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Confession


'Fuller House' released its first images. Brace yourself, they're heavy on Kimmy Gibbler.

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Fuller House, the revival of the late 80s/early 90s ABC sitcom Full House, is coming to Netflix on Feb. 26, and People magazine has released some of the first stills from episodes. As you recall, Full House was a story of a widower (Bob Saget) who was so crippled by his own grief that he invited his best friend and brother-in-law to move in and help raise his kids. Now, those kids are all grown up, and their spouses are dying, too! Specifically, D.J. Tanner's husband, whose last name was conveniently "Fuller." So she's D.J. Tanner-Fuller now, her kids are Fullers, and the show is Fuller House. Get it? Good. This comedy is also sparked by her horrific grief, after which she invites her sister Stephanie and annoying best friend Kimmy Gibbler to help raise the little Fullers. It's a generational monomyth they're doomed to repeat, like Wuthering Heights.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAPtIXgRFy9/

"People that are huge fans of Full House will find that sort of familiar thing with the characters that they loved before," says Jodie Sweetin, who plays Stephanie Tanner (and has probably spent the last twenty years in a perpetual hell of fans asking her to say "How rude!" to them), "But I think at the same time, we bring a real modern feel to it and don't try to recreate the '80s family sitcom."​

See more of the photos at People.

Male TV producer asks female reporters not to wear hats while reporting outdoors. In winter.

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Dan Salamone, an executive producer on Good Day Chicagotold female reporters they would “look a lot better without hats,” and recommended they go without them while reporting live outdoors. Even mentioning this would be bad enough, but Salamone made the genius move of putting it in an email.

He did not make the same request of male reporters. This would be outrageous in any city, but it is absurd to do it in Chicago, which resembles Antarctica during the winter. Besides, TV news reporters screw up enough on their own making hilarious bloopers. The last thing a reporter needs is to hurry through a live report because their ears are about to be frozen.

Maybe we should remove our gloves and choke you with our cold hands, Dan.

The General Manager of Fox 32, Dennis Welsh, condemned the email: 

It's not a station policy. The station doesn't stand by the email. We have no policy about wearing hats. It's nothing that came down from above.

Welsh also suggested that the email may have meant to suggest not wearing large or distracting hats, but there were no mentions of female reporters wearing giant novelty sombreros or Viking helmets. Maybe they should wear those on their next broadcast, just to teach Salamone a fun lesson about sexism.

Comedy Central renews 'Broad City' and 'Inside Amy Schumer' because they're not idiots.

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Broad Cityand Inside Amy Schumer fans, rejoice! Comedy Central has renewed both showsBroad City for a fourth and fifth season (the show's third season will debut in February), and Inside Amy Schumer for a fifth season (the fourth season is currently underway).

Princess Amy Schumer.

Not only that, but Comedy Central has also ordered up a limited series about a time traveling bong, titled Time Traveling Bong (duh). The show, which will star Broad City's Ilana Glazer and Paul Downs as stoners who ride a magical bong through time, premieres on yep, you guessed it, 4/20 (nice). No word on whether or not they use the bong to go back in time and kill baby Hitler

Other Princesses Broad City's Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson.

A mom wrote a hilariously frank post about what it's like to have sex when you've got kids.

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Constance Hall is an Australian mom and blogger who writes frank posts about the trials and tribulations of parenting. Very frank. On Tuesday she shared a long reflection on "parent sex." The kind of sex done as stealthily as possible, in the small window of opportunity presented by distracted children, and whether or not anyone has waxed anything recently. Of course, it's gone viral:

https://www.facebook.com/1019711431407015/photos/a.1028239657220859.1073741829.1019711431407015/1061290347249123/?type=3

She writes:

We had "parent sex" yesterday.

You know what parent sex is, it's that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food, where you notice that all of your kids are pretty distracted, Where you realise it's been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates, Where your husbands seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick, Where you position the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they're sneaking up on people, Where no matter how hot it is you chuck the doona on top of yourselves in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing "yoga" in bed, It's a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you here the add break.

Men are amazing and impressive creatures, by sheer determination, it's inspiring how one can manage to "finish" under such circumstances, us women, aren't always so easy.

All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day.

Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I'm amazing.

Get it, momma! Since her post has been shared now over 30,000 times, Hall is also getting lots of new followers and she's celebrating appropriately: by drinking hard cider.

https://www.facebook.com/1019711431407015/photos/a.1028239657220859.1073741829.1019711431407015/1061936343851190/?type=3&theater

The lay pays.

Guy's homemade sparklers are a beautifully simple way to catch you and everything you love on fire.

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Youtuber Crazy Russian Hacker clearly has a death wish in the New Year. He found a way to make these massive sparklers to casually swing around his head, and he only needed three common household items. It is beautiful.

It's OK, he's wearing sunglasses.

Obviously, DIY fireworks sound like an accident waiting to happen, and they are. Crazy Russian Hacker, in his awesomely thick accent, specifically says, "Please do not try this experiment at home." Then in the very next breath, he tells you exactly how to try this at home. All you do is pop on some sunglasses, tie a string around a bunch of steel wool, rub a battery on it, then watch everything you love burn to the ground. It's just that simple.

Here's the entire, accident-free video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuwlEz49LTI

Again, don't try to make your own fireworks or this will be you.

https://giphy.com/gifs/loop-xXvIkTu08XQLC

This woman reviews her dates on Yelp. None of them seem to have gone that well.

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With its personal reviews, Yelp is a useful resource for things like finding a hair salon or discovering a new restaurant. While Natalie Walker's Yelp reviews certainly qualify as personal, they may not relate to many other people's experiences.

Rather than make helpful comments, Walker uses her Yelp posts about movie theaters, hotels, and other places to review the dates she had there. And from the sounds of it, the New York City actress hasn't been on a good date in a while. Read about how she heroically survived a date with a sociopath, among other notable nights out:

https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684119781197393920https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684101460418801664https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684098293366939652https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684504124604444672https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684842543587147781https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684845357566672896

Sadly, Yelp suspended Walker's account before she could finish detailing more dates.

https://twitter.com/nwalks/status/684865153377169409

Yelp told Walker that reviews "aren't the place to rant or rave about your exes," but considering no raves were given, this claim is unjust.

https://www.instagram.com/p/7dM3ETrwHt/

Yelp should bring back this account ASAP. The world needs to know what other terrible dates Walker sat through. 

Jerry Seinfeld out-Seinfelded himself doing stand-up on ‘Colbert.'

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Jerry Seinfeld has done stand-up live for decades, and even made a movie about it, Comedian—but until last night on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, when he's done stand-up on TV, there's usually a whole episode of Seinfeld between the beginning and end of his set. On Colbert's show, Jerry Seinfeld proved that he can still do that thing he does without a President making a guest appearance or even an ensemble comedy written with Larry David—he just went up and told jokes. He told very Jerry Seinfeld jokes during his "tight five" (what comedians call a sure-fire short routine) about words like donut holes and the moral implications of buffets. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=984VkHzXl8w

Guy answers question about what he'd do with all that Powerball money a bit too honestly.

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The upcoming Powerball lottery will have the largest jackpot in U.S. history, coming in at a whopping $700 million. The last time there was a jackpot anywhere near this large, $590.5 million was granted to an 84-year-old woman in Zephryhillis, Florida, most likely as a reward for having survived years in a place called Zephryhillis, Florida.

When Fox 5 New York asked a guy what he would do with the money, his answer was refreshingly honest and likely different from what the 84-year-old woman did with her cash.

It'll be a great day if he wins.

Enjoy 10 seconds of absolute honesty in this increasingly superficial world, before he drops the mic and walks away:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=10&v=UgWeTkrlnJ0

Jimmy Kimmel pranks an alarming number of people into congratulating North Korea on detonating an H-bomb.

Article 58

The ladies from 'First Wives Club' reunited, and the only thing that's aged is their hair color.

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Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn, queens of screen and stage, are reportedly working on a comedy for Netflix called Divanation, and although it's not a 20-years-later sequel to The First Wives Club, it's still pretty exciting. As Deadline reports, the new show will be about "a once-popular singing group forced to reconnect after their volatile split and 30-year estrangement." Which makes total sense, because the most iconic moment from FWC is when they belt out Leslie Gore's hit "You Don't Own Me" then put on rich-lady trench coats:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_oFL_b719g

Yes! It's incredible. And the best part of the news is we now get pictures like this:

https://www.facebook.com/438120156274419/photos/a.833881530031611.1073741828.438120156274419/955908631162233/?type=3&theater

Thank goodness for social media and Bette Midler, who posted the reunion photo the world needs right now. Yes, it was two days before #tbt, but she's old school. And, damn they all look great, with just slightly faded hair color that says, "I'm aging naturally in the way only movie stars do: at a very fancy salon."

Taylor Swift has another twin and this time it's someone's grandma.

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Pop princess Taylor Swift has a popular music career and millions of dollars, but she also seems to have non-biological twins coming out the ying-yang. She already has one doppelganger in Australia, and now another lookalike has appeared...in the past! Imgur user Christmaspencil posted this vintage photo last week of her grandmother, who's a dead ringer for T-Swift.

The Back to the Future reboot you never wanted to see. 

But Nanna Swift isn't the only celeb look alike in the family. You may notice Grandpa looks vaguely familiar as well. Christmaspencil's caption says it all, "When your Grandma looks like Taylor Swift and your Grandpa looks like Hugh Hefner's brother." 

Mind blown. 

Women sick of having their time wasted by men turn the tables with #WasteHisTime2016.

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Well, those conniving women are at it again, as evidenced by the #WasteHisTime2016 hashtag currently trending on Twitter. Apparently some women are getting tired of having their time wasted by men and are joking around on social media about ways they might be able to turn the tables.

https://twitter.com/tbhjustpig/status/684949002736005120https://twitter.com/spanishcvndy/status/684832052286341121?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/_NikkiandCo/status/684806236617965570?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/aspensharae/status/684825138731155456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/MissParisi_/status/684836623972864000?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/DopeEthiopian/status/684877286697385984/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

And guess what, it turns out some men (and other women) don't like it. In fact, some of them are wasting quite a bit of their own time responding. If you listen closely, you can almost hear the sound of the thousands of angry Men's Rights Activists replying furiously to the jokes on Twitter like their lives depended on it. Keep it up, ladies, looks like the hashtag is working!

https://twitter.com/nopasa/status/685174077917650944https://twitter.com/thatpoorguy86/status/685078193414520832https://twitter.com/WezzyBrandy/status/685065026647015424https://twitter.com/jhalal_jnr/status/685078142986240000

Three-year-old asks aunt to do her makeup, gets cruel surprise.

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Twitter user @srp_822 posted a picture of the makeup job she gave her three-year-old niece, who made the mistake of asking her jokester aunt if she could do her makeup. What the kid didn't realize was that she made a deal with the devil.

https://twitter.com/srp_822/status/684508009154895872

That'll learn her. She's still smiling in the pictures, so hopefully she found it as funny as everyone else, or maybe she just hadn't looked in the mirror yet. The kid also has a glimpse of what will happen if she doesn't moisturize properly or becomes a lifelong smoker.


Really awesome new travel product advertised with stupidly sexist commercial.

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The good news: ili, the world's first wearable translator, has been invented and will be available for purchase this summer. The bad news: the commercial for this translator is just a guy harassing, generally annoying, and even chasing unsuspecting Japanese women. 

https://www.facebook.com/GaijinPot/videos/vb.18854069465/10154547031294466/?type=2&theater

From an actual (imagined) transcript of the creative team's advertising pitch meeting: "Ok, we've got a great portable tool that enables immediate communication between people who speak different languages. We could market it by showing all the good and wonderful things it can do, the doors it could open and the problems it could potentially solve. Or—hear me out—we could just get a guy to try to kiss some chicks he doesn't know." 

This first generation of ili only translates English, Chinese, and Japanese conversations, but future models promise French, Thai, Korean, Spanish, Italian, and Arabic. So don't worry, soon men will have the ability to harass women in virtually every language! 

Look how into it she is!

Article 52

This 'Mad Max'/Guy Fieri mashup is the only 40 seconds of Guy Fieri worth watching.

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Released back in May, Mad Max: Fury Road is making headlines again as awards season begins. The critically acclaimed film from George Miller made a number of year-end lists and is a contender for the Best Picture Golden Globe.

Like most films, though, the movie absolutely would have been much more powerful if it had included highly regarded food connoisseur Guy Fieri. YouTube user jumblejimble clearly agrees and created a magnificent trailer for Mad Max: Fieri Road.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adzli2Q-Fho

It's perfection, which is much more than can be said about any dish a Guy Fieri restaurant has served.

'I am your redeemer.'

In related news, George Miller recently spoke to Entertainment Weekly about a Furiosa-focused sequel. "... I'm not sure if it's the very next movie I want do," he said

That's cruel.

Confession

The Internet's newest cat star is not grumpy. She's really, really angry.

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Angry Pearl is a very lucky cat who was adopted on Tuesday by an extremely media-savvy family who quickly set Pearl up with an Instagram account after a few pics posted to Imgur with the caption, "So we found Pearl at the local shelter. She looked angry and we figured a warm loving home would help. She is still the harbinger of death" quickly went viral. Of course they did, because just look at this face:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAMnKLxITGZ/?taken-by=angrypearl

That's Pearl in her cage, but freedom hasn't changed her. She's still mad as hell when she eats, sleeps, gets cuddled and watches Supernatural.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAMnCCnITGL/?taken-by=angrypearlhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BAMm-LcoTGG/?taken-by=angrypearlhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BAMmz85ITF1/?taken-by=angrypearlhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BANudPbITO2/?taken-by=angrypearlhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BANtcgqITND/?taken-by=angrypearl

And, um, if you're making mental comparisons between Angry Pearl a certain other kitty, she knows.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BANr8jpITKO/?taken-by=angrypearl
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