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Kourtney Kardashian responded to those Bieber car-humping rumors.

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Yesterday, the Internet carefully analyzed a mysterious Instagram photo that Justin Bieber shared and concluded that:

https://www.instagram.com/p/_QNy7bAvk6/

Now, according to TMZ, Kourtney is saying that not only did she never sit on a car and wrap her legs around a 21-year-old singer with an attitude problem, but that nothing is even going on between the two. However, that doesn't explain why she's been seen out with him a bunch of times in L.A., and recently left his hotel at 4 a.m. Maybe they're just friends and they stayed up all night chatting about life and crying. Just crying and crying and crying.


Caitlyn Jenner apologizes for saying trans women should be careful not to look like "a man in a dress."

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Caitlyn Jenner wrote an apology for remarks in a recent interview in which she said that trans women who look like "a man in a dress" might make people uncomfortable. She made the remark in an interview with TIME Magazine as a contender for their Person of the Year award. Jenner was discussing her personal presentation when she used the phrase:

I think it’s much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously. I think it puts people at ease. If you’re out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well.

It caused some backlash in the LGBT community, and in an op-ed on WhoSay, Jenner acknowledged the misstep:

In the first scene of the first episode of I Am Cait, I was up at 4:30 in the morning worrying, "I hope I get it right."

Since I told the world my truth six months ago, I've tried to be a force for good. I've met and listened to many people in the transgender community, from trans women of color, to the parents of trans kids who've taken their own lives, to people working in the courts and legislatures and media to make the world a better, safer place for trans people. I've spent a lot of time listening to people tell me their stories. Even now, at the end of this whirlwind year, I still feel like I have so much to learn.

I guess it's true that there are some things that I have not gotten right. Sometimes this is because I'm still finding out about the issues. Sometimes this is because something that is true for me isn't true for other people in our community. And sometimes I've said things that just come out the wrong way.

And sometimes the media takes one comment out of context — or interprets it to mean something other than what I meant.

In the last week many people have pointed out some mistakes I've made. My first reaction was to feel hurt, to wish people would give me more credit for having a big heart, and to know I don't have a mean bone in my body. But as I've thought about it, I guess I've come to understand that maybe I have made some mistakes, and I need to make my real feelings more clear.

This week a lot of attention was brought to my comments in my TIME interview, in which I said that my appearance is important to me, that I want people to be at ease when they encounter me and that people are still uncomfortable if a trans person looks like "a man in a dress."

I think I caused a lot of hurt with this comment, and I'm truly sorry.

There's more to the apology; you can read the entire piece on WhoSay

Gold medal for a great apology.

She goes on to note that she'll probably slip again as she adjusts to being in the spotlight as a trans woman, which is a smart move. Living the most public life imaginable—that of a reality TV star—means that Jenner and her remarks are under constant scrutiny. She also made certain to mention that even if members of the transgender community wanted to look a certain way, the cost of surgery would be astounding. Hopefully Caitlyn can and will bring positive attention the community and movement.

Article 16

Sexy Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed what his porn star name would be.

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The Right Honourable Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada revealed what his "porn star name" would be, and it is none other than the titillating "Smokey Sussex." As everyone discovers in their youth, one can find their "porn star name" by combining the name of their first childhood pet with the name of the street on which they grew up. Justin and his dog Smokey lived on 24 Sussex Drive, the Prime Minister's residence, when his similarly hot dad was in charge (fun fact: Sasha and Malia's names would both be "Bo Pennsylvania"). Without even being asked, Trudeau provided the people what they want, as if"Justin Trudeau" wasn't a sexy enough name.

Is that a weird factoid for a Prime Minister to volunteer?

It's 2015.

The rest of the 30-second interview is also entertaining, with Trudeau mentioning getting Star Wars Legos for his son (awww) and refusing to choose his favorite between British Columbia and Nova Scotia.

And if you didn't think that him say his porn star name wasn't erotic enough, he recites poetry. IN FRENCH.

https://www.facebook.com/macleans/videos/10153688780888950/

16 joyfully inappropriate Christmas decorations.

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Christmas is just so homey, so warm and fuzzy, so steeped in tradition that introducing sex into is kind of weird. Mixing Christmas with our more carnal, base, gross human instincts is unsettling at best. (Such as "Santa Baby." That song stops just short of offering sexual favors to Santa.) But there's nevertheless a big contingent of people who want to shock, repulse, or titillate others with the Christmas decorations on their house or tree. (Most of these are NSFW, BTW.)

1. Santa hates extremists.

So much easier than spelling out "Daesh" in lights.

2. On Dasher! On Dancer!

On Vixen. Definitely Vixen.

3. Putting the "F" in fa-la-la-la-la.

Available in multiple conjugations.

4. Here comes Santa Claus.

Was it good for you?

5. This one is just plain nuts.

Although the song says they're supposed to be "silver balls."

6. "You better watch out…" 

All that milk has to go somewhere.

7. Milky white Christmas.

Hope your Christmas is equally one in a million.

8. A very special package for you.

Step one: Santa cut a hole in the box.

9. Not the Three Wise Men.

Christmas, and Human Centipede, are all about sharing.

10. Those thick red pants are pretty warm.

Dirty, yes, in at least two ways. Flirty, not so much.

11. The War on Christmas.

"Thou shalt not ruin my birthday."

12. The Fourth Wise Man arrived.

The King of Beers for the King of Kings.

 


13. Santa's lactose intolerance proved deadly.

Deadly for Frosty. RIP Frosty.

14. Hope you don't get coal in your stocking.

Because that's not coal.

15. "Press here."

No thanks.

16. The Nightmare Concurrent With Christmas.

Why take down your Halloween decorations when you can just add Christmas stuff to them?

Somebody edited Obama speeches to make him sing 'Hotline Bling.' That can only mean one thing.

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Speeches from Barack Obama have been remixed to recreate the music video for "Hotline Bling", which means this song has officially jumped the shark. The Obama version joins a growing list of creative takes on the song, which include a feminist remix, a pug, and some dope nodding by a very chill cat. Nor is this the first time Obama has been remixed for a hip-hop song; you can also watch him sing "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea. He's given so many speeches at this point, you can make him sing anything if you have a good editor and lots of time on your hands. Here is POTUS talking about what happens ever since he left the city:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrjs1UXC8rU

It's pretty mesmerizing to watch Obama dance to the backdrop of the Light and Space movement. And it's strange to think that in about a year, there will be a new leader of the free world to put into song remixes.

Dog puts Marky Mark to shame with his kickin' 90s dance moves.

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'Tis the season to watch our friends, family, and coworkers embarrass themselves on the dance floor after tossing back too much eggnog. Not everyone is in the mood to watch Grandma whip and nae nae, of course, but all humans want to see a dog bust a move. That's why you turn to the Internet. While there's no shortage of talented dogs online, this Boston Terrier is something special. In this video posted yesterday, the unnamed pup feels the Good Vibrations and busts out some early 90s dance moves over Mark Wahlberg's raps that are tight enough to rival any one of the Funky Bunch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsvCC2qPM4s

Come on, come on. Feel it, feel it. 

Article 11


People shared the strangest things they've ever been falsely accused of. People are weird.

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It's terrible to be accused of something horrible, but it's even worse when you're not guilty! Reddit user maxfortitude posed the Internet a straightforward question, "What's the strangest thing you've ever been accused of?" that resulted in some bizarre answers. Turns out, people have really lived confusing lives full of treachery and deceit. Though one guy just got accused of having a big dong, which was apparently more stressful than it sounds? Here are some of the best things you can throw in someone's face during an argument that'll make them go, "Huh?"

1. This tech accused of self-touching.


2. This dude struggling to get the world to accept that he's exactly what he looks like.


3. This guy whose fictional self is a real horndog.


4. This hungry guy who wisely took it to go.


5. The legend who didn't actually do anything legendary.


6. The grandkid who didn't profit.


7. The birthday party guest who doesn't have the tape.


8. The kids who didn't throw the first stone.


9. This girl with crushed self-esteem.


10. These ladies who lost the right to choose whether they were even hypothetically pregnant.


11. This volunteer who is totally not a witch.


12. This person, who is now screening their phone calls.


13. The drama-starter who is not a drama queen.


14. This kid with a way-more-depressing 'Save Ferris' story.


15. This dude, who DOES NOT have a huge d*ck.


16. The movie-lover who loves the work, not the man.


17. The person who is not faking their accent.


18. The person who doesn't understand how they even got sucked into this.


19. RIP Polly.

Pie sent by Blake Lively to Taylor Swift is the most important Hollywood pie in days.

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Blake Lively sent Taylor Swift a pie. And right on the tails of the Great KhloéKardashian Pie Lie & Clapback of 2015, too! Did everyone in Hollywood just find out what a pie is? Pie should really utilize its moment in the zeitgeist to get on Dancing With the Stars or something.

Sunday was Taylor Swift's bday, and she probably partied like it was the music video for "22." In honor of the occasion, her friend Blake Lively (with whom she sometimes visits kangaroos) sent her a pie. The pie was decorated with statuettes (perhaps edible?) of Swift's Instagram-famous cats, Meredith Grey and Olivia Benson. It looks like a pumpkin pie, the same flavor thatKhloé lied about (allegedly and probably justifiably). And the pie says "Happy Thanksgiving Birthday," which is probably some kind of inside joke that ties this whole thing together.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_SI6BLjvFp/

Swift captioned the photo, "Blake wins at birthday pies. @blakelively I honestly can't stop laughing rn." She honestly can't stop laughing right now? In squad speak, that means they're bonded for life.

The 'Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them' trailer takes the Harry Potter world to America.

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Harry Potter first hit theaters 14 years ago, and the saga came to an end a decade later in 2011, but today's Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them trailer still packs that old magic of being transported to a familiar but different world. The film takes place 70 years before the Harry Potter story, based on a stand-alone book published by J.K. Rowling in 2001 (dedicated nerds will also recognize the title from Harry's first year syllabus). Set in America in 1926, political tensions between the wizards and No-Maj community (that's American for "Muggle") reach a peak when a briefcase containing a bunch of magical beasts is accidentally opened. Porpentina "Tina" Goldstein (Katherine Waterston) and Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) must put the beasts back in the briefcase—possibly. That part's unclear, but it looks pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wj1devH5JP4

Well, you wanted something to get the Star Wars theme out of your head, right? Now you're humming the Harry Potter theme, even though it wasn't even in the trailer.

Out-of-work film students made the Internet cry with a heartbreaking whiskey commercial.

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Two students from Germany have made their own commercial for Johnnie Walker that has the whole Internet in tears and reaching for some comforting whiskey. Daniel Titz and Dorian Lebherz are students at the Film Academy of Baden-Württemberg, who made this commercial on spec to show the industry what they are capable of. And what they are capable of is one of the most beautiful, emotionally effective 90 seconds to ever claimed the top spot on Reddit. The biggest tearjerker of the year is, in fact, a fake commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2caT4q4Nbs

If you cried, you are not alone: 

Once you've watched it, here is the poem that is read. While it has the emotional depth of Keats and solemn rhythm of T.S. Eliot, the students actually wrote it themselves.  

Walking the roads of our youth

Through the land of our childhood, our home, and our truth

Be near me, guide me, always stay beside me

So I can be free

Free

Let’s roam this place, familiar and vast

Our playground of green frames our past

We were wanderers

Never lost

Always home

When every place was fenceless

And time was endless

Our ways were always the same

Call my demons and walk with me, my brother

Until our roads lead us away from each other

And if your heart’s full of sorrow, keep walking

Don’t rest

And promise me from heart to chest to never let your memories die

Never

I will always be alive and by your side

In your mind

I’m free

Drinking and crying go perfectly together.

Brilliant flyer invents foolproof way to never lose his very interesting luggage.

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When your luggage doesn't arrive at your destination, sometimes it's because the airline shipped it somewhere weird (or simply tore it apart). Other times, the problem is that a harried fellow traveler who owns the same suitcase as you might grab yours off the carousel without looking, taking all the tiny shampoos you stole from the hotel home with them. One genius man, however, has figured out how to ensure that his luggage is never picked up by the wrong person again. Either that, or he's figured out how to immediately get his luggage stolen, since everybody will want this amazing suitcase:

http://imgur.com/gallery/uessIAZ

Man on idiotically named drug 'flakka' tries to break into jail to visit friends.

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On Monday, Patrick Rempe from Vero Beach, Florida, rammed his car into the front doors of the Indian River County jail. When he discovered that wasn't a viable form of entry, he tried to drive through the fence. And when that didn't work, he tried to scale the fence and became caught in the barbed wire. Why? He told police after that he just wanted to visit friends in jail, which is even more ludicrous than the guy who posted his bank robbery on Instagram.

If it sounds like Rempe had impaired judgment, he did, because he was high on "flakka." Flakka is a variety of illegal bath salts that cause users to experience "excited delirium" through symptoms of hyperstimulation, paranoia, and hallucination.

https://twitter.com/WPBF25News/status/676838385659564032

All those drug symptoms also added up to lots of charges for Rempe: aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer, three counts of felony criminal mischief, leaving the scene of a crash with property damage, and driving under the influence. If the side effect of a drug is that it makes you want to break into jail, that should be enough of a public service announcement to deter people from using it.

A Taiwan marathon hired a woman to dress like a ghost to frighten racers into new personal records.

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A Taiwan marathon hired an actress to dress like a terrifying ghost last week in the hopes that the frightened contestants would run faster. The "ghost" waited in the woods near the race route, occasionally popping out out to run after the racers. It was all done to help support the runners, the woman dressed as a Grudge-type dead girl told The Daily Mail"I didn't dare frighten people by hiding in the woods. I just waited for them to encourage them." Runners apparently find crapping their pants very encouraging. 

https://twitter.com/MailOnline/status/676376985136930817?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Weirdly, this might have worked, since the paper reported that some marathoners got their best ever time in this race. And truly, anyone would run fast away from those bangs. 


People are posting what Christmas songs would be titled if they were honest. It got too real.

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Christmas songs, at this point, have been blaring in our ears since before Halloween. The overplayed sugary sweetness may be a little stomach-churning at this point, not to mention unrealistic. There are plenty of times when the holidays can go horribly wrong, but this goes consistently wrong every year. To ease that pain, we asked our readers what it would be like if Christmas songs were honestly titled. Here are 20 of our favorites:

1. What day does your true love give you pooper scoopers scooping?

https://twitter.com/nedostup/status/674981172263415808

 2. Do you get frequent flier miles for a guilt trip?

https://twitter.com/IGiveGoodNooch/status/675051037603033089

3. Someone's fa la la la lonely.

https://twitter.com/angelacobb/status/675424487723110400

4. Frankincense and myrrh ain't cheap, bro.

https://twitter.com/ThatFatLadyS/status/674980907053281280

5. If anyone asks why you're in therapy...

https://twitter.com/PatrickHastie/status/674973345545396225

6. I'm dreaming of a white-hot Christmas.

https://twitter.com/shutupmay/status/674972574762299396

7. Stock up if you ever want to see your son again.

https://twitter.com/jguebert1101/status/675093693590847489

8. Maybe it's the whole making out with Santa thing?

https://twitter.com/whitneymeers/status/674977336190754816

9. Better than crying in an under-attended under-stocked mall bathroom.

https://twitter.com/Sandalina34/status/674965002957291520

10. 'Twas the year before the election...

https://twitter.com/CateWeinberg/status/675056144197533696

11. Who has better hair the Donald or the Grinch?

https://twitter.com/reppocs/status/674976643186868225

12. So please keep the singing to a minimum.

https://twitter.com/loripalminteri/status/674974221206974464

13. You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Simon and Garfunkel.

https://twitter.com/jessicadelfino/status/674971253703356416

14. Way easier to gift wrap then maids-a-milking.

https://twitter.com/JennWelchNow/status/674994986673393664

15. You can count on me, not counting my money.

https://twitter.com/Spericaa/status/674979235010887681

16. Make America Santa again.

https://twitter.com/virtualham/status/674974703954432001

17. Hey, no crack rockin' around the Christmas tree!

https://twitter.com/TGICarolyn/status/674965637597392896

18.  There's no hard evidence of that.

https://twitter.com/_BowlofCherries/status/674961722206064640

19.  Frosty the puddle, was a puddle, and not snow. 

https://twitter.com/CromwellLewis/status/675009998171295744

 20. Too bad all you're getting is an intervention.

https://twitter.com/kellyfastuca/status/674965378334892032

One final thing to keep in mind while you're singing your lil holiday heart out...

https://twitter.com/JasonTSalmon/status/675050390136741889

Coco (of Ice-T and Coco) went on a Twitter rant against people who called her a bad mother.

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Model and reality TV star Coco Austin (known professionally as Coco) is lashing out against Internet trolls who keep questioning her motherhood skills based solely on her baby's social media presence. Baby Chanel is only two weeks old, but it seems that plenty of people in the Twittersphere are giving her mom a hard time for not being sufficiently hands-on as a mother. In a series of tweets, Coco defended herself with surprising sincerity:

https://twitter.com/cocosworld/status/676542559003521024https://twitter.com/cocosworld/status/676543591481782272https://twitter.com/cocosworld/status/676545884528771072

Of course, there's no reason to assume that Coco doesn't handle childcare personally. Although her personal life with her husband Ice-T was well-documented in their reality series Ice-T Loves Coco, that show ended almost two years ago, long before she even got pregnant. And since Chanel's birth, Coco's social media feeds have shown nothing but a happily growing family:

https://www.instagram.com/p/-qAecbBQzu/?taken-by=cocohttps://twitter.com/cocosworld/status/676185510365253632

She seems like a pretty hands-on mom. She's literally got her hands on the baby in most of these pictures. Just look at this one:

https://twitter.com/cocosworld/status/675524823712448512

Come on. That's adorable. These must be some dedicated trolls. Maybe they're just going after her because they think she'll take it. You don't see them criticizing Ice's fatherhood. They know what would happen if they did:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sokdL-0iV9s

Maybe Ice has to make a follow-up video explaining that this policy extends to his wife and child. Although that should go without saying.

Bradley Cooper breaks down his infamous sex scene with Michael Ian Black.

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Bradley Cooper went on Late Night with Seth Meyers last night and talked about two juicy topics that will hopefully each get their own section in his memoir: his sex scene with Michael Ian Black in the original Wet Hot American Summer film, and his intense chemistry with Jennifer Lawrence. Regarding the memorable moment with MIB at Camp Firewood, he explained how much "glistening gel" was required during shooting (a lot). And later, Cooper brought up J-Law in order to make a joke based on the assumption that there's a known powerful magnetism between the two. Hey, has anyone ever noticed that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzTFw9N6m4w

And here's the steamy scene that Bradley Cooper and Michael Ian Black avoided talking about while they played ping-pong on set. It could not really be less safe for work. (Start at 0:58.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-EleEeZ5g0

A magazine called Kylie Jenner "all your favorite Latina celebrities," and everyone went ballistic.

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The fashion and culture website Popsugar posted an article earlier this week titled, "Kylie Jenner Is Basically a Mix of All Your Favorite Latina Celebrities." It has since been taken down in the wake of the social media firestorm that erupted in its wake. Why was everyone so angry? Because Kylie Jenner is absolutely, completely not a Latina woman, let alone several of them combined into some sort of horrifying Frankenstein's Celebrity Monster.

https://twitter.com/ultravividzayn/status/676548947574394880?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Here are some of the measured responses:

https://twitter.com/ultravividzayn/status/676549321156857856https://twitter.com/_KTesq/status/676484158366027777?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/DeniseYLosDinos/status/676496518199676929?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/naturallytiss/status/676445989566349313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/CyndeeLouu/status/676860755946299392https://twitter.com/Jess_WentXO/status/676495723366629377https://twitter.com/_LIZZYPANTZ/status/676479714421157888https://twitter.com/_LIZZYPANTZ/status/676469528105103360https://twitter.com/daibyday/status/676458658750930944https://twitter.com/badgalcamila/status/676294902259572736https://twitter.com/isabelIeadjani/status/676518457228156928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Popsugar responded by taking down the post, and issued this statement from the editors of the Latina section of the site:

We hear your feedback on the original content of this post loud and clear. As proud Latinas ourselves, we know Kylie is not Latina and never meant to imply that she was; we were simply trying to point out the influence our strong, passionate community has on others. We apologize for any offense we caused.

It's not the first time Kylie Jenner has been accused of appropriating others' cultures, like the time she appeared in a magazine shoot seated in a wheelchair or the many times she posted pictures of her hair in cornrows. But this is probably the first time that this kind of scandal erupted without her starting it. It still probably won't be her last scandal, but hopefully websites won't help her quite so explicitly in future.

The best new holiday tradition is racing babies in Santa costumes.

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At an annual Christmas festival in Lviv, Ukraine, babies in Santa costumes have a crawling race to raise awareness of "physical development in children" and also to raise awareness of how cute babies are. The race isn't meant to be a fierce competition, but the participants were divided into heats based on age: 5-6 months, 7-8 months, 8-9 months, and 10-12 months. Physical development in young children is obviously important, as it helps them cleverly escape from beds and maybe one day become little prodigy gymnasts. According to one mom, not all the kids were taking the race seriously, though:

I had a favorite participant, but he fell asleep at the start. That's why he didn't finish.

Here are all the cute little buggers that didn't fall asleep for the three meter race:

https://www.facebook.com/NowThisNews/videos/vb.341163402640457/960700660686725/?type=2&theater

Those parents at the finish line are really going nuts. Sure, it's just a fun race for a good cause, but every parent wants their kid to be the winner. Even at that age.

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