Valentine's Day
This kid got banned from his soccer league for an amazing list of weird reasons.
Cleveland-area teenager Brian Garruto has been banned from his local soccer league, and the reasons the league sent him for the ban are, simply put, impressive. Not to condone such behavior on the field, but if you're going to be banned, it should be for something good—or rather, a lot of somethings. From eating a banana on the field to sitting with the opposing team to "scoring 14 goals with 3-goal-per-player limit" (really?), the reasons emailed to Brian will at least secure him bragging rights for the ages. He tweeted out the email, along with the message, "I'd like to thank all the loyal fans of the Cleveland Steamers co ed team for supporting me during my season." Really? The league didn't catch "Cleveland Steamers"? Maybe it wasn't actually the name. After all, Brian is pretty creative. If you don't know what it means, do not Google it. Just don't. Don't do it. Anyway, here is the amazing result:
The best one? "Giving birth to a soccer ball after scoring." This kid is going places.
Related: Bubble Soccer is the hilariously brutal-yet-safe future of full-contact sports.
27 of the funniest reactions from comedians to the rowdy South Carolina #GOPDebate.
Tonight's South Carolina Republican debate was perhaps the most combative one yet. On the heels of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's death earlier today, candidates demanded President Obama wait for the next President to fill his vacancy. Immediately thereafter, they proceeded to tear into each other on issues of leadership, tone, profanity, and even the ability to speak Spanish. (Cruz can, it turns out.) The toughest battle was between Trump and Bush, who have been beefing online. Comedians on Twitter had fun dissecting the timid moderators, the unruly audience, and often contradictory answers. These are 27 of the funniest reactions to the South Carolina #GOPDebate from comics and commentators!
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Related: Watching Lindsey Graham and John McCain act like Statler & Waldorf is surprisingly funny.
Put a ring on it.
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Picked for me.
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Drunk in love.
Article 9
Melissa McCarthy is the worst possible horror-movie audience member on 'SNL.'
Melissa McCarthy is the ultimate physical comedian, and she's even funnier through night vision. McCarthy hosted SNL on Saturday night, and in addition to making audiences re-live the horror of watching a sex scene with your parents, she brought her signature Stooge skills to a sketch about a horror movie test screening. Needless to say, she got a bit too jumpy during the jump scares.
Related: Ellen and Portia played the Newlywed Game with Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone.
Cheap date.
The awkwardness of stumbling upon a sex scene on family movie night, courtesy of 'SNL.'
It is a hardship that has plagued every family since time immemorial (the invention of the VCR): being wrapped up in a simple film that then slams you with a softcore sex scene. Host (andGhostbuster) Melissa McCarthy, Bobby Moynihan and Pete Davidson are a family trying to diffuse the tension while The Terminator's Kyle and Sarah are defusing their sexual tension on screen with sex. The Terminator couldn't be terminated soon enough.
'SNL' took on white folks' response to 'Formation' in 'The Day Beyoncé Turned Black.'
Beyoncé recently released a new song, 'Formation,' complete with a music video and a Super Bowl halftime performance that left a sizeable minority of white folks very upset. From Rudy Giuliani calling her Super Bowl performance an "attack on police" to disgruntled people organizing an anti-Beyoncé protest rally, some white people couldn't handle the jelly fact that Beyoncé had the audacity, nay, the balls to celebrate her black womanhood. SNL showed that harrowing moment in which white people realized 'Formation' might not be specifically tailored for them, even when "usually everything is!" (And even though you can still enjoy it no matter who you are!)
There's no turning back after realizing Beyoncé turned black.