5. An 18-year-old model who was drugged at Justin Bieber's party.
On Saturday night, Justin Bieber was hanging out at a recording studio in Australia for a "listening party" (shudder), where he and his crew were drinking some juice and chilling with teenage models like they do. One of the models, 18-year-old Bailey Scarlett, poured herself a vodka and lemonade and left it unattended for a crucial moment before coming back to it. Soon after, she became woozy and suffered from blurred vision, at which point Biebs himself came over to comfort her, reportedly asking if she had caught "Bieber Fever." Smooth, dude.
The cops were called and Scarlett was taken to the hospital. Later, she chronicled the whole event in a lengthy social media post she has since deleted, citing legal reasons. And those concerns are wise – Team Bieber and the studio are doing everything they can to discredit her claims. The studio's owner claims he has surveillance video showing that the drink was undisturbed the entire time, but he hasn't shown the tape to anyone. The event organizer, meanwhile, says he thinks Scarlett was having a panic attack. Sounds like a conspiracy to us.
4. Honey Boo Boo, because her house is being demolished.
You may remember Honey Boo Boo as the child beauty pageant contestant turned reality TV star whose mother started dating a sex offender just like everyone feared she would. That unfortunate incident led to the show's cancellation last year, but that didn't stop Honey Boo Boo, her Mama June, and the rest of their mordbily dysfunctional family from being rich and famous. In fact, they've moved on from the modest surroundings that made them so endearing on TV.
Case in point: their modest McIntyre, Georgia home, which was made famous in the show, is being demolished. The current owner listed the property back in June for $45,000 – well above market value – in the hopes that its notoriety would bump up its wow factor. But it turns out that even the biggest fans of the show weren't interested in the home if it didn't have real live redneck stereotypes living inside, and he had no takers. Now he's leveling it to the ground to put up new construction.
Which reality show, if any, will film in the new space? We hope it's Hoarders.
3. A farmer whose prize 100-pound pumpkin was stolen.
Matthew Murraine of Spearfish, South Dakota decided to put his green thumb to the test this year by growing some "Big Max" pumpkins – a cultivar famous for being really big. And he was doing well, too. One of his two specimens had grown to 100 pounds and 2 feet in diameter. He had invested money in them, too, because these babies each needed a cool 20 gallons of water every four days as well as a gallon of milk per week, for the calcium. It was like raising enormous orange children.
But now, one of Murraine's children is gone. On Friday night, some gourd bandits pulled off what was clearly a planned heist and made off with the larger of his pumpkins. The thieves left no trace, leaving Murraine, and the local children to whom he had promised the pumpkin, with nothing. He told the Black Hills Pioneer that he just wishes he could shame the culprits for their misdeed:
“I want them to felt guilty about taking them from kids. I want them to till foliage back into [the] ground when done growing so it is ready for next year.”
He also wants them to know that the pumpkin was still a month away from being ready to harvest. Its insides are unripe and ill-suited for pies. What's more, it would be unwieldy to carve, making it useless for jack-o-lanterns. Not that the thieves would have been likely to do that – there's no evidence more conspicuous than a 100-pound flaming pumpkin head on your front porch.
2. Kanye West, because the cops broke up his after-party before he even got there.
Kanye rocked the house at the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday, and expected to celebrate the way he always does – with a star-studded after-party featuring plenty of beautiful celebrities and hedonistic pleasures. He probably would have spent the whole time sulking anyway, but that's how he has fun.
This time, however, it wasn't in the cards. The party, which was held at a fancy schmancy Beverly Hills estate, became too rowdy too early, and was shut down by the cops before Kanye even got there. It must have been terrifying for him to drive up to a quiet house. He probably thought he had been transported to an alternate reality where he never recorded Through the Wire– his greatest fear.
1. A family whose garage was smashed by a falling 24-pound package of marijuana from the sky.
We know what you're thinking: is this '5 people having a better Monday than you?' Because having a lifetime (or if you're Snoop, week-long) supply of weed fall from the sky onto your home sounds like the best thing that could possibly happen to you. But not in this case.
Maya Donnelly and her family were asleep in their home in Nogales, Arizona, just a few hundred yards from the Mexican border, when they were awoken by an enormous crash. What they found was a large hole in the roof of their garage. Beneath it, their beloved German Shepherd Hulk's doghouse was smashed into oblivion.
Luckily, Hulk wasn't inside. Instead, there was a sealed bundle containing 23.8 pounds of marijuana, valued at approximately $9,500. A worthy replacement for a dog house, right? Unfortunately, the Donnellys did the right thing (ugh) and reported the incident to the police, who confiscated the drugs. Evidence from the package suggests that it was taped to a plane for easy smuggling across the border and had come loose. Those Mexican cartels just don't pay attention to detail like they used to.
Meanwhile, Maya and her family are left with no doghouse, a hole in their roof, and no weed. Not a great Monday for them. But you know what would make it better? Some weed.
A few hours later, they put up an adoption posting for the puppy on their Facebook page. It was quickly deleted when the footage started going viral:
The organization's president, who is also the male "rescuer" in the video, released a statement about the ordeal. He alleges that the puppy was "not identified, non-vaccinated," and that it had dilated pupils as the result of being drugged by its owner. Here's the full statement, Google-translated into English:
Following the video that circulates on our intervention in Paris from 19 September when walking let their skin to the animals. The video shows only a moment of our intervention, the puppy of 2 months not identified, non-vaccinated, in any illegality in relation to the French legislation was on the streets of Paris, a puppy that a rom had drugged so that he Remains calm and don't move.
The puppy was completely amorphous, dilated pupils, it can also be seen on the video that the cries of the puppy are not normal. The Rom, which held the puppy not rule did not hesitate to grasp it at the risk of the kill.
We know how much the presence of an animal is important for people in the street, it's the one and only link that they remain with the company. Furthermore, we are doing actions in this sense to help them but we cannot condone the exploitation and abuse of animals out of mercenary.
It'll be the one and only communicated to this subject, if it was to redo we the referions. We don't need to steal puppies when we are submerged in the applications of dropouts. The person who filmed failed to identify the distress of the puppy but if the services of the state was doing their work we wouldn't have to do it.
Antony Blanchard, President cause animal north
People aren't buying it, though. A Change.org petition was started calling for an investigation into Cause Animal North's practices, and it has garnered over 220,000 signatures. They allege that the group overstepped its boundaries, and demand that the animal be returned to its owner with compensation.
Whatever side of the issue you stand on, we can all agree that animal rights groups in France seem just as crazy as they do in America.
Twins Karlie and Kylie were all dressed up and ready to go to their school in Camden County, NJ, a school with pretty strict dress codes. Shirts can be white, dark green, or navy blue. No deviation will be accepted. The twins' mom had heard it, learned it, loved it. She thought she was sending her girls in appropriately dressed according to standards. NOPE. She got a call from the school's vice principal telling her Kylie's shirt was just too darn green, and that if the same mistake happened again, she'd be suspended.
Mom brought the girls in the next day "properly" attired and got told to turn right back around, because Kylie was suspended after all! Surprise! Fox 29 reports:
“My child messed up, I messed it up for my child, and she'll be suspended next time for it, but to suspend a child over the shade of a shirt. I found it a little ridiculous," she explained.
The girls missed the bus Tuesday morning, and when they arrived at school a few minutes late-- properly dressed-- they were met by the principal.
"She told me don't bother to sign her in and told Kylie that she's not in school today."
Great hill to die on, Mr. Vice Principal, sir. Perhaps if it were a less sympathetic color, like puce. But green has a whole PR campaign built around it! Example:
The bacon-loving child from the show Wife Swap who once uttered the words "I keep losing at deals" is now a life-sized teenager who wants you to know he still loves bacon and also other things. In what likely serves as his announcement video for a 2016 presidential run, 14-year-old "King" Curtis Holland reintroduces himself to the world by telling us that he loves hunting, four-wheelers, cars, and... you guessed it: bacon.
Not only does he still love bacon, but he's trying to get his name on his very own brand of bacon, as soon as he has the cash from a TV show based around his life that he's apparently been shopping around to execs. The show, I'm guessing, would follow him as he rambles about bacon, drives without a license, and realizes being angry at his parents isn't as cute as it was when he was younger.
https://youtu.be/u4NjUMIhi8o
For those of you who have never seen his earlier work when Curtis tapped into the zeitgeist with his angry rant about how he needs bacon, please enjoy this:
https://youtu.be/2T_obaO46Bo
My only hope is that he follows through on his threat to "start a YouTube page." Watching Colbert at your desk only fills so much time.
Has your clothing ever matched your surroundings? Have people made fun of you for it? Well, don't think of it as a unlucky fashion mistake, think of it as a testament to your awesome ability to conceal yourself in the most unlikely of places. Then sink into the wall and hide from your embarrassment forever.
1. She was really inspired by the airport carpet.
2. I came upon a beach mirage.
3. His sweater demonstrates his subconscious love of Taco Bell.
4. Where'd she go?
5. This dog is a criminal mastermind.
6. So is this cat.
7. Don't trip on her when you're looking for the bathroom.
Opening Grindr is the start to many current-day horror stories. This one in particular would have been a lot worse to hear if it weren't for the fact that Stephen Dunn used a beautiful pop-up book to tell the story. The story of the first time someone used Grindr, and recognized the dick pics sent his way. Where had he seen that dick before? What was it doing in that recognizable bathroom?
Find out in the video... But first check that no one else is looking at your computer screen. The drawings are pretty detailed. If you're into dick and also 2-D, this is technically porn. Enjoy:
Dolphins are great, right? Yes! They're super smart, and playful, and have names for each other, and we should really be nicer to them. If that's all you'd like to think about them, please proceed no further, because you're about to find out lots of other stuff. Like when a dolphin researcher, in addition to giving subjects acid, entered into a long-running sexual relationship with one. And the fact that naval vessels regularly injure and kill dolphins (and whales) with sonar.
You may know that Spider-Man is contractually obligated to be straight and white (sorry, Donald Glover), but that doesn't stop a lot of people from wondering what other friendly neighborhood spider-persons there could have been. Vulture decided to flesh out one particular alternate reality by having Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy get bitten by a radioactive spider instead of her boyfriend Peter Parker (which is probably really bad news for him). By inserting a humorously costumed stand-in and mashing together The Amazing Spider-Man with visuals and dialogue from other Emma Stone films, particularly Birdman, Vulture proves the trailer for such a film, at least, is as good as anything studios are releasing these days:
In Ljubljana, Slovenia, a lucky few people get to actually enjoy being stuck in a traffic jam — at least, if they're stuck behind Mini Teater's Trunk Theater. (Well, they get to enjoy it if they don't hate puppets because a Muppet killed their dad or something.) The Trunk Theater is partially a promotion for their other shows; when it's not in a trunk, Mini Teater puts up works with both puppets and humans (aka "living puppets"). The theater was founded with the "purpose of enhancing creativity in post drama theatre and theatre for the young," but apparently they've expanded their mission statement to include "pacifying drivers so they don't get out of their car and try to punch a stranger" too.
"Jon Stewart was more than just a late night host. He was often our voice, our refuge, and in many ways, our political dad. And it's weird, because dad has left. And now it feels like the family has a new stepdad... And he's black."
While discussing Boehner's resignation, Noah acknowledged the difficulty of whoever replaces such a high profile, influential job like that of John. "People might shout, 'John, come back!' he explained. While correspondent Jordan Klepper is worried about his job security, this is a pretty solid start for Noah.
Scream Queens, the new horror-comedy show from American Horror Story/Glee creator Ryan Murphy, premiered last week. And viewers have one big question on their minds: why did he include a joke about a "white mammy"? Oh and also, who is the Red Devil? The costumed character did quite a lot of murdering in and around the Kappa Kappa Tau sorority in the two-hour season opener, and everyone is a suspect. Theories will likely be flying around the Internet all season long, but after the first installment, I'm going to boldly declare that I think the Red Devil is Wes Gardner, aka protagonist Grace's hot dad. Here's why.
1. He's too nice and he's too hot. It's suspicious.
Wes Gardner is introduced as such a good dad and such a handsome man that it immediately raises red flags. He makes Grace an adorable personalized playlist for the car trip to college, he tells her she's his "best friend," and he agrees to a pre-planned three-second-hug-and-exit to make saying goodbye at her dorm room easier. He basically does everything right. Meanwhile, the other characters are straight up obsessed with death. Sorority sister Hester has too many ideas about how to dispose of a body, frat bro Chad got his "first boner watching Faces Of Death," and pretty much every line of dialogue can be interpreted as a threat to someone's life. It already would only be an interesting twist if Wes is the Red Devil, because everyone else is too obvious.
2. He really, really, really doesn't want Grace to join a sorority.
He tells Grace, "I know you think sororities are some kind of like magical sisterhood but it's actually Game of Thrones once you pull back the veneer." He's not the first parent to warn his kid about Greek life, but why is he so intense about it? Because he knows there's a Red Devil stabbing and disfiguring people like it's a Westerosi wedding?
3. The Red Devil has multiple opportunities to kill Grace, but never does.
We've seen RD peeping at Grace when she first arrives at the sorority house for rush and when she snoops around in the basement. If the Red Devil is truly targeting the sorority sisters of Kappa, then she should be as stabbed as Ariana Grande's character (RIP). The dean even (super creepily) says she can "guarantee" that Grace won't be targeted by the serial killer. So why is Grace being spared? Is it because the murderer is her dad-slash-best-friend?
4. Wes maneuvers ways to be on campus.
You'd think college students and faculty would have easiest access to murdering sorority sisters, but Wes seems to spend a lot of time on campus for a hot dad. First, he brings Grace to campus and we see him leave her dorm but not the entire area. Does he stick around to turn on the Kappa fryer that dooms Ms. Bean? Later, Wes reveals that he's a professor and asks the dean for a job on campus so he can keep Grace safe. And fake Nick Jonas's murder? The Kappas also spot Wes sitting in a car outside their sorority house right before the Red Devil kills a security guard. Dude better have a tight alibi.
5. Wes is Mr. Playlist.
Wes tells the Kappa national president, "I have a thing for playlists. I'm like Mr. Playlist." He has such a thing for playlists that the first line he says in the entire show is, "I made a playlist." He creates "Grace College Drive" for the trip to school, which Grace notes has a "literal" title. And in his car alone, Wes listens to another literally named playlist of male power ballads from 1995, the year that a Kappa sorority sister gave birth and died in the opening flashback scene. Meanwhile, Grace finds a playlist—which her hot dad has a thing for—in the sorority's basement room full of secrets, also from that night in 1995 when a Kappa sister died. It has the literal name, "Kappa Kappa Tau Party Mix." Playlists. 1995. Hot dads. Murder. It's all connected.
6. Could Wes be the father of the baby in the opening scene? And is Grace the baby?
As evidenced by Wes being hot, he's also young, which means he could have been around the same age as the sorority sister who died in 1995. And he's a former professor, so it's possible that he worked on campus 20 years ago. If he was the father of the bathtub baby, he could have taken custody when the mother died. And we know Grace's mom was in Kappa, so it could have been her. The only thing that doesn't add up is that Grace is 18, not 20, as a baby born in 1995 should be. But how do any of us really know how old we are anyway? Unless we ask to see our birth certificate, we usually believe what our parents tell us. And we don't have any reason not to believe them, unless they're the Red Devil.
Many questions still remain. Like, is any of this true? And why does Wes Gardner have such a similar name to hot Good Wife character Will Gardner? And why isn't Nick Jonas on SNL? Hopefully we'll find out in tonight's episode.
Ah, coffee: the delicious beverage that, apparently, brings out the worst in us. At least, that's what many of these vintage ads from the 40s and 50s would have us believe. Whether high-caffeine coffee is encouraging us to beat our children and yell at our spouses, or our badly prepared coffee is giving our husbands divorce fantasies, coffee is destroying our lives. Thankfully, these ads can help.
1.
2.
3.
4.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VprIbx4QkPc
"Yes, I want something special for my birthday: an affair, because you will obviously never be able to satisfy me in any area of life."
5.
6.
7.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVt-ecRzQlY
This relationship is deeply broken.
8.
9.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaMaKGeQ-ng
This is why you should just serve beer at a barbecue.
"We live in a selfie-driven world... and it seems the only one who didn't get the memo are our furry little friends," announces Jason, inventor of the Pooch Selfie. Jason looked to the "End of the Internet" for a solution to the dogs' wandering gaze, because not all animals are as selfie-genic as marsupials. Jason had a light bulb (well, more of a tennis ball) shoot out of his head. Harnessing dogs' natural infatuation with tennis balls, Pooch Selfie Jason created a tennis ball that you can attach to the top of your phone, so you can selfie while they stare.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mVryW3CTTg
The project has been fully backed on Kickstarter, with 857 backers pledging $20,642, nearly tripling its humble $7,000 goal.
Selfies with dogs are an optimal way to build up that Instagram like count, because people will be guaranteed to like it, whether it's to acknowledge your cuteness or the pup's.
And it's not just for dogs. Apparently, it also works great on small children, impatient boyfriends, and tech-naive grandparents. Everyone loves tennis balls!
Puppies and kids, doesn't get any cuter than that. #Poochselfie not only works great at capturing selfies, but also...
First of all, this is just a giant advertisement for Fleshlight, so if you were hoping to see something besides sexable holes in a bottle, this is not the video for you. But what a cast of characters! On the ladies side we have Rhonda and Joyce, who seem weirdly innocent for two women who have agreed to talk about sex toys on camera. Then there's Deloor James, Honest John and Myles Cranford. Myles Cranford has a golden radio voice that he should use to sell sex toys all the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCzVd8L22MI
How old is Rhonda? She doesn't look older than 45! She should have heard of p*ssy in a can before, in this modern age. Everyone seems so baffled by the butthole and they are not censoring themselves, particularly Honest John who suggests it's for a priest...because it's so small. Old people!
Watching this video makes you realize how quickly things can change as folks get more and more inventive about how to stimulate themselves. Kind of paints a terrifying/titillating picture of the hover board dildos we'll be unboxing some day in front of our grandkids.
CBS Sports has embarrassed itself on social media by tweeting an overly-complicated metaphor that's making football fans scratch their heads even more than they usually do. When covering Sunday's game between the Denver Broncos and the Detroit Lions, whoever was handling the @CBSSports Twitter account really dropped the ball. (See? That's a good metaphor.)
The account tweeted a confusingly blurry pair of images that appear to show Broncos wide receiver Demaryius Thomas being tackled. But if the pictures are unclear, the caption will make you wonder if you've just had a small stroke.
Nothing about this makes sense. Is Thomas holding the door? Is he being tripped? What's the wall of wet paint? The field? There's paint on it, but how could it possibly be a wall? It could be the floor? Does anyone smell toast?
The ineptitude of this metaphor was not lost on the Twitter public, either. Tweeters immediately dogpiled on whichever poor underpaid sap wrote that tweet. Some of their comments were hilariously brutal.
If you get mind-meltingly drunk and don't post about it somewhere on social media, did it even really happen? It did, but not having the evidence makes it so much easier to lie to yourself. This, on the other hand, is a collection of people who should really either cut down on their drinking or their smartphone addiction.
1. This drunk cinephile.
2. This drunk who can rely on the kindness of strangers.
3. This basic bar-fly.
4. This guy who was either really drunk or kind of racist.