Greg Benson of Mediocre Films is best known for his Cell Phone Crashing videos, but he's taking a break from annoying tourists to welcome them instead to NEW F***ING YAWK:
Here's an 80-second NSFW tour of New York, the greatest BLEEPing city on Earth.
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Indigenous indignity.
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#tbt: That time 45 years ago when people decided to blow up a whale with dynamite.
Today is a very special #tbt, because it's the 45th anniversary of the time officials in Oregon thought the best way to get rid of a whale was to blow it up with dynamite. (This makes it distinctly different from last year's exploding whale, which exploded due to methane buildup, the way nature intended.) What makes Oregon's whale of a mistake even more bizarre and delightful is the original 1970 video of the incident from KATU News. It's chock-full of whale puns and alliteration, like "The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds." Enjoy:
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Clare Bowen of 'Nashville' cut off all her gorgeous blond curls. In a Facebook post, she explains.
When an actress like Clare Bowen is on a hit show like Nashville, it can be a serious issue to get a haircut. Especially a haircut that takes your hair from Eve-in-the-Garden-of-Eden long to Winona Ryder-in-the-90s short. But Bowen had a very good reason for cutting off all of her beautiful hair, which she explained on Facebook:
Wanna know why I cut it all off?
When I was four years old, I asked my mother; "Are there heaters in Heaven?"
I had just been diagnosed with end stage nephroblastoma, after several visits to a GP who denied anything was wrong and dubbed my parents "paranoid." I'd overheard the doctors telling my family that the only hope of saving me, was an experimental treatment that might kill me anyway. But without it I had maybe two weeks left. The hospital was cold. I'd never felt air conditioning before.
Life in the White Palace (Granddad’s nickname for hospital) meant I got to grow up surrounded by children just like me. We were mostly bald, all tubed, taped, bandaged up and stitched back together. We were all missing parts, some obvious like eyes or legs, others more hidden, like lungs and kidneys. Those who still could, tip-toed around like little fairies because chemotherapy had destroyed the muscles in our legs and it hurt to put our heels on the floor. But we were all together, so no one's appearance came into question. No one got laughed at or teased. We were all we knew.
And then I got really lucky. I survived, my hair grew back and I got strong again. I look relatively normal on the outside, but on the inside, I am still the same stitched back together little creature, in a world where people are judged so harshly for the way they look. It has always been completely incomprehensible to me. How can people think there's time for that?
I was really inspired when I heard a story about a little girl who said she couldn't be a princess because she didn't have long hair, and I wanted her, and others like her to know that's not what makes a princess, or a warrior, or a superhero. It's not what makes you beautiful either. It's your insides that count… even if you happen to be missing half of them.
Every scar tells a story, every baldhead, every dark circle, every prosthetic limb, and every reflection in a mirror that you might not recognize anymore. Look deeper than skin, hair, nails, and lips. You are who you are in your bones. That is where you have the potential to shine the brightest from. It is where your true beautiful self lives.
Thank you ABC network and particularly our creator, Callie Khouri for letting me change Scarlett's hair, and my team, family and friends for helping me make the decision. If it makes even one person think twice about judging another, then in some small way, the world is better.
Self-esteem takes a lot longer to grow back than hair.
Photo credit - Joseph Llanes Photography
Well, that's lovely. Good on you, Clare.
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Biggest fear.
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Everything but.
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Camped out.
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Birthday
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Off balance.
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Daniel Radcliffe is working on his 'Star Wars' costume, might be the wookie at a theatre near you.
Daniel Radcliffe, also known as Harry Potter himself, is a fan of another franchise with a huge fandom. It turns out that throughout Radcliffe's years fighting Voldemort he has an affinity for another hero's journey fighting darkness. It's only a matter of time before J.K. Rowling tweets out this new tidbit about the Harry Potter universe and the fans go nuts.
Because Radcliffe couldn't casually go to a Harry Potter midnight screening, he wants to live out his fantasy of being just a normal, non-famous fans when Star Wars comes out, so he and Conan brainstormed costumes that will let him go unrecognized and won't confuse people into thinking it's actually a Harry Potter/Star Wars crossover episode.
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Parents caught their 2-year-old singing the Imperial March from 'Star Wars' on the baby monitor.
These parents overheard their toddler singing the Imperial March (better know as Darth Vader's theme from Star Wars) on the baby monitor. The video was posted to YouTube last Friday by Jonathan H. Liu, the father of the 2-year-old. He explains in the descriptions that they had just shown Star Wars to their kids, and that one of their toddler's favorite parts was the Imperial March.
Someone please edit this with an actual clip from Star Wars, so we can have another one of these.
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Jill Duggar Dillard wrote a sweet, weirdly public letter to her sister, new mom Jessa Duggar Seewald.
Jessa Duggar Seewald of 19 Kids and Counting fame had a baby on November 5th, an exciting miracle for the family after a year plagued by scandal. Jessa and her husband Ben named their son Spurgeon Elliot Seewald. Let's hope they come up with a cute nickname for that.
To celebrate thebirth of Spurgeon, Jessa's sister Jill Duggar Dillard published a sweet open letter on her website, in addition to (one would hope) calling her directly:
Hey Jess,
Derick, Israel and I are so excited for you and Benji! I can't believe you have a little one now! It was such a joy to get to be apart of the birth from Central America, thank you. You were a champ! I felt those contractions with you. Jess, a verse that I texted Jana while you were in labor was one I clung to while laboring with "choo choo" (Israel): "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phil 4:13
For me during labor this meant that God would give me just enough grace for the next contraction. Now it tells me that if I abide in Christ daily (reading the bible and asking him for wisdom and strength), God will help me to be the wife and mother he wants me to be. God's grace is sufficient in our weaknesses (we definitely aren't perfect)!
I'm so excited to both be on this motherhood journey together! I pray our boys will love Jesus with their heart, soul, mind and strength and love others more than themselves! We will have to let them FaceTime frequently while we are down here. It will be so fun to see them experiencing things and going thru similar stages within a few months of each other. I'm sure since they were about the same size at birth they'll be sharing clothes too.
We love and miss y'all! You'll have to come for a visit so we can meet our little adorable nephew/cousin!
Love,
Jill
xoxoxo
P.S.
Don't feel bad letting friends and family help you these first few weeks! The more rest you get the better for you and baby and the faster you'll recover!
P.P.S.
Send lots of pics! Wish I could be there to squish those adorable cheeks! XOXOXO
Very lovely, but possibly even lovelier over FaceTime or the phone.
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Internet trolls are furious at drag performer Conchita Wurst, but she's got a great defender.
Conchita Wurst is the stage name of an Austrian man named Tom Neuwirth, who is famous for being an incredible drag performer and also for having a beard. Which thing do you think is upsetting people more? Conchita won the 2014 Eurovision song contest with "Rise Like a Phoenix," which sounds like it should play over a 007 credit sequence:
Even though the world has long been familiar with drag performers singing on stage, some people freak because Tom keeps his facial hair, while otherwise appearing very feminine. He also switches his pronouns according to the situation. When Conchita Wurst is performing, she uses the pronoun "she," but when Tom isn't performing, it's "he." For people grappling with gender fluidity, this is confusing. So confusing, they're completely enraged!
These screenshots were captured by BuzzFeed from the Facebook page of Australian publication The Advertiser, which had Conchita on for a live chat yesterday. After posting about it, the questions came flooding in. A lot of them had a weird amount of anger, even considering people's passionate opinions about goatees. The Advertiser handled it like a pro, tossing out great responses left and right:
Why what, indeed. The advertiser's social media manager Greg Berila told BuzzFeed:
I like to think we’ve built up the kind of relationship with our audience where people can feel free to express themselves on a whole range of issues but can also expect us, as a news organization, to take part in that conversation – sometimes firmly, but always respectfully.
That sometimes takes people aback – but as far as I’m concerned social media, as far as news brands go, is all about having an open, two-way conversation. Last night, we simply felt it was important to defend Conchita’s right to use the pronoun of her choice and to help people understand that just because you’re different doesn’t make you a ‘freak’.
Hopefully, anyone who still can't handle Conchita's style will realize they should only care about the facial hair of whoever smooshes mouths with them.
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Article 29
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Guy trolls grocery store with bizarre fake instructions on how to tell if the produce is ripe.
Professional prankster Obvious Plant, fresh off a sneaky fake Halloween costume troll, is taking his skills to the fresh foods aisle. Obvious Plant (real name Jeff Wysaski) has previously posted hilarious fake paint names at the hardware store, filled a bookstore with fake self-help books, and worked his magic on a pet store, so it was only a matter of time before he took on the grocery store. Wysaski put instructional cards to teach shoppers how to test if particular fruits and veggies were ripe, and the results are fantastic:
1. The sanitary pear trick.
2. The water(melon) birth.
3. The cantaloupe kid.
4. The eggplant plant.
5. The cauliflower confusion.
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The top 43 tweets of the week as picked by someone who spends way too much time on Twitter.
Donni Saphire has favorited over 610,000 tweets on Twitter and knows them all by name. He judges everyone's attempts at zinging the zeitgeist so you don't have to.
It was a week of men acting like children, and children being named "Spurgeon." Dogs set world records, and nobody found that at all ironic. Women covered their roots with glitter and their faces with books. Read all about it: These are your top tweets of the week!
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Comedian Rebel Wilson claims the Kardashians have launched a 'smear campaign' against her.
Rebel Wilson has been in the news lately for talking some sh*t about the Kardashians. About a week ago, on an Australian talk show, Rebel mentioned that she was asked to present at the MTV Video Music Awards with Kylie and Kendall, but didn't want to because she essentially thinks they're talentless garbage. She did this all by herself instead:
Rebel's bit didn't go over very well, because a lot of people thought she was making a joke about police brutality with her stripper routine, which has been a huge topic of conversation in the U.S. for awhile. Police brutality, that is. Not stripping.
Rebel sent out a series of tweets yesterday about how the Kardashians have now put a target on her back for defaming them on the radio, even though she sent them "I'm sowwy" flowers:
Hey, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean the Kardashians aren't out to get you. The only hint to the behind-the-scenes drama, aside from Rebel's tweets, might be Oprah saying how hard she thinks the Kardashians work. No one can stand against the combined empires of Oprah and the "K clan," though it would be fun to watch Rebel try.
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Article 25
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Comedian Amy Schumer says she actually really hates being famous.
Even though she's BFFs with Jennifer Lawrence, gets funny texts from Kevin Hart and spends her vacation time making funny movies with Aziz Ansari and Chris Pratt, fame is wearing Amy Schumer out. Apparently it sucks? But she won't quit fame, or quit posting pictures of herself hanging out casually with other celebrities:
On Wednesday, during a set that she did for a charity event in Paris, Amy joked a bit about what her sudden rush to the top has been like:
I’m, like, newly famous, and it turns out it’s not fun. Did you guys know that? You’re, like, you know that I’m just now learning that my dreams have been a sham, and that it’s actually not great and it just only comes with pain.
We all know it’s going to last another three months because that’s how it works. I’m already burning bridges like it’s already f*cking over. I'm telling you, this is the last time I'll ever be onstage. The next time you see me, I'll be the girl in the elevator, like, do you want to go see the Sleep No Less?
Even though she has fun, Amy is also constantly the target of judgements about her looks and weight. She's probably also getting all the classic celebrity stuff, like paparrazo following her around, and being mobbed by fans. Plus, all the regular human stuff, where you're lonely and it's hard to meet people who really like you for you. But Amy's also a millionaire now. Maybe she should buy more stuff? Ugh, so hard to give advice to rich people.
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Cheeky judge slips Taylor Swift puns into decision to dismiss plagiarism lawsuit against her.
On Tuesday a California judge dismissed a $42 million copyright lawsuit against Taylor Swift that accused her of stealing another artist's lyrics for her hit song "Shake It Off." Jessie Braham is a British R&B artist, and little else is known about him other than his failed lawsuit. He claimed that his song "Haters Gone Hate" contained the same 22-word phrase that Swift used in "Shake It Off," and said he copyrighted it in February 2013. United States District Court Judge Gail Standish had a little fun when she dismissed the suit, quoting lyrics from other Swift songs in her decision. Not surprisingly, pop artists don't get to copyright words and phrases that are stolen from street culture.
Braham claimed in the lawsuit that 92% of Taylor Swift's song came from his song. That's a very specific percentage. Look at this guy busting out his math skills for a frivolous lawsuit! Here are Swift's lyrics:
Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.
And here are Braham's lyrics:
Haters gone hate, playas gone play. Watch out for them fakers, they'll fake you everyday.
Obviously, words like player and hater are used in loads of songs and memes. Which is precisely what the court pointed out, citing Know Your Meme and Urban Dictionary:
"Haters gonna Hate" entry on Urban Dictionary, reflecting use and definition of the phrase since at least August 2010.
See alsohttp://knowyourmeme.com/memes/haters-gonna-hate (purporting to describe history, origin, search interest, and etymology of "Haters Gonna Hate," including use in internet memes and animated GIFs throughout 2011, and as early as 2008.
In concluding her dismissal, the judge used lyrics from Swift's hits "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," "Blank Space," and "Bad Blood":
At present, the Court is not saying that Braham can never, ever, ever get his case back in court. But, for now, we have got problems, and the Court is not sure Braham can solve them. As currently drafted, the Complaint has a blank space-one that requires Braham to do more than write his name. And, upon consideration of the Court's explanation in Part II, Braham may discover that mere pleading Band-Aids will not fix the bullet holes in his case. At least for the moment, Defendants have shaken off this lawsuit.
That is one of the funniest court decisions ever written. Granted, it was probably the work of a young clerk, but Standish went all the way with it. Although they did stop short of asking Braham why he's gotta be so mean.
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