He's back! Beloved comedian Tracy Morgan presented the award for Outstanding Drama Series at last night's Emmys, but first he delivered a wonderfully sincere, often funny speech that received a standing ovation—even Lorne Michaels, notoriously curmudgeonly Saturday Night Live producer, cracked a smile.
After the devastating car accident over a year ago that killed a close friend and left Morgan with a traumatic brain injury, the actor stayed out of the public eye, focusing on healing. But now, he's on the mend, and will even be returning to SNL in October. In his speech, he opened up about his recovery and how grateful he is for his new lease on life.
One of the highlights of last night's Emmys came when Orange Is the New Black star Uzo Aduba accepted her second straight win for her role as "Crazy Eyes." In her acceptance speech, she took on a new role: "Leaky Eyes."
In the most powerful display of raw emotion from the entire night, Aduba wept openly in her speech, delivering heartfelt thanks to her co-stars, her family, and especially her sister. When the camera cut to her sister crying along in her seat, it's hard to imagine anyone wasn't moved.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk7tE2ZyhiY
It's great to see moments like these on awards shows, which can seem extremely artificial. Aduba's emotions were totally not self-conscious, as proven by the fact that she made some really goofy cry faces in there. She definitely kept it 100, and the world loved her for it.
Between this speech and Tracy Morgan's, it was a big night for emotions all around. Maybe insincerity will be the big winner next year, but yesterday, the Feels took home the gold.
BuzzFeed Video varied up the Emmys red carpet questions by getting celebrities to play flip cup. Amy Schumer didn't even need the instructions but instinctively did the Total Frat Move upon seeing a Red Solo Cup. The Cambridge-educated John Oliver, who presumably has minimal experience with fraternity culture (he's the kind of guy who knows about real Greek life), didn't do well at all, but Lea DeLaria and the Silicon Valley cast were quite impressive.
Last night's Emmys proved that it actually is possible to have a good award show that's not hosted by Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. (Although it's still not desirable.) The show was hilarious and historic without pretending that Hollywood is a magical land where everyone's pool is so refreshing that there are no entrenched race and gender issues. That's a lot to ask for in an award ceremony for famous people!
But not everything was perfect. There were, of course, also snubs and spoilers and synchronized audience cringing. Here are the five lamest things that happened.
It was Amy Poehler's last chance to win an Emmy for her role as Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation, but she lost. And Poehler has never won a single Emmy, which is a disgrace to our nation. For comparison, Modern Family has won about 2,000 (well, 17), which also doesn't look so hot for America. At least Poehler still won Twitter with her amazing sweatshirt.
A Texan man has been arrested after claiming anti-police protesters defiled his truck, but, uh, it was him. Sowwy!
Scott Lattin has been hoist by his own petard. That's a very old saying, which we assume applies in this case, where a man is being investigated by the police for messing up his own truck and then starting a GoFundMe page for repairs. In his original report to the Whitney police force, Lattin's claimed his truck, on which he had written "Police Lives Matter," was desecrated by vandals, who wrote "Black Lives Matter" and other bon mots that start with "f" and end with "uck." Police took his report and some photos, then opened the case.
Lattin has already raised about $6,000 from people who wanted to help him get his truck repaired, and strike back against the imaginary anti-police/anti-truck Banksy wannabees. Police have now arrested Lattin on a misdemeanor charge for filing a false police report. He's admitted to creating the interior damage for insurance purposes, but insists that the exterior was someone else's handiwork. Police, however, are not searching for any other suspects.
Last week, during the second of what will likely be 69 million Republican Debates, Jeb Bush defended his brother's presidency by saying "he kept us safe." He tweeted a (unintentionally ironic) photo of George W. in the rubble of the World Trade Center, showing just how "safe" Americans were during the worst terrorist attack in American history.
A super-PAC that shares a president with a Clinton-affiliated super-PAC released an ad exploring the irony of Bush's "he kept us safe" rhetoric. "It’s as if Jeb Bush believes his brother’s presidency began on September 12th, 2001. But we’re not letting Jeb rewrite history," said Brad Woodhouse, the president of Americans United for Change and the pro-Clinton group Correct the Record.
Jeb tweeted at Hillary, accusing the ad of being "disgraceful."
As Woodhouse points out, "It’s convenient but not honest to ignore the facts that the worst attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor happened on George W. Bush’s watch after dismissing warnings from U.S. intelligence officials weeks before 9/11 that Osama bin Laden was 'determined to strike in US' and that his terrorist network might hijack American planes."
The ad also questions whether Dubya managed to keep Americans safe from a "crumbling economy," "bureaucratic catastrophe" or "unnecessary war." The implied answer is no, in case that's not obvious. Here's the ad:
Xiao Jiguo is a Chinese man with an unusual talent: he kind of looks like U.S. President Barack Obama. That is, if you don't look too closely. In a crowd, you could confuse the two. That being said, it's pretty impressive—how often do you see a Chinese person who looks anything like a biracial person where neither of those races is Asian? He's like a shooting star, rare and magical.
In addition to that, Xiao can do a pretty good Obama impression, especially considering that he only speaks a few words of English. His gibberish sounds pretty American, and can probably fool most Chinese speakers. He's also definitely got Obama's facial expressions down pat, as well as his general air of gravitas. See for yourself in the video below.
"My 'fellow' Americans…"
Xiao's gift has earned him fame in China, where he appeared on a TV talent show and a few short films and web series. But now he's hit the big time, and he'll soon be appearing in a feature film. The part he's playing? You guessed it: a low-level gangster. But the joke is that the gangster looks like Obama. We don't get it either, but we're not experts on Chinese comedy.
He's getting ready by practicing Obama's favorite hobbies.
In addition to the resemblance, Xiao says that his birthday is only one day away from Obama's, and that they share the same blood type. Could they be identical twins separated at birth? No, but that would be a great premise for a movie. Better than a gangster who looks like Obama, anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RDrdUqRfdQ
We'll keep an eye on Xiao Jiguo as his star continues to rise. Let's hope he has lots of success before the 2016 election, at which point he'll be eclipsed by whichever Chinese impersonator looks most like Donald Trump. Now THAT we would pay to see.
Was there today when that happened. Preacher was yelling scripture while condemning everyone and people literally just ignored him. A few managers from restaurants came out of their shops to tell him to shut up but of course microphone and amp reigns supreme... until... enter bagpipes. Funniest part was he was yelling so loud into the microphone that it was really difficult to hear what he was actually saying and i was right next him. Best part was he kept losing his voice from all the yelling.
Of course, there will always be people who find a bagpipe the most annoying sound of all.
Inside Amy Schumer won the Emmy for outstanding variety sketch series last night, and Amy Schumer's speech was hilarious, as one would expect from a woman who is willing to burn "all the bridges possible" to keep us laughing.
Schumer said she would like to to thank "all of the suits who represent me" as well as "the girl who gave me this sort of a smoky eye," which was refreshing to hear after all the lists of names and companies that the other winners quickly sped through. She also dropped in some inspiring tidbits, explaining that her staff couldn't even afford screenwriting software before the show started ("We all had to get Final Draft once they picked up our show. We didn't own it.") and noting that head writer Jessi Klein convinced her to embrace her vision ("I almost made a stupid sex talk show that nobody wanted and she got drunk and told me that I had to follow my dreams and make my dream show.")
Two 16-year-olds from North Carolina were arrested for sending nude pics to each other, even though they are dating and both totally cool with it. Because of some weird NC state laws, they are being charged with sex crimes... against themselves. If you can't tell by the photo below, they look just about as sex offender-y as an empty granola bar wrapper, which is to say, not at all.
Charged with possession of bodies, phones.
One of the "offenders," Brianna Denson, 16, was charged with two counts of sexual exploitation of a minor—one for "for making her photo" and another for "having her photo in her possession" (?). The other offender, Cormega Copening, now 17 (he was 16 at the time of the charges), is being charged with five counts of sexually exploiting a minor—"four for making and possessing two sexually explicit pictures of himself" and one for having the picture that Denson sent to him.
Denson has already been to court. If she stays out of trouble, her misdemeanor charges will be dropped and she'll be fine. Copening hasn't been to court yet, but things are looking much worse for him. He's already been kicked off his school's football team, and was prosecuted as an adult. He took a plea deal rather than face the possibility of prison and having to register as a sex offender.
Have you ever used your phone to take a picture of a lump in a weird part of your body to cross-reference it on WebMD? Delete it right now! The government will find some way to sexualize and/or criminalize it!
When the Royal Canadian Mountain Police caught wind of a party for underage frosh (Canadian for "freshman"), they used good humour* and the possibility of snacks to educate them on the possible consequences. (*Note: out of respect for Saskatchewan, this article will use the spelling that Canadians favour.)
Thanks for the invite to the underage frosh party in the #Lumsden area on Saturday night. Lumsden #RCMP will bring...
Apparently, the party did in fact go on, and Facebook users on the Saskatchewan RCMP page confirmed that the cops indeed brought chips n salsa! Cool, eh?
Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch?
The resourceful cops thankfully did not spend too much taxpayer money on age-appropriate party favours, bringing Doritos in bulk and McDonald's salsa packages.
I'm lovin it.
Points to the Saskatchewan RCMP for responsible, delicious policing. America can learn a thing or two from her neighbours.
An anonymous woman started a tumblr called "How to Make me Come" to collect women's essays and experiences about their sexual life. She's hoping it'll open up discussions between couples and allow women to think about what they actually want in bed. There's also a lot of dirty talk.
But like, for real.
The tumblr has, of course, gone viral because, duh, sex stuff! The creator, who is just going by "Sylvia," introduces the collection of anonymous essays with this:
This project is a platform for women to express themselves, in the hopes they’d find the process therapeutic and clarifying for themselves, and we are now offering that to the world, in the hopes that people will not only feel a sense of community and solidarity, but also feel inspired to begin having these conversations with their friends and sexual partners. This is just the beginning. Let's start talking...
Some of the essays are sad, some are joyful, some are downright informative. Like this snippet from a p*ssy eating how-to:
Step 1: Make your way south of the border. You may guide this path with small kisses from her neck down to her pelvic region.
Step 2: You’re at the vagina! You made it! Boy, what a trip.
TIP: DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HER WHILE YOU’RE DOWN THERE. YOU WILL TURN INTO STONE. Just kidding, eye contact is fine. It’s an intense move, but depending on who you’re down on, it could be very creepy or very hot. You feel it out.
There are many stories of women who didn't or were unable to explain to their partners why they weren't coming, and who now have some perspective on the experience. Most of them seem to wish they could go back and save their younger selves:
You told me if I didn’t act like I was into sex, we’d have to stop dating. I laughed and laughed and broke up with you on the spot and rode off into the sunset while flipping you the bird. Nah, I didn’t do that. We dated for two more years.
It's a pretty fascinating—and at times very sexy—read. May it inspire women everywhere who aren't feeling it in bed to send a link to their partner along with a winky emoji.
A Canadian woman recorded her 6-year-old daughter talking about the importance of friendship after witnessing her divorced parents fighting. The child's speech was so adorably profound that it's been viewed on Facebook over 9 million times.
A definitive voice on friendship.
Little Tiana has the makings of a motivational speaker and the pink pajamas of a 6-year-old girl. She is wise beyond her years, so it's no wonder that she brought her mother to tears.
Here are some of the highlights from Tiana's speech to her mom about not fighting with her dad:
-Are you ready to be his friend?
-I’m not trying to me mean, I’m trying to be steady, where my heart is.
-I want everyone to be smiling.
-I think you can settle your mean heights down a little to short heights.
-If we live in a world where everyone is being mean, everyone is going to be a monster in the future.
-I want everything to be good as possible, nothing else.
OK, time to watch this piece of utopian idealism for yourself:
