These porn stars are looking for love too, and they've also been sucked into doing it on Tinder. Their advice to the fellas is pretty standard, and it's mostly about photos.

One of the ladies actually gets a guy's number and he seems pretty cool! She hangs up on him. Another girl claims she once matched with Jon Hamm, but he unmatched her when she said he could eat her butthole. Well, one part of that story sounds like it could be true.

Basically, chill on the selfies, it makes you seem like you have no friends. Don't post pictures that don't look like you, you're wasting everyone's time. And don't pose in front of the Hollywood sign. Just. Don't.

It took five months for Ray Smith to finish proposing to his girlfriend, because his elaborate proposal consisted of him taking 148 pictures in which he popped the question. Smith's now fiancée Claire Bramley somehow never realized that her partner had spent months taking pictures of the two of them while displaying a card that read "Will you marry me." Finally on Christmas Day, Smith asked Bramley to her face. This time she figured out what was happening, and said yes.

Smith was able to hide his proposal for so long by claiming his photo obsession was related to Bramley's pregnancy. "I told her I was taking the pictures to track the progress of the baby, which was a little bit of a ruse," Smith told the Grimsby Telegraph.

"I was totally oblivious to it all," Bramley added. If she had no idea her boyfriend was asking a very important question in all their selfies, then who knows what everyone else is missing in the pictures they pose for. 

Amy Schumer is known for her biting sense of humor, sparing no one, least of all her famous friends. On Tuesday, the comedian shared a text convo she had on Instagram with good friend and Trainwreck costar Colin Quinn. Quinn offered some sincere and comforting advice following Schumer's Golden Globes loss which she hilariously shut down.

This wasn't the first funny exchange with Colin she posted. A couple of months ago, she also shared this one...

And this one, because that's what friends are for.

Damn! Would she treat Streep like that?

Petitions sometimes actually work (or at least get responses), which explains why  someone is petitioning God (or "whom it may concern") on Change.org to "Say NO to David Bowie dead." It has over 8,000 signatures; its goal is 10,000.

God hasn't issued an official reply yet, but in the past when people have asked Him why the righteous suffer He has relied on a pretty stock response. 

In a recent interview with the Daily Mail, 38-year-old Australian make-up artist and self-confessed vampire Georgina Condon claimed to love the "taste, texture, [and] look" of blood and says she feeds weekly from her boyfriend—but only her boyfriend. If she were to drink someone else's blood, it would be considered "cheating," because it's important to set rules and boundaries in any relationship. 

She thinks her yen for blood could be linked to thalassemia, a hereditary blood disorder where the body makes an abnormal form of hemoglobin. This condition leads to anemia, "so in a sense there is a craving there." She also suffers from solar dermatitis (a sensitivity to sun resulting in a eczema-like rash) and she blisters in UV light. Luckily her reaction is way less intense than the reaction vampires sometimes have, as evidenced by Facebook photos of her outside in sunlight, noticeably not on fire. 

According to Condon, she developed a penchant for blood when she was 12 years old, picking off scabs and sucking the wounds. She had her first taste of someone else's blood when she was 17, and found the experience "sensual," so she started wearing all black and frequenting goth clubs, looking for other willing donors. She found that men were often "turned on" by her vampirism, which is good to know. 

Condon and her boyfriend Zamael met at a Bloodlust Ball (which she likens to "our Christmas") in Brisbane about two years ago, and they've been together since. She "feeds" off him using a razor to make an incision, not her fangs (she had them made by a specialist fang-maker, which is apparently a thing, if anyone is looking for a new hobby). While she claims to be afraid of knives and needles, she's confident and experienced enough to make sure to avoid hitting arteries when cutting, which is considerate of her.

These days Zamael is her only donor. Hopefully they stay together, since that might be an awkward request to have in a Tinder profile. 

When armed militants set out to occupy a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon but forgot to bring any supplies, their leader's mom emailed supporters asking for donations—and received giant dildos and dozens of bags of sugary dicks instead. For whatever reason, militia spokesperson Jon Ritzheimer forgot media rule #1—pretend everyone supports you—and decided to give this as much news attention as possible by posting a video to Facebook slamming the penises pouring into to their already wiener-saturated camp.

Who sent the giant dildo is unclear, but Someecards spoke with Taylor Wilde, founder of ShipABagOfDicks.com, the site behind the outpouring of candied genitals Americans have sent to the armed group. According to Wilde, over 160 bags of gummy dicks have been sent so far from people all over America who want to express their lack of support for the militia.

"Around 5,000 individual dicks pieces have been sent to the militia," Wilde said. "That's 125,000 calories of high fructose corn syrup. Their sugar highs will be high, but their lows will be very low." He's also hopeful the sweet willies can play a constructive role in ending the standoff. "They'll probably crash and need to nap, which at that time I'd expect the local Feds to move in," he speculated, adding,"In the end, bags of dicks may be how this issue finally gets resolved."

The site is designed to send anyone a bag of dicks (or a large, rainbow-striped dick lollipop), but there are explicit instructions on the landing page now on how to mail them to the Oregon militia—and there's also a sale. You can also add glitter to your package, if you're a total sadist. As far as Ritzheimer's bewilderment that anyone would spend good money on a symbolic gesture of protest (remember, the militia didn't even spend money on feeding themselves), Wilde thinks sending dicks is an important act of free speech.

People are spending their own money so they can let the militia know how they feel. It's a way of "voting" in regards to their thoughts on the matter. It's easy to share articles and comment online, but short of flying to Oregon and protesting their protest what's a regular person do? We've gotten tons of emails thanking us, to which we reply, "No problem, it's the American thing to do. Thank YOU."

It's your right as an American to order a bag of gummy dicks and send them to an armed fringe group that doesn't realize the irony in asking for supplies sent through the federal mail system. Or as the founder of ShipABagOfDicks.com puts it, "I think the lesson here is when you ask the Internet for something, be prepared for the consequences."

Actor Alan Rickman died Thursday at 69 from cancer. Celebrities everywhere, especially his friends and co-workers from the Harry Potter series, came out on social media to express their grief and say what a great and inspiring guy he was. Also, that they're sick of really great people dying.

One celebrity tribute is a little harder to find. Daniel Radcliffe, who played Harry Potter himself, doesn't do the usual thing of having a Twitter, Instagram and Facebook account that are all connected to each other like a snake eating its own tail. He only uses Google Plus, the Azkaban of platforms, and that's where he posted this touching essay on what an influence Rickman had on him as an actor and man. Rickman saw Radcliffe grow up, and was kind of a father figure. Radcliffe writes:

Alan Rickman is undoubtedly one of the greatest actors I will ever work with. He is also, one of the loyalest and most supportive people I've ever met in the film industry. He was so encouraging of me both on set and in the years post-Potter. I'm pretty sure he came and saw everything I ever did on stage both in London and New York. He didn't have to do that. I know other people who've been friends with him for much much longer than I have and they all say "if you call Alan, it doesn't matter where in the world he is or how busy he is with what he's doing, he'll get back to you within a day".

People create perceptions of actors based on the parts they played so it might surprise some people to learn that contrary to some of the sterner(or downright scary) characters he played, Alan was extremely kind, generous, self-deprecating and funny. And certain things obviously became even funnier when delivered in his unmistakable double-bass.

As an actor he was one of the first of the adults on Potter to treat me like a peer rather than a child. Working with him at such a formative age was incredibly important and I will carry the lessons he taught me for the rest of my life and career. Film sets and theatre stages are all far poorer for the loss of this great actor and man.

He also shared this photo of them messing around on the set of Harry Potter:

And captioned it:

I like this photo. It was taken, if I'm not mistaken, while rehearsing a scene where Alan clipped me and Rupert round the back of a head with a book. We all, apparently, found this hard to do without laughing.
- Dan

Accio tissues.

The hashtag #OscarsSoWhite has returned to Twitter after the 2016 Academy Award Nominations were announced and included no people of color in any of the acting categories. Many of the reactions were because Sylvester Stallone was nominated for Creed while Michael B. Jordan did not receive a nod. Additionally, Straight Outta Compton only received a nomination for best original screenplay, and the writers the film are all white. Here are some of the best reactions with the hashtag on Twitter:

There is going to be a Creed sequel, so perhaps Michael B. Jordan will have another shot at an Academy Awards nomination. That is, of course, unless the quality of Creed sequels matches those of later Rocky sequels, in which case Jordan will need to look for an award-winning role elsewhere. 

There are a lot more people running for president than just Angry Hairpiece, Uncle Hippie, Possible Canadian, and Hillary Clinton. Those are just who's representing the Republicans and Democrats. More than 1,480 candidates have filed with the Federal Election Commision to run for president. The vast majority are joke candidates; the rest don’t realize they have about as much chance of getting elected as Martin O’Malley standing on top of Rick Santorum’s shoulders in a presidential-looking trench coat.

1. Rod Silva.

The candidate of the “Nutrition Party,” Silva owns an obscure chain of healthy fast food restaurants called the Muscle Maker Grill. His platform is based almost entirely on reversing Americans’ poor eating habits.

2. James Hedges.

He represents the Prohibition Party, as in the same “Prohibition” that banned the sale and consumption of alcohol in the U.S. from 1919 to 1932. It still exists, and Hedges wants to honor his party’s goal of outlawing booze again.

3. Elijah Manley.

After failing to win the nomination of the Socialist Party, Manley is running as an independent. He’s very social justice-minded, which isn’t weird at all. What’s a little off is that he’s running to make people believe that age shouldn’t be a barrier to success. You see, Manley is only 17, and he cannot constitutionally be President of the United States for another 18 years.

4. Dan Bilzerian

Another independent, Bilzerian is also known as “Blitz” and “Instagram’s Playboy King.” He’s a former stuntman, a professional poker player, and was once sued by a porn star for $85,000 when he threw her off of his roof and into a pool.

5. Monica Moorehead.

Moorehead is the candidate of the Workers World Party, which is a fancy way of saying “Communist.” She got her political start in the early '70s as a volunteer for the Black Panthers. But she’s probably best known as a “spoiler.” According to Michael Moore, it’s her fault that Al Gore lost Florida in 2000, and its electoral votes, and ultimately the election to George W. Bush. Moore alleges that she siphoned votes away from Gore, and Bush eked out the win. Moorehead was only on the ballot in two states in 2000: Rhode Island and Florida.

6. Vermin Supreme.

A performance artist who usually appears in public wearing a rubber boot for a hat and offering free candy to voters (yay, free candy!), Vermin Supreme came in third in the 2012 New Hampshire Democratic primary. Technically, this means he has more political experience than Donald Trump.

7. Ron White.

This is the same Ron White from the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour.” The one who wears the suit onstage and drinks the whole time. Not just a drinker, he likes marijuana, too. His semi-serious candidacy is built on the single issue of “legalizing it.”

8. Thomas Keister.

White’s fame may lead him to take votes away from the Marijuana Party, which is actually a thing, and its candidate, Thomas Keister. (You can probably figure out what their primary issue is.) So far, Keister, and the Marijuana Party are on the ballot in 10 states.

Actor Alan Rickman has died, and if that's not enough of a bummer, people are also unintentionally lying about him all over the Internet. It's a fairly harmless lie that has a lot more to do with his loving fans from the Harry Potter series than anything malicious. This image of Rickman has gone viral:

In it, he's "quoted" as saying:

When I'm 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, 'After all this time?' And I will say, 'Always.'

Part of the quote is a reference to a Potter scene, in which, yes, Snape says "Always." The line is in reference to his eternal love for Harry's mother, Lily:

Very sweet! But it was a fictional character. Rickman the actor died at 69, and lived a very rich full life and would probably not have spent his 80s thinking about Harry Potter or Lily. The quote appearing in the meme is actually very similar to a popular Tumblr post that BuzzFeed reports has been circulating since 2010:

The L.A. Times also reported in 2009 that, allegedly, Rickman had never read any of the books. His co-star, Michael Gambon, who was the second actor to play Dumbledore, explained why not:

You’d get upset about all the scenes it’s missing from the book, wouldn‘t you?...No point in reading the books because you’re playing with [screenwriter] Steve Kloves’ words.

Though it is possible, of course, that he eventually did read them and enjoyed them in a non-obsessive way, all signs point to this being FAKE AS HELL. That shouldn't stop anyone from remembering Alan Rickman any way they want to, even if it's as Severus Snape. Or like this:

Always.

Anna Faris hosts a podcast, Anna Faris Is Unqualified, and on this week's episode, she welcomed welcomed Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, and Aubrey Plaza to hang out on-mic. Faris called Pratt and Lawrence on the set of their film Passengers in Atlanta, where Pratt joked, “What other guy in the world could say that he’s on the phone with Anna, my real wife; Aubrey, my TV wife; and [referring to Lawrence], well, we’re not married in this movie.”

Lawrence has discussed her on-screen relationship with Pratt before. Last year, she opened up about how nervous she was to be filming a sex scene with someone else's husband. “[It] was going to be my first time kissing a married man, and guilt is the worst feeling in your stomach,” she told The Wrap.

In addition to discussing on-screen relationships, also Faris asked Lawrence some rapid fire questions, like what she would name a High School mascot, the most embarrassing music on her phone, and ideal murder weapon. She then asked her husband to do over the phone the thing that helps keep their marriage alive: rap.

You can listen to the whole thing here; Pratt and Lawrence's call begins at 36:30.

Fortune Magazine has just made the breakthrough discovery that making Jeff Bezos look like the Hindu god Vishnu on their cover isn't actually okay! Well, now they know. Here's their most recent issue, which depicts the Amazon CEO as the sacred Hindu deity because he, like everyone else in business, is expanding in India.

Wow. Since this is a fairly open and shut case of appropriation, there's already a full mea culpa from Fortune comes from editor Alan Murray:

The cover of Fortune's January 2016 edition featured an illustration of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos as a Hindu deity. Neither the artist nor the editors of Fortune had any intention of parodying a particular deity or of offending members of the Hindu faith. It is clear that we erred and for that, we apolgoize.

And they spent all that time getting just the right shade of blue.

The story, titled "Amazon Invades India," delves into the CEO's plans to "conquer the next 'trillion-dollar market.'"

Some of the strongest criticism came from the President of the Universal Society of Hinduism, Rajan Zed. According to Business Insider, he stressed that "Lord Vishnu was... meant to be worshipped in temples or home shrines and not to be used indecorously or thrown around loosely in re-imagined versions for dramatic effect."

Luckily for Jeff Bezos, if he's feeling too embarrassed by this flap he can always just send himself to space until things cool off here on Earth.

More often than not, people walk right by a homeless person asking for food or money. West Yorkshire resident Claire Varin is not one of those people. She's so kind that she when she noticed a homeless man inside the McDonald's where she was grabbing breakfast, she spontaneously purchased him a meal without even being asked.

"I placed it on the table and said, 'This is for you.' I felt fantastic and my heart swelled that in some small way maybe I had helped this man," she told The Sun.

And then Varin realized the guy wasn't homeless. 

Varin mistook the man as homeless because of his beard, backpack, and the fact he was eating ketchup from the dispenser. Varin only realized her mistake when, after leaving her charitable meal on his table, a McDonald's worker came over and gave the guy the meal he had ordered.

"I was mortified. I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. I wanted a hole to open up underneath me," she said.

Varin has no clue if the guy ate his free, second meal because she high-tailed it out of there. Varin's good deed has now left her with one less place to buy breakfast. "I really enjoy a McDonald's breakfast now and again, but I think I'll have to give that store a miss in the mornings in case I see that man again," she said. Luckily for Varin, she can likely find another place with the same morning offerings, like one of the other McDonald's in town. 

Fans are sharing their grief over the news that Alan Rickman passed away in the only way people know how to communicate emotions now: on Twitter. While Rickman coined classic characters in movies like Die Hard, Dogma, and Galaxy Quest, many are most familiar with Rickman's role as Professor Snape in all eight Harry Potter films. As such, a large number of Twitter condolences are paying homage to Rickman through his portrayal of the complicated villain/mostly hero. 

Many have appropriated a moment from Dumbledore's funeral in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and are "raising their wands" to Rickman:

Some have literally done so:

Others are turning to Snape's own words, namely his touching declaration of his continual love for Lily Potter:

And then other Harry Potter fans are recalling these words:

Which Rickman never said but oh well. If it's comforting, why not pretend for a day? And then everyone can also pretend Snape said these words:

A woman listening to the cast recording of the Broadway musical Hamilton while driving to work yesterday was amused to find out that her car's GPS was listening, too. Everybody loves Hamilton!

During the song "Meet Me Inside," when General George Washington says, "Go home, Alexander. That's an order from your commander," the voice command menu for her car's GPS suddenly appeared. Next Alexander Hamilton says, "Sir," and Washington responds, "Go home," at which point Hillary's GPS calculated the route to, well, go home. 

Hamilton is based on a book written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, who also created the play and stars in it. (Miranda's work, in turn, was also inspired by a recent biography by Ron Chernow.) The cast recording sold more than 54,000 copies within the first three weeks after its release, making it the highest-debuting Broadway musical since 1961's Camelot with Julie Andrews and Richard Burton. 

That expiration date on your packaged food doesn't mean too much, according to this new video from Cracked (and at least one source that goes viral every few months), so feel free to eat slightly old food. In fact, manufacturers have a hell of an incentive to make their expiration dates earlier than they actually expect food to go bad. If you think it goes bad, you'll just end up buying more of it—because expiration dates aren't actually regulated by the government except for baby formula. 

What's the solution? Cracked suggests just relying on your nose and tastebuds. Unless you're a baby.

Related: Which chain's coffee has the most caffeine? This handy chart will keep you jittering all day long.

The bubbling instant bread that Rey makes from her Jakku rations in Star Wars: The Force Awakens was real, people! Or at least, it wasn't CGI! Even though the bread probably falls somewhere below "Did Maz Kanata actually ever f*ck Chewbacca" on the list of things you talked about after The Force Awakens, it was one of the coolest special effects in the whole movie. Finding out that it was a practical effect (something director J.J. Abrams prioritized in the film) is just icing on the just-add-water cake. As a reminder, this is what the trick looks like:

Gfycat gif

Special effects team Neal Scanlan and Chris Corbould, who were nominated for an Oscar for their work in The Force Awakens today, talked to DP/30 about many of the effects in the movie. They reveal how they made the self-baking bread at about 17 minutes in:

Now, if you can only get your hands on some inflatable bread, you know how to really freak out (or geek out) your friends.