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Rand Paul releases animated attack ad on Ted Cruz because this race isn't cartoonish enough.

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Rand Paul's new attack ad on Ted Cruz is an inexplicably bizarre cartoon narrated (apparently) by the male and female voices of Siri. This ad is the manifestation of a promise Paul made after he found himself relegated to the so-called "undercard" debate last week thanks to a poor showing in national polls and decided to boycott. At the time, he told the masses in a statement, "[Rand] will not let the media decide the tiers of this race, and will instead take his message directly to the voters of New Hampshire and Iowa." Yesterday, America found out what that direct message would look like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=gdxyDPl9Wl0

Somewhere, there's a Rand Paul speech writer who really appreciates the creative freedom he's getting from the campaign. Then there's everyone else, who are left wondering why this thing exists, and why the characters say "the" in front of every name?

"I hear good things about the Rand Paul... and his hair."

"Campaigning costs money, where does the Ted Cruz get his money?" Note: in the video, Cruz is pronounced "Cruhz," rhymes with scuzz.

If Rand Paul is secretly putting together a packet for South Park, hopefully he's got a few killer spec scripts to go along with this... thing.


Celebrity heroes Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez go to the gym with no makeup.

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There are many heroes in this world, but are there any heroes who are more celebrated than celebrities who let themselves be seen without makeup? Well, get ready to whip out your pom-poms, because not one, but two celebrities went to the gym without makeup today: Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. 

https://twitter.com/people/status/689507638971887616

In fact, T. Swift and S. Gomez took their makeup-free trip to the gym together. There's no word on whether they did this in solidarity or because they were, y'know, going to a place where the whole point is getting drenched in makeup-smudging, pore-clogging sweat. Here's a slightly closer shot:

https://twitter.com/NewYouMedia/status/689527575178256385

 Wow.

19 of the best reactions to Sarah Palin endorsing Trump from godless liberal comedians.

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Donald Trump is, as of press time, holding a rally in Iowa to celebrate the most inevitable thing to yet happen to his campaign—he has been endorsed by all-of-the-papers reader and Alaska Governorship speed-record holder Sarah Palin. Needless to say, this endorsement garnered yuge enthusiasm... among the sarcastic, liberal pagan, "New York values"-holding, coastal elite chuckleheads on Twitter. Behold, their smug and hilarious satisfaction/terror:

1. 

https://twitter.com/TotallyAllen/status/689589316155154432

2. 

https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/689567424425889792

3. 

https://twitter.com/SortaBad/status/689578963471982592

4. 

https://twitter.com/andylassner/status/689563539380404225

5. 

https://twitter.com/joshgondelman/status/689603141952737280

6. 

https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/689564210402037760

7. 

https://twitter.com/lizzwinstead/status/689565788035006465

8. 

https://twitter.com/ChrisRRegan/status/689570515304902657

9. 

https://twitter.com/ElizaBayne/status/689566612970549249

10. 

https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/689577440495190016

11. 

https://twitter.com/WarrenHolstein/status/689578699562356736

12. 

https://twitter.com/Adam_Newman/status/689565971846041600

13. 

https://twitter.com/ScottLinnen/status/689527358798368770

14. 

https://twitter.com/AlbertBrooks/status/689558562713006080

15. 

https://twitter.com/goldengateblond/status/689563751004016640

16. 

https://twitter.com/pourmecoffee/status/689599784005570561

17. 

https://twitter.com/RexHuppke/status/689495491281682433

18. 

https://twitter.com/TeaPartyCat/status/689567849103396870

19. 

https://twitter.com/pattonoswalt/status/689566204025929728

Godspeed.

Jamie Foxx pulled someone out of a burning car Monday night.

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On Monday night, death almost showed up on Jamie Foxx's literal doorstep when a pickup truck crashed in front of his house in Hidden Valley, California (not the ranch dressing place, but also not too far from the Santa Barbara spot that gave the dressing brand its namesake). TMZ reported that, due to wet roads, the truck skidded, flipped over, and caught fire in front of Foxx's gate; and Foxx unbuckled the man and pulled him from the truck. 

Jamie Foxx, pictured here somewhere other than his house.

Soon after the story broke, a publicist confirmed that Foxx did indeed pull the man, 32-year-old Brett Kyle, from the vehicle, possibly with the help of another witness. Facebook user Safety for Citizens also posted images of the truck after the driver had been removed from the scene. According to authorities, Kyle was the only person in the truck, and he was taken to the hospital to treat his burns.

Show the ropes.

Alexis Arquette gave her opinion on the Oscar boycott: Jada and Will are gay and fake.

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On Monday, Jada Pinkett Smith posted a video about her intention of boycotting the Oscars. All nominations for acting awards are white performers, though Will Smith's film, Concussion, was clearly Oscar bait. Some people are fed up with the Smiths' objections, for example, Janet "Aunt Viv" Hubert. Others are joining her boycott, including Snoop Dogg and more relevantly, Spike Lee. Lupita Nyong’o has also expressed her disappointment in the Academy's lack of diversity.

But Alexis Arquette is coming at it from a completely different direction. She posted a message to Facebook (that's since been deleted, though The Daily Mail has a screenshot), saying she doesn't care what the Smiths say about diversity if they won't come out loud and proud as the gay people she alleges they are:

She wrote:

When Jada comes out as gay and her beard husband admits his first marriage ended when she walked in to him butt servicing his sugar daddy Benny Medina..then I will listen to them. Will threw a fit on the set of Six Degrees of Separation when he was required by the scene to kiss Anthony Rapp. He persuaded the director to shoot the back of his head in frame. Blocking the non existent lip lock entirely. Fuck him. Gays have enemies. They lurk in gilded closets. Outing is healthy. You are either wish or against us. You decide. Today.

Alexis Arquette is a cabaret performer and actress and her siblings include such famous Arquettes as David and Patricia. She is also a trans woman with obvious ties to the LGBT community. It's fair to say that Arquette has some insight into Hollywood shenanigans, but she's throwing around some wild accusations that really deflect from the issue of racial inclusion. The Oscars aren't airing for another month, but at this point the drama around them really deserves a nomination.

Guy's Fitbit captures the moment he gets his heart broken.

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Koby Soto, a law student in Tel Aviv, Israel, wears a Fitbit to keep track of his heart rate, steps, burned calories, and now, relationship status.

He's also ridiculously cute.

Soto was wearing his Fitbit when he got a call from his then-boyfriend of a few months, a fellow law student. Soto told BuzzFeed News, “He said that we’re going to have to cancel, and I said ‘Why?’ and he said, ‘Things are not working as they should… I said, ‘Are you serious? You’re doing this over the phone?’”

https://twitter.com/iamkoby/status/689521611611971588

The breakup brought his heart rate up to the point that his Fitbit actually thought he was working out. His heart rate remained elevated for the rest of the afternoon, in the wake of the breakup.

https://twitter.com/iamkoby/status/689560926790508544

Soto feels comforted by the empirical data about an emotional experience.

“I feel like it’s nice to have a log of your confirmation of what you felt. You can tell people you have heartbreak and you feel bad,” Soto told BuzzFeed. “People become less cynical once you show them the numbers or once you show the data or graphs. Everyone understands heartbreak, right? Everyone’s felt it. When you have this, it’s interesting—you have something to show.”

The tweet has gone viral, providing a little bit of a silver lining in the midst of the heartbreak. Soto is even getting offers from people who want to get his heart rate going for a happier reason.

https://twitter.com/iamkoby/status/689700853398265856

Newly declared Trump-supporter Sarah Palin's son arrested for domestic violence.

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Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin's oldest son Track was arrested in their hometown Wasilla on Monday and charged with domestic violence and possessing a weapon while intoxicated. He was released on $1,500 bail later that day. The family's attorney, John Tiemessen, issued a statement saying "We appreciate the press respecting the family's privacy as Track receives the help that he and many of our returning veterans need." 

Track Palin at the 2008 Republican National Convention

According to police records obtained by Gawker, Wasilla police went to a home owned by Sarah and Todd Palin police after receiving a 911 call from a woman who said that she had been punched in the face by a male who also had a gun. Police then received a call from Track Palin, who said that the woman who previously called them was drunk. When they showed up Track Palin was outside, with a visible eye injury and breath that smelled like alcohol, and was being "uncooperative, belligerent and evasive." They arrested him due to his “escalating hostility” and to the “unknown whereabouts” of the victim.

When police found the victim, reportedly Palin's girlfriend of one year, she was “hiding and crying underneath a bed." She told them that earlier that night Palin had hit her in the face, kicked her, and threatened to kill himself while holding a rifle to his head. 

Prior to this, Track Palin's run-ins with police have been mostly limited to traffic violations. In 2014, the entire family was involved in a "backwoods brawl at a snowmobile party," (uh huh, go on) in which Bristol Palin reportedly punched a guy in the face "like six times," but while police were called to the scene, no charges were filed. In a statement to the New York Times, the Anchorage Police Department mentioned that "alcohol was believed to have been a factor in the incident." Oh, really? 

Palin's arrest comes on the heels of his mother's official endorsement of Donald Trump for the Republican Party presidential candidate. No word on if the two incidents are related. Probably not. 

A 10-year-old Muslim boy was investigated for terrorism just for making a cute spelling error.

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Today in "That's Bullsh*t": a 10-year-old Muslim boy in England who misspelled a word on a school assignment got his family invasively probed by police who took the mistake for proof of extremist activity, the BBC reported. The mistake in question? The unnamed boy wrote that he was living in a "terrorist house." He meant to write "terraced house." Say both of those phrases out loud and you'll see it's an easy mistake to make, especially if you're 10. It's more proof that being a Muslim kid is hard

Even these stock image kids are like "f*ck this sh*t."

The day after the kid made the spelling error in December, the boy was interviewed by police at his home. Cops also went through the family laptop. Understandably, the family wants the school and police to apologize. 

"You can imagine it happening to a 30-year-old man, but not to a young child," the boy's cousin said. "If the teacher had any concerns it should have been about his spelling. They shouldn't be putting a child through this. He's now scared of writing, using his imagination."

17 cringeworthy photos that show why presidential candidates really shouldn't pose with kids.

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Posing with kids is a cheap publicity stunt that usually backfires on the politicians who try it, because what interest does a child have in government? The same amount as an adult, honestly, but they're worse than grown-ups at hiding their emotions.

2016's presidential candidates have been no exception, trying their best to benefit from the looks of cute kids or vaguely interested tweens. Keyword: trying. Most of the time, all the candidate has done is prove that they can successfully create a terrible photo. Here are 17 times the current candidates managed to snap a memorable photo with an unhappy youth.

There was that time Donald Trump grabbed a youngster's cheeks.

"I'll never be able to wash that off."

Ben Carson roused the emotions of a teen.

"This is the worst moment of my life."

Jeb Bush held a child once.

"Is this how you do it?!"

Kids simply radiate positive energy around Rand Paul.

"Is this a better fake smile?"
"This has been. Fun."

Carly Fiorina​ knows how to approach young people.

"Stand back, I've got a spoon!"
"She's still behind me, isn't she?"

Mike Huckabee managed to secure a baby for a photo op.

"Is that an exit? I'll never make it."

Ted Cruz explained life to this confused boy.

"Twice. That's how many times your parents can each vote."

Chris Christie overwhelmed this poor trembling child.

"Please no."

And he was lucky enough to pose with this baby.

"10/10 chance I just pooped."

Marco Rubio tried to treat kids like adults. They did not like that.

"Aaaggghhh."

Rick Santorum joyfully touched a baby's head.

"Hahah, where's the Purell?"

Bernie Sanders nailed the attentive grandfather pose with this kid.

"Hello, tiny human."

Hillary Clinton is the true pro at confidently handling kids who don't want to be touched.

"It's a real baby!"

And she can expertly soothe any infant.

"I'm just going to put this baby here."
"Yes, I'm comforting you."

The 25 most commonly stolen passwords stupid people were still using in 2015.

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As tempting as it may be to just throw down the first thing that pops into your mind, you should trust yourself to remember a password slightly more complex than the actual word "password." And yet that's the second most commonly used, terrible choice on SplashData's fifth annual "Worst Passwords List," compiled from over two million leaked passwords throughout 2015. If you love Star Wars, perhaps consider using "ChewBacca$420" instead of the hacker-candy that is "starwars." If you love football, well, just try really hard to think of another word. One more word! And maybe even a number. You can do it. If you spot your password on this list, change it and go watch the Steve Jobs movie until you understand computers better. 

How you look to IT employees and potential hackers.

Here is the full list of the worst, stupidest, and least safe passwords people used and had stolen this year, according to SplashData. And head over here to see how much its changed from last year's list (not much).

1. 123456

2. password

3.12345678

4. qwerty

5. 12345

6. 123456789

7. football

8. 1234

9. 1234567

10. baseball

11. welcome

12. 1234567890

13. abc123

14. 111111

15. 1qaz2wsx

16. dragon

17. master

18. monkey

19. letmein  [Note: This is a great password. It's a simple demand to your computer to throw open the gates. Unfortunately, it is extremely hackable. Carry on.]

20. login

21. princess

22. qwertyuiop

23. solo

24. passw0rd

25. starwars

If this has you running to make some login revisions, remember that experts recommend choosing an entire phrase. Something with numbers, spaces, and capitalization. You know, something like "B0y Arr Th3s3 tHa c00lest pS$wardZ."

Lupita Nyong'o had a killer response to #OscarsSoWhite, somebody please give her another award.

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Lupita Nyong'o, a (nearly) perfect, intelligent, inspiring woman who also happens to be one of the few black women to win an acting Oscar (you can count them on your fingers), spoke out about the overwhelming whiteness of the Oscar nominees this year on her Instagram page. And would you believe it's a smart, thoughtful, and measured response? 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAv26XhnuRZ/?taken-by=lupitanyongo

It reads:

I am disappointed by the lack of inclusion in this year’s Academy Awards nominations. It has me thinking about unconscious prejudice and what merits prestige in our culture. The Awards should not dictate the terms of art in our modern society, but rather be a diverse reflection of the best of what our art has to offer today. I stand with my peers who are calling for change in expanding the stories that are told and recognition of the people who tell them.

She's pointing out that the Oscar diversity is emblematic of how film studios don't value diversity in general; that #OscarsSoWhite isn't a once-a-year problem, it's something that is a reflection of the types of films that get funded and produced all year round. At the same time, she acknowledges that there are plenty of fantastic films being made with black casts [Ed. note—Tangerine was dope.] that are just not being recognized by the Academy. 

DAMN that's a good statement. The Academy could learn a thing or two.

Article 41

Bradley Cooper, Jake Gyllenhaal, and other 90s kids reenacted your favorite scene from 'Clueless.'

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The cinematic masterpiece Clueless was a groundbreaking 90s film that exemplified how a classic novel should be updated (the movie is based on Jane Austen's Emma). After all the scenes with Paul Rudd, one of the best moments in the movie comes when Cher Horowitz delivers a riveting speech on Haiti. Showing that they are '90s girls at heart, ​Bradley Cooper, Jake Gyllenhaal, Seth Rogen, and Paul Dano paid tribute to the scene for W's Casting Call series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuvyR4xlzRI

They're all such natural blonde ditzes, but Bradley Cooper really outshone the rest.

For reference, here's the original.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXwZTymlJlA

Fun fact: Alicia Silverstone genuinely thought that's how "Haitians" was pronounced.


Jimmy Kimmel reveals what 'Sesame Street' would look like if Lena Dunham wrote it.

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On his show last night, Jimmy Kimmel combined dialogue from Girlsan "adult" show, with video of Sesame Street, a kids show, in order to help Sesame Street make the transition from PBS to HBO, and the result is, as he puts it, "everybody wins!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmApZlUP-I

As of Saturday, January 16, new episodes of Sesame Street (which is entering its 46th season) are airing on subscription cable channel HBO first, and then on PBS for free nine months later. Here's hoping HBO allows the show to involve a lot more adult content, like drugs, prison, vampires, death, the mafia, bi-sexuality, and Larry David

A fangirl is dating celebrity crush Jake T. Austin and giving hope to all social media stalkers.

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Jake T. Austin is a young actor who became known to the youth through Disney's The Wizards of Waverley Place, which also launched Selena Gomez's career. Austin, who currently stars on ABC Family's The Fosters, is in a new relationship. The only interesting part about any of this is that his girlfriend, Danielle Caesar, was a serious fangirl of his for years.

22-year-old Danielle started tweeting about the now 21-year-old actor as early as 2009.

For years Caesar consistently spoke of their love on her Twitter account, which has since been made private.

They finally met in person in 2011.

Alas, sparks didn't fly. But Caesar never gave up.

And now they're dating, Austin confirmed to The Huffington Post.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_2wXhYk4gE/?taken-by=jaketaustin

"I'm crazy for her," Austin's Instagram caption reads, thus proving that years worth of Twitter stalking can yield results. Cue an influx of comments on Liam Hemsworth's social media.

10% of college grads have a hilariously wrong idea of what Judge Judy does.

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According to a new report from the American Council of Trustees and Alumni, one in 10 college graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court. Roughly the same percentage thinks the Supreme Court is just a regular court with sour cream.

While we're at it, Herbie Hancock didn't sign the Constitution.

If you're among that 10 percent, congrats on finishing college, and also on reading this many words in a row—you're doing great. Sorry to drop this truth bomb on you, but Judge Judy (aka Judith Sheindlin) is not reigning on the highest court in the land. She's been busy for the last 20 years giving zero f*cks on her TV show. She is however the author of Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining, so maybe that's where you got confused.

There were some other highly alarming facts about what a bunch of dipshits college grads are, and you can read the full report here, but it's way too depressing. Just look at this pic of Judge Judy in a bikini instead.

https://twitter.com/JoelBabyHerc/status/289476460106891264

Now, maybe go read a textbook or something.

http://giphy.com/gifs/dumb-ITGz83BkUecuY

Article 36

GOP strategist makes allegations about Trump supporters' masturbation habits on live TV.

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Trump supporters masturbate to anime. That's the word from political expert and GOP strategist Rick Wilson​, who blasted the "childless single men" who support Trump on MSNBC and said that they're not real Republicans (no word on what that means for child-abundant married woman and confirmed Trump supporter Sarah Palin). Watch and believe that noted Trump supporter Tom Brady cannot watch Howl's Moving Castle without deflating his balls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiS6a1XE91M

"The fact of the matter is, most of them are childless single men who masturbate to anime. They’re not real political players. These are not people who matter in the overall course of humanity," Wilson said on All In with Chris Hayes. That's not true, Wilson! Plenty of people who masturbate to anime also become prolific Internet trolls!

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