ESPN's J.A. Adande tweeted an image from Oakland, where a little kid is already making moves to make Steph Curry's daughter, Riley Curry, his valentine.
Ryan Reynolds has lots of stuff for the ladies, like his smokin' hot bod (see below)—and now he has something for the guys, a tutorial on how to check your 'nads for Testicular Cancer. In this video posted today, the actor puts on his Deadpool costume and gives a pun-filled message on the importance of monthly self exams. Guess he thought that'd be the only way guys would pay attention?
Watch the video here to learn ways to educate yourself and hear some good synonyms for balls (aka bag of beans, man berries, smooth criminals) as well.
https://youtu.be/YZEP6glW4AQ
And just because covering up a hunk in full body and face spandex suit is a crime, here's Ryan Reynolds in something more breathable...
The new mini figure, spotted at two toy fairs in London and Nuremberg, is part of an upcoming "Fun in the Park" set that even comes with a helper dog. Of course, we also know from The Lego Movie that in the Lego universe, some disabled Lego mini figures instead choose to build themselves a super-suit with a shark for an arm.
Apparently, Barbie also had a wheelchair once, but ironically the wheelchair wouldn't fit in the Barbie Dream House's elevator. That's less of a problem when you can just move a few bricks to make a toy building accessible to people with disabilities. If only it was that simple in real life.
If there's ever been something everyone can agree on, it's that work sucks. The only thing that makes spending all day at a job you hate worth it is the satisfaction of doing a half-assed job. But making sure that you're using exactly half your ass can be tricky. Do too little and you'll be fired, but do too much and someone might think you can be trusted with more responsibility. Here's our foolproof guide to being as terrible an employee as possible without getting canned:
1. Sneak your booze where you can. Stay buzzed all day without getting drunk enough for anyone to notice.
How are you supposed to make it through an entire day without a nice healthy buzz? It's an American tradition. But nothing will harsh that buzz quicker than your boss catching you draining a whole bottle of wine. So drink like a spy. Hide your booze, and pace yourself so you don't accidentally start slurring your words. But if you do start slurring, pretend it's because you're so exhausted from putting in long hours. If you commit, they'll believe you.
2. Blame all your screwups on the hapless new guy. When he gets fired, move on to his replacement.
If you've been at your job long enough that anyone has been hired after you, you're basically in the clear. It's time to coast. Every time something asks about some work you didn't do, blame it on that poor sap. Same goes for falling asleep at your post, angering clients, or sexual harassment lawsuits. Who's to say who posted those X-rated cartoons in the bathroom? That sounds like something the terrified intern would do.
3. Whisper your threats.
Let's face it: you're never going to get away with being the truly negligent worker you deserve to be without intimidating people. There will always be some goody two shoes to snitch on you, or give you work to do, or use all the milk for their coffee before you can have your morning White Russian. In those cases, you've got no choice but to scare the shit out of them. Just make sure you do it so nobody who can get you in trouble can hear.
4. When the shit hits the fan, disappear. Like a ghost in the wind.
Being a bad employee is all about knowing when to avoid the line of fire. Sit at your desk often enough that people think you spend most of your time there, but when the shit goes down, make sure you're nowhere to be found. It doesn't matter where: hide in the bathroom stall with your feet on the seat, lock yourself in the trunk of your car, or take a long lunch at the struggling Ghanaian restaurant across town. But leave your phone at your desk. That way they can't drag you back.
5. Don't go on strike, you dumb dirty commie.
At first glance, striking seems like a great idea. You're not working, you're outdoors, and your boss hates it. But be forewarned, it'll come back to bite you in the ass. Making a big fuss about your "rights" will only call attention to your "responsibilities," making it that much harder to goof off. And once organized labor has taken over your workplace, you'll basically have twice as many bosses. Good luck hiding in the break room all day after that.
Everyone knows someone who still acts like they're a high schooler, even though they're well past college. They don't pay their bills, they don't have serious relationships, they leave work at 2:30 in the afternoon… you get the idea. If you're worried that you might be in a state of extended adolescence, check yourself for these warning signs. One or two is OK. But if three or more apply to you, it might be time to trade in your bitchin' Camaro for a sensible hybrid.
1. You take pranks way too seriously.
Sure, pranks are funny. When you're 15. If you're spending half your paycheck on strippers for your coworker's divorce hearing, it's time to give it up. Literally everyone will thank you.
2. You do picklebacks with high proof rum on your lunch break.
Let's make this clear up top: nobody is telling you you shouldn't drink at work. Drinking is one of the great pleasures of adulthood, but you've got to be smart about it. Pace yourself, don't mix beer and hard liquor, and EAT FIRST. If you're still drinking malt liquor and vodka from a flask at a business lunch, nobody's going to be there to hold your hair when you puke. Which is gonna happen.
3. You've had to talk to HR about hitting on everybody in the office.
In high school, you didn't have any option but to hit on the other kids at school. What were you going to do, take the bus to another district to try and get laid? But when you're an adult, you can meet people anywhere. Stop treating the employee directory like your own personal Tinder.
4. You actually think having a cool car makes you cool.
Did you just buy yourself a flashy sports car? Good job, dingus. Everyone at work is going to be really impressed by all your debt. Showing off your hot wheels in the school parking lot works a lot better when you're not there for a PTA meeting. Get yourself something with good gas mileage so you can afford booze.
5. You bully other adults.
Bullying is never cool, unless it's so funny that even the target has to give it up. But it's definitely uncool once you're a fully-grown adult who should know better already. If you've ever been giving someone a swirly and had to stop to go pick up your kids from soccer practice, you need to stop. You're the one who looks pathetic.
Nano is a 20-year-old woman from Norway who thinks she's a cat. She meows, purrs, and hisses at dogs. She wears a plush tail and ears and says she hates water. She claims to be able to hear things that others can't, like keys jingling in pockets and suitcases rolling by (no word on how well she can hear a can of cat food being opened).
She states that she often walks on "four legs" and sleeps in the sink (hey, a lot of people like sleeping in sinks, that doesn't make us cats).
Sometimes she stalks and chases mice in the shadows, but she admits she's never managed to catch anything. Hang in there, lil' kitty, it'll happen!
Nano's best friend Svein has multiple personalities, one of which is a cat. They meow at each other, and they swear that they can communicate using "cat language."
According to Nano, it's possible to get used to living with cat instincts, but it's "exhausting," which must be why cats sleep so much.
Nano claims to have felt this way since birth, but it wasn't until she was 16 that doctors found a "birth defect" that explained it. She stops there, though, without going into any further details about what that defect is.
There is a phenomenon known as "species dysmorphia"—a disorder wherein people believe they were born into the wrong species. However, there is no mention of Nano having been diagnosed with that condition.
Her psychologist told her she could grow out of it, but she thinks it's unlikely (you know what they say: once you go cat, you never go back). This brings up a lot of questions though, like: what does a cat even talk to a psychologist about? How much money does she have to spend each month on string? Can she get high from catnip? And if you drop Nano, does she always land on her feet?
Not to be skeptical, but the only way she could ever prove that she really is a cat is by licking her own butthole. Your move, Nano.
Martin Shkreli is tired of being known as the a-hole who raised the price of AIDS medicine. Now he wants to be known as the d-bag who threatened a member of the Wu-Tang Clan while drinking red wine from a stemless wine glass. In an unintentionally hilarious video obtained by TMZ, Shkreli, dressed in a blazer and surrounded by masked "goons," threatens rapper Ghostface Killah and demands he gives him a written apology. "Not in crayons, either," suggests a thug, and Shkreli agrees that's a good idea.
An apology for what you may ask? Shkreli is pissed that Ghostface referred to him as the "Michael Jackson nose kid." Which isn't really an insult if you think about it, since Jackson paid a lot for that nose. The comment came after Shkreli dropped $2 million for Wu-Tang's one-of-a-kind album.
This low-budget diss video looks like something your high school friends would make in their mom's basement for an SNL audition tape. Basically: it's both awful and the best. Shkreli even gets a pretty sick diss in there when he called Ghostface by "his government name" Dennis. "You're old, Dennis" is the best insult since yesterday's #FingersInTheBootyAssBitchtweet from Amber Rose to Kanye.
Hopefully 2016 will have a beef-a-day, because it's the saddest/most funny thing "celebrities" do.
Watch this hysterically bad video, and dream about the day this tool goes to prison for securities fraud. (His trial is pending.)
And for reference, here's the "Michael Jackson nose kid" comment from Ghostface Killah that set off this awesome beef.
Cats: They're like super-soldiers of sleep. Insomnia? Not in a cat's vocabulary! (To be fair, that's mainly because a cat's vocabulary is limited to "meow," "hiss," and that noise they make before vomiting.) Basically, cats can sleep anywhere, and these photos prove it.
1. Cowboy boots are a bold fashion choice, and an even bolder bed choice.
2. Y'know, if you find the show boring, you don't have to be passive-aggressive.
3. This cat was actually the inspiration for the riding fences part of Desperado.
4. Portioning tip: If you always pour yourself too much cat, try a smaller bowl.
5. Comfort is a state of mind.
6. Optical illusion: which do you see? A cat that can sleep anywhere, or a dog that can put up with anything?
7. For added safety, sleep in a helmet.
8. "Can you call the water company? When I turn on the faucet, all that comes out is cats."
9. Not sure if this is a sleep issue or a self-esteem issue.
10. If the shoe fits, wear it! You'll have to, because the cat will have already taken over the box.
11. The Bridges of Madison Catounty.
12. This cat either loves books or hates books, but either way it's trying to block everyone from reading.
Former SNL actress, real-life mom, and occasional televangelist Rachel Dratch has a new comedy sketch of sorts. It's a parody of commercials about busy moms—"I woke up at 6:30 to walk the dog and pack a lunch for fourth grader with a peanut allergy and a seven-year-old who thinks bananas taste like butts!" Dratch explains. But unlike those commercials for cleaning products/convenience foods/quick-serve restaurants/other things that help women fix their supposedly broken lives, there's a but there's a very dark turn tucked into the end of this commercial:
https://youtu.be/abwqlggNsNI
The ad is a PSA for gun-control group Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. Even if you like going to pizza places where everybody brings their rifles, hopefully you can appreciate the commercial parody.
It's almost the weekend, which means that it's almost time for you to play in your very own snow maze (literal or metaphorical, depending on where you live). Finn, a pup living in Great Neck, NY, is lucky enough to have an owner who built him his very own maze, even if the maze wasn't exactly...challenging. Hopefully you can attack the weekend with as much energy as Finn castle-colored pup, and sleep as much as he certainly did after tuckering himself out.
This was it, folks! The last Republican debate before the pivotal Iowa caucus next week. Donald Trump opted not to participate, holding a rally of his own a few blocks away, and the lack of Big Orange made for a somewhat calmer forum, to be sure. Megyn Kelly landed some hard questions, John Kasich defended his record, Chris Christie and Marco Rubio managed to fit some punchy one liners in, and Jeb Bush briefly stirred to life. All this and more, in the 29 funniest reactions by comedians to the last GOP debate.
Two days later, Kanye got very defensive, displaying anxiety over people thinking that he likes a little finger in the booty ass every now and then, and took to Twitter to set the record straight (as in, straight dudes are entitled to some prostate fun, but it's not Kanye's thing):
Perhaps the real reason why he's so eager to deflect attention away from his ass is because he doesn't want to steal his wife's thunder. Butt stuff is Kim's thing.
British "snow artist" Simon Beck has been making incredible large-scale pieces of art for over a decade, using virgin snow as his canvas and snowshoes (on his feet) as his paintbrush.
His most recent pieces are inspired by geometry, in the form of natural fractals.
Beck, an engineer with a degree from Oxford who works as a map-maker and orienteer when he's not out tramping through the snow, first plots out his designs on a computer.
The artworks cover a huge area, sometimes up to the size of six football fields.
Each piece takes hours upon hours of heavy-duty physical work and requires an enormous amount of concentration and stamina to complete.
Beck has just published a book with over 200 photos of his winter art.
A Redditor named chrisflynn85 posted a photo he will live to regret on Imgur Wednesday, of his wife in her "period outfit." If you have ever lived with a woman who gets her menses, you know what that means. If not, the poster titled it, "This is my wife's "don't fucking touch me I'm on my period outfit," to clarify. Here she is:
Even though you can't see her face, the Internet was quick to point out that this guy had messed up. No woman wants the world to see her in her period pjs. The photo essentially went viral because everyone was saying, "You stupid, brah."
One commenter shared an update, and apparently the original poster has no remorse, only anticipation for the end of times:
Some remarkable movie magic went into merging his voice with the OG Obi-Wan. "They got Alec Guinness to do 'Rey,'" says McGregor, explaining that the first word of his line was actually said by the original actor. "Which is extraordinary because he's not alive anymore."
Donald Trump's boycott of FOX continues, and him opting out of last night's GOP debate (the seventh so far) created the perfect opportunity for a hearty round of Trump-mocking. Moderator Megyn Kelly, the person at the center of the FOX-Trump feud, took the first swipe, jokingly referring to him as "the elephant not in the room."
She then said: "Donald Trump has chosen not to attend this evening's presidential debate. What message do you think that sends to the voters of Iowa?" Kelly reportedly took her beef even further when she was off-camera, calling him one of the worst things you could call someone, aside from Hitler (which he's already been called): Voldemort.
Texas senator Ted Cruz took advantage of Trump's absence and pulled out his best impression of the billionaire: "I'm a maniac and everyone on this stage is stupid, fat and ugly and Ben [Carson], you're a terrible surgeon." He went on: "Now that we've gotten the Donald Trump portion out of the way, I want to thank everyone here for showing the men and women of Iowa the respect to show up."
Florida senator Marco Rubio got in on the action, calling Trump "an entertaining guy" and comparing him to a circus: "the greatest show on earth." Jeb Bush was actually pretty funny, stating: "I kinda miss Donald Trump. He was a little teddy bear to me. We always had such a loving relationship there in these debates and in between with the tweets."
You wear them everyday, but have you ever wondered why there's a teeny-tiny pocket in the front of your jeans?
We'll save you a trip to Google, the tiny pocket was originally made for men's POCKET watches. Oh, so that's why they're called that. According to the Huffington Post, the watch pocket appeared on the first pair of Levi's dating back to 1879, and it remains there to this day. If it ain't broke don't fix it.
"The first blue jeans had four pockets – only one in back and, in the front, two plus the small, watch pocket," the brand revealed in a blog post. Pretty glad they opted to add that second back pocket. What else would your high school boyfriends have put their hands in while you guys made out?
While most people don't carry around pocket watches these days, the tiny pocket is not obsolete. There are still plenty of things you can shove in there: