A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays.

December 26, 2013, 7:20 am

≫ Next: I'm sorry I ruined Christmas by correctly guessing my gifts.

≪ Previous: I'd have gotten you a more impressive gift if you weren't already sleeping with me.

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I'm sorry I ruined Christmas by correctly guessing my gifts.

December 26, 2013, 8:25 am

≫ Next: My New Year's resolution is to clean up my apartment and my life.

≪ Previous: A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays.

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My New Year's resolution is to clean up my apartment and my life.

December 26, 2013, 9:12 am

≫ Next: Thanks for waiting until after Christmas to throw my card away.

≪ Previous: I'm sorry I ruined Christmas by correctly guessing my gifts.

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Thanks for waiting until after Christmas to throw my card away.

December 26, 2013, 9:21 am

≫ Next: I hope your Kwanzaa is filled with people not asking what Kwanzaa is.

≪ Previous: My New Year's resolution is to clean up my apartment and my life.

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I hope your Kwanzaa is filled with people not asking what Kwanzaa is.

December 26, 2013, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: Let's drink to how many opportunities there are for drinking wine during the holidays.

≪ Previous: Thanks for waiting until after Christmas to throw my card away.

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Let's drink to how many opportunities there are for drinking wine during the holidays.

December 26, 2013, 1:18 pm

≫ Next: My New Year's resolution is to better disguise my poor life choices.

≪ Previous: I hope your Kwanzaa is filled with people not asking what Kwanzaa is.

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My New Year's resolution is to better disguise my poor life choices.

December 27, 2013, 7:01 am

≫ Next: Please refrain from tagging me in holiday party photos because I need to keep my job next year.

≪ Previous: Let's drink to how many opportunities there are for drinking wine during the holidays.

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Please refrain from tagging me in holiday party photos because I need to keep my job next year.

December 27, 2013, 8:01 am

≫ Next: Thanks for spending your parents' hard-earned money on me.

≪ Previous: My New Year's resolution is to better disguise my poor life choices.

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Thanks for spending your parents' hard-earned money on me.

December 27, 2013, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Sorry I received a disproportionate share of our parents' affection.

≪ Previous: Please refrain from tagging me in holiday party photos because I need to keep my job next year.

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Sorry I received a disproportionate share of our parents' affection.

December 27, 2013, 11:30 am

≫ Next: Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex.

≪ Previous: Thanks for spending your parents' hard-earned money on me.

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Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex.

December 27, 2013, 12:30 pm

≫ Next: This year let's resolve to make better bad decisions.

≪ Previous: Sorry I received a disproportionate share of our parents' affection.

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This year let's resolve to make better bad decisions.

December 29, 2013, 11:45 am

≫ Next: I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person.

≪ Previous: Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex.

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I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person.

December 29, 2013, 12:20 pm

≫ Next: My New Year's resolution is to do you more and do me less.

≪ Previous: This year let's resolve to make better bad decisions.

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My New Year's resolution is to do you more and do me less.

December 29, 2013, 1:05 pm

≫ Next: My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

≪ Previous: I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

December 29, 2013, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: I'd be much more scared of getting the flu if all my social interactions weren't on the Internet.

≪ Previous: My New Year's resolution is to do you more and do me less.

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I'd be much more scared of getting the flu if all my social interactions weren't on the Internet.

December 30, 2013, 6:43 am

≫ Next: Let's never speak of 2013 again.

≪ Previous: My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

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Let's never speak of 2013 again.

December 30, 2013, 8:40 am

≫ Next: My New Year's resolution is to remind you that everyone's replaceable.

≪ Previous: I'd be much more scared of getting the flu if all my social interactions weren't on the Internet.

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My New Year's resolution is to remind you that everyone's replaceable.

December 30, 2013, 9:30 am

≫ Next: I spend countless hours picking out which outfit I'm going to throw up on New Year's Eve.

≪ Previous: Let's never speak of 2013 again.

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I spend countless hours picking out which outfit I'm going to throw up on New Year's Eve.

December 30, 2013, 10:30 am

≫ Next: You were by far the best and only sex I had in 2013.

≪ Previous: My New Year's resolution is to remind you that everyone's replaceable.

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You were by far the best and only sex I had in 2013.

December 31, 2013, 5:28 am

≫ Next: Let's kiss on New Year's Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.

≪ Previous: I spend countless hours picking out which outfit I'm going to throw up on New Year's Eve.

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