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I worry about what my kids see online especially if it's my complaints about them on my mommy blog.


13 Hilariously Uncomfortable Things You Say After Putting On A Few Extra Pounds

Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.

Having kids is the first of many bad parenting choices.

15 Things Moms Say To Themselves But Should Probably Never Say Out Loud

If I found a Xanax in someone's medicine cabinet, I'd split it with you.

Best of luck to your team on winning the Super Bowl and getting out of New Jersey as quickly as possible.

Let's send our thoughts and prayers to Atlanta and anywhere else that can't handle three inches of snow.


I only drink this much to make up for lost time when I was pregnant.

I wish my tolerance for my children would increase as much as my tolerance for wine.

There's nobody I'd rather quietly resent our kids with than you.

Having a baby saved our marriage because we're too exhausted to argue anymore.

I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.

Children are like farts in the sense that I only enjoy the ones I personally produce.

Let's arrange a playdate so we can hang out and ignore our children together.


Happy Year of the Horse to the person I'd most like to mount.

Justin Bieber's behavior has finally become as inexcusable as his music.

24 Things You Say After Fully Embracing Your Shameless Drunken Lifestyle

It makes me proud that we can come together as a nation to try and deport a 19-year-old Canadian pop star.

May your fireworks help ward off evil spirits and not cause my dog to unleash his bowels all over my apartment.

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