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What Your Facebook Profile Picture Says About You.


Sorry the only thing that went down on you this weekend was HBO GO.

I love you with all of my heart and genitals.

Everything I know about you I learned from Buzzfeed quizzes.

I have the lack of impulse control of a man half my age.

I have yet to find a problem that can't be solved with cheese.

Uplifting Yo Mama Jokes

The closest I ever feel to God is when I'm making fun of religious people.


I know you're very busy but I hope you have time to fit me into your body.

SXSW is basically Burning Man for people who still have some self-respect.

Thanks for sharing your strong political opinion about an episode of Between Two Ferns.

There's a restaurant I'd like to take you to but I found out they deliver so let's just stay home.

I just want you to know I'm here for you if anyone tries to bully you into doing something outdoors.

Thank you for saying bless you even after my third consecutive sneeze.

Congratulations to President Obama on getting millions of uninsured young people to watch a viral video.


We'll never know how miserable we could have been together.

12 office stretches guaranteed to make your day more bearable.

I'm sorry you're having a bad hair life.

If only my roommates were considerate enough to stain the couch with their own wine.

Spring break in your 30s is an hour at work creepily staring at Facebook photos of people on spring break in their 20s.

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