Greeted with salami and nuzzles of affection, Thames, a New Zealand police dog, was reunited with his handler this past Sunday afternoon after being lost along a trail in the Tararura Ranges for seven nights. The New Zealand Police posted a short video of the reunion, where Thames can be seen covering Constable Mike Wakefield head-to-toe in gratitude saliva. 

After a week-long pursuit of the K-9 officer, during which Wakefield was relentless in mobilizing his search-and-rescue workers, the team spotted Thames taking shelter in a bush. The excitement of being found seemed to overwhelm the dog, as tired as he was. Wakefield says he “whistled and called [Thames] but he ran off as if to say 'come this way' before running back and giving me a big lick."

“He wolfed down half of my salami which is a treat for him, I gave him a cuddle and we had a big play. I was just lost for words," continued Wakefield.

As a precautionary measure, Thames was taken to a vet and given a much-deserved few weeks leave, along with Constable Wakefield, in order to recover before presumably getting back to cleaning up organized crime on the streets of Wairarapa. 

When people talk about celebrities, it's often in the context of their glamorous lives and juicy scandals. But it can be easy to forget that celebs are also mortal beings capable of embarrassment, sadness, and the need to go grocery shopping every now and then. In an AskReddit thread aptly titled "Who was your saddest celebrity encounter?" people shared the times when they saw VIPs IRL that were embarrassing for both the celebrity and the celebrity spotter. 

1. Steve-O no you didn't.

2. Vince Vaughn's true underdog story. 

3. Tom Cruise is not above the law. 

4.  NOT Sammy Davis Jr.

5. Rachel Weisz, taking a break from being a mummy.

6. Call a Spader a Spader.

7. The Dream Team.

8. X Gon' Hold It for Ya.

9. JFK Jr. blown away. What else do I have to say?

10. Betty White guilt.

11. Nic Cage-free meal.

12. All the lonely Tom Greens, where do they all come from?

Look at this emu enjoying a sprinkler. LOOK. This is the happiest any animal has ever been about a sprinkler ever in the history of animals and sprinklers. 

"Wow, EMUS ARE SO CUTE," you're probably thinking. "I HAD NO IDEA EMUS WERE SO CUTE." Well, get ready for maximum cuteness, because it turns out emus are actually the goofballs of the animal kingdom (science fact). And guess what? YouTube is full of videos of them. 

How about this emu playing "fetch"? It cannot actually pick up the ball, but chases after it with glee such as you've never known in your lifetime. The bird nearly dies of happiness each time it reaches the ball, literally dancing around it. Look at those feet! Screw penguins, THOSE are the happiest feet. 

Can't get enough of those dancing feet? No problem. Here's a baby emu playing with a dog. You're welcome. 

While being filmed by her grandmother last week, this little girl found out that Barack Obama wasn't going to be president forever. Besides the horror of aging that we all face when our first president leaves office, her adorably over-the-top reaction to this news touched a sympathetic nerve in half of this insanely divided country (and some unkind nerves in the other half). The video has been shared over 5,000 times on Facebook, and it even got a response from Obama himself. 

In the video, the girl's grandmother Caprina Harris explains that the president is only allowed to serve two terms, and the little girl (who shares a birthday with the president) reacts with a "Nooooo!!!" worthy of Luke Skywalker being told who his father is. "But I'm not ready for a new one!" she cries. Judging by how crazy this election season has been, America's not ready for a new one, either.

Apparently, even Obama couldn't resist watching this video, because he took some time away from being a world leader to comment on Harris's Facebook page. "Caprina, tell her to dry her tears because I'm not going anywhere," he wrote. "Once I leave the White House, I'll still be a citizen just like her. And when she grows up, she can get involved right alongside me. In the meantime, I'll keep an eye out for her letter, and we'll always get to celebrate our birthdays together!"

But how does America know that this little girl really shares a birthday with the president? Let's see a long-form copy of her birthday party invitation.

A Vancouver mom supposedly went on Craigslist to sell a cat toy she found under her son's bed, but the photo she took of the "cat toy" reveals that you probably shouldn't let your cat play with it. Because it's a butt plug. A butt plug with a furry tail:

The ad reads:

Ibby Piracha from Leesburg, Virginia, recently shared a Facebook post about one Starbucks employee who did much more than spell his name on a cup. Piracha is a regular Starbucks customer, and he also happens to be deaf. At his local Starbucks, an unnamed employee decided to learn American sign language so Piracha can feel right at home whenever he visits the coffee shop. 

The cashier wrote Piracha a note saying: “I’ve been learning ASL so you can have the same experience as everyone else.” Take a look:

Piracha wrote on Facebook that when he approached the register at the Starbucks, the cashier "asked me ‘what you want drink?’ in sign language. I am so blessed with her. I think she realized Leesburg, VA have deaf people."

Piracha hopes that people will share this post on Facebook, noting: “I want hearing people would understand about hearing community supporting for the deaf community.”

University of Houston Professor Brené Brown was leaving the gym on Saturday morning when she found a strange note on her car. Scribbled on a napkin, the not was from a random admirer who thought she was "really cute," and invited her to go "2-stepping." While not the weirdest pickup attempt in modern history, this has to come close. Who spies on somebody when they're working out and then decides that they want to do Country-western dancing with them?

Brown had no idea—that is, until she read the phone number at the bottom of the note. When she realized the truth, she was so delighted she had to share it on Facebook.

It turns out it was her husband who was creeping the whole time. Brown's post quickly went viral, accruing over 70,000 likes and 1,000 shares. Commenters were thrilled to learn that the note came from a romantically corny husband instead of literally anyone else. And Brown responded to them, just to keep the love fest going.

But one commenter had a more pragmatic reaction:

Good call, Barbara Dixon. Many people don't remember any phone numbers these days. Imagine if Brown had called, eager to accept the offer, without realizing it was from her husband. Chances are they wouldn't have laughed it off like in that annoying Piña Colada song.

With its Glasgow brewery and the slogan "Scotland's favorite pint," Tennent's beer is basically the Gerard Butler of drinks (meaning: it's very Scottish). Tennant's is what Scots drink when they're not drinking scotch.

Recently, the social media managers at Tennent's stayed #onbrand when responding to an inquiry about whether they offered low-calorie options:

The response was adored by the Scots and others around the world, becoming the Ewan McGregor of tweets.

But because it's still Twitter, some people weren't charmed by the bloody "smartarsey" answer.

To them, Tennent's will likely say:

You may want to reconsider your strict eating regime—it turns out people who are always a healthy weight achieve that by avoiding the very technique everyone else uses to lose weight: dieting. In a recent article from The Atlantic, Cornell University's Food and Brand Lab compiled data from 147 people who've maintained a steady weight for the majority of their lives (not including pregnancy), and it revealed that 48% of the participants never dieted at all, and nearly 75% of them said they rarely ever dieted. 

In the eyes of Brian Wansink, the Food and Brand Lab's director, the participants' lack of weight fluctuation can be attributed to "non-restrictive" eating strategies. This means only eating when you're hungry, limiting processed foods, rarely going out to eat, and preparing fresh meals at home: 

Most slim people don’t employ restrictive diets or intense health regimes to stay at a healthy weight. Instead, they practice easy habits like not skipping breakfast, and listening to inner cues. If you struggle with weight, try adding these simple practices to your routine, you may be surprised how easy it is to be healthy!

Other trends found among people sanctified with consistent slenderness:

-Around half weighed themselves weekly.

-96% regularly ate breakfast.

-90% exercised, with 42% exercising five or more times per week.

-A majority always ate vegetables with dinner and preferred chicken as their choice of meat.

If Wansink's conclusions are true, America's obesity epidemic turns out to have far more practical solutions than making everyone drink nothing but celery extract until we all have the willpower of a stock image model turning down a plate of food. Unfortunately, if there's one thing that turns off most of us Americans, it's pragmatic self-discipline.

If you'd like to see more of the Global Healthy Weight Registry's findings on this data, check out their full infographic here.

Kevin Spacey joined Instagram over the weekend, because he's a major star and Hollywood wouldn't let him hold out forever. His first picture was posted on Sunday night, and serves as an excellent teaser for Spacey's Netflix series House of Cards, the fourth season of which premieres on March 4. In the caption, Spacey artfully blurs the line between his real life and that of his character, Frank Underwood.

Of course, this is just a lighthearted joke. Spacey doesn't really think he's actually President Underwood, or else he would never be caught in public wearing a hoodie with a matching backwards newsboy cap. Only actors can get away with dressing like that.

Google Translate can listen to an audio recording and provide a text transcription, so musician Malinda Kathleen Reese posted a video of herself singing what Google Translate thinks are the lyrics to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" are. Apparently translating the melodic voice of Freddie Mercury is difficult even for the tech experts at Google. The top of the screen shows the actual lyrics, and the bottom shows the hilarious translation attempts:

It's probably best that Google Translate can't perfectly decipher lyrics from a classic rock song. Once the machines can imitate human speech, there will be nothing stopping them from world domination.

In news that will make you say "ughhhh this lady again?" Nicole Arbour, of "Dear Fat People" and "Dear Black People" infamy, is back with "Dear Fat People 2." Sure, her antics may have cost her an acting career and gotten her yelled at by The View, but now she's making offense her career. Although at this point, she's just too obnoxious to be offended by, like Ann Coulter or racist FB commenters.

In the seizure-provoking video, Arbour calls Caitlyn Jenner a "chick with a dick" and is ~outraged~ that there's a plus-size model in the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Also, she hates vegans. Really edgy stuff, Nicole.

As always, she's a comedian with zero actual jokes, so let's all urge Arbour to try this material in front of a crowd so she can experience the hopefully reforming humiliation of bombing hard. 

This past Saturday night, former child of destiny Kelly Rowland celebrated her 35th birthday at the Sunset Tower Hotel in West Hollywood, CA. Both Beyoncé (yes, she was actually there this time) and Michelle Williams attended the party to once again form R&B's holy trinity, Destiny's Child, and they partied like goddesses should.

The girls didn't sing, but they did take to Instagram to share the goings-on of the glorious celebration. They posted some fierce selfies from a photo booth, and even Beyoncé's mom, Tina Knowles, crashed the party. She gave a big fat hug to the queen in a photo with the aptly written caption: "Me and my baby hugged up tight!!"

Peer at the photos below and swoon over Destiny's Child reunion. It may take a long, long time before this phenomenon will happen again.

 

A photo posted by Michelle Williams (@realmichellew) on Feb 21, 2016 at 3:08pm PST

 

A photo posted by Michelle Williams (@realmichellew) on Feb 21, 2016 at 10:56am PST

 

A photo posted by kellyrowland (@kellyrowland) on Feb 21, 2016 at 3:55am PST

 

A photo posted by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on Feb 21, 2016 at 5:02pm PST

 

A photo posted by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on Feb 21, 2016 at 6:15pm PST

 

A photo posted by Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) on Feb 21, 2016 at 3:59pm PST

Mondays are hard, and everyone could use someone to cuddle with, so just pretend you're the elephant caretaker in this video capturing the moment a baby elephant decided to really go in for a tackle hug. God, you will be so f*cking jealous of this baby elephant caretaker.

Even though the baby elephant is only two weeks old, according to a Daily Mail article about the video, elephants weigh about 200 pounds at birth, so the hug must have come as quite an adorable shock.

Related: This baby elephant can't figure out his bathtub and he loves it.

In a conversation with Uproxx last Friday, Robert Carlock—former 30 Rock showrunner and screenwriter of the upcoming Tina Fey film Whiskey Tango Foxtrot—confirmed that a Bill Cosbyrape joke from a 2009 episode of 30 Rock was, indeed, intentional. 

During his explanation, Carlock mentioned at least two 30 Rock writers who'd been gunning for The Cosby Show star years before the public backlash against Cosby gained full steam:

“If you go back to ‘Weekend Update,’ Tina [Fey] has been grinding that ax for a long time. That was not an accident. From my memory, the joke was more overt. And because he had not been found guilty of anything – and still hasn’t – we had to reword it to be a little more obtuse. I think ever since the Today show appearance by one of the women, there’s a run or a joke she did on “Update” years ago. And Hannibal Buress was one of our writers – and he took it to the next level.”

The scene's transcript makes it abundantly clear that the 30 Rock writer's room was eager to take shots at Cosby: 

Jack Donaghy: I’ve arranged for one of Tracy’s childhood idols to reach out to him.

Tracy Jordan: Hello?

Jack Donaghy: Tracy, this is Jack, I have someone here who wants to speak with you.

Rick: Tracy, this is Bill Cosby…

Liz Lemon: [whispering] Really? This is your strategy?

Jack Donaghy: [whispering and smiling] I heard him do this at a party!

Rick: …I want you to come back to the TGS for the people who like the jokes and the things.

Tracy Jordan: Bill Cosby, you got a lotta nerve gettin’ on the phone wit’ me after what you did to my Aunt Paulette!

Rick: I think you’re confusing me with someone else.

Tracy Jordan: 1971. Cincinnati. She was a cocktail waitress with the droopy eye!

Rick: I’m the guy… with the pudding…

Tracy Jordan: Don’t try to tell me what to do! Heathcliffe Huxtable, wit’ yo’ light-ass kids! Jack! Why would you make me talk to this man?

Fey and Buress both went on to incorporate bold slights at Cosby in their own material, including remarks Buress made during a stand-up set that went viral in 2014. That set is now famous as having put the fatal crack in Cosby's decades-old wall against facing consequences for his actions:

In a Facebook post about breastfeeding void of public shame, Molly Smothers shared her wonder at how a breastfeeding body is in sync with the baby receiving milk. Her post is striking a chord and amassing thousands of shares, because it is actually pretty fascinating.

So yall.. This is just cuckoo awesome-- I read an article from a medical journal not too long ago about how Mom's milk changes to tailor baby's needs in more ways than just caloric intake.. So this doctor discusses that when a baby nurses, it creates a vacuum in which the infant's saliva sneaks into the mother's nipple. There, it is believed that mammary gland receptors interpret the "baby spit backwash" for bacteria and viruses and, if they detect something amiss (i.e., the baby is sick or fighting off an infection), Mom's body will actually change the milk's immunological composition, tailoring it to the baby's particular pathogens by producing customized antibodies. (Science backs this up. A 2013 Clinical and Translational Immunology study found that when a baby is ill, the numbers of leukocytes in its mother's breast milk spike.) So I filed that away in the back of my mind until I was packing frozen milk into the big deep freeze today. 

I pumped the milk on the left Thursday night before we laid down for bed. I nurse Baby every 2 hours or so overnight and don't pump until we get up for the day. I noticed in the wee hours of Friday morning, 3 AM or so-- she was congested, irritable, and sneezing ALOT. Probably a cold, right? 

When we got up Friday morning, I pumped, just as we always do. What I pumped is on the right side of the photo. 

I didn't notice a difference until today, but look at how much more the milk I produced Friday resembles colostrum (The super milk full of antibodies and leukocytes you make during the first few days after birth) and this comes after nursing the baby with a cold all night long.. 

Pretty awesome huh?! The human body never ceases to amaze me.

Other moms commented to share that they've had similar reactions when breastfeeding.

Smothers spoke with Metro and shared the study she read in the Clinical & Translational Immunology Journal. "Breastmilk is a complex and dynamic fluid, with a changing composition that responds to infant feedingand the stage of lactation," the 2013 study from researchers in Australia and Germany asserts. "Evidence suggests that the health status of both the mother and the infant may influence breastmilk cellular content,suggesting an immunological link between the mothers and their breastfeeding infants." Smothers' Facebook post is a real-life example of this adaptive "immunological link," which Smothers and other moms agree is very cool. Hurrah, science.

A savvy editor added Donald Trump's face and voice to some evil scenes from Game of Thrones, and judging by the video, it looks like Trump would do quite well in Westeros. The parody video is appropriately titled "Winter is Trumping," after a famous line from Game of Thrones, "winter is coming." Many of Trump's memorable sound bites and campaign promises fit quite well into the dialogue of the show:

When you play the Game of Thrones, you do whatever it takes to win. At this point in the GOP primary, the only thing that might stop Trump are White Walkers.