I worry about what my kids see online especially if it's my complaints about them on my mommy blog.
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13 Hilariously Uncomfortable Things You Say After Putting On A Few Extra Pounds
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Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.
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Having kids is the first of many bad parenting choices.
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15 Things Moms Say To Themselves But Should Probably Never Say Out Loud
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If I found a Xanax in someone's medicine cabinet, I'd split it with you.
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Best of luck to your team on winning the Super Bowl and getting out of New Jersey as quickly as possible.
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Let's send our thoughts and prayers to Atlanta and anywhere else that can't handle three inches of snow.
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I only drink this much to make up for lost time when I was pregnant.
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I wish my tolerance for my children would increase as much as my tolerance for wine.
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There's nobody I'd rather quietly resent our kids with than you.
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Having a baby saved our marriage because we're too exhausted to argue anymore.
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I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.
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Children are like farts in the sense that I only enjoy the ones I personally produce.
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Let's arrange a playdate so we can hang out and ignore our children together.
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Happy Year of the Horse to the person I'd most like to mount.
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Justin Bieber's behavior has finally become as inexcusable as his music.
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24 Things You Say After Fully Embracing Your Shameless Drunken Lifestyle
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It makes me proud that we can come together as a nation to try and deport a 19-year-old Canadian pop star.
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May your fireworks help ward off evil spirits and not cause my dog to unleash his bowels all over my apartment.
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