Just remember a first date is also your first opportunity to mess up a relationship forever.

February 10, 2014, 8:01 am

≫ Next: This Valentine's Day, make me scream as if I was seeing The Beatles 50 years ago.

≪ Previous: Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina.

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This Valentine's Day, make me scream as if I was seeing The Beatles 50 years ago.

February 10, 2014, 9:13 am

≫ Next: 23 Hilarious Ways To Tell Your Valentine You're Too Cheap To Buy Them A Gift

≪ Previous: Just remember a first date is also your first opportunity to mess up a relationship forever.

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23 Hilarious Ways To Tell Your Valentine You're Too Cheap To Buy Them A Gift

February 10, 2014, 10:48 am

≫ Next: This Valentine's Day, my heart will be more open than Bob Costas' left eye.

≪ Previous: This Valentine's Day, make me scream as if I was seeing The Beatles 50 years ago.

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This Valentine's Day, my heart will be more open than Bob Costas' left eye.

February 10, 2014, 11:15 am

≫ Next: Solving my problems by drinking is much less sad when my friends join me.

≪ Previous: 23 Hilarious Ways To Tell Your Valentine You're Too Cheap To Buy Them A Gift

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Solving my problems by drinking is much less sad when my friends join me.

February 10, 2014, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: I hope you score more impressively than Ashley Wagner this Valentine's Day.

≪ Previous: This Valentine's Day, my heart will be more open than Bob Costas' left eye.

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I hope you score more impressively than Ashley Wagner this Valentine's Day.

February 10, 2014, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: They won't be able to fit what I'm about to do to you on a conversation heart.

≪ Previous: Solving my problems by drinking is much less sad when my friends join me.

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They won't be able to fit what I'm about to do to you on a conversation heart.

February 10, 2014, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

≪ Previous: I hope you score more impressively than Ashley Wagner this Valentine's Day.

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I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

February 11, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Here's hoping snowstorm preparation is the only reason you need fresh batteries this Valentine's Day.

≪ Previous: They won't be able to fit what I'm about to do to you on a conversation heart.

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Here's hoping snowstorm preparation is the only reason you need fresh batteries this Valentine's Day.

February 11, 2014, 6:01 am

≫ Next: Let's watch some halfpipe this week before moving on to the full pipe this Valentine's Day.

≪ Previous: I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

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Let's watch some halfpipe this week before moving on to the full pipe this Valentine's Day.

February 11, 2014, 8:50 am

≫ Next: I look forward to an intimate Valentine's Day with my ex's Facebook page.

≪ Previous: Here's hoping snowstorm preparation is the only reason you need fresh batteries this Valentine's Day.

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I look forward to an intimate Valentine's Day with my ex's Facebook page.

February 11, 2014, 9:10 am

≫ Next: This Valentine's Day, I intend to spend as much time on my back as an Olympian qualifying for the luge.

≪ Previous: Let's watch some halfpipe this week before moving on to the full pipe this Valentine's Day.

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This Valentine's Day, I intend to spend as much time on my back as an Olympian qualifying for the luge.

February 11, 2014, 9:28 am

≫ Next: 17 Hilariously Sad Things Everyone Who's Single On Valentine's Will Say

≪ Previous: I look forward to an intimate Valentine's Day with my ex's Facebook page.

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17 Hilariously Sad Things Everyone Who's Single On Valentine's Will Say

February 11, 2014, 10:15 am

≫ Next: send a vday card 2 ur frend ur def not into from Bobby Bottleservice #KrollShow #ComedyCentral.

≪ Previous: This Valentine's Day, I intend to spend as much time on my back as an Olympian qualifying for the luge.

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send a vday card 2 ur frend ur def not into from Bobby Bottleservice #KrollShow #ComedyCentral.

February 11, 2014, 10:33 am

≫ Next: Congratulations on winning as many medals at the Sochi Olympics as Shaun White.

≪ Previous: 17 Hilariously Sad Things Everyone Who's Single On Valentine's Will Say

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Congratulations on winning as many medals at the Sochi Olympics as Shaun White.

February 11, 2014, 11:39 am

≫ Next: It's too bad Shaun White made the mistake of only skipping one snowboarding event at Sochi.

≪ Previous: send a vday card 2 ur frend ur def not into from Bobby Bottleservice #KrollShow #ComedyCentral.

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It's too bad Shaun White made the mistake of only skipping one snowboarding event at Sochi.

February 11, 2014, 11:55 am

≫ Next: Let's have sex before dinner to reduce the likelikhood that I accidentally fart on you in bed.

≪ Previous: Congratulations on winning as many medals at the Sochi Olympics as Shaun White.

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Let's have sex before dinner to reduce the likelikhood that I accidentally fart on you in bed.

February 11, 2014, 12:39 pm

≫ Next: Love Coupon: Good for me going down as many times as Shaun White at Sochi.

≪ Previous: It's too bad Shaun White made the mistake of only skipping one snowboarding event at Sochi.

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Love Coupon: Good for me going down as many times as Shaun White at Sochi.

February 11, 2014, 12:57 pm

≫ Next: The tape-delayed Olympic coverage has inspired me to wish you a happy belated birthday.

≪ Previous: Let's have sex before dinner to reduce the likelikhood that I accidentally fart on you in bed.

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The tape-delayed Olympic coverage has inspired me to wish you a happy belated birthday.

February 11, 2014, 2:31 pm

≫ Next: Chivalry is deleting all evidence of your ex on Facebook.

≪ Previous: Love Coupon: Good for me going down as many times as Shaun White at Sochi.

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Chivalry is deleting all evidence of your ex on Facebook.

February 11, 2014, 4:50 pm

≫ Next: I hope you get well soon with plenty of rest and whining on Facebook.

≪ Previous: The tape-delayed Olympic coverage has inspired me to wish you a happy belated birthday.

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