My Facebook movie brilliantly convinced me I haven't wasted the last 10 years of my life on Facebook.

February 5, 2014, 2:28 pm

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Your love is as indisposable to me as toilet paper in Sochi.

February 6, 2014, 5:02 am

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You can always count on me to be your wingman until I meet someone.

February 6, 2014, 8:18 am

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Happy birthday to someone who doesn't look a day over the beginning of their Facebook movie.

February 6, 2014, 9:08 am

≫ Next: May your Valentine's Day sex be filthier than the drinking water in Sochi.

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May your Valentine's Day sex be filthier than the drinking water in Sochi.

February 6, 2014, 9:52 am

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8 Valentines Everyone Who Grew Up In The'90s Will Understand, Unless They Don't

February 6, 2014, 10:04 am

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Let's bid a final farewell for the third or fourth time to Jay Leno.

February 6, 2014, 11:07 am

≫ Next: There are a lot of positive things about being single, none of which will matter I die alone and unloved.

≪ Previous: 8 Valentines Everyone Who Grew Up In The'90s Will Understand, Unless They Don't

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There are a lot of positive things about being single, none of which will matter I die alone and unloved.

February 6, 2014, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: Your Facebook movie would be a great PSA on alcoholism.

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Your Facebook movie would be a great PSA on alcoholism.

February 6, 2014, 1:53 pm

≫ Next: 6 New Olympic Events That Reflect The Horrible Conditions In Sochi

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6 New Olympic Events That Reflect The Horrible Conditions In Sochi

February 6, 2014, 2:04 pm

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I hope you prepare more for Valentine’s Day than Russia prepared for the Olympics.

February 6, 2014, 3:04 pm

≫ Next: You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

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You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

February 6, 2014, 5:16 pm

≫ Next: Thanks for being my emergency contact for as long as I am hopelessly single.

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Thanks for being my emergency contact for as long as I am hopelessly single.

February 7, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: A tube of yogurt isn't a meal, it's a cry for help.

≪ Previous: You should know that I think you look hot no matter what you're not wearing.

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A tube of yogurt isn't a meal, it's a cry for help.

February 7, 2014, 8:38 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder that the Sochi Olympics opening ceremony isn't the only thing missing a ring.

≪ Previous: Thanks for being my emergency contact for as long as I am hopelessly single.

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Just a reminder that the Sochi Olympics opening ceremony isn't the only thing missing a ring.

February 7, 2014, 10:55 am

≫ Next: Unlike Sochi Olympians who just met, it's nice that we're already comfortable using the bathroom in front of each other.

≪ Previous: A tube of yogurt isn't a meal, it's a cry for help.

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Unlike Sochi Olympians who just met, it's nice that we're already comfortable using the bathroom in front of each other.

February 7, 2014, 11:24 am

≫ Next: 10 Hilarious Math Problems That Perfectly Explain The Sochi Olympics

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10 Hilarious Math Problems That Perfectly Explain The Sochi Olympics

February 7, 2014, 5:03 pm

≫ Next: You're going to love the thing that you told me to buy you for Valentine's Day.

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You're going to love the thing that you told me to buy you for Valentine's Day.

February 8, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: The best part of being my own date for Valentine's Day is knowing I'm guaranteed to score.

≪ Previous: 10 Hilarious Math Problems That Perfectly Explain The Sochi Olympics

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The best part of being my own date for Valentine's Day is knowing I'm guaranteed to score.

February 9, 2014, 6:51 am

≫ Next: Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina.

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Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina.

February 10, 2014, 5:01 am

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≪ Previous: The best part of being my own date for Valentine's Day is knowing I'm guaranteed to score.

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