I hope you get well soon with plenty of rest and whining on Facebook.
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If People Reacted Honestly To Your Cliché Instagram Pictures
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Anyone who complains about Olympic spoilers should be exiled to Russia.
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Asking you out for Valentine's lunch is in no way an admission that I forgot to make dinner reservations.
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I apologize for spoiling the results of an Olympic event four seconds before the rest of the universe did.
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I'm going to go ahead and assume it isn't a human resources violation to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.
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Let's hold hands with the hands not holding phones.
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Your street won't be the only thing getting plowed this Valentines Day.
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I love you for so much more than just your life-saving body heat.
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The only thing more exhausting than planning Valentine's Day is pretending to be excited about it.
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May Derek Jeter's retirement remind you to finish before your performance declines this Valentine's Day.
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Sorry my period ruined whatever disgusting things you had planned for Valentine's Day.
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I'd stalk you even if it wasn't so convenient.
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My love for you is beyond words so don't expect a Valentine's Day card from me.
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I've learned everything I know about dating by studying you and doing the opposite.
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If I was going to dig my car out to see anyone, it'd be you.
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I'm getting all the demented drama I expect on Valentine's Day just by staying home to watch House of Cards.
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My thoughts of you this Valentine's Day are as impure as anyone's motives on House of Cards.
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Happy Valentine's Day to someone who raised me, loved me unconditionally, and made me almost capable of having a functional relationship.
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Happy 4th Valentine’s Day to the condom in your wallet.
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