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Which chain's coffee has the most caffeine? This handy chart will keep you jittering all day long.

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If it's important to you that every cup of coffee you drink has as much caffeine as possible in it, you may have a problem. You should probably try getting some sleep. But if you're insistent, this handy chart produced by the caffeine junkies at Thrillist will be invaluable to you. Compiling data from the Center for Science in the Public Interest and CaffeineInformer.com, this snappy infographic compares the caffeine content in the coffee of nine different chains. And to make things a little kinky, it lists that information in milligrams per fluid ounce. (Combining metric and Imperial units is a forbidden pleasure among scientists.)

As you can see, McDonald's and Seattle's Best aren't doing much for you in terms of a perk-me-up, and Dunkin' Donuts isn't much higher. Starbucks, meanwhile, is proving its value with more than double the caffeine of Mickey D's. But if you really want to stop blinking, you'll need to seek out Deathwish, the world's strongest coffee. One sip and you won't be able to hear anything over the sound of your own heartbeat. Enjoy!


Demi Lovato's been accused of sampling songs without permission, just like all cool singers.

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Demi Lovato has been accused by the popular Brooklyn band Sleigh Bells of sampling two of their songs without permission. She now joins Taylor Swift, Robin Thicke, and Pharrell Williams in the cool club of musical artists with recent legal troubles regarding plagiarism. Everyone's doing it! You should too. Grab a lawyer and get yourself sued!

Sleigh Bells tweeted at Lovato, "Demi Lovato flattered you guys sampled Infinity Guitars & Riot Rhythm for 'Stars' but we were not contacted. Gotta clear those."

https://twitter.com/sleighbells/status/661239652087685120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

The part in question is beat that goes boom boom boom boom boom boom boo— Or sorry, did you want to listen for yourself?

Here's the Sleigh Bells song "Infinity Guitar":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfGtB6K8q8k

And here's "Stars" from Demi Lovato's new album. At issue is the clapping rhythm section in the background:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMigoRFmL5I

Did you notice that they both went boom boom clap clap boom boom clap clap?

Lovato's production team gave a statement to Entertainment Weekly in which they denied everything from all possible angles:

We did not use any samples in Demi Lovato’s song ‘Stars.’ Demi was also not involved with the production. She only wrote top line.

See? Nothing happened, because it couldn't have happened, considering that also no things ever happened, and if they did happen Demi wasn't involved anyway. So there.

This woman's engagement ring has part of her fiancé's body in it. Guess which part!

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Lucas Unger proposed to his fiancé with an engagement ring made out of his wisdom tooth, and it's really not as weird or unconventional as they're making it out to be. In fact, you can buy them on Etsy. 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1211118302235751&set=a.262947867052804.85739.100000127793341&type=3

Lucas Unger and Carlee Leifkes first met at a music festival in Canada earlier this year. They quickly hit it off and started dating. When marriage was brought up, Carlee told Lucas that she wanted an unconventional engagement ring.

He attempted to meet her challenge. He got his dad to mail him one of his wisdom teeth that had been removed when he was younger. He then took it to a jeweler, who fashioned it into a ring.

Still not impressive as a wedding dress made of teeth.

Despite the fact that they consider themselves a nontraditional couple, Under refused to let Leifkes see the ring until he "[got] down on one knee in front of her family and formally [popped] the question."

This 97-year-old finally earned her high school diploma and a good cry.

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Hurray for Margaret Thome Bekema, a 97-year-old woman who just received her high school diploma. It took a long time because Margaret had to drop out in 1932 to help care for her ailing mother and younger siblings. A distant relative, Sister Maureen Geary, was the one who put the wheels in motion to make Margaret's lifelong dream come true. She contacted Grand Rapids Catholic Central High in Michigan, where Margaret should have graduated in 1936. The current principal, Greg Deja, was happy to present her with an honorary diploma just a few days ago.

Not...crying...

Margaret spoke a little bit about how hard dropping out was for her:

I thank you from the bottom of my heart...I had to quit school to take over the family. It was hard, you have no idea how hard that was. I loved high school and I had lots of friends.

Margaret has several grandchildren and extended family, and after raising her siblings she went on to work at the Grace Episcopal Church preschool. She's helped a lot of other people reach their goals, and now she's reached one she never thought she would. No wonder she was moved to tears and took the whole Internet with her! Here's a short video of Margaret and the ceremony that will make you never take your own diploma for granted again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5QRA7myECk

You can hire a terrifying clown in Florida to scare your kids and friends.

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Meet Wrinkles the Clown, the clown in Southwest Florida who will terrify you, your friends, or your children for just a few hundred bucks in cash. What a deal! Wrinkles looks like the stuff nightmares are made of, almost as scary as a clown that appears late night in a cemetery. He's now well known in the area for his antics and services, but before his creepiness became legendary, he just dressed like this for fun.

Ever since these kids put me on the Internet, my phone rings non-stop. It's ridiculous.

That's right, Wrinkles was just walking around like that trying to drum up some new business before some kids put him on the Internet. Because as if walking around like that isn't terrifying enough, a cheap latex mask and a body suit aren't exactly the most comfortable things to wear in South Florida. And there's something else notable about Wrinkles: his thick Rhode Island accent, which is perhaps scarier than his mask. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRJGZNrAgGY

I just want to have fun, and, you know, have a good time. Make a little extra money on the side, you know, have a little fun before I die.

Wrinkles! Enough with all the jokes and antics! You're making us laugh so hard that we might die.

People pay me to go scare their friends, people pay me to go dance at their parties, you know, that kind of thing, bar mitzvahs and what not. 

Sure, every Jewish boy in Florida wants a terrifying clown at their bar mitzvah instead of celebrities. But Wrinkles receives lots of other entertainment requests too, mostly from freaky young women:

I’ve got women calling me all the time. Young ones, too, like weird goths with chains and stuff. I’ve had enough psycho women in my life already. That’s why I’m divorced.

Seriously Wrinkles, we already warned you about slaying us with too many comedy bits! No more jokes! As long as Wrinkles and his customers are having a good time, everybody wins. And clown masks still aren't as scary as the before pictures of contouring makeup.  

Super hi-def video of 14 things to do with potatoes will make you hungry, kinda horny.

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What's hot, white, and something you just want inside you? No, not Channing Tatum, A POTATO, ya pervs!  With just a few simple ingredients like butter, butter, butter, butter, cheese, and bacon, you can dig up any ole dirty potato from the ground and make it totally sexy and delicious.

Talk about a HOT potato.

"Potato Salad, Potato Skin Chips, Hasselback Potato, Potato Espuma, Potato Noodles, Tornado Potato, French Fried Potatoes..." Sounds like someone in Hollywood leaked the screenplay for the Forest Gump spin off, "How Bubba Got His Carbs Back." But, actually it's just different ways you can cook a tater, illustrated in this drool-inducing YouTube video: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alkl_ub6mmk

And all this time you thought corn was the sexiest vegetable... what... didn't you think that? Doesn't everyone think that?

Einstein's biographer explains general relativity in 3 minutes in honor of its 100th anniversary.

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100 years ago, Albert Einstein put a capstone on the work he'd begun 10 years earlier during his "miracle year" of 1905. He did this by creating the Theory of General Relativity, proving that what we feel as gravity is acceleration caused by the curvature of space-time (there's a reason this theory deserves the video explainer below). Although not a scientist by training, author and Aspen Institute CEO Walter Isaacson has written definitive biographies of Steve Jobs, Benjamin Franklin and others, including 2007's Einstein: His Life and Universe. To commemorate its anniversary, Isaacson explained for Fusion the physics dilemma that vexed Einstein, and how he came to solve it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05L5F4GwOqM

A little girl once frolicked with 14 German Shepherds and you should probably see it.

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This video, entitled "Litle girl 5 years playing with 14 german shepherds" depicts a little girl, five-ish, playing with 14 German Shepherds of varying ages. You should be aware of this video. Does it have anything to do with the world's events today? No. No, it does not. It's not even new. No one is claiming it is. It resurfaced today for Internet reasons, and you deserve to watch it because you're a nice person and you work hard even if no one gives you credit for it. You've earned this level of meadow frolicking, and although the temptation to give in to skepticism may be strong, don't give in. This is going to be wholesome and you're going to like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofCZNgnPtqU

You deserve to be that frolicking little kid. But you can't be. You can never be again. This is all you have, so enjoy it.


Medical drama acted and written by drunks is the funniest thing drunk people have ever done.

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Usually, drunk ideas are terrible ideas, like the idea to get on a plane and pee on Dolph Lundgren. But the fine people from Ganglebot Films actually had a good drunk idea: to write a medical drama while sloppy drunk, then get sloppy-drunk actors to perform it. The result is a slurry, winky masterpiece of cinema that is probably at least as entertaining as Code Black, even if it doesn't have Luis Guzman. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjuaDboEMYE

Ganglebot Films has a few other drunk genre videos as well, and you can check them out on YouTube

Overtime.

Watch this bubble freeze and remember that winter isn't just about the sun going down at 5 p.m.

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Since America collectively participated in the ritual known as Daylight Savings Time on Sunday, the sun has been going down earlier, and it can feel like all there is ahead is months of chilly darkness, snow-damp socks, and seasonal affective disorder. But YouTuber Chris Ratzlaff has a reminder that winter can be goddamn magical too. The Calgary resident has perfected the art of freezing soap bubbles so that they become perfect, magical-looking spheres before they can pop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcUYvUpc58E

The bad news is that it has to be pretty darn cold before bubbles start freezing, about -13 Fahrenheit. But if you live somewhere that gets depressingly frigid, you can try freezing bubbles too; Ratzlaff shares the bubble solution recipe on his YouTube page

Workplace

Alanis Morisette, Meghan Trainor, and Jimmy Fallon sang 'Ironic' as chickens, which is ironic.

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As your high school English teacher loved to point out, nothing Alanis Morisette sings in "Ironic" is actually ironic. "Rain on your wedding day"? That's not ironic, that's just unfortunate.

But to heighten the absurdity of the actual irony of a song about irony listing nothing ironic, last night on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon, Alanis Morissette and Meghan Trainor (?) clucked to the melody. The song is more enjoyable when it's clucking instead of the frustratingly false lyrics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBK8qSnBlHo

This guy orchestrated the perfect prank after finding out his roommate believes in ghosts.

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Jimmy Kimmel helped one of his writers pull a prank on his roommate. The writer, Jack Allison, decided it would be fun to prank his roommate Mitch, who fully believes in ghosts. Unfortunately for Mitch, Kimmel is a master of pulling pranks. Sometimes he even gets in people's heads by assuring them they're not being pranked. But in this case, Kimmel had a full production crew and cameras rolling in order to scare poor Mitch to death. Mitch's fear of ghosts ensured he never had a chance, and it also confirms that Jack is the meanest roommate on the history of the planet. Not as mean as this boyfriend who pulled a ghost prank on his girlfriend, but pretty close.

The Kimmel crew went all out, building suspense and fright just like in a horror movie. Odd things began to happen to Mitch, which at first seemed like they could be anything other than the supernatural. Living in the age of smart phones, Mitch also used his phone to text people about these stranger occurrences. Those bumps in the night could mean animals, or in the case of Los Angeles, an earthquake:

Shaking Mitch to his core.

Watch the full video to see a grown man lose his mind and truly hate being alone on a couch while this all goes down. And just when Mitch thought it was over, they gave him one last scare: 

The video pretty much uses the plot of an old Scooby Doo cartoon. Use a bunch of hidden scary noises, then run out in a busted ghost costume made out of a sheet. We all love a good haunting video, even if it's a fun prank.

A former anorexic is sharing bikini photos to inspire others to accept the beauty of the tummy.

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While Instagram is often used to share fake "fitspiration" and photoshopped glamor shots that make real women feel awful about themselves, body positive activists are flipping the medium and using it for good. Megan Jayne is a 22-year-old from Colchester, England, and was diagnosed with anorexia at 14. At her thinnest, she weighed only 70 pounds, and was hospitalized and fed with a feeding tube. After a long struggle, Jayne is now happy and healthy, and is using her Instagram to help women love their bodies instead of hurt them. 

https://instagram.com/p/9CDei3IpZP/?taken-by=bodyposipanda

"If a picture of my tummy rolls or cellulite being shamelessly embraced can show someone else that their body is worth loving too," she toldThe Daily Mail,"Then I will post the most tummy-tastic, lumpy bumpy, thunder-thigh pictures that I can take."

https://instagram.com/p/5PcipwIpQ0/?taken-by=bodyposipanda


"Every time we don’t wear something, or eat something, or do something, because we think we aren’t good enough, that we don’t deserve it, we let a little bit of life slip through our fingers," she writes, "We tie ourselves down with chains of ‘I’ll do that when I lose weight’ and ‘I can’t do that how I look now’, and we give up our current happiness for a promise that never comes." 

https://instagram.com/p/70la42Ipfb/?taken-by=bodyposipanda

She made an awesome short video response to Nicole Arbour's now-notorious "Dear Fat People" video, which is far more worthy of going viral than the original.

https://instagram.com/p/7QUQubIpVC/?taken-by=bodyposipanda

"I try to show people that the impossible beauty standards on our screens and in our magazines are not requirements for happiness, if I can fall in love with my body after all I've been through anyone can - they just have to believe that they deserve it. I honestly believe that body positivity has the power to save lives, and that is my mission," she says.  

https://instagram.com/p/7BCEmFopWV/?taken-by=bodyposipanda


A+. Thank you for the good work, Megan. Let's make Instagram a place of body positivity and cute cats instead of photoshopping and cyberbullying. 


The vlogger behind 'Dear Fat People’ just made ‘Dear Black People,' so consider yourself trolled.

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Welcome back, Nicole Arbour, YouTube personality and the face that launched a thousand response videos. Arbour's most famous video was the very controversial "Dear Fat People," which was pretty offensive and disgusting. Because that's what she does. She's a troll who lives under a troll bridge posting troll videos, and it's making her rich. Her latest opus to trolldom is "Dear Black People," a video title that had people shaking their heads before it was even released. And here it is in all its pot-stirring glory:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3Rik0FEVe0

Arbour is also dragging her friend Latoya down with her in this one. She lets her black guest get in a few words, then pretty much just intercuts Latoya saying "penis" here and there for the rest of the video. Also makes a hoodie/KKK joke. Really, truly superb trolling. 

Article 40

11 insane Matthew McConaughey quotes interpreted by our resident English teacher.

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Happy 46th birthday, Matthew McConaughey, acclaimed actor and constant source of wisdom that might not make sense. Hopefully, you're shirtless and cryptically pontificating somewhere right now. To celebrate this historic day, we gathered some of McConaughey's most baffling quotes and asked our resident high school English teacher, Matt Cheplic, to translate them into, well, English.

1. "People are going, 'You're the sexiest man in America.' And I'm like, 'No, no — alive!' Those extraterrestrials out there? Those dudes on Mars? They ain't got nothing on me, man. I'm sexy, and I'm alive. Fact!” (Details)

Translation: "I'm secretly worried that a space-dwelling race of supermen look better with their shirts off than I do. My true motivation for doing Interstellar was to meet scientists who can help me locate and destroy these muscular space beings."

https://instagram.com/p/Yn-TAujCwk/

2. "And to my hero, that’s who I chase. Now, when I was 15 years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say, “Who’s your hero?” And I said, “I don’t know, I’ve got to think about that. Give me a couple of weeks.” I come back two weeks later, this person comes up and says, “Who’s your hero?” I said, “I thought about it. It’s me in 10 years.” So I turned 25. Ten years later, that same person comes to me and says, “So, are you a hero?” And I was like, “Not even close! No, no no!” She said, “Why?” I said, “Because my hero’s me at 35.” So you see every day, every week, every month, and every year of my life, my hero’s always ten years away. I’m never going to be my hero. I’m not going to attain that. I know I’m not. And that’s just fine with me, because that keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing." (Academy Awards)

Translation: "It's quite possible that if you ask me a question, I'll spend decades jerking you around and not answering it."


3."Those were actually the very first words I ever said on screen. 'Alright, alright, alright.' And do you know why I said 'alright' three times? I'm going to give you a callback to something I said five minutes ago. Because I'm in my car, I'm high, I've got my rock 'n' roll, but I don't have the chick. So I got three out of four that matter to me. So it's just alright, alright, alright! There's no fourth 'alright'. I gotta pull into the top notch and pick up the fourth." (Men's Health)

Translation: "Driving plus drugs plus loud music constitutes a progression that leads logically toward sex with a woman. If it doesn't, you might consider more drugs or possibly louder music. But looking like me doesn't hurt."

https://instagram.com/p/Yn9t4lDC_M/

4. "If you want your hair to be thicker, cut it when the moon is about to be full—a heavy, full, waxing moon. Do not cut it when the moon's waning. Right now, it's 14 percent waxing on, it's a crescent, so you don't want to cut now. In about 10 days, the moon's going to be 94 percent full—that's a great time." (Elle)

Translation: "If you want your hair to be thicker, cut it at nightpreferably outside. It'll be pretty dark out, which means you may miss most of the hair you're trying to cut, resulting in hair that is thicker." 


5.  "I love tuna fish. I add sweet corn Niblets. Do you know how good it tastes?” (People)

Translation: "I don't actually add sweet corn niblets. I was just looking for a place to work 'sweet corn niblets' into this conversation, and the opportunity presented itself."

https://instagram.com/p/Yn4JIFjC1y/

6. "You get that, don’t you? We all have a frequency, where things are clicking.  I can adapt better. I’m catching more green lights. You know what I mean?" (GQ)

Translation: "You don't know what I mean because you're at a red light."


7. "Rollin’ through yellow lights on my skateboard. Kiss the fire and walk away whistling." (original rap lyrics via GQ)

Translation: "I thought I was catching a lot of green lights, but now that I think about it, there have been a fair number of yellow ones, too.

https://instagram.com/p/Yn0A2CDC-w/

8. "When you're seeing the character from the inside-out, when you're walking out every day and everything you see, smell and touch and observe is coming through that character and into you and it's making sense and you're the subject. You're the eye. You're first-person seeing it through that character's eyes. That doesn't always happen. But boy when it does, and it feels like they could put a blindfold on you and put you on a spaceship and take you to Neptune and you could hop off on the planet and they better have the sprock control and you get off that spaceship because you are going to behave as your man. That is a glorious feeling!" (SAG Awards via E!)

Translation: "If I insult you, hurt you, break several laws, destroy your property,  sleep with you girlfriend while you're at work, hijack an aircraft, or 'go to Neptune,' possibly with the help of mind-altering narcotics, my character did it."


9. "Good ideas are free—or at least they should be. . . . The best advice comes from people who don’t give advice. . . . Always listen to your inner Jiminy Cricket. . . . When you get to certain parts in the path of life when you get to run downhill a bit, why trip yourself? . . . There’s bullshitters and liars, but the bullshitter lets you know he’s lying. And that’s why bullshit is great." (Details)

Translation: "I work in a town where no one is ever honest to anyone else. I've learned that, outside of an imaginary cricket, if anyone starts talking to me, I just run down the nearest hill."

https://instagram.com/p/Yn0PTCjC_P/

10. "Life is a series of commas. Not periods.” (Details)

Translation: "I don't like to think about menstruation. I'm really glad I was born a dude."

https://instagram.com/p/YoVXQAjC5M/

11. "I just changed it on my birthday. It goes, 'Hey, this is McConaughey, Nov. 4, 2005, 36 times. Just keep livin' along the way. Talk to you. Later.'" (former answering machine recording via People)

Translation: (NO TRANSLATION AVAILABLE)

https://instagram.com/p/bxVWQRjCyK/

Fans and celebrities rally online to fulfill the last wish of a dying 'Star Wars' superfan.

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Daniel Fleetwood, who has been a fan of Star Wars his whole life,was told by doctors in July that he only has two months to live. He is currently in hospice care at home with spindle cell sarcoma, a rare form of connective tissue cancer, and doesn't think he's going to make it to see The Force Awakens arrive in theaters on December 18th.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3A1Y1Gfe-A

People are rallying on Twitter to get the attention of Disney Studios in hopes that they will show him any version of the film before he dies. 

https://twitter.com/pandorashley/status/659561413975805953https://twitter.com/tonybeltran23/status/661631818202943489

Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker himself) and John Boyega of The Force Awakens joined the campaign by retweeting the hashtag.

https://twitter.com/TheNerdFu/status/660105675578589185

Daniel's wife, Ashley, says that his father introduced him to the original trilogy at 8 years old. “He fell in love with them instantly, that’s what he always told me,” she said, “And he camped out for the next three — Episodes I, II, and III.”

https://twitter.com/MoovieNewsTweet/status/661359173603577856

“Even if it doesn’t happen, I am overwhelmed and touched by the love and support that we’ve gotten from complete strangers…seeing the good in humanity come through is helping me get through this,” she said. The Fleetwoods have also set up a GoFundMe page to help pay for medical bills. 

The Force is strong with this one.

Apologetic 'Modeliste' mag releases unretouched, much-less-orange photos of pop singer Zendaya.

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Pop singer Zendaya recently took to Instagram to complain about a photoshoot with Modeliste Magazine, where they photoshopped her hips to be about the same width as her skull. They also gave her a weirdly orange spray tan. She posted her own side-by-side comparison to give people a real look:

https://instagram.com/p/9FV2sdJmOk/

Obviously, Zendaya is beautiful without getting any of her curves shaved off digitally. Modeliste responded to her complaints with a very apologetic letter, writing:

Upon review of the final edited images which had been submitted to us by an independent editing company, together, as a collaboration between myself, Zendaya and her parents, we concluded that the images had been retouched to an extent that was not acceptable and not true to the values and ideals we represent and promote in our publication.  I, therefore, made the executive decision to immediately pull the issue in order to have this rectified and have the images restored to their original, natural state which will reflect the true beauty and radiance of Zendaya.

Here's one of those "original, natural" photos, side-by-side with the unnaturally orange retouched version:

They love the spray tan.

As you can see, the Zendaya on the left looks like a human woman with a stomach. The photoshopped one on the right has very smooth hair. If you can't spot the differences, US Magazine made a helpful gif for everybody:

The ocean also lost a few rocks.

So it's confirmed: Zendaya is beautiful.

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