I've already accomplished my New Year's resolution of crying at a lower volume in the bathroom at work Monday morning.

January 6, 2014, 7:58 am

≫ Next: Thanks for always pretending to listen to my problems before I pretend to listen to yours.

≪ Previous: After being off work for so long I forgot what it is that I pretend to do around here.

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Thanks for always pretending to listen to my problems before I pretend to listen to yours.

January 6, 2014, 8:16 am

≫ Next: It's so cold that I'm willing to have sex above my weight class just for the body heat.

≪ Previous: I've already accomplished my New Year's resolution of crying at a lower volume in the bathroom at work Monday morning.

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It's so cold that I'm willing to have sex above my weight class just for the body heat.

January 6, 2014, 9:28 am

≫ Next: I could stare forever into the tiny opening between your winter hat and scarf.

≪ Previous: Thanks for always pretending to listen to my problems before I pretend to listen to yours.

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I could stare forever into the tiny opening between your winter hat and scarf.

January 6, 2014, 9:52 am

≫ Next: Thank god you're old enough this winter that the sheer number of birthday candles can keep us warm.

≪ Previous: It's so cold that I'm willing to have sex above my weight class just for the body heat.

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Thank god you're old enough this winter that the sheer number of birthday candles can keep us warm.

January 6, 2014, 10:17 am

≫ Next: Just wanted to warn you that tomorrow may set records for people talking about the weather.

≪ Previous: I could stare forever into the tiny opening between your winter hat and scarf.

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Just wanted to warn you that tomorrow may set records for people talking about the weather.

January 6, 2014, 10:25 am

≫ Next: Best of luck on whatever diet you're trying until the next time you get drunk.

≪ Previous: Thank god you're old enough this winter that the sheer number of birthday candles can keep us warm.

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Best of luck on whatever diet you're trying until the next time you get drunk.

January 6, 2014, 11:17 am

≫ Next: Small Victories at the Gym in January

≪ Previous: Just wanted to warn you that tomorrow may set records for people talking about the weather.

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Small Victories at the Gym in January

January 6, 2014, 11:45 am

≫ Next: My thoughts and prayers are with every single food delivery person I shamelessly send into the polar vortex.

≪ Previous: Best of luck on whatever diet you're trying until the next time you get drunk.

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My thoughts and prayers are with every single food delivery person I shamelessly send into the polar vortex.

January 6, 2014, 12:08 pm

≫ Next: May the record low temperatures help you justify wearing enough layers to hide your hideous holiday weight gain.

≪ Previous: Small Victories at the Gym in January

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May the record low temperatures help you justify wearing enough layers to hide your hideous holiday weight gain.

January 6, 2014, 1:49 pm

≫ Next: I'd never make you do a walk of shame during a polar vortex.

≪ Previous: My thoughts and prayers are with every single food delivery person I shamelessly send into the polar vortex.

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I'd never make you do a walk of shame during a polar vortex.

January 6, 2014, 2:11 pm

≫ Next: The coldest of winter nights could never prevent me from meeting you out for drinks and potential sex.

≪ Previous: May the record low temperatures help you justify wearing enough layers to hide your hideous holiday weight gain.

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The coldest of winter nights could never prevent me from meeting you out for drinks and potential sex.

January 6, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: You know it's cold out if I'm fantasizing about us putting more clothes on.

≪ Previous: I'd never make you do a walk of shame during a polar vortex.

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You know it's cold out if I'm fantasizing about us putting more clothes on.

January 7, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

≪ Previous: The coldest of winter nights could never prevent me from meeting you out for drinks and potential sex.

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It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

January 7, 2014, 7:57 am

≫ Next: I have a wine that pairs perfectly with gossiping about our friends.

≪ Previous: You know it's cold out if I'm fantasizing about us putting more clothes on.

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I have a wine that pairs perfectly with gossiping about our friends.

January 7, 2014, 8:01 am

≫ Next: I'm not fat, I'm warm.

≪ Previous: It's cold enough that I'm eagerly anticipating picking up my dog's warm feces.

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I'm not fat, I'm warm.

January 7, 2014, 8:18 am

≫ Next: It's cold enough outside that I was genuinely thrilled to arrive at work.

≪ Previous: I have a wine that pairs perfectly with gossiping about our friends.

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It's cold enough outside that I was genuinely thrilled to arrive at work.

January 7, 2014, 9:23 am

≫ Next: Way to finally cut down on your smoking due to arctic outdoor temperatures.

≪ Previous: I'm not fat, I'm warm.

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Way to finally cut down on your smoking due to arctic outdoor temperatures.

January 7, 2014, 10:05 am

≫ Next: 10 Downton Abbey Pick-Up Lines That Would Surely Get You Laid (Following The Proper Period of Courtship, Of Course.)

≪ Previous: It's cold enough outside that I was genuinely thrilled to arrive at work.

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10 Downton Abbey Pick-Up Lines That Would Surely Get You Laid (Following The Proper Period of Courtship, Of Course.)

January 7, 2014, 10:55 am

≫ Next: I hope you enjoyed your vacation at the hotel near the airport.

≪ Previous: Way to finally cut down on your smoking due to arctic outdoor temperatures.

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I hope you enjoyed your vacation at the hotel near the airport.

January 7, 2014, 11:11 am

≫ Next: Sorry you thought earmuffs were acceptable in our circle.

≪ Previous: 10 Downton Abbey Pick-Up Lines That Would Surely Get You Laid (Following The Proper Period of Courtship, Of Course.)

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