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Tom Hardy icily (and handsomely) rebuffs reporter who asked him about his sexuality.

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Don't ask Tom Hardy about his sexuality if you don't want to get iced out of the press conference. (Start the video at 28:11.)

https://youtu.be/iDxovNO8RN0?t=28m11s

On Saturday, a reporter from LGBT publication Daily Xtra asked actor Tom Hardy about his sexuality, and it didn't go well. At a Toronto International Film Festival press conference for the movie Legend, the reporter inquired:

In the film, your character Ronnie is very open about his sexuality, but given interviews you've done in the past, your own sexuality seems a bit more ambiguous. Do you find it hard for celebrities to talk to media about their sexuality? 

Background: In the film, Hardy plays a bisexual gangster. In real life, Hardy told Attitude magazine that he has experimented with men but later said the quotes were taken out of context, which is how people in Hollywood greet each other.

Hardy didn't like this line of questioning, and asked, "What on earth are you on about?" (FYI, that's British for "What the fuck are you talking about?") They continued to have a brief, tense exchange, until Hardy cut off the reporter with a pointed "Thank you." I have to say, the force and animosity that Hardy conveyed with the words "thank you" makes me appreciate his acting skills more than his performance as one of the many tricky brown-haired men in Inception.

It's not that crazy for a reporter for an LGBT website to ask an actor who plays an LGBT character about LGBT-related comments he's made in the past. But it's also not crazy for a successful mainstream actor to really, really not want to talk about that (though it would be pretty cool if he did). What is crazy is how frightened I now am of the words "thank" and "you."


A Florida man texted the wrong number for drugs. Like, the worst possible wrong number.

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If someone texts you "send me a pic" while you're arranging a drug deal, you should probably stop what you're doing.

His neck is very clean-shaven.

A few weeks ago, a Captain of the Martin County Sheriff’s Narcotics Unit in Florida (of course it was Florida) started receiving texts from a random number. For some reason, 29-year-old William Lamberson had the wrong number for a weed hook-up, and instead confirming the identity of the person he was planning to trade illegal drugs with, just kept texting him for some drugs. The cop played along with Lamberson's conversation, posing as a drug dealer in what ended up being a pretty hilarious series of text exchanges:


The cop then switched things up by asking Lamberson for some cocaine, to which Lamberson compiled:

They arranged a "deal," and Lamberson was sacked:

Poor Big Gulp.

The sheriff's office couldn't let this happen without joining the illustrious ranks of police who have mocked criminals on Facebook, of course:

https://www.facebook.com/MartinCountySheriffsOffice/posts/1029984020345474

It's so sad that we live in a world where you can't text random people explicit information about highly illegal drugs without risking arrest.

Article 17

Can Nickelback songs help people stop Facebook stalking their exes?

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Warning: Side effects may include knowing the words to Nickleback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T238i-RiKps

Did you just get out of a relationship? Are you having a hard time letting it go? Do you find yourself scrolling your ex's Facebook feed all the way back to their childhood, looking for whatever trauma made it impossible for them to love you properly? If so, then Nickleblock is for you. It will play Nickleback songs for the entire time you're on your ex's feed, acting like an electric shock collar to drive you back into the safe parts of the Internet. 

It's been awhile since I've seen a good Nickleback-bashing sketch. So long, in fact, that for a moment I wondered, "should we still be mocking Nickleback?" Then, I watched this sketch from Lady Products, and as soon as a few saccharine-rock notes dripped into my ears, I remembered "yes, we should always be making fun of Nickleback. Vigilance is the only way to stay safe."

Miss America finally apologized to Vanessa Williams for freaking out about her nudes in 1984.

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She accepted the apology, and unfortunately did not scream, "It's 30 years too late."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEhgo5UC-zg

Last night was the Miss America Pageant, which somehow still exists. And Vanessa Williams, who was named the first black Miss America in 1983 before later being forced to resign after nude photos surfaced, finally got an apology. Miss America CEO Sam Haskell said:

You have lived your life in grace and dignity and never was it more evident than during the events of 1984 when you resigned. Though none of us currently in the organization were involved then, on behalf of today’s organization, I want to apologize to you and to your mother, Miss Helen Williams. I want to apologize for anything that was said or done that made you feel any less than the Miss America you are and the Miss America you always will be.

He would seem more into the apology if he didn't spend such a big portion of it defensively pointing out that no one currently in the organization was involved then, but it's definitely a "sorry." Now let's see him do a talent.

This video of a driver escaping a wildfire in California will make you want to call your loved ones.

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If you want to know how bad the Valley Fire in Northern California is, it's "holy sh*t I can't believe the guy shooting this video even made it out" bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lVPB3HI9Wg

When we hear about horrible things happening in the news, they can be easy to ignore. Unless it's happening to us or someone we know, we don't quite grasp the gravity of the situation, even when we hear phrases like "23,000 people displaced from homes" and that the fire is "only 5 percent contained." So, if you want to understand how horrifying the Valley Fire currently burning in Northern California is, watch this video. It's so scary, it looks like it was made for an action movie, but it's real. SFist notes:

Such videos are pretty rare given that civilians are usually evacuated well ahead of the scary conditions you see here, with smoke and flames on both sides of the road and smoldering trees. But evacuation orders and plans could not be established fast enough in many cases.

This summer's fires in California have been especially difficult to deal with, due to the state's ongoing drought. If you'd like to donate to help fire victims, ABC 7 has a round-up of options.

Miss Alabama used her giant white-toothed smile to say she is terrified of Donald Trump.

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She surprised everyone with a fierce, coherent statement about Donald Trump.

One of the shiny, walking statues at the Miss America pageant voiced a strong opinion about Donald Trump at the lady-judging contest last night. Meg McGuffin, Miss Alabama, was asked why she thought Trump was leading in the polls. This was her answer:

“I think Donald Trump is an entertainer. I think he says what’s on a lot of people’s minds, but I think that the Republican party should be absolutely terrified of all the attention that he is taking from incredible candidates like Jeb Bush and Chris Christie who could absolutely do the job of president of the United States. And if I were a Republican, I would absolutely be terrified of that. Thank you.”

Usually, we expect fluffy babble from the greased smiles of Miss America contestants, but this made a lot of sense. I don't want to choose a side--just kidding, I'm totally choosing a side--I completely agree that Trump is a fluffy-haired nightmare of a presidential candidate.

Trump has yet to respond to Meg's speech with whether or not he finds her attractive enough to date, you know, like he does his own daughter.

Sandra Bullock stole her latest role from George Clooney. He says more women should do the same.

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George Clooney thinks more leading roles could just as easily be played by Georgette Clooneys.

George Clooney accompanying Bullock to accept more awards he could've won.

Sandra Bullock stars in the upcoming film Our Brand is Crisis, a film about a hot-shot American political strategist who comes out of retirement to advise a Bolivian president's re-election campaign. It's a relevant, well-received satirical dramatization of a 2005 documentary by the same name about Bolivia's actual 2002 election, and Bullock is already receiving great reviews. It was also originally supposed to star George Clooney, a fact which Clooney revealed at the film's premiere at the Toronto Film Festival (he is still the film's producer).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLZo_ILZhfk

He was all set to start filming, apparently, when "Sandy called and said she wanted to do the role, [which] was originally developed for a man, and once we realized that you could change it really easily, it made you realize that there are an awful lot of women’s roles that could be out there if people just started thinking in this way." After hearing the crowd's enthusiasm, he then jokingly added"I don’t really mean that, though." But he did. He did mean that, and he's right. There is no reason for a 21st century protagonist to default to a man—almost any job or life path a character might have is equally plausible as a man or a woman. There will always be stories where the character needs to be specific, of course. But when they make the fictionalized version of my life, for example (which I'm sure they will), I can't think of any of my many wacky adventures that would have been much different with a woman playing my part, except it would probably involve getting hit on more. Well, maybe those times I thought I got my girlfriend pregnant, but I kind of want those cut out anyway.

Bullock, seen here "lurking in sunglasses"—something film executives once thought only men could do.

The press conference wasn't without sexism, of course. Bullock also got asked why the roots of her hair were a different color, and whether or not the butt seen in the film was really hers. "It was my ass," volunteered Clooney. "The reason it worked better is that George is a lot less hairy down there,” responded a grateful Bullock. “Baby bottom. Versus what I’ve got down there, which is a Chia Pet.”

Ok, so bare-ass roles still need to go to Clooney. Everything else we can share, though.


5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Taylor Swift, because she's being sued by a DJ who may or may not have grabbed her butt.

This is what she looks like when she's enraged.

Forget her passing feuds with other pop stars, this time the bad blood is real.

Back in 2013, Denver radio DJ David Mueller, known as "Jackson" to his fan(s), attended a meet-and-greet at a Taylor Swift concert. During a photo op, Swift accused Mueller of lifting up her skirt and grabbing her butt. Swift's security (AKA the Brute Squad) immediately threw Mueller and his girlfriend out of the venue.

But it didn't end there. Swift's team still had the photo from that moment, which they sent back to Mueller's station. Along with a series of calls, that was enough for Mueller, a 20-year radio veteran, to be fired. Now he's suing, claiming that he never touched Swift's bottom. At the center of the debate is the photo, which is now presumably concealed safely in the vault beneath Swift's Squad Headquarters.

The contents of this elusive photo are being debated more than a stolen Van Gogh. Mueller claims it clearly shows both himself and Swift smiling happily, her skirt undisturbed. Swift's managers, on the other hand, describe it as "damning." At the very least, it was enough for his station to fire him (along with the threat of angering Queen Taylor).

In the end, this may come down to a classic "he said, she said." But considering he's a regional DJ and she's Taylor Swift, it might not be an even playing field. And more interestingly, how will Nicki Minaj react? Butt controversies are usually her thing.


4. Ice Cube, because he walked offstage after his fans started fighting.

Today was not a good day.

Straight Outta Compton may have reminded everyone just how hard Ice Cube used to be, but that was before Are We There Yet? These days, Ice totally wants to keep the violence as far away from him as possible.

That's why, when a full-scale brawl started in the audience of his show this weekend, he didn't even wait to see how it turned out. Calling it "bullshit," he walked offstage. The best he gave the crowd was a dismissive, "Show over, man." TMZ got the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7haU4S9JJIw

Straight outta Compton? More like straight outta patience.


3. A Chinese woman who tried to smuggle a $278,000 diamond in her colon but the cops yanked it out anyway.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend except when you swallow them.

39-year-old Jiang Xulian and a male companion, also Chinese, were arrested Thursday while trying to fly out of Bangkok, Thailand. Surveillance video from a local jewelry fair showed them stealing a 6-carat, $278,000 diamond and swapping it with a fake.

Both suspects initially denied the charges until police turned X-ray machines on them. The results clearly showed a gorgeous, romantic obstruction in Jiang's large intestine, and she confessed to gobbling up the ice. Police waited to see if nature would supply them with the stolen goods, and even resorted to laxatives before giving up and going in there with the surgical equivalent of a SWAT team. It took a colonoscope and some sterilized gardening tools to wrench it out – Jiang only agreed when she was told the diamond could injure her.

Once it was removed (and hopefully washed), the jeweler identified the rock as his own. Jiang and her accomplice could each face three years in prison. It would be a tough for her to adjust to prison life – she clearly has expensive tastes.


2. Kim Kardashian's fans, because they'll have to pay to read her new website.

Move over, Google!

However you may feel about Kim Kardashian (and we know how you feel), you can't deny that her business empire is thriving. Aside from her popular TV show, product endorsements, and speaking fees, she also has a book, a mobile game, and a black market arms cartel (unconfirmed). She's diversified!

But now, Kim has ventured into a new business: web-based content (back off, sister!). Her new website, KimKardashianWest.com, was just launched after months of buildup. It features cosmetics tutorials, behind-the-scenes photos, and live streaming footage of what Kim's up to, all for the low, low price of… wait, what?

That's right – anyone who wants access to the goodies on the site will have to pay a monthly fee of $2.99. And that's despite the fact that there are thousands of identical makeup tutorials on YouTube, and that everything about Kim's life leaks to the Internet anyway (we're very thankful for that). Really, there's no reason to fork over those $3 unless you love Kim so much that you want to give her more money. In which case, God bless.

You might want to budget, though – Khloé, Kylie, and Kendall all launched their apps today too.


1. Devo bassist Jerry Casale, because he threw a 9/11-themed birthday party and no one is cool with it. 

Yeah, that Devo.

Before we get into this story: Devo is great. They totally hold up. Remember "Whip It?" That's a good song; there are better ones. What's more, Devo member Mark Mothersbaugh's movie scores are excellent. All that being said, what the f*&k is wrong with Jerry Casale?

Casale, Devo's singer and bassist, married his girlfriend Krista Napp (whose name sounds like a Devo song) on Friday in Santa Monica. Friday was also the 14th anniversary of 9/11, which gave the happy couple a great idea for a fun joke that definitely wouldn't blow up in their faces. They decided to theme their wedding after the 9/11 attacks, instantly making it the most-loathed non-destination wedding in recent memory.

https://twitter.com/stereogum/status/643488452248510464

As you can see, the wedding cake was made to look like the Twin Towers, with Casale and Napp's faces pasted on each tower. Those objects on the table next to the cakebomination are party favors for the guests: real box cutters just like the ones used by the hijackers.

Apparently, no one at the wedding minded, because they're familiar with the happy couple's dark sense of humor. Now, so is the rest of the world, and they're not happy about it. If a solemn 9/11-themed cheerleading routine isn't OK, this thing isn't going to go over well at all. Maybe a member of Talking Heads could have gotten away with this, but not Devo.

Demi Lovato reminds us she's a singer with impressive cover of Hozier's 'Take Me To Church.'

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Isn't it great when musicians do music?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpmWZtoRfos

Former X-Factor judge and and outspoken tweet-er Demi Lovato recorded a live a cover of Hozier's song Take Me To Church for BBC Radio 1, and holy sh*t it is good. It's easy to forget why people are famous sometimes, or in this case, maybe I just never knew how amazing Demi's voice was. She really nails it at the end of the song, breaking it down like a raspy Beyoncé, with a dash of early 2000s Christina Aguilera attitude.

You might find yourself listening to this on repeat, because Demi really brings new life to this possibly-one-hit-wonder's track. I dunno, maybe Hozier had another hit. Sorry Hozier, you're great too.

Are Ben Affleck and Sienna Miller a thing? As in, a romantic, sexy thing?

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Question: Are Ben Affleck and Sienna Miller sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

Well, they're both attractive actors. So it does make sense.

OK! magazine says that Ben Affleck and Sienna Miller might be, let's see, how to put this? Involved. Involved in a romantic or sexual pairing based on mutual or one-sided interest, infatuation, like, love, friendship, attraction, all of those things, or none of those things. The details are still somewhat vague. Apparently, Affleck has cast Miller in his new movie, Live by Night, and meanwhile, both are recently single. It's a perfect storm for A-list coupling. Is this a flimsy rumor? A diversion from Nannygate? The beginning of a powerful new celebrity romance of our time? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, Christine Ouzounian will just be over here cruising in her Lexus

People are completely misunderstanding this joke that Demi Lovato made.

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A radio DJ recently asked Demi Lovato about her favorite dish, which turned out to be the perfect set up for her to make this joke:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=14&v=FY9XXfXyQLs

A mug! Demi Lovato's favorite dish is a mug. On the surface, this might seem like a misunderstanding of the word "dish," or even worse, a dad joke. But it's so much more than that. The straight-faced delivery. The details about the function of the handle. The subtle commentary on the ridiculousness of celebrity interview questions. Demi Lovato saying her favorite dish is a mug is one of the best jokes of 2015 so far.

Some people, however, weren't even sure if it was actually a joke. Yes, it is:

https://twitter.com/ddlovato/status/643016620953219072?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Quentin Tarantino's original cast wish list for 'Pulp Fiction' is sweeter than a $5 milkshake.

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Tarantino's first choices for his movie have been revealed, and some of them are very surprising.

Calm down, guys. It all worked out in the end.

Quentin Tarantino is famous for casting his movies very well. He's also famous for having great soundtracks, and a lot of violence and N-words. But let's focus on the casting.

It's definitely one of his talents, but that doesn't mean he's infallible. Case in point: this cast wish list he wrote before filming Pulp Fiction in 1993. Many actors who delivered amazing performances in the movie were second choices or lower, and some didn't even appear on the list at all.

Posted to Reddit by a user known as PCchongor, the list contains some real surprises. John Travolta was a "strong, strong, strong second choice" for the role of Vincent, after Tarantino favorite Michael Madsen. Of course, the role would go on to revitalize Travolta's flagging career. More shocking, Uma Thurman wasn't even considered for the role of Mia Wallace at first. His first choice was Virginia Madsen, Michael's brother. And for Jules, the role so indelibly associated with Samuel L. Jackson, Tarantino wanted 90-year-old "Grandpa" Eustace Madsen. JK, it was Laurence Fishburne. That's actually pretty interesting, considering that all these years later, people are still confusing him with Jackson.

Here's the full list:

What came as the biggest surprise to you? The fact that Bruce Willis wasn't originally considered for Butch? Or the fact that Django Unchained was way too long? Burn.

This baby should win an Oscar for pretending to cry when her dad cut her nails.

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Pri-Fla-E Marcelinha Dos Santos Iwama, a YouTuber from Sao Paulo, Brazil, tried to to cut his baby daughter Marchelinha's nails a few weeks ago. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZmSzXJvAs8

His failure to do so is absolutely adorable. Every time he's about start cutting, his daughter shrieks as if she's going to start crying, causing him to stop. She then bursts into laughter, and he has to start all over again. Even though she doesn't have the power of speech yet, it definitely seems like she's making fun of him. Move over, this laughing baby, there's a new laughing baby in town.

Foreigners were asked about their perception of Americans, and it's kind of flattering but kind of not.

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You mean everyone doesn't unconditionally love us?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCap6I9MlOw

Cut Video is atitagain. This time, they asked people around the world what their perceptions of Americans are. Some people are very positive, associating America with prosperity and the entertainment industry, while others pretty much regurgitate the standard American stereotypes—that we're fat, aggressive, and ignorant. I know, right? What assholes. USA! USA! USA!


Awkward: Donald Trump's 'Celebrity Apprentice' replacement will be sitting front row at Wednesday's debate.

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Even the Donald has to admit that as far as cross-promotional marketing goes, this is great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5bwYD1sd1w

In case you hadn't heard, it was announced today that former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will be taking over Donald Trump's hosting gig on the improbably-popular Celebrity Apprentice game show. The Trump campaign had this to say: "As of today, Donald J. Trump is no longer affiliated with NBC. Mr. Trump stands by his statements on illegal immigration, which are accurate. NBC is weak, and like everybody else is trying to be politically correct—that is why our country is in serious trouble."

This photo is perfect for literally any story about Trump.

Okay. Sure. I guess. As eloquent as Trump's statement was, it leaves a lot of room for beef, and all eyes will be on Trump when Gov. Schwarzenegger sits front and center during Wednesday's Republican debate at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California. According to TMZ, Schwarzenegger's attendance at the event was known to NBC at the time of the announcement, and the timing is "not accidental." Sources claim the two will probably talk away from the cameras. Which doesn't really sound like either of those gentlemen, or what anyone is hoping for. Personally, I'm hoping Arnold becomes Trump's new Rosie O'Donnell for the evening.

People are freaking out about this all-male 'Vanity Fair' photo, and Samantha Bee had the best response.

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'Vanity Fair' reminded everyone that men rule late-night television. Twitter responded accordingly.

Some happy, funny men in dress shoes.

The picture above was tweeted by Vanity Fair with the caption "We talked to all the titans of late-night television, and found out why it's better than ever," and it did not take long for the Internet to voice its high-volume opinion on the matter. However, Daily Show comedian Samantha Bee's response was the best, and hit with the resounding thud of a thousand retweets:

https://twitter.com/iamsambee/status/643476935172038656

Even though you can clearly see the photo, I'm just going to reiterate that she depicted herself as a centaur with chest tattoos and laser vision. If anyone deserves to be on late night television, it is Samantha Bee and anyone she trusts to write topical jokes on her behalf.

Although Samantha took the crown, here are the runners-up for best responses to the testosterone-y Vanity Fair photo:

https://twitter.com/katethewasp/status/643473352141766656https://twitter.com/MykaFox/status/643482708883210240

As a female comedian, sometimes it feels like wading through a wang-swamp en route to the microphone, and this all-male photo of late night hosts is a reminder that men have the loudest microphones. All these guys are super funny; it would just be really cool to see a woman behind a fake mahogany desk yelling funny stuff and interviewing celebrities about their new rom-coms.

Gorilla has his mind blown by kid showing him other gorillas on a smartphone.

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I don't know who the kid is, but the very entertained gorilla is Jelani, who lives at the 4-acre gorilla sanctuary at the Louisville Zoo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=aPPq7o7TzIs

Gorillas are pretty cool, and pretty smart. They can use sign language, they can recognize themselves in mirrors, they can scare the crap out of rude zoo-goers, and they can even be sad when Robin Williams dies. Add one more human-like skill to their repertoire, the ability to sit and scroll endlessly through photos on a smartphone. That's what happened on what looks like a school trip to the zoo, when this kid found the perfect way to bond with Jelani, a 17-year-old silverback. Apparently, the zoo is aware of his behavior, since they mention it in his bio, "He is a laid-back individual and likes to look at cellphone photos and videos.

This video of a nature guide kissing a live, venomous cobra will give you an anxiety attack.

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 Nope. Nope. Nope.

https://youtu.be/VRdxijPEPgA?t=1s

Caters TV posted a video of a tour guide in Indonesia kissing a cobra he ran into, and it is exactly as terrifying as it sounds. He uses a metal pole and bamboo stick to distract it for a little bit, bends down, and gives it a big ol' smooch. It then scurries away to tell its snake friends that it has a new admirer. Meanwhile, the tour group was pissing its pants off-camera at the fact that this is the man who is supposed to protect them for the next few days. 

Mariah Carey made an ad for one of those annoying phone games and holy crap is it bad.

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And then a hero comes along, and gives you the opportunity to appear in an awful ad. And you finally see the truth: Your back catalog of songs means $$$ for you.

Mariah Carey knows a lot about war from battling the reviews of Glitter.

For years, Mariah Carey has been one of those weird celebrities who seems somehow ageless. Up until recently, you could have told me that she's only five years older now than she was in 1990, and part of me would be like, "Yeah, that totally makes sense." But now, Carey has committed that big celebrity-aging no-no: appearing in a terrible commercial for a smartphone game with one of her old songs. And oh man, it is terrible. It looks like it was edited by an intern, and I feel like they either did one take of everything, or else the stuff on the cutting room floor is just bizarre. ("No, Mariah — don't strut away from the guys. No, don't purr like a kitten. No, Mariah, we don't need you to sing 'Fantasy' now. Just run.")

Carey replaces Sienna Miller as the Game of War spokesperson, who I can only assume is moving on to commercial work for a reboot of Snood.

http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_0ramd9x2
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