership, a film that would make Kim Davis turn over in her bed.

People are loving this new celebrity couple, as evidenced on Twitter:

And model/actress/shapeshifter Ruby Rose:

Hooray for love! I hope seeing this happy couple doesn't make you feel too lonely!

This is worse than a stranger falling asleep on your shoulder mid-flight.

The flight from Anchorage to Portland must have had very little turbulence, since one drunken man mistook it for a sky-bound party bus. According to police reports, Jeff Rubin started his one-man rave about half an hour before landing and "stood up and began urinating through the crack of the seat onto the passengers seated in front of him." The party on this flight was far from over, because then he stumbled backward and starting peeing upwards, and all over the passengers around him. Then he promptly went back to sleep, tuckered out from his seat-dampening festivities.

Everyone must have been on sleeping pills on this flight, because it didn't even cause much of a disturbance. One passenger was Suzanna Caldwell, a reporter for Alaska Dispatch News, who said “everyone was actually pretty calm." When the police boarded upon landing to arrest The Flying Urinator, Suzanna said, “At one point the officer was like, ‘Who got peed on?’” so it looks everybody was real chill about the situation.

Good luck with your public in-flight urination charges Jeff, you party animal.

You have an excuse prepared for everything, Biebs, don't you?

Justin Bieber shared an Instagram video of an earnest but ultimately failed attempt to shotgun a beer faster than another man. While it's happened to many before him, it doesn't make it any less disgraceful. Come on, Bieber. If you're going to act like a total bro in your deposition, you have to have the beer shotgunning skills to back it up. In the video's caption, Bieber explains, "I lost but I didn't go to college." That sounds like an excuse for putting four extra years that could have been spent practicing shotgunning beers to waste on things like building a career and maintaining a personal life. Shame.

Crocodiles. They outlived the dinosaurs. How? Perhaps by being giant scaly sea-to-air missiles.

Nature photographer Trevor Frost was on assignment for Science magazine when he caught this amazing footage of a crocodile launching itself all the way (except for a few feet of tail) straight up out of the water. It does this by turning its whole body and tail into a propeller, and this retroactively makes every movie scene where the hero is dangling above crocodiles 10x scarier. I had previously been under the impression that they were only capable of kind of bending up and backwards to about their belly button. This is at least 10 feet of airborne croc. I used to live on a canal filled with these things, protected by a 6ft concrete drop. I thought I was safe. Turns out they just didn't feel like launching themselves to bite my little head off.

The ongoing feud between the guys who make music for Apple commercials has reached a new peak.

Things have been pretty tense between Jack White and The Black Keys for the last few years. It all started when some e-mails between Jack White and his ex-wife were leaked, e-mails which led her to file a restraining order against him. In their exchange, he talked about not wanting his kid to go to the same school as Black Keys guitarist Dan Auerbach:

That's a possible twelve fucking years I'm going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that asshole with other people trying to lump us in together. He gets yet another free reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world.

Auerbach and Keys drummer Patrick Carney took the attack gracefully. They were actually more mad at TMZ for posting someone's private correspondences than they were at White, who accused them of stealing his sound. White apologized, however, and things seemed to be all cleared up...until this morning, when Carney tweeted the following:

Shots fired! (Here's an explanation of the Billy Corgan reference, in case you were confused by it. And "It might get loud" is a reference to a masturbatory rock documentary White was featured in.). Around 9:30 this morning, White had the following to say to Pitchfork in reference to the tweets:

"Nobody tried to fight you, Patrick," he said. "Nobody touched you or 'bullied' you. You were asked a question you couldn’t answer so you walked away. So quit whining to the Internet and speak face to face like a human being. End of story."

And then around 10, Carney said the following:

I got into music because of people like him. The bully assholes who made me feel like nothing. Music was a collaborative and non competitive thing. So, to get macho bullshit from within the musical community makes me angry and sad.

Does this make anyone else miss old, pre-2005 Jack White?

Ten active duty soldiers at Fort Bliss agreed to be photographed breastfeeding in uniform. If it makes you uncomfortable, grow up.

Mother/warrior/goddess. The three avatars of Gaia, expressed in the golden light of this angelic image. The union of baby and mother in milk, in life, in struggle – these powerful women using their bodies both to fight for their country and to produce sustenance for their children, perpetuating the cycle of life for future generations…

Sorry, drifted off for a second there. But it's hard not to feel all new-agey looking at this very sweet photo. Not only for what it represents, but because it wouldn't have been possible in the past – the military has been painfully slow to accommodate the needs of moms in uniform. In fact, Fort Bliss, where this photo was taken, has only just received its first nursing room for new mothers.

When she heard about this, Air Force veteran/photographer Tara Bliss was delighted. When she had her first child, she had to hide in empty offices and bathrooms around the base every time she needed to pump. She wanted to do something special for Fort Bliss's moms, so she volunteered to take a photo as decoration for the nursing room. And what better decoration for a nursing room on an Army base than a photo of soldiers nursing? It's as supportive as it is literal. Ruby told CNN,

"I thought it was be nice to offer some photographs as an additional show of support. Seeing a picture like that helps mothers understand they can be an active soldier and provide support to their children."

Ten active duty Fort Bliss soldiers volunteered to pose in Ruby's photo, which was taken outdoors on the base. If the sight made anyone uncomfortable, you wouldn't know it from the photo. The final image came out beautifully, and was proudly mounted in the nursing room.

Ruby also posted the image on her photography Facebook page, where it has gone viral. It currently has more than 11,000 likes, and more than 8,000 shares. It's generated hundreds of positive comments, as well as a few negative ones. Some people feel that these mothers aren't being professional by breastfeeding in uniform, although there's no Army regulation against it as long as they "maintain professional standards." In other words, no breastfeeding at your battle station.

Ruby believe it's important to de-stigmatize breastfeeding within the Armed Forces. She doesn't see a contradiction between being a soldier and being a mother:

"Breastfeeding their babies doesn't make them less of a soldier, I believe it makes them a better one. Juggling the tasks and expectations of a soldier, plus providing for their own in the best way they possibly can, makes (these) ladies even stronger for it."

She added:

"Practically speaking, it's a matter of retention. Mothers need support so they don't have to choose between family and service."

That's a good point. The alternative to not having breastfeeding soldiers is not having enough soldiers. Besides, moms make great soldiers. They're tough as nails, have a high threshold for pain, and are good at making beds. Plus, they contain the immortal life force that sustains us all. Sorry.

Check out our other breastfeeding posts if that's what you're into:

• These breastfeeding moms were told to cover themselves, so they did it in the snarkiest way.
• A mom was shamed on Facebook for breastfeeding in public and she's got a lot to say to the guy who did it.
• This lady is getting trolled by a "friend" for posting breastfeeding pics on Facebook.
• Breastfeeding mom fired for pumping at work loses discrimination suit because "men can lactate too."