A recent survey conducted by Zoosk revealed that for 72% of people who use online dating sites (like, for example, Zoosk), poor spelling and grammar are a deal breaker. These errors are a problem not necessarily because they makes the writer look dumb, but because they make them look lazy or indifferent. And that's not the message a person should be putting out when they're trying to find a date, even if it happens to be true.
This is what ladies look like when you text them "lol u hot."
And yes, punctuation counts. Of the 9,000 people polled, 93% said that just adding a period at the end of a sentence makes their opinion of the person sending the message more positive. So if you proofread more, you'll get rejected less.
The good part of this news is that grammar and punctuation are things you can control. Unlike your looks or, god help you, your personality. Best of luck out there, people.
On March 16, police officers on patrol in London found someone's weed with their drug-sniffing dog, and replaced the stash with a snarky note. Sgt. Paul Taylor proudly tweeted a picture of their accomplishment (really the dog's accomplishment).
While it's nothing new for cops to get sarcastic on social media, this is a new level of trolling. It the sort of behavior you'd attribute to someone who's smoking weed, not confiscating it.
A concerned Brit who also has too much time on his hands replied to Sgt. Taylor with a pig joke:
A mother named Alice Velasquez had enough of her teenage daughter's messy bedroom and decided to come up with the smartest, most evil way to get her to pick up after herself. Velasquez decided to bag up her daughter Tahlia's entire bedroom into multiple garbage bags and sell each one back to her at $25.00 a piece. The only way Tahlia can earn the money to buy back her stuff? By doing chores.
Looks like garbage day, is actually all of your belongings.
What do you do when you are DONE telling your teenage daughters to stop letting their room look like homeless people live there? You put everything (YES EVERYTHING) into plastic bags and you sell it back to them for $25 a bag (and they have to earn the money doing chores). The best part? The bags were collected as they were found in the room- random! So their $25 could buy a bag of dirty clothes, it could buy a bag of trash or it could buy their soccer gear. #MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavor
It didn't take long for Velasquez's post to be discovered by the most ruthless of all the Internet dwellers—the Mommy Bloggers. Valesquez came under scrutiny from other mothers who told her she wasn't mothering right (or, rather, that they are mothering better than than the way she is mothering). According to her Facebook, someone even reported her to a social workers, citing child abuse.
Let it out, Alice. Let it out.
The real question is, did Alice's dastardly plan work? Can a teenager actually take their gaze off their iPhone screen long enough to learn an important life lesson? According to Velasquez, it went even better than she originally intended.
"YES!" wrote Velasquez. "She has, and her super siblings all volunteered for extra chores to help her earn faster too... SO not only was it a lesson for my oldest daughter, but a great... family building exercise as well."
Although people did accuse Velasquez of being harsh, the majority of the Internet lauded her for the creative way she held her child's possessions ransom to get her to start acting like an adult.
Of course, Velasquez probably spent more time bagging up every single one of her daughter's items than it would have taken her to just clean the room, but what fun would that be?
During her London O2 Arena show on Wednesday, Adele said it was her son Angelo Konecki's first time to show up at one of her concerts IRL. “This is the first show my baby boy’s seen me do,” she said to the audience. Shortly afterward, she dedicated her song "Someone Like You" to her three-year-old boy.
“I love you so much, peanut,” Adele said while wiping her tears. Take a look at the heartwarming moment, below:
On Tuesday, a couple got engaged during Adele's “Make You Feel My Love” performance. At first, she thought trouble was going on in the crowd, but she soon realized that it was not trouble, but love. Another time in March, Adele brought a boyfriend and girlfriend up on stage and they left it engaged.
What is it about Adele shows that makes love seem to sprout up like an unkillable weed?
Domino's Pizza is testing a pizza delivery robot in Queensland, Australia. The Domino’s Robotic Unit, or DRU, is basically a miniature version of a self-driving car. Not to mention the autonomous delivery vehicle was developed in collaboration with Australian tech startup Marathon Targets, which also makes robots for military live-fire exercises. So yes, this is a recipe for disaster, because when a robot with military technology delivers pizzas it's the first step in the machines taking over and enslaving humankind.
Before we retreat to our underground bunkers to battle our robotic overlords, have a look at this neat promotional video that shows DRU delivering pizzas.
https://youtu.be/rb0nxQyv7RU
The vehicle uses the same tech as self-driving cars to get to delivery destinations, and has built-in GPS tracking technology that syncs with Google Maps. It's also locked, so no greedy monsters steal the pizza en route. DRU has hot and cold insulated compartments, and is opened via a digital security code you receive when you order the pizza.
The pizzamobile tops out at 12.4 miles per hour, which seems like the same speed as some human delivery drivers in real cars. It took a lot of regulatory clearance with transportation authorities in Queensland, and DRU's first road test was restricted to some pre-approved roads.
So it may be a while before delivery robots are approved in America. Until then, just remember to be nice to robots.
Mark Hamill—best known asLuke Skywalker from the Star Wars movies—is a delight, and he's taken to tweeting almost-spoilers about the upcoming Episode VIII. He's expected to play a big role in the next installment, unlike his part in The Force Awakens (which, spoiler alert, is completely free of lines and still netted him over a million dollars. Nice!)
OH MY GOD IS DAISY RIDLEY'S "REY" LUKE SKYWALKER'S DAUGHTER?
But Hamill wasn't done, the bastard. He also tweeted the following to John Boyega on his birthday. (Boyega plays Rey's romantic interest, Finn, in the films.)
Wait: could Finn and Rey be siblings?! (Or half-siblings, because Finn is black, but who knows how genetics works in this science fiction universe?) It would not be the first time two siblings in the Star Wars universe had a flirtatious relationship.
As all great relationships begin, Joanna Newsom revealed on Late Night with Seth Meyers that when she and Andy Samberg first met, the first thing she said to him was, "Oh my god, you're the c*nt!" In the interview, Newsom also discusses her unfulfilled dream of playing a leg-eating orc in The Hobbit series.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8-wvplBNro
Turns out the curse word was more Ms. Newsom being star-struck than needlessly hostile, as she explains that Andy had played "Steve the C*nt" in one of her favorite Lonely Island videos.
The aforementioned Lonely Island skit is "Just 2 Guyz," which you should watch below to see that c*nt Newsom married.
The child known to some as Sammy Griner—but known to most as Success Kid—is growing up, and has (shockingly) gotten bigger with the passage of time.
Sammy was just 11 months old when his mom, Laney, shared a picture of his with a handful of sand and a triumphant expression to Flickr. Since then, he's been memed thousands of times.
His visage has been used to celebrate a variety of victories:
If you're one of the countless people who have enjoyed Success Kid for years, your mind is about the be blow. This week, Redditor u/ThoseWhoDoVoodoo posted a photo of present-day Success Kid with the title "This is Success Kid."
Great success!
Sammy's mom has continued chronicling his cuteness. Sometimes, he still makes similar gestures to the one he is forever associated with.
Success Kid has used his Internet fame for good, successfully fundraising for his father to get a kidney transplant. Success Dad, Justin, is doing great.
A Tumblr user named Danny lucked out on Facebook and witnessed a scene that for one person is horribly embarrassing, whereas for all womankind is deliciously perfect. A guy by the name of Ben (last name poorly redacted) posted about "clingy ass girls" on Facebook.
Ben was swiftly—and repeatedly—called out for this Facebook status with his very own words. Well, really for just one word that he is quite found of saying again and again despite the response.
Three different women screenshotted direct conversations between themselves and Ben on Facebook. Each image they took and posted as comments to his "clingy" status show Ben saying "Hey" six times over a month period. The women never responded to any of his messages.
The first lady cut him deep.
The second woman dragged the redemption sword through him.
The third left him to die a death of embarrassment.
Danny's Tumblr commentary summed up the exchange: "BRUHHH MY FACEBOOK FEED WAS WONDERFUL TODAY!!! THEY DRAGGED THIS MAN TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL I CANT BREATHE."
Perhaps Ben learned his lessons. The lessons being—don't make unfounded generalizations about women online (or in real life) and maybe give up hitting on a girl after the third try.
Copyright law is such a buzzkill—busy toymakers just don't have time for intellectual property rights. For every official piece of merchandise, there are endless kooky knockoffs and hilariously bad bootlegs. The Twitter account @Bootleg_Stuff curates the best attempts at copyright infringement, which vary from subtle to terrifying.
Cute celebrity baby bumps are highly celebrated in real life, but on-screen, a growing belly can throw a wrench into any show's carefully scripted storyline. Here are 13 interesting ways TV shows have adapted to their stars' rapidly changing bodies.
1. Elaine on Seinfeld
Even though 90s clothes were baggy af, even that wasn't enough to camouflage Julia Louis-Dreyfus' baby bump. They went with the classic"just casually hold some oversized pillows over your stomach like that's not totally weird and obvious" method.
What's the deal with Elaine's sudden pillow fetish?
2. Betty on Mad Men
To conceal January Jones' pregnancy, writers introduced a storyline where Betty Draper packs on the pounds. According to the Hollywood Reporter, she also donned a fat suit to cover the "little weight gain during her...pregnancy."
Because pregnant women love being called fat.
3. Dee on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Instead of hiding it, the writers embraced Kaitlin Olson's pregnancy (with co-star/creator Rob McElhenney's child). They included a storyline where Dee acted as a surrogate.
Every bar needs a baby bump.
4. Olivia on Scandal
When Kerry Washington became pregnant, Scandal pulled out every prop in the book to hide her growing belly. At one point, even a random eagle's wing was used to block her body from view.
So subtle.
5. Jess on New Girl
To conceal Zooey Deschanel's pregnancy, the show's writers had her stuck in bed after falling down the stairs (in a cute way) and sitting in a jury box (in a cute way). They explained Jess' absence on the show by saying she was sequestered on a jury, but you know, in a cute way.
Raise your hand if you're both pregnant and adorable.
6. Monica on Friends
Courtney Cox only got pregnant after the storyline that Monica and Chandler couldn't have kids was revealed. It was too late to change things up, so they just had Monica sit down a lot.
No one noticed till Chandler walked in like, "Could you be any more pregnant?"
7. Carrie on Sex and the City
When Sarah Jessica Parker was with child, SATC creators simply had her character become obsessed with increasingly flowy dresses.
You could get away with wearing this in 2002.
8. Lily on How I Met Your Mother
Alyson Hannigan hid behind many ridiculous things to conceal her pregnancy, but in one episode, the baby bump came out of hiding after her character Lily won a hot dog eating contest. Everyone was amazed by how "full" she was.
Congratulations! It's a hot dog!
9. Grace from Will and Grace.
At some point, you feel like TV shows run out of ideas to conceal their leading ladies' changing bodies. You can just imagine someone saying, "I don't know, just have Debra Messing randomly hold a towel or something." Good enough.
At least if her water breaks, she'll be ready to mop it up.
10. Jenna from 30 Rock
As far as hiding pregnancies on a TV show goes, 30 Rock nailed it by putting Jane Krakowski in a giant dog costume.
That third trimester is ruff.
11. Claire from Modern Family
Did you know Julie Bowen was pregnant during the pilot of Modern Family, or did you just think she always conveniently hides her lower body behind all sorts of strategically placed household items?
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day for hiding your pregnancy.
"Get me pickles and ice cream, and no one gets hurt."
13. Lucy from I Love Lucy
Lucille Ball didn't have to conceal her baby bump while filming I Love Lucy. The writers worked her bun in the oven into the storyline, although censors forbid anyone from saying the word "pregnant" on the show.
They also weren't allowed to explain how it's possible to get pregnant when you and your husband sleep in two separate twin beds.
Whether it’s a cat or a dog, a rat or a hamster, rescue pets have some of the most difficult lives imaginable before being adopted by their loving owners. And speaking of difficult, it must have been a pain for some rescues to hear their awfully ridiculous names before receiving new ones from their owners.
Thanks to writer and TV personality Ana Marie Cox, folks on Twitter are sharing the first names of their rescues. According to her Twitter post, it all started when Ana and her husband sifted through a pile of old documents and happened upon the adoption papers for their rescues.
The couple laughed at the old names of their rescue dogs: Luke and Leia. They didn't want to keep the names to themselves, so they did what any one would do: post them on social media.
Shortly afterward, her followers shared their own photos, along with the old (and new) names of their rescues. Honestly, sometimes the originals weren't that much worse:
Reality star Kourtney Kardashian has recently been taking a lot of Snapchat videos with her troubled exPatrick BatemanScott Disick, whom she dated for 10 years and with whom she shares three kids. So people wondered: are Kourtney and Scottback on? She responded, of course, on Snapchat.
But for real, they're not together. Scott is apparently dating someone who looks exactly like Kourtney's sister Kendall Jenner. Keep it weird, Kardashians.
A woman named Sarah in Hamilton, New Zealand, had to place an unusual and potentially embarrassing newspaper ad after she cleaned her home to prepare for a move—and discovered that her Siamese cat was a burglar with a penchant for men's underwear and socks. Specifically, from a man (or men) who lived somewhere in the area who might be wondering where all their underwear and socks were going (although, let's face it—the guy probably gave a maximum of two minutes' thought to this).
Commenters on reddit quickly chimed in with stories confirming the possibility of this tale (although many were quick to accuse Sarah of having an unusual excuse for an affair). Some said female cats were prone to stealing socks as a sort of "playing parent" game, and others saying Siamese cats in particular are kleptomaniacs. That possibility was given credence by this hilarious local news story from San Francisco:
Gabourey Sidibe has been the star of Precious and one of the standout players on Empire, but the role you'll wish you could have seen her in was the one she played at Jimmy Kimmel's wedding. (They also discussed her role as "Black Hitler," which you can see below.) Kimmel's wedding was not a massive public one, and indeed, most of the couple's show business friends were not in attendance. This dearth of celebrities gave Molly McNearney, Jimmy's then-fiancé (and head writer of Jimmy Kimmel Live since 2008), the perfect opportunity to prank her notoriously prank-loving husband-to-be with a role Gabby Sidibe was delighted to play.
Celebrities: they're just like us in that apparently, a few of their moments somehow don't end up on camera. Anyway, here's Black Hitler in "Movie: The Movie":
